Saint's Sacrament - Sins of the Father (3 page)

More laughter
bounced off the walls, music to his ears.

“
But anyway, I really should have been saving my
dick
, because my dick is
more
powerful! Physically, your dick is more powerful than your hands or your tongue and let me tell you why. That is what causes the woman’s body and spirit to attach to you! You have physically entered her, and you both can feel it at the same damn time. Your fingers and tongue get no pleasure when you are pleasing your mate. Now sure, you get off on her reactions. I damn well do, but the nerve endings on my fingers and tongue are not reacting to what she is doing and how she feels—only my mind is. When you fuck her,” his voice escalated, “it is a mutual exchange. My tongue just got her ready; my dick is what changed the entire fucking program! Sealed the damn deal! Your dick is a submarine, her pussy is the below sea level tunnel. You’re down there doing your thing, and you better not come back up until you really
do
look like you’ve been underwater—covered in that pussy juice, lips lookin’ like you ate a container of Vaseline with no hands...”

Loud laughing burst throughout the room.

“But anyway,” he said, growing serious again. “My past sexual partners became attached because of the connection they had with me, due to the energy. I was inside of them, tapped into them. I knew this as a spiritual person. I knew this as a teacher, a therapist—I
knew
this, but I had sex with them anyway. That only compounded the problem when I was pushing them away, and they were having a hard time letting go, because I had already programmed them to be mine! I already discussed how women become addicted to us, because their minds are wired to fuse love and sex together, while our minds are wired to fuse sex and money and sex and power together. This has been going on since the beginning of time, men...the beginning of time. It is spiritual prostitution and pimping. Our sexual encounters determine if we have an heir to our name.” He paused. “Reproduction, a pregnancy—that’s power,
we
did that! Now...back to the original topic here. When I was ready to meet my Queen, I had trouble finding her initially because even though I had detoxed, I hadn’t stopped having sex.

“That was asking too much! I needed it, or at least I believed I did. I had to get clean in all arenas, so I pledged finally to becom
e celibate, and you know why? My desire for her was
stronger
than my desire to fuck random pussy!” He held his hands out like a scale. “You have to weigh your options against what you want and make a sacrifice. Initially, I kept running into the wrong women, but, unlike some people, I couldn’t say
all
women were the same. I couldn’t blame the women as I searched for my Queen. No, no! You hear it all the time, ‘
All
men are dogs!’ That is the wrong message—it not only isn’t true, it actually
says
a lot about the person speaking. Since we attract who we are on a vibrational level, then that means that most of the women who keep meeting these dogs are on a lower vibration too…and men, you aren’t exempt! Some of you say the
same
bullshit. It goes for anyone who has ever said, ‘an entire gender, race of people or a group from a certain economic bracket ain’t shit!’”

The room rang out in applause.

“I tell the Goddesses this. It’s no secret! I tell it like it is because I am trying to save you time and trouble. When you are
damaged
, attracting impaired people, and then that relationship falls the fuck apart, don’t be surprised, goddamn it! You got what you are. Look in the mothafuckin’ mirror at yo’ shit! You
drew
that mothafucka to you!”

Several men jumped to their feet and applauded.

“And then the relationship after that, and the one after that, and it will
keep
happening, because you
never
healed. You never had time to be by your damned self. You just ran from relationship to relationship, without pondering on
why
you keep meeting the same fucked up mothafuckas or the same screwed up broads! You meet who
you
are! You heard me talk about opposites attract and may think I am contradicting myself. I’m not—I will get more into that later but opposites attract when
we
are on high vibrations, healed and well—we attract people who can help us, on a
positive
vibe, when that happens! If you meet your polar opposite in some regards, that is a good thing. It means you are evolving and need a teacher to help you get to the next phase. Like to some degree, my wife and I. We are different, yet the same. We balance each other out, yin and yang. She teaches me my lessons, and I teach her hers, but we still must do our
own
homework. Anyway, back to this.”  He cleared his throat as the audience simmered to a dull drone.

“
We are mere mirrors of one another. No woman in her right mind would want to fuck with me like I was. Once I got my shit together, beautiful women who had
their
shit together, too, came out of the goddamn woodwork. The kind of women I wanted to date, make a commitment to, but I had a sense about it, men. Not all men will but I still knew they weren’t
her
; and there was nothing wrong with these women! Intelligent, spiritually together, drop-dead mothafuckin’ gorgeous! Something told me,” Saint squinted his eyes as the light illuminated his form, “something said to me, when you see her, you will want to fuck her right there in public.”

Another burst of laughter and sporadic applause broke out.

“Now, I
am
a nympho, okay, but I do have s
ome
self-control.” He laughed lightly as he began to pace the stage again. “I didn’t go up to a woman and say, ‘Hey, how ya doin’?’ then hump her to death.”

Saint paused and laughed louder, causing even more laughter
to erupt. “That...that is just too much.” He tried to control his own amusement, reign it in. “But when I saw my wife, and thank God she isn’t here tonight to hear this,” he snickered, “though I know she knows by now,
all
I could do was think about how I wanted to lay her across that damn desk she was sitting at, with all those little radio knobs ’nd shit, and fuck the shit out of her...on air, so everyone in the damn country could hear it!”

Some catcalls and whistles ensued
.

