Saint And Sinners (38 page)

“Hey,” he said thoughtfully, reaching for her chin, turning her lovely face back towards
him. “I’m lucky to have you. Don’t think I don’t know that.”

She swallowed and sat back in her seat, her eyes a bit glossy, as if the world had
been placed on her shoulders and she wasn’t quite sure what to say or do.

“Is something on your mind, baby?” he asked, leaning in a bit closer, sensing something
sitting in between them, something invisible that he wanted revealed as soon as possible.

“It’s just…I feel like I’m out of the loop, if that makes any sense.” She exhaled
loudly, her sighs heavy with woes as she looked down onto her lap for a brief moment.
“I feel like the world is moving and shaking around me, but I have no idea what’s
going on, I’m just here for the ride. I don’t like it, Saint. There’s so much going
on. You were leaving early in the mornings, being secretive…not talking to me about
it. That’s not like you. I just…” She slumped down into the booth seat. “I feel like
something is going on, like you are clamming up on me. I need you to be open now,
more than ever. I’m just going through things, I suppose.”

Saint twisted his lips to the side and looked away as he, too, slumped back in his
seat. He placed his hand on the table. “Baby, I’m sorry. I just know with everything
going on, I didn’t want you any more worried than you are. You can rest assured, I’m
not up to anything. I also sometimes don’t know, quite honestly, what you want to
know, and what you don’t. Sometimes, you think I tell you too much…details that make
you uncomfortable.” He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, then met eyes with her
again. “Other times, like now, you think I’m up to something. I was gone those mornings
looking at a building in Hunts Point. The mystery is solved. But, do you want to know
why?” He clasped his hands together, tilting his head ever so slightly as his eyes
warmed, just a tiny bit…

The woman hesitated, seemingly now second-guessing her desire to push him forward,
make him open up like the doors to a store and reveal his goods and discount sales.

“I’m so glad Traci is here now though, I felt a bit homesick.”

…And there was his answer. She was no longer interested in the gritty details surrounding
his early morning comings and goings. Moving forward, moving on, disconnecting. She
knew from the way he looked at her, if she made him walk through and reveal himself,
she’d possibly be in a state of panic. And the few gray hairs she already possessed
had his name written all over them.

“Yeah.” He looked out the window. The nighttime had devoured dusk, leaving the streets
littered with people looking for good times, great music and complimentary drinks.
“I understand. I haven’t been home as much as I’d like. There is a lot of construction
going on at the office. I have to be there and—”

She shook her hand and waved lazily in his direction.

“Saint, I know, honey, I know. No need to explain. It’s just that—I live here now,
you know? It feels…foreign. Even though I’ve been to this city countless times, now
that this is home for me, too, it just feels a bit strange. I was hoping, when we
discussed it right before the move, that it would go away once we arrived, but I don’t
know…” She paused, took a gentle sip of her water. “I’m not unhappy, just having issues
adjusting I guess.” A sad smile spread across her face. “Dakarai seems to be the only
one who is having no problems whatsoever!” She laughed. “That boy makes friends faster
than lightning.”

Saint nodded in agreement. “Yeah, he is really living it up. I don’t think I’ve seen
him smile so much before. I think after Hassani adjusts to his new school, he’ll be
okay too, baby. Hassani doesn’t take change well and Dakarai just kind of goes along
with the flow. As for Isis, she’s just too young to understand what’s going on. She’s
used to being with her grandmother more, and it’s hard for her to really grasp this
whole moving thing. She thinks this is just a trip, I believe. She thinks we are going
back to L.A. soon.”

Xenia nodded. “Yup, I think she does, too.”

“…But back to you and me.” He grabbed her hands once again, seizing them so she couldn’t
escape his hold on her. He lowered his head a little, humbling himself before her,
his eyes focused on the prize in front of him. “What can I do to make you feel more
comfortable, baby? I want to make it easier on you.”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I think like you said about Hassani, it’s just growing
pains.” She looked out the window, then back at him, a slight sparkle in her dark
brown eyes. “I’m making decisions, sorting things out.”

“What kind of decisions?” His concern grew a notch. He sought her answers, only to
feel that same wall growing taller between them. The woman was hesitant, blocking
him from entering her thoughts.

