Sacrifice (Absent Shadows Trilogy Book 2) (3 page)

Yes, to answer my own question, it would be easy. But that wasn’t the reason I was glad. I was glad because seeing him made it absolutely clear why it would never happen, even if for some reason I didn’t go back to Australia. I knew, without even the slightest bit of doubt, that David wasn’t the one for me and never would be. I mean, when I looked at him, I felt nothing. Looking at him was like looking at a character from a television show—the character is familiar, but you don’t actually know the actor. That’s what it was like. There was no love; no hatred; no remorse; no feeling whatsoever. It really was like I simply didn’t know him.

I walked over to his table, and looked him directly in the eyes. ‘Okay, you win. We’ll talk, but let’s go outside.’

He stood, and followed me out to the parking lot. I could see his car in the corner of the lot so I walked over toward the main road instead.

‘You wanted to talk—so talk.’ I was pleased at how my voice sounded; flat, without any emotion.

‘Lili, come on, lighten up. You know we’re good together. We can pick up where we left off. I don’t blame you for being mad at me and I don’t blame you for running off to Australia either.’

‘Running off to Australia? I didn’t run off, I went to visit my Aunt and Uncle.’

‘Yeah, okay, whatever you say.’ He stepped forward and tried to take my hand, but I stepped back away from him. He shook his head, and moved toward me again, but I took another step back. I held my head high and looked into his eyes when I spoke.

‘Stop it, David. There’s nothing left. I’m not even sure there was anything there to begin with. We were high school kids. But I’ve grown up—I’m not a kid anymore.’

He stared into my eyes, and I thought that maybe my words had finally hit home.

‘Look; I snapped—one time. And you’ve punished me for it, well and truly. And I suppose I deserved it. But how about dropping this superior than thou act, and let’s just move on with our lives,’ he said, all the amusement gone from his voice.

‘Bloody hell, are you deaf or what? You’re not listening to me. It’s over. I’m not the same person I was before I left, and I won’t ever be that person again.’

He threw his head back and laughed. It wasn’t the reaction I’d expected, and I felt my jaw clench in response. He was laughing at me—and yet I’d said nothing even remotely funny.

‘What’s with the Aussie talk, Lili? “Bloody hell”—when’d you start talking like that?’

‘Oh, shut up. I told you—I’m not the same girl I was before.’

‘Yes you are. You’re just mad at me. That’s all this is. You’re mad at me, and the crazy thing is, it wasn’t even my fault … I mean, you made me … I mean,’ he seemed to be struggling with his words, so I cut him off.

‘I made you? I made you what, hit me? So, what … it was
my
fault?’

‘Yeah, well, no, I mean yeah, you made me crazy—all your talk of going overseas, and not answering me when I asked you to marry me.’

‘I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I’m
listening
to this. And you wonder why it’s over? David, do you listen to yourself when you talk? Do you hear what you’re saying?’

‘What? Alright, you obviously need more time. I can see that. I’ll leave you alone for a while—let you get used to being back in “bloody” San Mateo. I’ve already been invited to Raye’s Halloween party. I’ll see you there, and maybe by then you’ll be ready to come back to me, assuming I still want you, that is.’

‘Argh! I can’t believe you,’ I said, shaking my head.

He grinned, and I wondered if he’d heard a single word I’d said. But at least he seemed to accept that he wasn’t getting his way today. He walked to his car, got in, and waved as he pulled out of the parking lot.

~~***~~

I couldn’t fall asleep that night. Images of David flashed through my mind as I tossed and turned, and snippets of memories tried to make their way to the surface. I forced myself to replace them with memories of Sam—our last day at the beach together; the way it felt when he kissed me; the warmth in his eyes when he looked at me. But it was getting harder to see Sam’s face when I closed my eyes, and knowing he was thousands of miles away didn’t help.

I grabbed my phone and wrote a text, but stopped short of sending it. I’d already sent Sam a text earlier today. Then I thought about ringing him. I could say that I couldn’t sleep and needed to hear his voice. What time would it be there? Did that matter? I went round and round with it, wanting to speak to him but suspecting that if I rang now he’d be able to tell by my voice that something was wrong, and I didn’t want to explain.

