Ryder's Redemption (Badboy Rockers #2) (14 page)

SEVENTEEN

Ange

Dinner goes well, and I relax but decide not to overeat. I had been gorging since I’ve been in Vancouver, and not having my mom around to remind me to chew each bite twenty-five times has been liberating in some ways, but my waistline is expanding by the day and my clothes are already getting tighter. The last thing I want to do when I arrive home is to have to invest in a new wardrobe.

We all walk back to the apartment and Brooke and Curtis stay around for an hour after dinner, and then the four of us are alone.

“I wish cable was set up,” Deklan says, pouring a can of cola into a glass. “But the cable guy won’t be here until Tuesday.”

“You have a DVD player,” Kenzie says, getting up and reaching into a box. She produces an old DVD player.

After a few minutes Deklan has it running. It seems like the only DVDs he owns are action flicks and surprisingly, a few older westerns. Ryder made a smartass comment about Deklan being a cowboy in a past life.

Midway into the second movie I start to drift off. I wake up to Ryder tickling the end of my nose.

I swipe at his finger and he laughs under his breath. The sound makes me even warmer and fuzzier.

Across the living room, Kenzie is facing Deklan, her back to the TV. She’s passed out too.

“I’m tired,” I say, and stand up and reach out to help Ryder up. After talking about haunted apartments, I’m not about to sleep on the couch tonight.

“Ready for bed?”

Deklan is already easing Kenzie up, and they head to his bedroom.

I follow Ryder to his room.

We find sheets for the queen sized bed and I’m soon crawling between the soft, flannel sheets.

“You want a t-shirt to sleep in?”

I glance down at my clothes and nod. “Sure.”

He tosses me a soft, well-worn tee. “Turn around,” I say, motioning for him to face the wall.

He immediately does as asked.

The shirt barely reaches my upper thighs. I quickly slide under the blankets, and he turns before I tell him he can.

The bed dips beneath Ryder’s weight. “Good night.”

“Good night,” I say, and he turns the lamp off.

For someone who was exhausted minutes before, I am now fully awake. The apartment is quiet and I can hear myself breathe. It’s almost too quiet, really.

I had never been great at sleeping in unfamiliar places. Granted, my best friend is in the same apartment, but right now that hardly helped.

I close my eyes. When I open them, a warm body is wedged against me, spooning me. It takes me a second to orient myself, to remember where I am and who I’m with.

I reach for my phone. It’s three a.m. and I have slept hard for three hours. I close my eyes but it is difficult to fall back to sleep, especially with Ryder’s hand resting on my waist.

I roll over and face him. He doesn’t budge.

The light from the phone gives off a little light, and I stare at him in the golden glow. His features in sleep are as amazing as when he is awake. I like being able to look at him when he isn’t aware, and it seems like Ryder is always aware.

Despite my efforts not to like Ryder, I find that I do. In fact, I like him more with every day that passes. He has this way of making me forget about my troubles. Granted, having Cole aka the man of my desires like me and show me how much he liked me by dry humping me is hardly a catastrophe. Yet I’m let down. For five years I’ve adored him from afar and thought up every scenario and fantasy possible. I feel kind of like I did as a kid when I realized there was no such thing as Santa.

With a sigh, I snuggle closer to Ryder and close my eyes.

Ryder

I wake to the sound of honking outside my bedroom window.

I cover my head with a pillow and turn to find myself face to face with a pretty girl.

Ange is flat on her back, one arm flung over her head, the other out to her side. The comforter just barely covers her toned stomach where my tee-shirt has ridden up.

I tug a little at the comforter, and instinctively, she pulls the cover up to her chin.

Damn. I smile to myself and slide out of bed.

She doesn’t move a muscle.

When I open the door I see Deklan standing by the window, staring out. He turns and looks at me. There’s no welcoming smile, or even a nod. In his hand he’s holding a coffee cup.

I glance at the clock. “It’s only ten thirty and you look like you’re ready to choke someone.”

“Can I talk to you?”

My stomach tightens. I know that tone, and I can see he’s serious by his expression.

“What’s up?”

“You know that girl from the concert the other night? Amber…the one you had the little fling with in the closet?”

“Yeah, I know who you’re talking about. What about her?”

