Sabrina's Surrender (A New Journey) (2 page)

I felt a bit intimidated by him but also excited about our meeting. Dr. Sherin was very good looking but did not seem to have the ego that often went along with that. He was a bit of a hippy, with hair longer than other professors and a disheveled look that was hot. I don't like arrogance in a man,  but am intrigued when someone is reflective, caring and of course hot. Still, I have always been cursed by my shyness. I think I like professors because many of them can understand how boring life is that consists of going to the mall, being on social media all day, reading popular magazines and having banal talks. I love the depth that is possible with intellectual conversations. They like the academic world and the protection it provides. This was sorely lacking in my marriage with Joey and of course with the 3rd graders at my job.

I was trying to figure out what to wear to the appointment with Dr. Sherin. I had an old bra that would show my nipples through my blue thin blouse. Would that be too much? I didn't want him to see me as shallow, but I wanted to be able to read his response to me. I decided on a bra that was less revealing and would wear a pink sweater with a short black skirt, very sheer stockings and black shoes with two inch thin heels. I could never wear that outfit at my job and I hadn't dressed up in months.

Was he married , divorced or single? He did not disclose anything about his personal life in the lectures.  He smiled when I entered his office and I sat across from him at his messy desk. There were no family pictures on his desk, but he had some photographs of Cape Cod on his wall.

I told him I brought my rough draft of the Great Gatsby and was hoping he would review it. He seemed to not want to jump right away into reading it and asked me if I was enjoying the class. I said, "Yes, it is opening up my mind to new ways of interpreting books I've loved for years." Dr. Sherin seemed pleased by that and asked me if I was also working. He could tell I was a bit older than the other students. I told him that I liked teaching young children, but missed reflective talks about life as well as the university atmosphere.

I had my feet crossed at the ankles and uncrossed them. Why was I so nervous around him? He glanced down and gave me a look of approval. Why I am so happy when I get a look of approval from an older man? Did he see how much this fulfilled me? He asked me if I also had children I was raising. Was he fishing to see about my marital situation? I told him that I was divorced and with no children. Again, he half-smiled and I felt his satisfaction. He still did not disclose anything about himself, but had no wedding ring on and when I glanced around the office could find no wall pictures or photos aside from the Cape Cod paintings.

His attention was fully on me and I liked that. I told him that I recently saw the Woody Allen, "Midnight in Paris" and was fascinated by the Fitzgeralds. "But I would never try to jump into the Seine river, " I blurted out. Then I turned red. Dr. Sherin said, "I can see you are not an impulsive person, Sabrina, but you do find Zelda fascinating, I believe."  I got more nervous, but tried to act in control. I loved the way he said my name. I pictured him whispering, "Sabrina, Sabrina, Sabrina," and slowly removing my bra.  A text beep interrupted his penetrating glance into me and he looked down at his phone. I tried to remember to slow down my breathing and appear calm.

 He frowned and said, "Damn, my mom's car stalled and I need to help her out. Can we reschedule our appointment for Friday? My last class ends at 3:30." I said that I could be there by 4 and slowly stood up. There was an electricity I felt for the first time in months. He put his palm on my shoulder and I felt  my body completely relax under his touch. His masculinity was so strong because he wasn't just good with his hands, but his mind was introspective and deep. None of the men I had known before had this synthesis. I knew he was looking at me as I left his office and felt wrapped up in warmth.

 I floated to my car and felt a deep peace inside. It was a harmonious feeling that had been missing in my life. I knew that if he controlled me I'd finally be free paradoxically.

Chapter 4    The Day Before Our Meeting

The next day at work I felt lighter, but also dreamier. It was Thursday and my appointment with Dr. Sherin was getting closer. I was truly shy, but somehow had an aggressive fantasy that ran through my mind about our upcoming meeting. First of all, I had decided I was going to wear the old bra that showed my nipples through my blouse. I wanted to please him and not disappoint him. Was this being passive-aggressive? I would look innocent at the same time. But, it really wasn't just an act. I was really scared. Was I shy or a whore? Could I be both? I felt very timid, but also could see walking over and unbuttoning his shirt when he was reading my paper.

