Ryder's Redemption (Badboy Rockers #2) (12 page)

Ryder grins when he sees me. “You look great, Ange,” he says, and gives a wink.

“Thanks,” I reply, glancing at Cole.

He barely looks at me.

Payton gushes about how good we look.

“Payton, we might have to take some equipment in the car with us, so you should probably drive just in case,” Deklan suggests, and I’m so relieved.

The four of us pile into the car. Ryder is driving, and he keeps watching me in the rearview mirror.

I quickly look away.

“You okay?” Kenzie asks me for like the eightieth time in as many seconds.

“Of course.” I force a smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

I half expect to see a sly grin on Ryder’s face, but there isn’t one. As though sensing my mood, he cranks the music a little louder and I sit back and stare out the window.

How ironic when I had felt so close to the finish line that suddenly it’s like the rug is ripped out from underneath me. Cole and I had been getting closer. We were comfortable, friendly, and yes, even a bit overly flirtatious…and it had been fun while it had lasted.

“We don’t even know if they’re dating,” Kenzie says matter-of-factly.

“She came by herself, Kenz. A girl doesn’t do that unless they’re dating a guy.”

“You’re prettier.”

“Drop it,” I whisper and she nods, but she’s pissed at her brother. I am, too.

“I wished he would have just stayed home. I mean, it’s not like he’s ever gone out of his way to invite us to his events.”

“We did go to all the bonfires at his football games.”

“Yeah, but that’s different. Everyone went to those games. It was a family outing. But this, this is my life and the last thing I need is him coming home and talking shit about my boyfriend and his band,” she whispers.

I completely understand her concern. I would feel the same way, especially if my relationship with my brother was as strained as her relationship with Cole.

When we arrive at the venue, I feel calmer.

Ryder opens the car door for me and even grabs my hand to help me out.

Cole and Payton are approaching, and Ryder doesn’t bother to drop my hand. He even tucks it into his elbow and we start walking. Deklan and Kenzie are five steps ahead of us, hands entwined. He leans down and kisses her cheek and I smile.

Ryder does the same to me and I nearly trip over my feet.

Normally I would tell him to knock it off already, and yet I’m strangely relieved and endeared by his effort to make me feel better. “You look sexy.” His voice has a soft, sultry quality to it that I feel all the way to my bones.

“Thanks.”

I glance over my shoulder. Payton and Cole are holding hands as they walk our way, but Cole’s staring at my ass.

I step closer to Ryder, and he squeezes my hand in his. “You’ll have a great night,” he says. “Just wait and see.”

FOURTEEN

Ange

We are immediately ushered into the theater while the guys go in search of Brooke and Curtis. For the first time, we had seats, and I was grateful to not be watching from side stage.

I make sure to sit furthest away from Cole. It was just…awkward.

“So…how long have you been going out with my brother?” Kenzie asks the second Cole got up to get some munchies.

“We’ve been seeing each other exclusively for about five months now.”

“That’s great,” Kenzie says, fake smile in place.

“My little sister misses him so much that she nearly fought me to come.”

“Does she go to UW as well?”

“No, she’s a sophomore in high school, but because my family lives so close, we visit a lot on weekends…that is, when Cole isn’t busy with the team.” Payton glances at Kenzie. “I am so excited to finally meet your mom. I wanted to before, but Cole said it just wasn’t the right time. She’s an amazing woman. I respect her so much.”

“She’s great,” I agree, and Kenzie quickly looks away.

Payton looks concerned as her gaze shifts between us. She was so eager to please.

The lights are dimmed and the crowd screams as
The Frozen
steps out onto the stage.

From the corner of my eye I notice Cole making his way to his seat, hands full of drinks and candy.

I am used to the preliminaries, to Brooke’s introduction of the band…and each members’ bio. Ryder always got the most screams, and of course, he ate it up, flashing a wolfish smile while running his fingers along the bass strings.

“Look who’s here,” Kenzie says, motioning toward our right.

The slutty brunette Ryder had been with during his last concert is here with the same group of friends. Tonight she’s wearing a low-cut shirt and barely there shorts. She’s screaming out Ryder’s name. I’m almost embarrassed for her, especially when he isn’t making an effort to look her way.

I watch Payton and Cole from the corner of my eye. They are still holding hands, and I notice how she looks up at Cole often with a smile on her face.

As much as I want to not like her, I can’t help it. I understood her. I knew her. Actually, I was her. We were both good girls who liked the high-school quarterback.

I sit back in my seat and let the music wash over me. During the remainder of the song, I watch the band, not paying any attention to anyone in particular. That is, until I feel Ryder’s gaze on me.

