Run This Town 03 - (Watch Me) Unmask You (20 page)

The absence of his family was a physical ache in Elias’s chest, weakening his resolve to handle the threat the Konstantinous posed. He wanted to see Lucky, try to talk to him, to get him to understand why he’d done what he did.

All he had were explanations for his actions. No excuses. He’d never considered himself a man in need of forgiveness, still wasn’t sure that he was, but he’d fall to his knees in a second if he thought Lucky needed that, wanted it.

He let Israel take him to where they’d stashed Lucky and Maddie on Elias’s request. Coney Island. Russian territory. The irony of it wasn’t lost on him, but all he had was a small twitch of his lips when Israel glared at him with raised eyebrows. Not too long ago Israel’s Jamaican gang was battling hard with the Russians for these very same streets. They’d gone to war really, only calling a truce when Israel’s cousin, Xavier, fell in love with the head of the Russians, Dima Zhirkov.

Elias liked Dima. He was real and pretty fucking scary. From time to time he’d call on Elias to handle something he couldn’t afford to do himself. For a criminal, he was upfront and honest in his dealings, and Elias appreciated that in his clients.

The trip from Lisbon had been long and tedious, and he’d used the time to try to understand why the Konstantinous were suddenly gunning for him. Nothing he came up with made any sense. Attempting to figure those bastards out only made his head hurt. It was a mystery and he’d allow it to remain that way for a little while longer. Right now, whether he knew it or not, Lucky needed him. And Elias needed his husband just as badly.

Inside the building, Elias stood next to Israel, hesitating in front of the door to the condo. His heart thudded like mad in his chest.

“Wait.” He grabbed Israel’s hand when he went to unlock the door. “Give me—” Elias took a breath. “I need a minute.”

“You okay?” Israel frowned at him.

Elias shook his head. “Yeah. No.” He stared at the door as if it would provide answers to all the questions and fears swirling in his head. “How is he?”

“Quiet.” Israel leaned against the wall, gaze inscrutable when he met Elias’s. “Scared. He didn’t say it, but I see it in his eyes. He’s all about Maddie, not letting her out of his sight.”

Elias pursed his lips. “Does he know I’m coming home today?”

“We told him you were headed back stateside.” Israel shrugged. “I think he’s trying to pretend he’s not hurt.”

But hurt was too tame a word, wasn’t it? What Elias had done… “We might not come back from this,” he said, grief turning his voice hoarse. “I can’t make it better, what I’ve done.” He fisted his hands, wanting to bury it into the nearest wall. “I did this to him. I followed their orders and now they’re trying to destroy me.” Fucking bastards. Like he was going to let them. As if he’d allow them the pleasure of watching his world disintegrate.

“What are you going to do about it?” Israel sounded only mildly curious.

“Right now, I’m going to fight like hell to earn Lucky’s forgiveness.” Elias threw his head back and squared his shoulders. “Right now I’m going to hold my daughter. The rest comes later.” He nodded at the door, pretending he didn’t see the approval on his friend’s face. “Open it.”

Israel did and they walked into the place single file, Elias close on his friend’s heels. Immediately he heard Maddie’s chatter.

“Dah. Dah.”

He came to a halt. She was on the floor in a mess of blankets, sucking on one of those soft toys, wide eyes staring up at the ceiling. Drool glistened on her chin, legs kicking up as she reached for something only she could see.

She wore a white dress with tiny matching leggings. He’d bought them for her when he’d seen the pink letters scrawled across the front of the dress slash tunic thingy. 
Daddies’ girl.

His heart constricted. Everything he’d done had been for her, for Lucky. Everything. And watching the unaffected happiness on her face, the jubilance in her flailing arms, it made things bearable. Made them surmountable.

He grabbed Israel’s elbow. “I need to wash up before I touch her.” Peering over the other man’s shoulder, he murmured to Reggie, “Where’s Lucky?”

“I made him go get some rest.” Reggie followed Elias’s lead and kept his voice down, but Maddie must have heard Elias because she rolled over onto her stomach and her chatter got louder as she lifted her head to peer around.

“Kitchen is through there.” Israel pointed to his left.