“Well, apparently she dropped by the shop late last night.” He walks to the kitchen counter and slides an envelope toward me. The flap is unopened and I don’t have to ask Deklan if he’s looked inside. “She said she wanted to give you a little something. She says she owed you from the other night when you overpaid her.”

I frown. Overpaid her?

He opens the envelope. There’s a small baggie of pills staring back at me.

My heart drops to my toes.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck!

I open my mouth and no words come out. The look on Deklan’s face kills me.

“How long have you been using?”

I swallow past the lump in my throat. I shake my head. “I’m not…”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” He crushes the baggie in his fist. I rarely see Deklan lose control, and he’s at the brink. His fists are white and I know he wants to choke me.

I take a deep breath and release it. “A few days.”

He sucks the lip-ring into his mouth and chews on it. “So you were using when the band confronted you the other night…and you lied and said you were clean.”

It wasn’t a question.

I nod.

He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. “Jesus Christ, Ryder, they trusted you
. I
trusted you.”

“I’m sorry, Deklan. It’s just a few Xanax’s a day.”

“Dude, you’re lying. I had a gut feeling you were then, but I wanted to believe you when you looked me in the eye and told me you were straight.”

I feel like the world’s biggest asshole.

“Curtis has been on me to have you tested, but I told him with the move to lay off you.”

“I’m trying, Deklan. I only took a Xanax yesterday…just to take off the edge.”

Long minutes pass as he watched me watch him. I hear the ticking of the clock on the wall behind me, as though the second hand is pounding out the rhythm of my fate.

It takes a hell of a lot for Deklan to get mad at me, and it is very clear he is pissed off now.

He sets his cup down. “You’re out of the band, Ryder.”

A fist to the gut would have been easier to take. “But Gorge Days is coming up.”

“You knew the rules. They apply to everyone. No one is exempt. You know that, Ryder.”

I hate how he uses my name every time he speaks. I feel like a kid being chastised by a parent.

“Just keep it on the down low until after Gorge Days. I swear I’ll stop right this second.”

“You know I can’t do that. I’ve spent too long building this band, and there were rules when you started.” Deklan takes a step closer and his expression softens. “Maybe you should try rehab? There are some great facilities here locally. I have savings, and I’ll gladly pay—”

“No!”

He looks like I’d slapped him.

“You’ve been saving all this time for a house, and I’m not going to take your money from you. You’ve helped me enough as it is.” I want to cry my eyes out, but the bitch is I have only myself to blame. “I don’t need rehab. I’ve got this. I do. Dude, it was just a few pills.”

“There’s no such thing as just a few pills when you’re an addict.”

Wow, that was harsh…

Releasing a long, drawn-out breath, Deklan shakes his head, grabs his coat off the back of the chair, and starts for the door. “I need some air.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Where would you go?” He sounds as exasperated as he looks.

The only place I could think of going was my grandparents’ house…and they were still disappointed with me. I hadn’t been the best houseguest, and I’d taken advantage of their kindness.

The door slams shut behind Deklan.

I never thought I would see the day when even Deklan got tired of my bullshit.

I catch sight of myself in the mirror. All the signs of my drug use are there. I had lost weight, my eyes are red and I have dark circles beneath them. “You’re a fucking idiot,” I say to my reflection, and it’s all I can do not to punch the mirror.

EIGHTEEN

Ange

“How much longer are you in town for?”

Payton’s question is directed at me, and unfortunately, I am mid-bite.

With all eyes on me, I swallow the mouthful of cheeseburger and wipe my hands on the napkin. “A few more weeks.”

My mother would be appalled.

Melissa had asked Payton a ton of questions and seemed to be pleased with all the answers. Payton’s parents were both doctors—her mom an anesthesiologist and her dad a brain surgeon.

Her farts probably smelled like roses, too.

I wish more than anything that she would just leave already. That, or I wish Cole would leave. His absence will make my life a lot less complicated, that’s for sure.

I am a bumbling mass of confusion.

I continue stuffing my face and thankfully Payton is in mid-discussion with Melissa about an article she read online this morning about healthcare.

Cole pushes his food around his plate and I feel his gaze settle on me.

I completely ignore him.

A few more questions are directed my way about my family, and I can tell Payton’s digging. Why does she care so much, or is she just trying to be polite by acting interested in my life?

