Ruin Me (62 page)

It’s so blunt, I grip the banister beside me to hold me steady. “Yes,” I say, the word falling off my lips fast.

“Then get dressed.” He turns back up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

“I’m not supposed to leave the farm,” I point out, standing still.

“We’ll get back before he does.”

I rush to my room and do as he asks, grabbing a clean shirt and jacket from the closet to wear while the rest of my clothes are in the wash. My eyes scan the walls.
Mary’s
walls. I’ve been occupying her living space for a few weeks now, but I still don’t know anything about her. I wear her clothes every day. I read her books. I’ve been dying to know more and if Tobias has decided to leak the details, then I’ll take what I can get.

I step outside to see Tobias sitting on his motorbike, waiting for me. “Where are we going?” I ask.

“A hospital,” he says.

I quicken my pace towards him. “You said you were okay—”

“Not for me,” he says, holding out his helmet. “Put this on.”

It’s so heavy, I nearly drop it. “Whoa—” I say, tightening my grip. “Why is this thing so big?”

“So I don’t crack my skull open on the highway,” he says.

“Don’t have to be so graphic about it…”

“And here I thought you liked a bit of violence now and then,” he teases.

I lift the helmet and set it down on my head. He presses his hand on the top and forces it down until it’s secure. “What about you?” I say, my voice partially muffled.

“I’ll be—”

“Fine,”
I interrupt, finishing the thought. “Right, of course.”

He glares at me, but his lips curl into a smile. I try not to imagine how silly I look with a giant motorcycle helmet sitting above my petite shoulders. Thankfully, he says nothing about it, but his smile tells me everything. “Sit behind me and hold on tight.”

I slide onto the seat. “This is just like riding a horse, right?” I ask.

“What?” he asks, glancing back at me. “Rebellious city girl like you never ridden a bike before?”

“Your knowledge of city life is extremely outdated,” I quip.

Tobias turns the ignition and revs the engine twice. “I’ll take it slow,” he says.

I hold on, wrapping my arms around him just like I did on the horse, but I pay close attention to his body language to make sure I’m not putting too much pressure on his wounds. He does as he says he would and we take it slow until we reach the highway. Then, he picks up the speed and we race towards our destination. While I’m shaking with fear inside, I can’t help but love the thrill of it. Every moment with Tobias is like a fierce chemical high. He’s taken me to new heights, ones I’ve never experienced before.

We ride for over an hour and a half, crossing through three small towns, until we finally reach the outskirts of St. Louis.

***

Tobias doesn’t say a word as he leads me into the facility.

I’m so full of questions, but I’m too scared to say them out loud. I know that eventually, if I just wait a little longer, the answers will present themselves to me, but I’ve never been a very patient person. I lick my lips, preparing myself to say something, but I catch that serious look in Tobias’ eyes and my lips fall closed again.

When he said we’d be going to a hospital, I expected something much larger. The building is small, maybe only about two stories tall, and carries a far homier vibe than I think of when I hear the term
hospital
.

“Hello, Tobias!”

He gives the woman sitting at the front desk a quick wave, but he doesn’t slow down.

“They know you here…” I say.

“Yeah,” he mutters.

We round the first corner and I catch glimpses of the patients lying in the passing rooms. They’re all small and fragile, with weak bodies and translucent skin. Unconscious and unmoving. Their lives attached to machines. I slow down my stride, transfixed by the sight, when the reality begins to dawn on me.

This is where people go to die.

“Tobias…” I whisper.

He turns back and takes my hand. “Come on,” he says. “Just keep your head down.”

I stare at my feet and I let him drag me through the silent hallways until we he finally pauses in front of an open doorway.

“Claire,” he begins, “this is Mary.”

I look into the room. There’s a girl, no older than myself, lying in the bed. Her eyes are closed. Her black hair, long and perfect, lies on either side of her pale face. Her hands, small like mine, lie across her lap with overlapping fingers. A rhythmic whooshing sounds cuts the silence in pieces as a respirator forces air into her lungs through a plastic tube sticking out of her mouth.

I turn away. “What happened to her?” I ask Tobias.

He steps into the room. I stay behind, clinging to the doorway. “She got mixed up with some bad people,” he says, staring down at Mary’s serene expression. “Started taking drugs, staying out all night. She’d go missing for days at a time and come back home blitzed out of her mind with no memory of where she was — or so she claimed.”

My feet carry me inside. “Where were you?”

“I…” He keeps his head down. “I was too busy with my own shit to even notice that she needed my help. Dad tried, but… by then it was already too late. One day, she didn’t come home at all.” He reaches out to her and touches her hands softly, careful not to disturb her graceful pose. “They found her by the side of the road, about a mile away from the house.”

I clutch my chest, staring across the room at her thin face. “Jeez…” I breathe, unable to process any other words or sounds.

He turns to me and somehow, he shows a smile to lighten the mood. “They want to move her somewhere smaller and closer to home, but…” He shakes his head once. “She can’t get the care she deserves there. As long as we keep paying, they can’t touch her.”

I look into his dark eyes. “Is this why you fight?” I ask slowly.

“She’s why I fight,” he says. “The money I get from the tournament will be more than enough to keep her here until she wakes up.”

“Do they think she will?”

“Doc says there’s a good chance.” He looks at her again. “That’s good enough for me.”

My eyes wander her pale, blank face, as he leans over to plant a kiss on her head. “I feel awful…” I mutter.

“Why?” he asks.

“I live in her room.”

Tobias steps away from the bed. “Don’t feel bad, Claire.” He pauses next to me. “Beds were meant to be slept in. Books were made to be read.” His eyes fall to my jacket. “Clothes were meant to be worn. She’d want that.”

