Sammy in Italy (Single Wide Female Travels #2) (5 page)

“Sammy?” Max pulled away and looked into my eyes. “Are you okay? You’re shaking.”

“I want to get off at the next dock. I’m afraid we’re going to sink.”

Max sighed and looked up at the gondolier. “He doesn’t look worried.”

“Would he tell us if he was?” I whispered my words and hoped that the man wouldn’t be offended if he heard them.

Max frowned. “Sir? Are we in any danger?”
 

“No, it may not be a leak at all. It’s just better to be on the cautious side.”
 

“See?” Max smiled and tried to draw me back into another kiss.

I relaxed and returned the kiss. How many other chances would I have to kiss Max on a gondola?

The boat dipped a bit more than I expected.
 

“Ouch.” Max drew back and put his fingers on his bottom lip. “You bit me.” He laughed around the accusation.
 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just felt that dip and I thought—”
 

“Sorry, I was going a bit faster than usual.” The gondolier frowned. “We’re almost to the dock.”
 

I didn’t know if I could wait that long. My stomach churned along with the pounding of my heart.

Max squeezed my hand. “It’s going to be okay, Sammy. See, the dock’s right over there.” He pointed to the dock.

When I turned to look, I turned faster than I intended. The boat rocked.

The gondolier wavered. “Please, be still.”

Chapter 10

My cheeks burned as I tried to be as still as possible, but when there was a loud shriek, I had to turn and look. The boat rocked again. This time, the gondolier more than wavered, he was about to fall off the side of the boat. I knew that it was my fault.

In a split-second, I jumped up and grabbed for his hand. He gasped as I pulled him back to safety. For an instant I was a hero. However, in the next moment, that sensation of victory was gone—and replaced by a sensation of falling.
 

“Sammy!” Max lunged for me.

I crashed into the water with an impact that I’m sure affected all of the gondolas in the water. As the water washed over me, I struggled to get to the surface. My shoes, my clothes—even my hair—all grew heavy. The panic that gripped me didn’t help. I thrashed to keep my head above the water.

Max’s hand thrust through my wild splashing and seized my wrist. He tugged hard to pull me back toward the side of the gondola.
 

“Climb in.” Max’s concerned eyes locked to mine.
 

“No, no! Please don’t do that.” The gondolier crouched down to look at me. “If you try to climb in, the entire boat can capsize. We are very near to the dock. Can you hold on until we get there?”

I nodded and hoped that the water splashing on my face hid my tears. I was sure that everyone within eyesight was staring at me. I kicked my feet a little in an attempt to help the boat along. In my mind my tumble from the boat was a clear sign that any walk down the runway for me would be a disaster.

When we reached the dock, Max climbed out of the gondola and helped me up on to the dock.
 

“Are you okay?” The gondolier looked me over.
 

“Yes, I’m okay. I’m sorry I caused so much trouble.”

“You saved me.” He smiled. “That was a very nice thing to do.”

“Maybe, but I rocked the boat in the first place.”

“If I hadn’t been going so fast, we never would have had any problems. I should have checked the boat before we set out. I’m very sorry that your ride was disrupted. Please, if you would be willing, return any time for a free ride. I will make sure the gondola is in perfect shape before we set out.”

I forced a smile but I couldn’t imagine getting back on a gondola. I shivered as my soaked clothes clung to my body.
 

“Let’s get you dry.” Max steered me away from the dock.
 

“Max, there’s no way that I can do these runway shows. Look what’s happened now. I can’t even go for a simple boat ride without causing a disaster.”

“Sammy, you’re reading too much into it. You got scared, then you were brave enough to try to catch the gondolier and ended up in the water yourself. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
 

“It isn’t?” I looked at all of the people who stared back at me as I walked toward the parking lot. “It sure seems to me that it might be.”

“Sammy, what is this all about?” Max caught my hand in his. “Ever since we got here you’ve been doubting and second-guessing yourself. Did something happen to make you insecure? Was it something I did?”

“No, of course not. I just think maybe this tour was a bad idea.” I sighed and wrung out the bottom of my shirt. “Look, Max, there are people who are meant to be in the limelight and people who aren’t. I just don’t think I’m one of those people who should be out in front.”

He lifted his eyebrows. “Too bad.”

“What?” I stared at him. Max usually came to my defense. He usually talked me out of my self-doubt. This was different.
 

“Too bad. You’re already here. You’re already in the limelight. You can’t back out now.”

“Sure I can. It’s called booking a plane ticket.”

“No, it’s called a violation of a contract.” He crossed his arms. “You have no choice but to continue with the tour, or you’re going to lose everything that you’ve worked so hard for. Is that what you want?”
 

“No, of course it’s not what I want.” I narrowed my eyes. “Why are you being so cruel?”

“I’m not being cruel. I want you to snap out of this. So you fell in the water. Yes, it happens. Yes it does seem to happen a little more often to you, but that’s just part of life. We still have a job to do while we’re here. My job is to keep you on track. Your job is to keep inspiring your readers. If you’re not doing your job, then clearly I’m not doing my job. Something has gone wrong here, and we need to fix it.” He glanced at his watch. “Fast. There isn’t time for being gentle.”
 

I frowned. I could agree with most of what he’d said, but that didn’t mean that I liked it. In fact, I definitely didn’t like it.
 

“Bullying me isn’t going to fix anything.”

“This isn’t bullying. I know you. I know that you’re far more resilient than this. This is me trying to awaken that fierceness in you. The Sammy I love won’t let anything get between herself and her success.” He brushed my damp hair back from my face. “You’ve let all of this get to you. You’re still exactly who you were when you first started writing, Sammy. You’re still that amazing, determined woman who completely transformed her life. That is the person who will be walking down the runway.”
 