Cole sets his fork down and clears his throat. “There’s a plaza in Bel Air named after Ange’s great grandfather. The man’s a wizard in the industry and her family is extremely well respected.”

Wow, I hadn’t expected that, nor had Payton apparently. Her brow is slightly arched as she stares at me. Maybe she has a strong intuition and senses that Cole and I had been more than just friends.

She shouldn’t worry. I had absolutely no intention of letting what happened the other night with Cole happen again. There was just no way, especially with Payton hanging around.

However, I was actually really excited to see Ryder again. Aside from him spooning me last night during the sleepover, he hadn’t touched me and seemed content to just snuggle. I had slept amazingly well, too. When I woke up, he had left and I’d been disappointed. Deklan said he had an errand to run, but in my mind I wondered if he’d left intentionally.

Now I was just being paranoid.

I liked Ryder and I liked Cole.

But now Payton was in the picture.

I had liked Cole for so long that it was impossible to turn that off completely overnight, and yet I had such a sense of disappointment with him. Maybe because I had expected him to be different, and to actually behave in a way like Ryder had treated me these past few days.

Oh, the irony that they were both exactly the opposite of what I thought they would be.

I felt stupid, but most of all, I hate that Cole lied to me. I did, and I had always been one of those people who believed the best in everyone. This year it seems like my reality had been ripped out from underneath me…and it hadn’t come so much by way of my own family, because they were their same boring selves. I had learned so much from watching Kenzie and her life, and experiencing what she’d gone through…granted, from a third-party perspective, and yet I had felt that pain, felt the sword in my side like I had been the one who had been betrayed by a beloved parent.

All the things Kenzie had told me about Ryder had been the same with her brother. Even more, Cole had a girlfriend—someone he had failed to say anything about, even after kissing me. He would have slept with me and then what? Would he have told me about her later?

Oh my God, was I one of those people who would never be good enough?

And I almost pitied Payton. She hangs on to his every word and laughs at everything he says. Once during dinner, she actually lifts her napkin to her lips, licks it, and wipes barbecue sauce off the side of his face.

He brushes her hand away, and she looks at him, brows furrowed. “It never bothered you before when I did that.”

They kiss a few times, short, awkward kisses, and while Melissa beams, Kenzie squeezes my hand beneath the table. I flash her a reassuring smile. Cole looks confused by my reaction.

I had dodged a bullet. That’s how I look at it now. I am grateful that maybe things had played out how they had with us grinding on each other with our clothes on. It could have been a completely different outcome and I would feel far worse than I did now.

My phone goes off and Ryder’s face appears on the screen.

All eyes are on me.

“Sorry,” I say, and pick up the phone.

The text message is from Ryder. “Walk with me?” it reads

My heart actually skips a beat.

A second later, there is a knock at the door.

“Is that Ryder?” Kenzie says, pushing her chair back.

Sure enough, Ryder is standing at the door. Seeing us sitting around the dinner table, his eyes widen. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were having dinner. Should I come back?”

“Of course not,” Melissa says. “Are you hungry, Ryder?”

“No, thank you. Deklan and I had Chinese before he went to practice.” His gaze settles on me. “I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk.”

“Sure…if it’s alright with you, Melissa?”

She beams and even gives me a wink. “Of course it’s okay.” Apparently she doesn’t have any hard feelings toward Ryder.

“Do you want to come with us, Kenzie?” I ask, holding my breath.

“No, you two go ahead,” she says with a soft smile. “I have a phone call to make.”

No doubt to Deklan.

Cole stands abruptly and starts clearing the table. I feel his gaze on me as he watches us walk out the door and down the front steps.

Ryder is quiet. Neither of us says a word as we cross the street.

We walk a city block before he glances at me and takes my hand. “I want to thank you, Ange.”

I brush my thumb along his. “Thank me? For what?”

“For being there for me when I needed someone. You’ve been a good friend and I sincerely appreciate that.”

I notice that his hand is shaking. I squeeze it. “Are you okay?”

“No, not really.”

“What’s wrong?” I ask, pulling him toward a short retaining wall. I sit down and he joins me.

Last night he’d been the one to ask about my problems. Now I want to be there for him.