“Just…things.”

“Like what, Xenia?” He wasn’t going to let her wiggle out of this. He wanted solutions,
and he wanted them now. She could give it up willingly, but if necessary, he’d take
it by force. He refused to watch her suffer, especially due to her own stubbornness.

“Like…being your partner, in everything you do. Like, getting over the hurdle of fear.
I never thought of myself as easily frightened. I hate this feeling. It’s the unknown…it’s
wearing me out. Like, I don’t know…” She shrugged and pursed her lips. “Being on the
radio again and interviewing celebrities, that’s easy. The part that concerns me is
being a good mother to my most precious gifts, all at the same time. It’s overwhelming
at times.”

“…But you’ve
been
doing it. You’ve been doing all of that,” he reassured with a smile, his head cocked
to the side. “You can’t think you’re ill equipped when you have been meeting the standard,
hell, surpassing it actually.”

“Doing something and doing it
well
are two different things, Saint.”

“And who is saying you aren’t doing it well?” His brows bunched. “Certainly not me!”
He let one of her hands go and pointed to himself. “You’re a
wonderful
wife. We have fun together, we are a team, we work well together, baby. I couldn’t
have asked for a better woman by my side. Not only that, you’re fun, too, and did
I mention how much I love having you to hold and make love to, night after night?”
He laughed, softening her a bit. “Our children have a magnificent mother, and they
know
it…they may not say it all the time, you know how kids are, but they know it, baby.
And…shit, you’re a natural when it comes to the microphone. It’s hard being Mr. Xenia
Aknaten,” he teased, causing her to dramatically roll her eyes and laugh lightly.

They were quiet for a few moments. He sighed and crossed his ankles.

“When is the next conference?” she asked out of the blue as she cast her sights back
out the window.

“In a few weeks.” He gulped down the last of his drink, then looked around the crowded
place, wondering where the hell their food was and in desperate need of a refill.

“Where is it at?”

“Right here in New York. Matter of fact, the next three conferences are here in New
York and the one coming up next is already sold out.”

She turned towards him, her face tight with something he couldn’t quite make out.

“…It’s a Rainbeau one.”

“Yeah, and…this is the part where you ask me about the next Queendom one, right?”
He scratched an itch on the outside of his right nostril and brandished a crooked
grin.

“Why did you do that?!” she half protested.

“Shit, because you’re playing games, little woman.” He grinned. “Had to get into those
thoughts of yours. You were stallin’.” He tapped his temple and smirked. “So, you’re
thinking about speaking, right? I’ve been asking you to, and now you’re taking me
seriously for a change. What made you change your mind?” He cleared his throat and
sat a bit straighter.

“Well, it’s just been on my mind for a while now. Valerie gave me some great words
of encouragement, too. She called the other day.”

“That’s good, glad to hear that. I need to call her in a few days, matter of fact.
It’s been like a week or so. Anyway, continue.”

“It almost feels like something I need to do, not just for the people that may be
in the audience, but for myself, too.”

“I can dig that.” He nodded appreciatively. “Heeeey! Here comes our pizza!” he announced
enthusiastically as the waitress floated up to their table with the larger than life
pizza pie loaded with bubbling cheese, assorted vegetables and thin slices of chicken.

“Oh my God! Why does this look and smell so good?! Oh, thank you!” She looked up at
the waitress who nodded and laughed.

“Is there anything else I can get you two?” the young woman asked.

“I’d like another iced tea. You want anything, baby?” Saint asked as he reached for
Xenia’s empty plate and dished out two large slices onto it.

“Um, I’ll have an iced tea, too,” she answered cheerfully.

“Of course. I’ll be right back.”

“So.” Saint licked his thumb and placed two slices of the magical deliciousness onto
his plate. “You were saying you were going to give me a blowjob in the car on the
ride back home.” He took a big bite of his slice, chewing noisily.

“What?!” Xenia’s eyes grew large as she gripped her fork. She shook her head in disbelief,
causing Saint to burst out laughing.

