Saint And Sinners (34 page)

“No problem. I just wanted to see how the move went, if you all have had time to settle
in, yet.”

“Well.” Xenia looked around. “A lot of things are unloaded. The kids’ rooms are done.
That was top priority and we have the guest room finished, too. My mother and sister
were in town. My mother really loved Soho. I know you’ve mentioned it before.”

“Oh yes, Soho is superb and I bet your mother and sister had a wonderful time!”

Xenia rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m sure they did,” she said dryly, trying to avoid any
messy gossip about her mama right then and there. Fact of the matter was, Xenia felt
relieved when they’d finally left the house to go back home…

Mama Pam had decided to add her own personal decorating touches, and it almost gave
Saint a coronary…

She heard her name being called in the wee hours of the morning, as if he were losing
the will to live. Grabbing her robe, she almost tripped down the steps to reach him,
only to find the man standing in the kitchen, a light glaring over his head, making
him look somewhat angelic. But his whooping and hollering soiled that notion and drove
the beautiful thoughts from her mind. No, he had no halo placed upon his crown. In
its place were twin horns, glistening from the saliva of the Devil, as if he’d just
been hatched from the demon’s mouth. He pointed defiantly at an over-sized jar filled
with light pink liquid and fragments of floating pork. Pieces of marinated meat drifted
about, a ballet of pickled flesh for all to see.

“Where…did Mama Pam… get this?!” His lips were tight, drawn to almost a perfect ‘O’
as he lost his damned mind. He kept that long golden finger pointed to the damn thing,
as if it were some alien in a jar from some horrid sci-fi movie. And though she tried
to avoid such a reaction, Xenia began to shake like a wispy, wind-beaten leaf on a
branch during a blustery evening. The laughter in her gut refused to be squelched…so
out it poured, infuriating her husband even further.

“Oh Saint! It’s only pig feet!” She gasped, trying to pull herself together though
she knew it was too late.

“That…is one of the most…disgusting things I’ve ever seen and trust me, I’ve seen
some pretty grotesque stuff! Xenia, look, I appreciate everything your mother does
for us and the kids, I really do, but this is too much! She’s been here a week; when
is she leaving?”

Before Xenia could answer, he started up again.

“First, I find her partial in my bathroom…sitting on the side of the damn sink! Why
in the hell were your mother’s teeth in our bathroom?! Those two teeth were sitting
there as if that is where they belonged! Then, I find out she did the laundry, but
threw some of her clothes in, too. She had left a stick of lipstick in her pocket.
Now my favorite shirt is crimson tie-dye and she had the nerve to say to me—when I
brought it to her attention—that I was ungrateful and to just think of it as her kissing
me all over!

“Let’s not even talk about the chocolate candies she bit into. She took a bite off
every! damn! one! And then put them back in the box, as if nothing had happened. How
about the empty cookie canister that she filled with her assortment of toenail fungus
ointments! Does she collect them?! Why were there so many? It was like she’d bought
stock in the shit! How many tubes did she need and why the hell were they in the cookie
canister?!

“I don’t…” Xenia trembled so, he was tearing her apart. She couldn’t stop laughing,
even if offered a thousand dollars to do so. “I don’t…know, Saint.”

“She put it right back in the pantry closet. I opened it, and that’s what I saw! I’ll
never be the same, you hear me?! Never!”

That was it. Xenia slumped against the wall holding her gut or she’d surely slide
to the floor.

“Look baby, okay, yes, Mama is a bit much but that is just what she eats, okay?” She
pointed to the swine delicacy, as if he had trouble recalling where it was.

“She knows how I feel about that shit! I want it and her out of this house, Xenia!”
He stormed past her, obviously even more angered by her reaction. She doubled over,
completely losing it. Her face felt flushed and her eyes watered. This was simply
too much…

Xenia left the recent memory and rejoined the conversation with Valerie. “Valerie.”
She cleared her throat, wanting to get serious for a moment as her wayward thoughts
still gave her the slight giggles. “I need to ask you something…something important.”