Ryder walks to the front of the stage about five feet from me and plays the bass like a man possessed. He stares at me the entire time. His hips are thrust forward, and the way he plays is so sexy.

The crowd is clapping in appreciation and staring at me.

I feel my cheeks burn.

I knew Ryder well enough to realize what he was doing. He never cared for Cole from the time they’d met.

Ryder motions me up to the stage.

My eyes widen and I shake my head.

He nods and continues to crook his finger.

Shit.

Kenzie laughs and nudges me toward him.

With hundreds of
The Frozen
fans watching me, I decide it is in my best interest to get off my butt and do as Ryder asks or risk being booed out of the venue.

I take a few steps and look up at him with an expression that I hope screams,
Don’t you dare embarrass me!

He shifts the guitar so that it swings around to his back and lifts me up on the stage.

“What are you doing?” I ask, and he smiles in a way that makes the hair on my arms stand on end.

The crowd roars their approval.

His arm slides around my side. His hand splays on my lower back and he pulls me close. His other hand cups my face as he leans in and kisses me. I’m not sure what I expected, but the soft, firm kiss wasn’t it.

It’s…nice.

He kisses me again, like he is testing me, and then his tongue licks the seam of my mouth and I can’t remember anything after.

Every inch of my body is bathed in warmth, and there’s an incessant humming in my ears.

Seconds, or maybe even minutes later, Ryder is pulling back and looking down at me with a satisfied expression on his face.

I’m aware of many things at once—like how had my arms gotten around his neck, and how had I possibly forgotten that I was in an auditorium with hundreds of people watching me make-out with a gorgeous rocker?

I abruptly step back, and it’s a good thing Ryder had a hold of me, because I would have fallen off the stage.

He pulls me back to safety and then walks me to side stage.

I want to run for the closest exit.

Instead, I do my own little walk of shame…back to my seat, and back to my best friend who was giving me a, “I can’t believe you just did that” grin.

Her brother doesn’t look nearly as pleased. His girlfriend does though. Payton flashes me a grin and thumb’s up.

What had Brooke called it—The Ryder Affect? She wasn’t kidding, was she? I had just lost all track of time up there, and I can still feel the heat of that kiss in every inch of my body.

Talk about exactly what a kiss should be.

I press my lips together and try to focus on the song. My gaze keeps straying to Ryder, and each time he’s looking right at me.

Maybe I hadn’t exactly been fair to him since the time we met. I’d judged him.
Rightfully so
, I thought, because he’d screwed over Kenzie, yet I knew the reason he had singled me out tonight was to make me feel better. To basically give Cole a big ol’ fuck you, and I found that endearing in its own way.

Feeling slutty girl staring at me, I dare to look her way.

Sure enough, I receive the look of death from Ryder’s one-time fling.

I quickly glance away, and keep my gaze focused on Brooke. It’s tough, especially when Ryder’s staring at me.

After the encore, the four of us make our way to the backstage room where the band is lounging.

Deklan stands as soon as he sees Kenzie, and she goes into his arms.

“Have a seat,” Brooke says, motioning toward a couch that is lined in plastic.

“Go ahead,” I say to Cole and Payton, trying not to think of what had happened on that plastic covered couch.

“I’ll be right back,” Ryder says.

Payton sits and seems positively giddy as she looks around.

I know what she’s thinking. I had felt the same excitement during my first concert. I was elated to be a part of it, having to practically pinch myself when I’d been side stage.

It had been a world that was so far removed from my own, and I knew I’d never forget this summer for as long as I lived.

“So what did you think of the concert?” Brooke asks.

“Amazing. Thank you so much for inviting us,” Payton says, looking at Deklan. “I won’t stop talking about it for weeks.”

Brooke glances at her cousin. “And you, Cole…what did you think?”

“Yeah, it was good.” His voice sounds far from convincing.

“I’ll take good,” she says with a laugh.

“You guys ready to get out of here?” Deklan asks, already heading for the door. “We have a big move tomorrow, so we need some rest.”

“What about our equipment?” Curtis asks.

“Should be ready for us to load up.”

Cole chips in and helps the guys load the equipment in the vehicles while Payton stands back with me, Kenzie, and Brooke.

“So…are you and my cousin pretty serious?” Brooke asks Payton point blank.

Payton seems a bit hesitant to answer. “Yes, we’re pretty serious. I mean, we agreed to be exclusive.”

That was the second time the word had come up.

“Exclusive, huh?” Brooke gives her a little nudge on the shoulder. “Good for you.”

