RulingPassion (15 page)

“My thanks.” He bowed and left her.

Rosalind proceeded to the kitchen to be sure all was in
order there, then checked with the butler, majordomo and steward to ensure they
were prepared as well. She found the musicians who’d play for dinner and
dancing setting up their instruments in the minstrel’s loft. They requested
water be available and she went to obtain a pitcher and cups for them.

Dinner was an exuberant, boisterous affair. Though he looked
only somewhat revived after a rest, Jeoffrey started it off with a short speech
congratulating his guests on taking the decision to move now rather than wait
for another disaster. There were numerous toasts by other lords and gentlemen
to themselves, the families they strove to protect, the king, the land, and
most of all to victory. Much laughter, joking, eating and drinking ensued.

Jane congratulated her on the success of her efforts, though
Rosalind felt it owed more to Jeoffrey’s leadership and the fear of Sir
William’s unbridled ambition. She began to feel a prickling of fear concerning
the outcome of the battle.

“We have achieved one goal,” she said to Jane. “Now, what
can we do to aid them in finding victory in battle.”

“You have already done much,” Jane answered. “In showing
them what they can expect from defeat at Sir William’s hands. For the rest…”
She thought for a minute. “We can see they have adequate supplies, but truly
there’s little else we can do. All depends on the strength, courage and
cleverness of our men. I trust they can do this. I also know that it will cost
some their lives or dearly in wounds. I dread that,” she admitted. “I dread it
especially for James and these other men I know and respect.”

“Still, we know ‘tis the cost of what we seek to
accomplish.”

“Aye.” Jane shook her head and drew out a smile. “But for
this evening, we celebrate. Tomorrow we can begin to worry. For tonight we will
banish gloomy forebodings and enjoy what we have. You are looking especially
well this evening, Lady Rosalind. That houppeland becomes you well.”

Rosalind returned the compliment and followed the other
woman’s lead in dispatching her darker fears to a deeper part of her heart. The
meal repaid her efforts in preparation. Food came and went in abundance,
haunches of meat were brought out and promptly carved down to bare bone, bowls
of fruit disappeared, wine and ale flowed, a bard performed, then the tables
were moved back to make room for dancing.

Rosalind had learned most common dance steps shortly after
she learned to walk. It was one of her favorite activities and helped to banish
her worries. When she partnered with Jeoffrey, she struggled to keep her
yearning for him from showing on her face. She knew from his solemn glances
tempered by the occasional wink or gleam he had the same difficulty.

Eventually the candles began to flicker and lords and ladies
retired from the room. The musicians finished their last set and sought
well-earned refreshment. The servants cleared the last of the cups and
trenchers from the room. Rosalind retired last of all, bidding goodnight to
Jeoffrey and a few of the other men who remained in the room for a last
consultation. Glennys helped her out of the elaborate clothes and into a plain
nightshirt, then the girl departed.

She expected sleep to come quickly after the exhaustions of
the day, but it didn’t. She felt she waited for something and didn’t know what
it was until the soft knock roused her from the bed. She got up and welcomed
Jeoffrey into the room. They barely remembered to shut the door behind them
before they crashed together, body to body, mouth to mouth.

They made love, hot, hard and quick, stripping clothes off
as they kissed their way across the room, barely making it to the bed before he
plunged into her. Few words passed between them, but many inchoate sounds of
tension and pleasure, and it didn’t take long before the spasms of completion
engulfed them both. When they could move enough to draw apart, Jeoffrey rolled
off her and to her side, settling her against him, wrapped in his arms.

“I needed that,” he said. “After only a night, I miss you in
my bed more than I can say. And not just your body. Last night I longed for
your company, to talk to you about…”

He appeared unwilling to complete the sentence. “About what,
Jeoffrey?” she prompted, “Our coming unions with others?”

“Nay, not that,” he said, “though there is some discussion
needed on that as well.”

“Then what?” she asked.

He didn’t answer. The light in the room was too dim to let
her see much of his expression, but she felt him grow tense.