“Of course, sweetheart. What is it?” Xenia heard what sounded like a fire crackling.
“’Scuse me, honey, right before I called you, I was at the hearth here. You know,
James and I used to light a fire, no matter the weather, at least once a month.” She
could hear the smile in the woman’s voice. “It was always so romantic. We’d sit there
with a bottle of wine and just enjoy one another… I miss him so much.”

Xenia’s heart broke into a million flying fragments. Valerie always showed strength
and kept herself together, poised for the whole wide world to see, even during tough
times. In actuality, the woman was rather private. This openness she offered at that
moment was so much appreciated, much more than Valerie could ever know.

I couldn’t imagine losing Saint…I just couldn’t…

“I’m so sorry, Valerie. He was a great man and Saint loved him so, just as much as
his own biological father.”

“I know…” She sighed loudly and paused. Xenia let her take her time, sure she needed
a second or two to take the tremble out of her tone. “James thought the world of Saint,
Xenia. I used to call Saint my son when I’d introduce him to people.” She chuckled
lightly. “Some believed me. In my heart, it was true. That’s what he was like and
do you know, to this day, your husband
still
calls me at least once a week to see how I’m doing?”

Xenia actually didn’t know, but she wasn’t the least bit surprised. “Well, that sounds
like him. He adores you. He wants to live up to James’ expectations, too.”

“Xenia, I heard the office there is tore up with construction and what not, but business
is running well already so I know James is smiling down on him. Oh…Xenia! I’m so sorry,
honey!” The woman lightly laughed. “You told me you had something important to ask
me and I totally got off track. Baby, I’m old!” She laughed loudly now.

“No, no, it’s okay, Valerie. I enjoyed talking to you about James.”

“I’m certain you did but right now, I’m giving you the stage.”

“Um…well, I’ve been doing some thinking and wanted to run something past you.”

“Go right ahead.”

“My husband, and other people too, have been telling me for years, hinting around
at least, that I need to be more…what’s the word? Demonstrative, I guess you could
say, regarding Saint’s career. Now, I liked that you weren’t, you know? You had a
Jackie Kennedy vibe while James did his thing and I thought that was what Saint needed,
especially since I was working outside of the home and we had our own public careers.
I just wanted to let Saint do his thing, like he says of my own career, but I’m now
starting to really consider the hints he has dropped to me about being more outspoken.
I am okay with that… I just, I don’t know.” She sighed. “I need advice, Valerie. What
do you think I should do?”

“Xenia, first let me say that since I see Saint as a son, I also see you as a daughter,
even though you have your own mother who clearly, from what I’ve been told, loves
you very much.”

“…Thank you, Valerie.” Xenia smiled and continued to watch Isis playing with her dolls,
pretending to make them walk about their bedroom and take naps.

“Now, with that said, I’m going to deliver this piece of advice to you in the only
way I know how, and that is the honest way. If that man says he needs you to do that,
to step up, hint or no hint, then that’s what you do. We had two totally different
situations. You see, James’ involvement with the Rainbeau Knights was obviously secret.
So is Saint’s, but differently so.

“I could not be in the limelight, Xenia, because well, he could’ve been killed. He
was a career politician and a liberal white man married to a black woman, at that.
He was already hated and if anyone would have known he was running some group for
the enrichment, empowerment and evolution of black women married to non-black men,
well, I don’t want to even think about what would have happened, though trust me I
did, many a night. It all started after a slew of hate crimes, during which time the
police in the 60’s and 70’s did little to protect us. Now, you and Saint are the new
generation. Some things have changed, but some things have remained the same, dear…and
don’t you forget it.”

The words sent a chill up Xenia’s spine, wrapped as they were in layers of complete
truth…sobering.

“Everyone knows your husband is involved with a movement. They do not know about the
Rainbeau Knights, nor should they; however, his outspokenness about our relationships
has been well documented. He needs you. It’s time to step up, Xenia. It’s time to
take the reins. And let me add this as well. You can still have a career, be his wife
and your children’s mother, too. It’s possible! Now, James and I were unable to have
children, we tried but it just wasn’t meant to be. Many people know this, but I also
at one point in time worked outside of the home and if I had been able to, I would
have been more vocal. Xenia, think about it…you have a killer voice. You sound beautiful
on the radio.”