“You make a good couple,” I say, and Brooke gives me an odd look.

Payton brightens. “Thank you. You know, my family just adores Cole.”

“Wow, that does sound serious.” Brooke glances at me, and lifts a brow.

“Let’s go, ladies!” Curtis motions for us to follow, and I’m relieved for the interruption.

I immediately notice that Ryder is still M.I.A., and I wonder if he’s with slutty girl. Whatever…if that’s the kind of girl he wants. I mean, what kind of girl has sex in the closet with a guy within minutes of meeting him?

I chew on my thumbnail as I wait for Ryder to appear.

“You’re so quiet,” Kenzie says, and I give her a reassuring smile.

“I’m just a little tired, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I’m ready for bed, too.”

“You’re not coming by?” Deklan doesn’t hide his disappointment.

“Maybe we’ll spend the night tomorrow,” Kenzie says, and I hit her on the shoulder.

“A sleepover.” Ryder appears from behind me. He sounds and looks way too smug.

“Yeah, we’ll celebrate the first night at your new place with a slumber party.” Kenzie is all excited, but my stomach is already in knots at the thought.

Deklan reaches back and grabs Kenzie’s hand. “Sounds good, babe.”

I catch Ryder’s gaze in the rearview mirror. The kiss we’d shared on stage had been heated. So heated I had lost track of time. What would happen if we spent the night together?

I glance at Deklan and Kenzie’s entwined hands.

Once again, I wonder if I will ever have what they have.

One day, I promise myself. One day…

FIFTEEN

Ange

I step out of the shower and let out a gasp.

Cole is standing with his back to the sink, arms crossed over his chest, a shit-eating grin on his face. His gaze shifts over my body slowly. Thank God I had dried off in the shower and hadn’t unwittingly flashed him. I tuck the edges of the towel into place.

“Hey.”

I look down to make sure all my body parts are securely covered. “What are you doing?”

“So what was that?” His tone is clipped and curt.

I clear my throat. “What do you mean?”

“The little show at the concert.”

“Ryder kissed me.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

Was he seriously mad about Ryder pulling me on stage when he was with his girlfriend, who he had failed to mention since I arrived in Vancouver? “It was a surprise. I didn’t know Ryder was going to do that.”

He snorted. Obviously he didn’t believe me. “You didn’t seem to mind it.”

I drop my gaze to the floor. “It wasn’t horrible.” My eyes widen in surprise. Oh my God, what had I been thinking? Why would I say that?

“Uh, yeah, apparently not. You were all over him. I’m surprised you were able to stand after that kiss.”

I’m not sure what he wants from me.

“How is it that you failed to tell me about your girlfriend?”

He swallows hard. “Payton and I are just dating.”

“You said you had no time to date because football kept you so busy.”

Apparently I’ve rendered him speechless. He shifts on his feet.

“She says you’re exclusive and have been for months.”

He runs a hand through his hair, the motion making the muscle in his arm flex. I’m trying to forget the way I’ve felt about him for so many years. Cole had been the object of my affection forever. I had compared every other man to him, and every other man had come up lacking.

And yet lately, just the way he talks shit about Kenzie and her friends and his better-than-everyone-else attitude makes me irritated. Payton’s arrival was the icing on the cake.

“Sure, she’s a nice girl…but so are you.” He steps closer and I take a step back, nearly ending up on my ass if I hadn’t caught myself.

“You’ve been kind of clumsy of late,” he says, his gaze shifting to my cleavage. “Come lie down with me? The couch is comfortable,” he says with his charming smile.

“Isn’t your girlfriend coming over in the morning?”

“Payton will be over tomorrow afternoon. She’s staying with her aunt in Longview and wants to spend the morning with her.”

“You’d better get to bed then.”

I was so glad I’d be gone tomorrow afternoon…and tomorrow night. I need time away from Cole to understand where my thoughts are. I feel so confused.

He sighs loudly. “I’m not tired.”

“I’m exhausted and I have a busy day tomorrow, so I need to get some rest.”

“Please…just lie down with me for a little bit.”

It’s so unlike Cole to say please. I don’t know what it was…maybe those gorgeous eyes of his, or maybe I just needed to get him out of the bathroom so I could get dressed and pull my thoughts together. He was my best friend’s brother, so I needed to at least stay on friendly terms with him.

I enter the living room ten minutes later and hesitantly lay down beside him on the hide-a-bed.

“No touching,” I say, and he nods but cozies up to me.

We watch a movie and as the minutes tick away I start to relax, not minding as the front of his thighs touch the backs of mine. Soon his hand slides across my waist and he snuggles tighter to me.