So instead, I just tossed and turned and did my best to force David’s face out of my mind, until sometime just before dawn when I finally fell asleep.

~~***~~

The following days seemed to pass more slowly. I tried to keep myself busy, and between classes, homework, running and my job the days were pretty well filled. But as busy as I kept during the day, at night I always thought about Sam.

Each night was the same. I asked myself the same questions over and over. Was our love strong enough to overcome the challenges we faced? I mean, it was such a strange world he lived in, would I be able to make it my world too? Was waiting until Christmas the right thing to do? After all, that was still months away. Shouldn’t I just go back now, like I’d originally planned to do? Sure it was easier to go with Claire at Christmas, but wasn’t that just procrastinating, and feeding my insecurities? Wasn’t I best to just bite the bullet and tell Mom all about Sam … well, maybe not everything about Sam … but enough that she’d understand? If I sold my car, I’d have enough money for the ticket. Why did I agree to wait until Christmas anyway?

And then I’d think about David, and feel grateful that at least there was one thing that was clear to me—David was history, and would remain that way. There was no question of us getting back together; not now and not ever.

And I was also grateful that, for whatever reason, David didn’t bother me again.

~~***~~

The weeks did eventually pass, even if slowly, and although I still questioned the wisdom of waiting until Christmas to go back to Australia, I didn’t do anything about going sooner. Claire kept in contact, reminding me on a regular basis how much she was looking forward to the trip. Then, in early October, she rang to tell me some exciting news. I was just about to go to bed, and I welcomed the distraction.

‘Lili, you’re not going to believe this, but I’ve met someone,’ she said, all breathless.

‘You met someone? When? Where? Spill it … I want all the gory details.’

‘In the library on campus, of all places. Did you know there are actually some things that you can’t read about on the internet? Who’d of thought, eh?’ she giggled and it made me realise how much I missed her company.

‘Go on … really?’ I laughed.

‘Look, he’s no Tom. I mean, he isn’t anywhere near as good looking, or funny … and his body, well how can I say this nicely … he’s a professor, not an athlete. His name is Gerald. And he’s really nice. And he’s kinda cute. Mum would love him. Not that she doesn’t like Tom; but she likes Tom as Tom, not as someone for me, if you know what I mean.’

‘Yeah, I know what you mean. So, will I get to meet him? Will you bring him to the Halloween party?’

‘Well, that’s the thing actually. That’s why I rang. I don’t think it would be his scene. He’s a bit older than me. I think he’d find the whole thing, you know, rather … childish. I mentioned it to him, and he didn’t say no, but he got his faraway look, like he was wondering why he was even with me.’

‘Uh, Claire, when you say he’s a bit older, just how much older are we talking about?’

‘Thirty-three.’

‘Oh … My … God. Claire, are you nuts? What are you doing with a thirty-three year old professor? Oh, never mind. I can see what this is. This is just a fling to take your mind off Tom. So, I guess you’re saying you won’t make it up for the party after all?’

‘Yeah, no, I mean, I probably won’t.’

‘That’s okay. Although you know, you could just come on your own and leave him at home, with his dog. He has a dog, doesn’t he? I’m picturing this old hound dog. And does he wear one of those jackets with the leather elbow patches?’ I asked, starting to laugh. Then, when I caught my breath, ‘Oh, oh … and let me guess, he smokes a pipe, right?’

I had totally lost it now, and Claire laughed just as hard on the other end of the phone. Man, I missed her.

‘Come on, he’s not that old. You’re describing, like, my great-grandfather or somebody.’

‘Okay, so stay at home with your old professor. Raye will understand. I may never forgive you, but she will.’

‘Really? Is it that bad?’

‘I’m kidding of course. Come if you can, but if not, we’ll just talk about you all night.’

‘Argh—okay, look, maybe I will come on my own.’

‘That’s the Claire I know. Besides, if you don’t come who am I going to dance with all night?’

~~***~~

About two weeks later I noticed I’d had a call from a blocked number. I had just gotten home from my classes in the late afternoon. I was pretty sure it wouldn’t be Sam, but I got excited anyway—he could have used someone else’s phone to ring me.

I went up to my bedroom, shut the door and rang my message bank. My heart sank the moment I heard the female voice, but nerves quickly replaced disappointment when she said her name. It was Detective Kara Bradshaw from the Victoria Police, and she wanted me to return her call.