“Jeoffrey? Is something wrong?”

“I know not whether ‘tis wrong,” he said. The words sounded
difficult—as though he forced them out. “But ‘tis shaming. And you are the only
person in the world to whom I can imagine admitting it.”

“What?”

“I’m worried,” he said. “Possibly even fearful.”

Chapter Sixteen

Rosalind considered her response carefully. “I cannot
imagine you being afraid of anything, Jeoffrey. You are the bravest man I know.
When you rescued me…you took a huge risk that night, and you did not seem
overly concerned about it. What do you fear? Battle? Defeat? Being injured…or
worse?”

“Nay,” he said. “None of those, or…those only in some
degree. I will not consider the possibility of defeat. And I respect the
dangers of battle and the possibility of injury or death. Those are the risks a
knight takes. They concern me, but not so much as…”

She waited for him to continue.

“I have never led an army before,” he said. “At most I have
led a company of men I know and who know me. I understand how to manage a small
group for best effect in someone else’s larger plan.”

He drew a long, hard breath. “ I have been anointed leader
of this attack,” he said. “I truly know not if I am worthy of that. I know not
that I can bring them into the jaws of death and send some to the next life.
And how can I feel confident the battle plan I have created will give us the
best chance of victory or that I can lead them with enough determination and
authority to gain their greatest efforts?” His voice shook as he said, “I fear
I shall fail them. And with them, all who depend on those brave knights. ‘Tis a
daunting thing to have so much responsibility in one’s own inadequate hands.”

“Aye, that it is.” Rosalind thought about his doubts and how
to respond to them. “Were all in agreement concerning the course of action to
take against Sir William?” she asked him.

She felt him relax at the question. “Nay, of course not.
Some thought we should seek the king’s intervention, some were for battle but
not just yet, a few wanted to hold parlay with William to arrange a truce.
Fools.”

“Did all finally come around to your point of view?”

“Most, not all.”

“And how did you bring them to your side?”

He stopped for a moment of recall. “In truth, I know not,
exactly. I reviewed the situation with them, gave my views, told what I thought
needed to be done, then listened to their objections and answered them as best
I could. I had support and help from those who shared my view from the start.
Some I had to approach privately, to answer their fears and hesitations
directly. Others had to be convinced Sir William’s defeat could be
accomplished.”

“And you were able to convince them.”

“Aye.”

“Think you ‘tis more difficult to direct the hearts and
actions of men in council or on the battlefield?”

“In council, of course. Well-trained knights know what to do
on the battlefield and respond to the orders of their commander.”

“Yet, this thing you have just done. And how did you go
about laying your plans for battle?”

“We considered what must be done and ways it might be
achieved. I laid out my ideas, others offered theirs, they agreed my idea
seemed most likely to succeed but offered suggestions for improvements. Many of
those were adopted.”

“I see. Jeoffrey, I understand your worries. Sometimes
circumstances be not what they appear or luck goes against one and you lose
despite your best efforts. There is no way to protect against those things. It
appears to me you and the others have done all in your power to lay a plan with
the best chance of success. And in choosing you to lead this group, I truly
believe they also made a move they felt gained them the best person to take
charge of it. If you continue to deny your fitness for this post, you also demean
the judgment of all here. Can you truly say so many are all guilty of such poor
discernment?”

After a long moment when he was very still and silent, he
said, “Nay, I dare not.” He relaxed somewhat and even laughed softly.
“Rosalind.” He breathed her name on a soft sigh, pulled her hard against him
and bound her in his arms so tightly she knew he hated to let her go. “You
cannot imagine how much I want to throw over all duty and obligation, just to
keep you ever at my side.”

“I can well imagine it. I feel much the same way. Yet in my
case, I have no say in the decision.”

“Not so,” he said, and he suddenly put her far enough away
to let her see his face. Moonlight streamed in the window to illuminate the
sparks in his gray eyes. He supported himself on his elbows, but one hand
stroked her cheek. “Rosalind, do you ask me right now to put aside my lordship
and my obligations, for your sake, I will do so.”