“I said no touching.”

He smiles.

Just the smell of him is overwhelming. Pure, unadulterated male.

His thumb brushes back and forth over my ribcage.

I swallow hard.

I glance up at him, and before I can blink, he’s kissing me.

I don’t push him away. I know I should. Everything within me tells me to. This isn’t right. He has a girlfriend. A nice girlfriend, and yet my willpower dissipates as he moans softly.

Oddly, I can’t help but compare the kiss to the one I shared with Ryder. Ryder’s lips were so soft, and yet firm…and I’d enjoyed how tentative he was about the kiss—as though he was waiting for me to be the one to deepen the kiss or end it. This kiss isn’t like that. No, Cole is the aggressor, and as his tongue sweeps into my mouth it’s like he’s demanding an answer. For an instant I’m inclined to pull away.

Again, my curiosity wins out.

His technique is less controlled than Ryder’s. Ryder knows exactly what he’s doing. His sexuality is effortless. I’ve heard from other girls at my school that some guys don’t like to kiss at all. Sure, they’ll give you a peck but they don’t full on make-out…not even while having sex. They just don’t like it, I guess.

I remember Kenzie telling me about her first night with Ryder. How he’d intently stared into her eyes, and how into her he’d been, and how it felt like no one else existed.

Cole’s hand moves up my ribcage to my breast and I stiffen.

He deepens the kiss even more.

I don’t have time to think any longer.

His fingers dip beneath the edge of my bra, and then his hand is palming my breast.

The breath freezes in my lungs.

Until he plucks at my nipple.

His lips leave mine, and he’s kissing my neck, and then the curve of my breast.

My breasts are exposed as he pulls my bra straps down and unhooks my bra. He’s kissing my breast, his mouth hovering over a nipple. His tongue lightly touches the sensitive bud.

Okay, this feels amazing. It does…

Despite the overwhelming sensations exploding inside my body, warning signs are going off in my head, and yet I can’t find the words to say no.

Because I really don’t want to say no.

I want more.

And he gives me exactly what I’m asking for.

His hand moves down my stomach, and he reaches for my panties. He palms my sex.

My breath lodges in my throat.

And then his hand is inside the silk of my panties, and he’s sliding the tip of his finger along my clit.

He makes little circles around the tiny bundle of nerves.

I lift my hips, enjoying what he’s doing and wanting more.

As something builds within me, more intense with each stroke of his finger, I groan low in my throat.

He releases a little laugh and then he rolls and he’s on me. An elbow is on either side of me, and he’s staring down at me intensely. I sense a question in those eyes.

I feel his hard cock against me.

His hips flex and he moans low in his throat and kisses me.

He begins to move, and I’m confused. Our clothes are on.

Any second I expect him to take down our pants but he doesn’t. He keeps moving and I get caught up in the moment as well. This feels good, the friction just enough that I feel my body moving toward a pinnacle that I know will be amazing.

I can’t help it. I lift my hips toward him, over and over again, and he’s thrusting against me. The kiss intensifies.

Cole thrusts faster, and he’s no longer kissing me. “Oh God,” he groans into my hair, a second before I feel a warm wetness against my stomach and realize with a start what’s happened.

He actually came.

I’m not sure what stuns me more—the fact that he had fucked me with my clothes on, or that he had gotten off and left me wanting.

He rolls off me, a hand over his forehead.

There is a wet stain on his pajama pants, and on mine as well.

He had obviously found his release. I couldn’t say the same for myself. I feel like a string ready to snap. As the minutes tick by, the intense sensations that had built in my groin now starts to ebb…and I have my first experience at sexual frustration.

I hear a door open and I freeze. Cole draws the sheet up and over us. Thank goodness there is space between us. I’m resting on my elbow, hoping I look casual and at ease, when Melissa walks into the kitchen.

I am horrified at the prospect that she might have heard us.

She has her robe on and she opens the fridge and grabs a pint of ice cream. When she glances over at us, she looks surprised to see me in bed with her son.

“Oops…busted,” she says, and I hope she’s talking about the ice cream in her hand, and not about catching us in bed together.

“Midnight munchies?” Cole says.

I wish my pajama pants weren’t wet and my bra wasn’t unhooked, or I’d just get up and walk to Kenzie’s room.

“Unfortunately, yes. It’s become a habit of mine, and my waistline is suffering because of it.”

“You look great, Mom,” Cole says.

“You’re sweet for saying so, even though I know it’s a lie.” She gives me a wink. “Well, you kids get to bed soon.”