I racked my brain trying to think of pleasant reasons why she would be ringing me, but there were none. There could only be one reason—and there was nothing pleasant about it.

I checked the time difference—it would be just before lunch time in Melbourne. She would have rung first thing in the morning her time. My heart was racing, and my fingers hesitated on the phone, but she’d said she’d ring again if I didn’t contact her, so in the end I convinced myself that it would be better to get it over with now than to lay in bed worrying about it tonight.

‘Hi, Detective Bradshaw, it’s Lili McIntyre. You left a message for me to call you?’

‘Oh, yes, I did. Thank you for returning my call. It’s about that gun—the one you found in the Flagstaff Gardens.’

Of course it was. There could be no other reason.

‘Yes?’

‘I’m sorry to bother you, but are you able to meet with the counsel for the defence? He’s seeking your co-operation, but he did mention that if you don’t come willingly, he may compel you to do so.’

‘Compel me?’

‘Yes. Like a subpoena I suspect.’

‘Oh. Can he do that?’

‘I’m not a lawyer, Ms McIntyre. I’m just telling you what he told me.’

‘Okay. So, I guess I should co-operate?’

‘Well, that’s entirely up to you, but that’s what he’s hoping for.’

‘Do you realise I’m back in California? I mean, does he know that?’

‘Yes, you had said you would be going back, and I did mention that to him.’

‘And yet he wants to see me anyway. Hmmm, he must think it’s important. Did he say when he expects me to come?’

‘No, not exactly, but I believe sooner rather than later.’

‘Okay, well, I’ll have to see what I can do about a flight. I don’t suppose he’s offering to pay my airfare?’

‘That would seem reasonable, but really, I think you need to speak to him directly. I just agreed to make the initial contact with you, and pass on his details if you would take them.’

‘Oh, right. Sure, I’ll get a pen.’

When I returned with a pen and paper, she gave me his name, phone number, and an email address.

‘I’ll leave it to you to get in touch with him, to discuss travel details, and where you should go for the interview etcetera.’

‘Interview?’

‘To make your statement.’

‘Oh. Okay.’

‘Thank you for your time, Ms McIntyre. Goodbye.’

Once she was gone, I sat on the edge of the bed shaking my head. One side of me was petrified at the thought of meeting this lawyer, while the other side of me was ecstatic that I might actually have a legitimate excuse to go back to Australia; now, not at Christmas; not in two months.

I turned on the computer, and sent an email explaining the discussion I’d just had, and within half an hour I had a reply that included the name and contact number of a local travel agent I should ring to get my flight organised.

So, it was actually happening. I was going to see Sam in just a few days. Of course, there were a few hurdles to get over before I could count on it. First, I’d have to tell Claire something—she was still planning to come up for the Halloween party, so I had to let her know I’d be gone. Then the hard part was going to be Mom. We still hadn’t had any meaningful conversation about Sam, but I’d have to tell her something now.

I sat there thinking about it for a few minutes, but in the end I knew there was only one thing to do. I’d have to tell her the truth; or at least, some of it. This was going to take some thought.

~~***~~

‘Mom, I need to go back to Melbourne,’ I said the following night after we’d finished dinner and Raye had gone upstairs to start on her homework.

She looked at me, and frowned. ‘Yes, I know. You’re going at Christmas, with Claire.’

‘No, I mean, I need to go now.’

Her frown remained but her voice was calm. ‘Now? What do you mean, now? What’s so important that it can’t wait until the Christmas break?’

I thought of telling her about how a ghost had asked me to help her dig a hole under a tree in the gardens, to locate the gun that had been used to kill her. But instead I went for the slightly less crazy version that I’d given the police.

‘Well, you know how I was running a lot while I was there in Melbourne; in the Flagstaff Gardens near where Debs lives?’

‘Yes, what’s that got to do with anything?’

‘Well, one morning, when I was running, I had this vision. It was pretty weird really. I saw this young girl being shot, and a man burying the gun beneath a tree.’

‘You had a vision of … a murder?’ The frown deepened, and her eyes were nearly burning holes in my head.

‘Yeah, weird eh? Like I said,’ I laughed, but it sounded fake and nervous.