Shocked into stillness herself and moved almost to tears by
the sudden offer, heart aching as she absorbed the enormity of what he’d just
tendered, she reached out to touch him. She ran her hand down along his lean
cheek, over the angle of his jaw, then up again over his ear, feeling the fine,
soft strands of his blond hair. She was so tempted to take him at his word, to
make the request, to bind him to her so she’d never have to let him go.

She’d never wanted anything so much in her life, and he was
offering it to her freely. In the few short weeks she’d known him, he’d come to
mean everything to her. He was her world: her joy, her protector, her lord and
master, her lover, her friend. She couldn’t imagine another man for whom she
could have such feelings. None other could be so brave and strong, yet so
gentle at the same time, so kind and yet so firm. No other man would play silly
word games with her, discipline her so lovingly, love her so sweetly or
understand so thoroughly her fears and needs. A future without him loomed
bleak, joyless and achingly empty.

If she accepted the offer he made from the depths of his
gratitude and love, he would do as he promised, abandon his beliefs about what
he owed others and give all to her. His honor would insist he keep the promise
and he would do so.

And it would break him.

To abandon the path honor had set him on, he would have to
cut out large pieces of his soul, his pride, his loyalty, his sense of
integrity, everything that made him the man he was. He would do it, but the
cost would be immeasurable. The man she would get would not be the man she’d
come to love.

“Nay, Jeoffrey. Much though I am tempted to accept your
offer, I cannot. We are who we are, and our true love for each other is based
on that. Should I ask this of you, we would both become other people, and I
think we would eventually find we neither of us liked those people. We will go
on as honor and duty demand.”

He sighed and held her tightly for a few minutes, his body
stiff and tense, then he relaxed and said, “There are so many things I will
miss about you, Rosalind. Not least of them is your remarkable wisdom for one
so young. I know not how I can live without you.”

“Nor do I contemplate a future without you with any
pleasure, my lord. But life continues, and we, at least, have the gift of
knowing our love exists even if we cannot share it together.”

“Aye,” he said, low, almost painfully. “Tomorrow we must
talk of plans for the future. For tonight, however, I should be returning to my
quarters.”

In fact, though, it was quite a bit later before he finally
extracted himself from her bed and made his way to the door.

They had no chance to talk until after the midday meal the
next day, since the morning saw the departure of most of their guests. Aside
from bidding them a courteous Godspeed, Jeoffrey had many things that required
second consultations and confirmations with the various men.

By midday, only the duke remained. He ate an informal repast
with them and then retired to his quarters to rest. His wife and daughter were
expected to arrive later that afternoon.

Once he’d departed, Jeoffrey and Rosalind went to the
office. He kissed and held her for a few moments before letting her go and
backing away.

Without preamble, Jeoffrey said, “I have had several
tentative offers for your hand. I hope one of them will prove agreeable to
you.”

“From whom, my lord?”

“Some from lords I would warn you not to consider,” he
answered. “Sir Bartram de Colray queried me about you, but I warned him off.
He’s handsome and well-settled, but he has a bad reputation. I would not be
easy in mind were you with him. Sir Arnor expressed strong interest, but he is
a third son and his means are questionable.”

“According to Jane, Lady Shelton, rather, he is also
somewhat simple.”

“Aye, but of good heart. You could do worse.”

“True.”

“Andrew of Conneth also offered. His means are modest but
not uncomfortable and he is a man of honor. Though older, he’s reputed to be
kind. And Sir Michel inquired as well, though he is quite old and frail.”

“Lady Shelton mentioned him as well. She thinks he would be
a fine match for me.”

“Sir Michel? How so?”

“I would likely find myself a rich widow in fairly short
order.”

He looked shocked. “I had no idea Lady Shelton was so hard
of heart.”

“Nay, not hard of heart, my lord. Realistic. We ladies have
so few choices available to us, and so much rides on them, including our very
survival, we must be very careful about how we make them. A close, unflinching
look at every side of an issue is necessary. We learn quickly to make the best
of what choices we have.”