My skin crawls. “I’m so sorry, Tobias,” I say, forcing the lump in my throat down.

He smiles again and cups my cheek with warm fingers. “Well, I get the feeling she’d like you. Probably wouldn’t mind you borrowing her stuff for a little while.”

It’s supposed to comfort me, but the lump grows. This girl — she’s just like me in almost every way. One more party, one more hit, one more burst of anger from Rick, and it could be me lying in this bed, trapped inside a body that no longer does its job. I feel nauseous and scared. My skin itches, eager to rid myself of her clothing. It’s too much for me to handle. It’s not—

“Claire…” Tobias whispers my name, drawing me out of my dark spiral of thoughts. “Let’s go home.”

I nod as he wipes a tear off my cheek.

***

We stop at a gas station just down the street from the hospital. Tobias climbs off the motorbike to refill our tank while I watch the cars pass by us on the busy street and fight the tears stinging my eyes. As hard as he tried to comfort me, I can’t shake the spiders off my skin. I can’t sit still without that black pit in my stomach getting darker and stronger.

I pull the large helmet off my head and set it down on the seat. “I’m going to use the bathroom,” I tell Tobias. He nods, saying nothing, but I notice him keep his eyes on me while I step inside. I’ve gotten used to him watching over me and I don’t mind it, but right now, I need a moment to myself.

The gas station is nearly deserted, save the bored-looking cashier leaning over the counter with a dirty magazine in his hands. I follow the broken neon sign pointing towards the restrooms to the back corner and pull the door open.

More tears hit my cheeks before I even manage to lock the door behind me. I haven’t recovered from what I just saw and I’m honestly not sure I ever will. My heart breaks slowly in my chest, each passing moment feeling worse than the one that came before it. I turn on the hot water and let the faucet run onto my cold, shaking hands.

I live in her room.

I think of Charlie. Even he makes a little more sense now. There are moments when he looks over at me and I feel like he’s looking right through me. Now I know why. He’s not looking at me, he’s looking at Mary — the person he failed to help before it was too late.

I wipe the tears off my face before leaving the bathroom.

“Claire.”

I freeze and look up, his voice scratching down my spine. His thick shoulders cast a dark shadow over me and I quiver down to the bone.

Pike the Punisher.

“Oh, hi—” My tongue goes numb in my mouth and I choke on my words. I try to step around him, but he easily blocks my path.

“What are you doing all the way out here in St. Louis?” he asks with curled lips. His feet continue gliding forward along the dirty linoleum floor, pushing me to step backward.

“I’m just passing through—”

“No—” He shakes his head. “You should stay awhile. Hang out with me.”

“I really can’t.” My back hits the bathroom door and my breath spills off my lips.

Pike reaches into his jacket pocket. “I don’t usually break out the good stuff so easily,” he whispers as he pulls out a small, plastic baggy with an X written in blood-red ink on the bottom corner. My eyes fall on the familiar white powder inside and I bite my tongue. “But for you, I’ll make an exception.”

“No…” I cower against the door. “I don’t want that—”

“Sure you do,” he chuckles. “I could see it on you the moment I saw you. You’re a party girl.”

“No, I’m not—”

He leans in closer, pressing his body against mine. I turn my cheek to get away from the stale stench of his breath, but he reaches out and grips my face with his thick fingers to draw me back. “Even if you’re not…” He growls and reaches for the bathroom door handle.
“You will be.”

Before he can pull the door open, a hand grabs his shoulder and jerks him away from me with great force. I jump with a start and watch as Tobias tosses him back into a display of water bottles, knocking it and Pike to the floor. Tobias plants himself between us, standing as firm as wall.

Pike launches himself off the floor, laughter teasing his throat. “Tobias!” he greets with a smile. “You’re looking better than I expected after the beating you took the other night.”

“You should see the other guy,” Tobias replies.

“Yeah—” Pike laughs. “I have. We should start calling you Tobias
the Tooth Puller
.” I cringe and Pike’s lips curl. “What, you didn’t tell her?” he asks, watching my reaction.

“Stay away from her,”
Tobias seethes.

“She has the right to know the kind of monster she’s dealing with. Isn’t that right, darling?”

I turn away as bile rises in my throat. Tobias slowly reaches behind his back and I place my hand in his.

Pike scoffs. “Lighten up, man. Me and her were just
talking.
No harm done.”

“I think you’ve harmed my family enough, Pike. It’s time for you to leave.”

Pike’s laughter makes my blood run cold. “Seems like you have some anger issues to work out, Tobias,” he quips. “But I think we should save it for the tournament. Don’t you?” His eyes linger on me before he spins around. “I’ll be seeing you again, Claire…”

“Yeah, in your dreams,” I fire back.

Tobias stands still, his fingers still wrapped around my small hand, until Pike exits the gas station. “Claire…” he says as he turns around to look at me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I say, my voice shaking.

He cups my face. “Did he hurt you?”

“No.”

Tobias takes a deep breath and shakes his head at me.
“In your dreams?”
he repeats with a furrowed brow.

“It’s all I could think of,” I shrug.

“Next time, just be quiet.”

I smile. “Okay.”

He smiles back at me. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yes,” I answer. I look down his body. “Are you?”

He nods. “Let’s get out of here.” He grabs my hand again and pulls me outside along with him. His eyes shift around the parking lot, but Pike has disappeared completely.

“Tobias…” He ignores me and grabs the helmet off the bike to hand over to me. “Tobias,” I say his name again as he sits down.

“We need to get moving.”