“Thank you.” Xenia touched her cheek, feeling flushed.

“I’m serious. You have a presence about you, everyone can see it. You are down to
earth, women relate to you, yet you’re polished and well put together. You can do
this, Xenia and really,” the woman took a deep breath and what sounded like a sip
of her drink, “you already knew the answer to this. You just wanted the green light.”
She laughed lightly.

Xenia did, too.

“I suppose you’re right. It is a big undertaking though. There are Queen Conferences
and the like…as you already know. Saint said he doesn’t mind speaking to them, but
they should hear from me, too…”

“Xenia, you’ve been there, done that and bought the T-shirt. You’ve shown so many
women how to appreciate their worth with the things you say on the radio to older
as well as young ladies that call you for advice. Saint told me how you pulled yourself
up by the bootstraps and made a way for yourself. The odds were stacked against you,
and life is sometimes hard for a young, black girl.”

Xenia swallowed down a ball of emotion knotting in her throat as she continued to
watch her daughter play. Isis moved about so liberally, her tangerine colored sundress
blowing in the wind without a care in the world. The curls in her pigtails blew every
so softly as she smiled and laughed in her high-pitched squeal, living in a world
of her own. Xenia admired her daughter’s freedom and enjoyment of life. What it would
be like to be a child again?

“You had a strong black mother, Xenia, who was in over her head. You were around people
that wished to do you harm. Your father missed the most important moments of your
life and you had the black community’s ear! You told me that out of your own mouth,
many years ago. You’re an
amazing
woman and from my observations, a loving mother and excellent wife.”

Xenia was astonished that Valerie remembered those confessions she’d shared with her
over a glass of wine after an exquisite dinner at her and James’ mansion. The alcohol
had made her a bit more liberal with relaying her personal info that evening, and
she felt at the time she’d delivered too much, too soon. She couldn’t have been more
wrong. Not only did Valerie recall everything she declared, she saw it as a positive,
not a negative.

“You then flipped the script and followed your heart by marrying someone you would
have never given a second glance to due to your self-training that interracial dating
and marriage could not yield fruit but oh honey, it did now, didn’t it?!” She cackled.

“Oh my goodness! You’re making me laugh and cry at the same time, Valerie.” Xenia
wiped a tear from her eye and crossed her ankles. Though it was a bit cool outside,
the sun showed special favor and continued to beam down, casting soothing warmth across
her flesh and her daughter’s busy hands.

“Yeah…I do want to do this. I want to do it for my sons and for my daughter, too.
She’s my whole life, Valerie. My children…I live for them.”

“I know. When I found out about your car accident, they said the first thing you asked
about when you came to was your children. That is the mark of a true mother. I may
not have given birth from my womb, but I’ve given birth from my heart, and you are
my daughter…so I want to pass the torch to you. You’ve earned it. Don’t be afraid,
sweetheart.”

Xenia nodded, feeling a bit more at ease—feeling, well…
free
.

“Tell me about these fires you still light for James…”

There was a brief pause.

“I raise my glass of chardonnay in the air, like I do on the last Friday of every
month, and toast to my husband. Xenia. I pretend he is still with me. I’ve never told
anyone this, but…I still lay his clothing out on the bed, just like when he was alive
and would be getting ready to fly off to wherever he was jet-setting to. Before I
place them down, I iron and starch them… And, on his birthday, I bake him his favorite
cake and cut him a slice.” The woman took a ragged breath. “And you know what? It
doesn’t make me sad, sweetie, it makes me happy.”

She no doubt heard Xenia crying a bit on the other end. Xenia had tried to muffle
it, to not upset Isis or the woman, but those words were so moving, so soul stirring,
she couldn’t control herself.

“I loved dressing my husband, Xenia…” She sighed, going back to the topic of clothing.
Valerie was drifting away, going back to a place in time that gave her comfort. “You
know why?”