Elias went, using the dish liquid and hot tap water to scrub his arms. After drying himself with paper towels, he went back to his daughter. He found her trying to get to her feet, tiny hands holding on to Israel’s pant leg. Israel stared down at her, a bemused expression on his face. Probably the closest he’d ever come to a baby before.

Elias stood in the corner and watched his daughter. “Maddie,” he called out. “Hey there, Mad Girl.”

Her head jerked up, wide eyes searching for him. “Bah-Dah Dah.”

He loved that sound. “Come on,” he coaxed. “Come to papa.”

She rocked and lost her balance, falling on her butt. Elias chuckled.

“Come on.” He clapped his hands once. “Come on, baby girl.” Her eyes went wide when she finally spotted him, her cheeks flushing bright red. Elias’s chest hurt at the sight. “Look at you.” He crouched and crooked a finger. “Come to papa, gorgeous girl.”

She grinned and moved forward onto her stomach then began crawling to him at top speed. The men chuckled. Elias didn’t take his eyes off her and she concentrated on him, tiny hands and knees slapping against the smooth wood floor as she hurried over to him.

“Good girl.” When she reached him, he scooped her up and hugged her tiny body close, burying his face in her sweet-smelling hair. It rocked him, this emotion. Had him unsteady on his feet. “Papa missed you, Mad Girl. Missed you like crazy.” His eyes closed under that full feeling. He’d come too fucking close to losing this, losing his daughter. The rage inside him sparked, fueled by fear, but he tamped down on it.

Right now he had his wiggling daughter in his arms and the only thing that felt better than this was holding Lucky.

“Hey,” he kissed the top of Maddie’s head. “I brought you something.” He wasn’t ever sure that she understood him, but he spoke to her anyway. “I brought you some toys.” He nodded. “Yeah. There was this really pink stuffed bear that I just knew you’d love.”

He glanced up and spotted Israel and Reggie eyeing him as if he was a stranger. Elias shrugged. They’d never understand unless and until they had kids of their own.

“Is she due a bottle, or change?” he asked Reggie.

“Uh…” Israel’s lover scratched the back of his head. “Lucky changed her right before he went upstairs. That was about half an hour ago. I think she needs a bottle, yeah.”

“Okay.” Elias rocked her. “You need a bottle?” he asked in a sing-song voice. “Is my girl hungry?”

Her eyes sparkled and she brought a hand up, touching his lips before tugging on his beard.

“Ow, Mad Girl. You know that hurts.” But he tickled her anyway, choking up when she laughed for him. There was nothing more fucking magical that his daughter’s laughter.

He made his way to the kitchen and made her bottle with Maddie on his hip. He’d gotten to be an expert at doing things with one hand, his less dominant hand at that. The familiarity was soothing and he moved on autopilot, trying to figure out how he’d face Lucky. In all the years he’d been with Lucky he’d never been so scared, and he counted the time he’d shown up years later after they made love for that very first time. That time he’d been sure Lucky’s resentment would never allow them another shot. Elias had no other options at that time. It was be with Lucky or be alone.

Now, things were quite the same. Lucky or nothing.

On the couch, he sat with Maddie and fed her, rocking her, whispering to her. He was barely aware of Israel and Reggie hovering until Reggie spoke.

“You’re good with her.”

Elias pulled his gaze away from Maddie’s face to grimace at Reggie. “It’s all trial and error, really.” He grinned. “In the early days I used to be so damn scared to touch her, to be alone with her.” He turned back to find Maddie’s lashes drooping to fan out against her cheeks. She was falling asleep. “Babies. They’re this tiny, smelly fragile thing. Until you find out they’re pretty resilient and indestructible. Feed ’em and keep their butts dry, and you’re golden.”

Israel made a sound above him. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure I’m not cut out for it, and I’m not just talking the life I lead.”

No, Elias didn’t think he was. “You never know.” He looked at up at Israel. “Is, you never know.” He nodded at himself. “When we met inside Rikers did you ever think I’d be here?”

“No, but that’s different,” Israel said. “You always—”

“You were in prison together.”