“
That’s so wrong.” He waved his hand lazily around as he continued to laugh. “It was a primitive urge, from the depths of my damn loins.” He pointed to his chest. “I remember it like it was yesterday. It was like the whole damn world disappeared. All of my senses went into overdrive. I could smell her perfume; I noticed every little thing about her. I remember what she had on, clear as a bell, ’til this day! She had her nose ring, a little diamond stud. She rarely wears it now, and I found that so damn sexy but I remember
all
of that, and how I loved it.” He paused as he quietly reflected. “I loved everything about her because I was so fuckin’ attracted to her, it was just insane. I had
never
been that drawn to a woman before,
ever
...” He raised his hand up as if he was being sworn in. “And I had literally just walked into the room and laid eyes on her. It was my very first time seeing her in person. I looked at her.” He paused, a smile spread across his face. He shook his head, reliving the moment. His heart skipped beats as he fell into the instant, the memory tangible, with beautiful layers of sweet emotions. “And that was it.”

Sporadic applause and
more whistling rang out.

“
She got me, man.” He grinned. “I was done for. For the first time, I had to believe the myth because it had happened to me, of all people.” His fingertips danced gently along his left collarbone. “It was love at first sight. I can honestly tell you, I fell in love with my wife the very first time I laid eyes on her.”

Applause broke out.

“I felt like a wild animal. I
really
did because she pulled that out of me, she made me vibrate from my lowest chakra, all the way to the seventh one in a matter of seconds, and I hadn’t even kissed her yet. And the fucked up part is that even after she talked to me,” he burst out laughing, causing more applause and laughter, “even after that woman talked to me like some shit on the bottom of her damn shoe during our first meeting, I know y’all heard about that...she tried to play me, man! Talked real slick!”

The room was alive with chatter, applause and wide grins.

“Y’all should have heard, it was brutal. Talked about my mama, yo! Just low blows! She hit below the belt and I came right back after her ass, but she tried to hold her own.” He laughed louder. “My wife is a verbal combatant! Evil ass little woman...” He jested.

Now the crowd was
really stirred, hanging on to every word.

“
She tried to cut my balls off and hand ’em to me for dinner, and make me say, ‘Thank you for the pleasure of being castrated.’” Saint burst out laughing so loud, he had to pause and catch his breath. “She...she was horrible to me, a maniacal person who hated my fucking guts and I loved every damn minute of it!”

There wasn’t one man in the audience who was not cracking up.

“Even after all of that, I
still
wanted her. She
made
me want her. That’s how I knew she was the one!”

Clapping vibrated and echoed throughout the auditorium.

“None of us will have the exact same experience, but that was mine. I needed a challenge. I needed a woman to get my blood boiling. She told me off, and that excited me. I didn’t need the shit to drag out. She let me see what she was capable of, and that was enough. The harsher she was, the harder my dick got.”

He grinned as he heard pockets of laughter spilling forth.

“No, seriously, I’m half kidding, I still would have wanted her even if she’d been very nice to me,” he said quietly and sincerely. “But what that told me gentlemen, her behavior, was that I had a situation on my hands. I was going to have some trials with her.”

The audience quieted down once again and listened.

“I understood that after what happened. My wife wasn’t what I would necessarily classify as damaged. She had been at various times in her life, as we all have, but at that point when I met her, there was no rescuing needed. She wasn’t in love with anyone at the time. She was dating on and off; there was nothing exclusive going on and she didn’t have a messed up ideology about men, even though, like many Queens, she’d been done wrong,
dead
wrong. She had some baggage, yet she wasn’t bitter, and that was key.” He narrowed his eyes. “She was
open
to receiving a new mate. She may not have totally realized it, but she was or she wouldn’t have attracted me to her, and vice versa. I was looking for my Queen. My energy was clear and women that didn’t match that criteria, I would not be attracted to anymore once I got into my celibacy and stayed the path. I wanted my wife on a spiritual, emotional, sexual and mental level. I wanted to connect with her on
all
of those planes. I needed her—you understand me? I needed that woman like we need air.” He made his way back toward the podium.

He paused
to take a sip of water.

“
You are here tonight to learn about this. Many of you are here after you found out I was going to talk about ex-loves, because you need help on healing so you can attract your real Queen.” He temporarily thought about Jagger, how the poor man had struggled so. “You want to attract your soulmate, you’re tired. When your shit is together, you have
no choice
but to attract your soulmate. Now, it may not always be on your timetable. It wasn’t on mine, that is for damn sure. It felt like it was taking forever, but she did eventually show herself. She was revealed. You need her, and she needs you because you are the two equal halves designed to be together so you can live as one! We are right back at one, people.” He held up his finger. “The energy demands we are one, and that is what happened.”

The room grew quiet.

“You will
never
experience a vulnerability like that before or after. A part of you will die if she leaves you, if she passes away before you do. God help you...” His eyes narrowed and he felt his body growing warmer as he reflected on his own father, his mother’s death, and how it darn near destroyed him. He understood his old man now; he understood the peril that man had endured, going through such a trauma...

“A
ny tragedy that keeps you two apart will be devastating. It will mess you up; you will feel as if the world needs to end, and life has no meaning.” He remained quiet for a moment, so that the words would sink in, marinate a bit.

“But you only get that
point; you only experience that type of euphoria, by getting to know her, on a
deeper
level, beyond that surface shit, you know? Get into the layers of the onion, peel it back. Read her like a book, be able to complete her sentences and she yours. That’s the connection I am talking about, the chakra levels, brothers.” He scratched the tip of his nose and continued.