"Sabrina, don't overthink this," I told myself.

It was supposed to be warm on Friday so I thought I'd wear shorts that hugged my butt very tightly. I had a necklace that would hang right at the top of my cleavage and move as I naturally adjusted my body in conversation. Each time I would lean forward he would follow it and be drawn to my breasts. I knew I couldn't really orchestrate how things would go. Heck, I didn't even know if anything would happen. Maybe he would just see me as too old and dead inside.

What about his marital situation? I still was not sure about that. I could not find him on any social media sites. The bio at the college did not describe his personal life.  I was ambivalent ethically about being the other woman and thought it was better to avoid that situation. It would be bad karma and someone could do that to me in the future. But, would I be able to keep my resolve?

My mood hadn't felt this good in a while. I didn't feel that dreary state of being the pathetic, divorced school teacher destined to a life of drudgery and living in a house full of cats.  Even if it was episodic, I could feel deeply once again and have ecstatic moments that relieved me from the flatness of fulfilling my daily responsibilities.

When I was walking to my car after work, Jenny who teaches art stopped me. "You seemed happier today," she said. I told her that I felt that going back to school was good for me. "Maybe your luck is changing," she mysteriously smiled and laughed.

Back at home, I worked more on the draft for my review for Friday and looked at the bracelets I'd wear. Men have always complimented the shape of my hands and I wanted to accentuate them. I picked out a scented body lotion that smelled like vanilla.   The voice in my head was scolding me, "You are in school for an education, not to be a tramp."

 I mentally replied," Well, I am an educated tramp and I know that's what he likes."

Chapter 5  The Appointment With My Professor

I could hardly get through the day at work today. I was going to change my outfit at home right after school and then get to see Dr. Sherin. At school, one of my students, Robin, was in tears. I was able to get her to open up to me privately during the first snack break. "Ms. Harris, my dad left my mom," Robin sobbed. I hugged her and told her that I knew she and her mom were very strong. Was this an omen that I should reflect on the consequences of my behavior? Would I be wrecking Dr. Sherin's family? I rationalized my flirtatious fantasies by telling myself that I could be enhancing his family life by giving him renewed energy, humor and bliss.

I knew this was a big lie though as I really hoped to make him think of me and constantly long for me after our meeting. I wanted him to be filled with a romantic hunger that could only be satisfied by taking me with his firm hands. And I didn't care if his fantasies about me would rob his time with his family. In fact, I hoped he'd be distracted. Yikes, maybe I really am a bad person.

I unlocked my door and found my sexy clothing ready to jump into. I sprayed on the fragrance, ate a quick yogurt so my stomach wouldn't grumble and did some final eyebrow tweezing. A pang of doubt started to haunt me. This wasn't a date, it was an appointment to review my writing draft. What if that is all he wanted? Would I have to return to my lifeless shell again not only lonely, but humiliated? Even if he wasn't married, was I his type? There were so many attractive students and many are so much younger and sluttier.

My hands were shaking a bit as I grabbed my paper draft and jumped in the car. When I got to campus, I ran to the bathroom to check my foundation as well as mascara, adjusted my shirt to be tighter and pulled my skirt higher. I put some glimmer over my lip gloss and swayed back and forth to see the way my necklace would fit in my cleavage.

When I knocked on Dr. Sherin's door I was trembling a bit. One of the top scholars was going to be looking over my paper and also my body. He opened the door and I saw a Bob Dylan CD cover on his desk. I could see that he noticed my breasts through my shirt and the necklace dangling in my cleavage. Dr. Sherin made a conscious attempt to shift to my paper and I handed it to him to look over. After looking at the first page, he asked me if I was fascinated by infidelity. I told him that it was very exciting to me, but also there were ethical concerns. Dr. Sherin said, "My wife was unfaithful and we no longer live together." I was elated to hear that, but said, "I know it must be painful because my husband and I split up too."  Dr. Sherin said that there was no intellectual chemistry with his wife. I said, "Joey didn't understand my love for Chopin and reading sonnets. We would be next to each other, but our minds were so separated. Nothing could feel so alone." Dr. Sherin nodded and put his glasses on his desk.