“We will,” Cole and I say in unison.

The second I hear her door close I get up and hook my bra.

Cole’s gaze drifts to my pajama pants. I can’t tell if he’s embarrassed or not. Maybe dry humping is something he does regularly. At least I’m still a virgin.

“Good night,” I say.

He reaches out and grabs me by the wrist. “Wait a second. No goodnight kiss?”

I lean down and he kisses me softly. “Sweet dreams,” he whispers against my lips.

I linger for a second, and I’m not sure what I’m waiting for. He releases me and I have no choice but to return to Kenzie’s room.

Thank God she’s sleeping. I change my underwear and pants and slide into bed beside my best friend.

Before I know it I’m crying, and I can’t put my finger on why I’m so upset. Maybe it’s the disappointment of having such a high expectation and the reality was just such a let down. Would I actually feel better right now if we’d removed our pajamas and had sex? Or would I feel even worse than I do right now?

I’m pretty sure I’d feel worse if we’d actually had sex.

I thought of the kiss with Ryder earlier that night. I hadn’t felt even a smidgen of guilt. I hadn’t. In fact, I had appreciated him making me feel desired.

I was never sure if Cole was just afraid to take our friendship out of the friend zone, or if he was worried about what Kenzie and her mom would say. Now I knew he had a girlfriend, and from all accounts, they were really serious.

But you didn’t do anything wrong
. At least that’s what I try to convince myself, even as I continue to cry and fall into a fitful sleep.

Ryder

Lying on my bed, I stare at the ceiling.

My entire body is shaking. I want a fucking pill so bad I can’t stand it.

Deklan had crashed a few minutes ago and I hear him moving around in his room. I wait until I hear the creak of his bed before I get up and go toward the fridge, and most notably, the freezer, where there is a fifth stashed.

Tequila definitely isn’t my drink of choice, but beggars can’t be choosers. I wince when the bottle makes a clinking sound as I remove it.

I’m hiding behind the door of the refrigerator, so even if Deklan walks out, I can hide what I’m doing. I unscrew the cap and take a long swig.

The liquor burns its way down my throat and I welcome it.

I have pills I can take, but I can’t do it. Not unless I know I don’t have to take the piss test.

Honestly, I hope the band has forgotten about the drug testing. Tonight I played better than I had in weeks. Deklan was surprised that I’d pulled Ange on stage, and yet he told me understood why I had done it, and he had even managed a smile as though to say he would have done the same thing if he’d been in the same position.

I take another long drink before I replace the cap and set it back inside the freezer.

Sliding under the sheets of my uncomfortable bed, I wonder what is happening over at Kenzie’s house. Payton had said she was staying the night with a family member who lived thirty miles north of Vancouver, which meant Cole and Ange were probably keeping each other comfortable.

I grit my teeth just thinking about Cole and Ange.

He would tell her everything she wanted to hear.
No, baby, I’m not dating Payton. She’s just a friend. Don’t worry about it.

I know all the lines, all the moves, all the excuses. I’ve made them. Hell, I’d been busted screwing Kenzie’s friend red-handed and I’d still denied it.

Girls believed what they wanted to believe. They would turn on their friend before they would turn on their man, even if that friend was the one who had fooled around with their man.

I think of Ange tonight as she watched me on stage. When I’d pulled her up there, she’d wanted to knock me out. I could see it in her eyes, and yet she’d surprised me in all the right ways when she’d kissed me back and so willingly.

Amber, the brunette from the janitor’s closet, had pulled me aside afterward. “You never called me,” she had said, managing a pout.

“I’ve been so busy,” had been my lame excuse as I had kept one eye on the backstage door, just waiting for Ange to walk out.

“Can I come home with you?” Her eyes were so desperate, and I honestly felt bad for her. She had a sorry life ahead of her if she continued to spend her nights attending concerts and having meaningless sex with men who would never treat her the way she yearned to be treated. “No, not tonight.” It hurt to say those words. She looked hurt. I had used her and we both knew it.

But Ange.

She was different.

She was a good girl with an attitude. Someone who was destined to do amazing things in her life and have opportunities that most people could only wish for.

I’m amazed she’s managed to hang with us and even enjoy herself. If her parents could see her now, they would probably be horrified, I think with a smile, actually laughing when I remember her splashing me in the face at the lake. Even she’d been surprised by her reaction.

Little did she realize I had gotten under her skin.

She was just one more reason for me to stay straight.

Tomorrow was another day. Tomorrow would be easier
, I tell myself as I turn off the bedside light and hope for sleep to come.