Elias jerked his head up at Lucky’s voice. He found his husband standing halfway down the stairs, wearing one of Elias’s t-shirts and a pair of dark jeans. His hair was mussed, face creased from sleep. He looked exhausted, the shadows under his eyes bringing the bitter taste of guilt to the back of Elias’s tongue. The bruises on his face were there, fading but still present to remind Elias of his betrayal.

“Lucky.”

“Uh, we’ll go… somewhere.” Reggie grabbed Israel’s hand and practically dragged him into the kitchen.

Lucky finished walking down the stairs and came to stand in front of Elias. “She’s sleeping.” He touched the top of Maddie’s hair with his left hand and Elias’s heart threatened to shut down.

Lucky’s ring was gone.

“Let me—” He shook his head to make himself focus. Maddie burped. “Where should I put her?”

“There.” Lucky nodded to the mess of blankets on the floor then crouched to straighten them. “Put her down.”

Elias did, leaning over until his shoulders brushed Lucky’s. He laid Maddie on her stomach and smoothed a hand down her back, patting gently when she squirmed.

“I feel like she’s gotten so big since I’ve been gone,” he whispered as he stared at her. “She’s getting better at holding and standing.”

Lucky nodded. “Can’t take my eyes off her for more than two seconds otherwise she’s gone.” The love and awe in his voice made Elias chuckle.

Lucky met his gaze, the laughter in his eyes dying fast.

“Lucky.” Elias reached out, and Lucky flinched away. It hurt. It fucking hurt, but Elias couldn’t let the rejection stall him. “We need to talk,” he said softly. “Please.”

Lucky shook his head and got to his feet, hurrying to the stairs. Elias chased after him.

“Lucky, we need this.” He chanced a glance back at the sleeping Maddie. “We can’t fix things if we don’t talk.”

Lucky stiffened briefly then swung to face him. “I don’t want to hear your reasons for murdering my family, I don’t need to hear why you lied to me for ten years.” His words stopped as abruptly as they’d begun. “I’m done.” He turned away, walked up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

“No.” Elias followed him into the large bedroom and grabbed Lucky’s arm, stopping him from escaping into the adjoining bathroom. “It’s not that fucking easy, Lucky. I love you.” He let his gaze drop to Lucky’s fisted left hand. “Where’s your ring?”

Anger and sorrow darkened Lucky’s eyes. “Where do you think it is?” His lips tightened into a thin line. He shrugged away Elias’s hold and picked up a large yellow envelope from the bed. “Here.” He shoved it at Elias’s chest and turned away, disappearing into the bathroom and locking the door.

Something inside Elias said he shouldn’t open the envelope. He did. That same thing said he shouldn’t look, but he did. He pulled out the papers inside.
Don’t read it.
But he did.

Petition for Divorce…

His face contorted into a grimace of pain and he fisted the papers, a growl shuddering its way past his dry throat. “No. Fuck no.” Two steps brought him to the bathroom door. Two kicks brought the fucking door down. “Divorce?” He shook the fistful of papers at Lucky who stood there, eyes red, jaw stubborn. “Divorce, Lucky?”

“What did you think the outcome would be?” Lucky snapped at him. “Did you think I would fucking forgive your bullshit, your lies? You think I’d welcome you back with open arms, you delusional bastard?” he shouted. “I’m done.” He slashed a hand in the air. “Don’t come here looking for love.”

He turned away, and the papers in Elias’s hand dropped to the floor when he grabbed Lucky’s shoulder and slammed him into the wall.

He held Lucky still with a hand at his jaw, tight and painful he knew. “I don’t have to look for love, you hypocritical son of a bitch,” he snarled. “I know where it is, and you know, too.”

Lucky tried to get away from him, but Elias wasn’t letting go. He was never letting go. He slammed their mouths together, forcing his way inside Lucky’s moist heat. His husband made a sound and tried twisting his head, but Elias held him, fucking tight enough to leave bruises, as if he cared.

Lucky punched him in the ribs, knocking the wind from him. Elias’s knees buckled and he staggered back, catching another punch in the face that sent him reeling back into the opposite wall. His head bounced on the hard surface and blood immediately flooded his mouth. He stifled a groan and spat the blood out onto the floor at Lucky’s feet.