He opens his mouth but hesitates. “A friend of mine came by the shop yesterday and gave Deklan some pills that she said belonged to me.”

“But you don’t take pills. You’ve been clean for weeks.”

He takes a deep breath and releases it in a sigh. “I had been clean for almost two weeks, but then the night at the Roxbury I took pills.”

“So you were using when the band confronted you?”

Again, he hesitates and I have my answer.

He runs his hands through his hair. “Everyone is going to hate me.”

“No, they won’t.”

“Deklan is pissed. I looked him in the eye and I lied to him. I was just too afraid to say anything to them, especially when I was being told I’d be cut from the band. We’ve waited forever to get the Gorge Days gig, and I can’t deal with being cut again, especially when I’m struggling to stay clean.”

Kenzie had told me about how it had been for Ryder before, and how everyone had managed to get clean but him.

Of course I feel disappointed by the news, but I also respect him for telling me.

“Do Brooke and Curtis know?”

“Not yet. Deklan told me it was up to me to come clean, so that’s what I’m going to do. I just wanted to talk to you first.”

I am strangely moved by that.

“I can do this, Ange. I know I can. I did it before. I can do it again. I just hope it’s not too late, and that the guys will let me back in the band before Gorge Days.”

“How long will it take to pee clean?”

“Three to four days maybe?”

“I’ll do what I can to help you. My mom is completely into holistic medicine. She’s tried everything from naturopathic medicine to cure arthritis to acupuncture and massage. Some people think it’s crap, but honestly—it works.”

I can see the hope in his eyes, and it makes me feel better to know that I can help.

“I’m happy to help you in any way I can, Ryder. This is serious, but I know you can do it.”

I slide my hand around his elbow and he smiles. “Maybe you can spend the night again with me soon. Like tonight?”

“I can’t tonight.”

“Why? Does Cole want you home?”

He sounds almost jealous…and I’m surprised by that.

I frown, even if I’m a little encouraged by the fact he might be jealous. “Of course he doesn’t want me home. He has his girlfriend.”

“He doesn’t like me.”

“Maybe he’s threatened by you.” I think most men are intimidated by Ryder.

“Should he be threatened by me?” he asks, and I can feel my heart pounding in my ears. “Do you have feelings for me, Ange?”

Ryder

I hold my breath as I await Ange’s answer.

The sides of her mouth quirk. “Yes.”

I half expect her to say no, that she feels nothing for me. That her Neanderthal of a boyfriend who she’d been crushing on since she was a girl still had her heart, even after introducing his girlfriend to her.

But she has feelings for me. Me, prescription drug abuser me. Drug addict me. I’ve become so used to being looked down upon by everyone around me—family, close friends, and even acquaintances who had heard of Brooke’s overdose, that the last person I had expected to still have my back was a girl who I thought would judge me harsher than anyone else.

She continues to surprise me…in all the best ways.

I reach out and take hold of her hand.

She grins at me. “I want to help you, Ryder. You’re stronger than you know.”

“Thanks, and you’re not the ice queen I thought you were.”

She hits me playfully on the arm. “Me? An ice queen? Now that’s a first. I’ll have you know I received the award for most welcoming student at Saint Catherine’s three years in a row.”

“Wow, how impressive.” And to think that all this time I thought I had her all figured out, I realize how far off base I had been.

She had a heart of gold. Here she was ready to throw me a lifeline when everyone else in my life had pretty much bailed and given up on me. Well, Deklan hadn’t given up on me, but he was tired…and I honestly didn’t blame him. I could exhaust anyone. Hell, I exhausted myself.

“Ryder, you’ll be alright. We’ll get you help, but will you promise me something?”

My heart misses a beat. I didn’t like making promises to anyone, because I rarely, if ever, delivered.

“If you try the different holistic remedies and it doesn’t work for you—will you go to an in-patient rehab facility?

I stare into her beautiful green eyes. I could have promised her anything just to get her off my ass. The thing is, I need someone who is willing to push me, and to help me, and to make me believe that I can get clean if I really want to.

And the thing is…I really want to.

I need a new direction. I want more than being a front desk clerk and assistant at
Branded
. First step, I need to get clean.

Ange rests her head against my shoulder. “I believe in you, Ryder. Now you just have to believe in yourself.”