“I have no idea why you act surprised when I say things like that…after all this time,
too.” He chuckled. “Now, seriously, here is the deal, Xenia.” He placed a napkin over
his lap. “The next Goddess conference is about three months from now. You know we
try to have one annually now, and it is almost sold out as well. If you want to be
on the roster, I will tell them, and they can add your name. I’m telling you, once
people find out you’ll be speaking, the rest of those tickets will be gone like that!”
He snapped his fingers. “I have no idea what you plan to discuss, and I’d prefer you
not tell me. I want to be surprised, like everyone else.”

“But I wanted to run this past you and—”

“No.” He put his hand up like a stop sign. The waitress returned, setting their drinks
down before quickly disappearing to another table. “Keep it all to yourself.” He sprinkled
a few red pepper flakes onto his pizza. “I want you to be led by yourself for this.
You’ve spoken at a conference before, so it’s not like you’ve never stood up there.”
He picked up the thing, rolled it like a tortilla and took a big, savory bite.

“But not like this!” she said between clenched teeth as she leaned over the table,
staring at him. “I was just up there for like ten minutes last time, and that’s because
I owed you an apology and wanted to do it in my own special way, in front of all of
those people…to show you how serious I was about making things right!” She gripped
her knife and fork, her hands framing her plate as she looked desperately into his
eyes.

“I understand that, baby, but my point is, you got a taste of what it is like. You’re
going to do great. You speak for a living. Now, I trust you. That’s all you need to
know. I also want you to understand that just because you’re doing this, it doesn’t
mean I would expect it…” He took another hungry bite out of his wedge, smacking loudly,
ignoring her obvious expression of disapproval for speaking with his mouth full. “It
doesn’t mean I’d expect…”—he swallowed, dabbing at the corner of his mouth with a
napkin—“…like, for you to do it every damn year. It’s not like that. You do it when
you
want to do it. You’re not me, you’re
you
, but I wanted you to at least do it one time, Xenia, and not as a special greeting
card to me. I want you to do it because somewhere, deep inside of you, you have an
important message for these Queens out here, and it’s important.”

He pointed a greasy finger at no one in particular.

“I know that you do. You’ve been through so many things, came out on top. They can
relate to you. You’re tangible, applicable, you know?”

She nodded in understanding as she sliced into her pizza and popped a bite-sized piece
delicately into her mouth.

“You are eating that all wrong!” he chastised. “I can’t watch this for another damn
second. It’s sacrilegious. You gotta get your hands dirty, Xenia. Pick that fucker
up, fold it, and put it in your mouth…like
this
!” Saint grabbed his pizza slice, rolled it, and stuffed some into his mouth once
again.

“What a piggish thing to do!” Xenia rolled with laughter. “I’m not doing that!”

“Woman, look around you, please!”

She slowly turned and canvassed the place.

“You hardly see anyone in here cutting their shit with a fork and knife, like this
is some fucking filet mignon or somethin’. This is not lunchtime. You don’t have to
return to the office real tidy and well put together. This is damn dinner…in Brooklyn.
Now, come ’ere.” He rolled up a slice like a newspaper to be used to swat a fly, then
motioned for her to lean over the table so he could place the pizza into her mouth.
She took a hearty bite, laughing and dabbing at her mouth as gooey cheese went everywhere.

“That’s right…now you’ve done it justice, you’ve savored it. You look happy now.”
His eyes narrowed. “Like you’re pretending it’s my dick.”

At that, a soiled napkin was hurled at him. He sputtered in mock indignation, almost
spitting out a green pepper he’d just picked off and plopped into his mouth. But he
was rewarded by her soft smile, one he could hang his love for her onto. She was relaxing
right before him, and the conversation became easier, more carefree. They joked, talked
about their plans, fell in love a bit more…

Five slices later, he fell back into his seat and patted his full stomach. “Baby,
I know we planned to just go back home after this, but what about doing something
else?” he asked.

“Like what?” She took a noisy slurp of her iced tea, unable to accept she’d come to
the end of the delicious lemon-flavored road.

“I just thought maybe you’d want to take a little tour… to see where I grew up. I
was sitting here thinking, you know, and uh, I’ve never showed you. I mean, yeah,
we’re in Brooklyn right now but I’m talking about
before
my parents moved here. I think you should see it, the South Bronx that is.”