“And truly,” she continued, “does an old man make an offer for
a young woman without understanding that while he expects to gain an ornament
and perhaps a comfort for his last years, she expects to gain some wealth in
return?”

“Your point is well made,” he conceded. “As usual.”

“Thank you, my lord. Are those my choices?”

“There is one other.” He hesitated as though he didn’t want
to voice this one. “Sir Philip has also requested he be considered a candidate.
His means are slim right now, but should we win this battle, his reward will be
considerable. Even should we lose, his father is well off and his wife or widow
would not go wanting.”

She took a minute to consider those candidates. Though a
couple of suits could be easily dismissed, there were still two she would
entertain, though each led to a considerably different future.

“Must I give you a decision right now, my lord? I cannot but
feel the outcome of your battle will have a grave influence on all of us and
might change some circumstances greatly.”

“I warned all inquirers we would take time to consider the
many suits for you. But, Rosalind, please, do not count too much on what the
changed circumstances past the battle might bring.”

She recognized the emotions that underlay his warning.
“Whatever hopes I entertain, my lord, will, of necessity, be subservient to what
is realistic and proper.”

He nodded slowly and looked pained.

Following up on the thought, she said, “May I ask if you
have had any talk with the duke concerning the hopes you entertain?”

He sighed and nodded slowly. “We have discussed a possible
alliance between our families.”

“So he will be committing his resources to the effort
against Sir William?”

“He will.”

“I understand,” Rosalind said, feeling her stomach clench
and her mood darken. She’d anticipated it would play out so, had known this was
the end they’d come to. But she hadn’t wanted to believe it, had tried to deny
to herself the inevitability of his betrothal to the Lady Alys, even while
knowing all the time it was the course his honor and his concern for the people
in his care demanded. And now more so than ever if the duke’s aid rested on
Jeoffrey’s acceding to the Lady Alys’ desire for a match with him. Rosalind’s
hope had remained alive on the expectation things might be otherwise, but it
now had to fade and die.

“Thank you, my lord. I will consider which suit seems most…agreeable.
For the nonce, though, I must make sure all is in readiness for the duchess and
Lady Alys.”

She’d thought the duke had traveled in great state with his
many escorts and carts, but the entourage accompanying the Duchess of Barnston
made his arrival seem commonplace. The grand carriage with the ducal crest was
preceded by two carts of supplies, a troop of two dozen knights, two smaller
carriages crammed with maids, while a miniature carriage for the duchess’s lapdog
and a small army of footmen and other servants trailed behind. The parade
stretched so far it took almost thirty minutes for all to make their way into
the manor courtyard to be emptied and dispersed.

Lady Alys alighted first from the carriage, looking around
with critical eyes until she spotted Jeoffrey awaiting her. Her face broke into
a huge, possessive smile, and she ran to him, ignoring propriety, to stop
before him. “My lord, Jeoffrey,” she said offering a hand and waiting for him
to kiss it as courtesy demanded. He did so, graciously, but with perhaps a
slight reluctance the others might not even have noticed.

Lady Alys was a tall young woman with dark hair and fine
dark eyes. Slender build, strong, regular teeth and a shapely nose combined to
make her attractive though not beautiful or even pretty. Her bearing was at
once stately and haughty, showing the confidence of one used to getting
whatever she wanted. And right now she made it clear to all she very much
wanted Jeoffrey.

The duchess stood beside the carriage watching her
daughter’s actions and making no attempt to hide her disapproval. In fact, it
appeared, as she swept her gaze across the manor, the grounds and the people
waiting to greet her, everything she saw failed her standards. Unlike her
daughter, the duchess had once been a beauty. She remained a strikingly
handsome woman, though lines around her eyes and at the corner of a perpetually
frowning mouth had blurred the beautiful lines of her face.

Her husband came forward to greet her and accompany her to
make her courtesy to Jeoffrey, though they had to move their daughter aside to
do so. They then proceeded to acknowledge Rosalind.