"I know you appreciate the classics, but I also sense that you haven't been able to feel like a woman in a long time and to release your feminine side", he whispered gently. "Why do you keep pushing it away?"

I felt flustered that he could read me so well.

He said in a commanding voice, "Please stand up and walk over to me." I could do nothing but listen to his instruction. He placed his hand on my back and made small circles on my lower spine. "I was having a difficult concentrating on reading your paper because the outline of your nipples was distracting me. Why are you being so naughty? You need to get on your stomach now over my knees."

I was stunned. Was he thinking of spanking me? I was never spanked before in my life and he hasn't even kissed me yet. But, I was getting very wet and immediately complied. This was not the way I thought things would be going at all!

"You are shy, but you've been a bad girl for trying to excite your professor. You need to be disciplined for this. Don't you know how to behave yourself?"

This was a completely unexpected turn of events for me. Was he going to pull down my thong and actually spank me? This is a man who publishes in international journals. My heart was racing with excitement, lust and fear as he pulled my skirt up and tore my thong off.

He gave me a gentle tap on my bare butt and told me that next time he would see me that I need to wear a bra that hides my nipples. "You need to apologize to me now for being a seductive distraction," he said forcefully as he continued to spank me.

 I was so turned on and simultaneously humiliated by the spanking. I knew that I was trying to stop him from concentrating on the editorial process of discussing my paper. He speaks at conferences and is respected around the nation. Was I trying to diminish his analytical capacity by being a classless whore?

  "I'm so sorry," I purred.

"Tell me that you are sorry for being a little whore," he commanded.

"I'm sorry for being such a slut," I said. Then I hesitated. I don't know why, but I had to blurt out, "But, I just can't help it."

I felt contrite, but I also was proud that I was tantalizing him.

"Then you need another spanking until you learn your lesson," he said sternly as he masterfully hit my bottom again and again.

I felt that my juices were flowing out of me and that I was needing to be filled so desperately. He was not someone I could manipulate and that itself made me very excited. But, I also was scared to be with a real man.

"It's time to get on your knees," he demanded. I got under his desk and he unzipped his fly and whipped out his manhood. "This is what you need now for being so undisciplined and sassy," he whispered he put his cock in my mouth. It was huge and I let it slide all the way to the back of my throat. He moaned and told me that I was his little slut. I felt so proud and turned on, but also demeaned. I liked being reprimanded and being put in my place. I knew I deserved to be scolded and punished for trying to tempt a brilliant man. Why did this all feel so right?

"I just want to please you," I managed to get out breathlessly between his thrusts down my throat.

 He abruptly pulled his warm cock out of my mouth and then told me to get on my back on his couch. I was lubricating so much and wanted to just pull him inside of me as my pussy was dripping and yearning for him.

I reached up to pull his body towards me. He pinned my arms down with his and said, "You still like to be the boss, don't you. You need to obey your teacher. I can see you have never been with a real man."

As he pinned my arms down he teased me by entering my pussy with his large cock and pulling out quickly. "Please, fill me. Please," I begged.

"I'm your master now and I will fill you when it's the right time," he answered. He continued to tease me but touching my clit making little circles and drifting up to my inner thigh.

 I was aching so much. "I'm so empty and need to be fucked," I begged. A tear fell out of my eye as the longing for him deepened.

"You need to learn who you are," he said sternly as he continued to stroke my clit and excited me.  "Waiting till I say it is time is what you need to learn. You always try to get your own way and that is your problem. "

I am not good at waiting, but I knew he was my teacher now and if I pouted he'd make me wait longer to be filled by him. I could not manipulate my way out of this. This frightened me but also seemed right.

Tears were falling out of my eyes as I needed his manhood so badly inside me. Was he going to keep teasing me? I already knew that I loved him so much. His cock was strong and perfect like him.