“No.” I shook my head. “No, I’m not going to do it. Take me back to the hotel.” I pulled back from his touch.

He sighed and handed me my helmet. I put it on. When I climbed onto the back of the bike, I tried not to get too close to him. I told myself it was because I didn’t want to get his clothes wet, but I suspected it might be more than that. Max, my ultimate cheerleader and supporter, seemed to have no clue what I was facing.

Chapter 11

After a very fast shower and a rush to dress, it was time to leave for the book signing. I gathered the few items that I thought I might need. Max sat on the couch and watched my every move.
 

“Ready?” I looked over at him.
 

“There’s a car waiting downstairs.”

“Great.” I smiled and adjusted my purse on my shoulder. “Let’s get going.”

“I’m not going.” He sat back on the couch.
 

“Huh? Why not?” My stomach twisted. Without Max there I would really be a mess.
 

“Because I think I’m part of the reason that you’re doubting yourself.”

“Why would you ever think that?” I ignored the subtle tick of my watch. I needed to know what was bringing Max to that conclusion.
 

“I think you rely too much on me. I’m here to support you, to bolster you, but you shouldn’t need it. You should be able to provide that support to yourself. I always want to give it, but I don’t want you to rely on me for it. Do you understand what I mean?” He didn’t move to stand up.

I stood near the door and stared at him. “No, not at all. I don’t understand why you would do this to me right now when you know I’m already having a hard time.” The anger that billowed in me carved my words into short snaps. “How am I supposed to make it through without you there?”

“That’s my point exactly.” Max stood up and ran his hands down the sides of his jeans. “You act as if you need me in order to succeed. But you don’t. You’ve done all this yourself, and somehow you’ve lost sight of that. You shouldn’t need to make it through. You should be able to embrace it—”
 

“That’s a lot of shoulds, you know. I really thought you accepted me for me.” I stared down at my shoes. “I guess this trip is revealing more about our relationship than I expected.”

“No. Don’t do that.” He walked over to me and caught my arms by the elbows. “Sammy, you may not understand it right now, but I’m doing this for you. That confidence, that shine in your eyes, has always been about putting one foot in front of the other. I don’t want you to lose that.”

“Max, you’re not making any sense. Without you there this afternoon, I’ll be even more nervous—I’ll be even more likely to fall flat on my face.” I searched his eyes. “Please don’t let me face this alone.”

“You never face anything alone. I will always be with you, even if I’m not there physically. But I really believe that this is something you need to do. I know you’re usually the one that figures things out, but just this once I’m asking you to trust me.” He rubbed my arms from my elbows down to my wrists. “Can you do that?”
 

A ripple of frustration nearly drove hurtful words from my lips. I wanted to tell him that this was the absolute wrong time to be pulling such a stunt. I wanted him to understand that his theory put me in an awful position. I couldn’t even imagine not having him at my side.
 

“Max.” I frowned and pulled away from his touch. “I want you there, but it’s your choice.”
 

“Sammy, I think I’m doing the right thing.” He set his jaw, but I saw it tremble.

It bothered him to see me upset. If I turned on the waterworks he’d join me, no question. But I couldn’t do that to Max. If he didn’t want to be there, he didn’t want to be there. Without another word, I turned and stepped into the elevator. The entire ride down I expected him to text me—to ask me to wait for him. But he didn’t.

When I reached the car I stalled for a few minutes. Still he didn’t call or text, nor did he come rushing out the door of the hotel with an apology on his lips. By the time I was settled in the car, I no longer wanted him to come. I didn’t have time to think about his sudden change. I had to focus on the task at hand.

All the women who would be attending my book signing would not be there to see a heartbroken woman. I had to play the part.

When I stepped into the building, Isabella walked up to greet me with a wide smile. The smile faded the closer she got to me.
 

“Samantha, are you alright?” She met my eyes, her brow creased with concern.
 

“I’m just a little tired today.”
 

“Are you sure you’re not sick? You weren’t eating last night and now you’re not looking so well.” She shook her head. “You shouldn’t feel that you have to sacrifice your health for this.”

“I’m okay.” I took a deep breath. “I promise.” I managed a brighter smile.
 

“Great, because we have a lot of people attending today. I thought you might want to meet the designer as well. He won’t be here until after the book signing.”

“Isabella, when I went to my fitting today, Daniella told me that I’m expected to walk in a show tonight as well? Is that true? I assumed she must be confused.”

Daniella paused near the table set up for me. She looked over at me with a guilty smile. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want you to be nervous. I thought once you saw how fabulous you did at the pre-show you’d be more willing to walk tonight. The designer hoped you would, but I didn’t make any promises. It has to be up to you.” She tilted her head to the side and looked behind me. “Where’s Max?”
 

“Oh, he decided to stay at the hotel.”
 

“I see.” She nodded. “I know what that kind of tired feels like. Are you two on the outs?”

“No. Well—maybe.” I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
 

“Try not to fret. You and Max are really putting yourselves through it with all this travel. You’re bound to have some tiffs.” She patted my cheek. “But I can see how strong the two of you are. You’ll be fine.”

“I hope so.” I nodded. “Maybe we should just get started.”
 

“Great. Now, I want you to do a reading, but keep it short. This group of ladies would probably appreciate a lengthier question and answer period, if you’d be willing to do that.” She gestured to the chair behind my table. “Hopefully this will be comfortable for you. Also, I’m having some chilled bottled water brought in. Anything else you might need?”

Max
. I closed my eyes for a moment and wondered if I’d said his name out loud. “No. Thank you, Isabella. This will be perfect.”

“Great.” She gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Don’t worry, I’m sure that everything will work out.”

Chapter 12

I swallowed hard. It embarrassed me that things in my life were so out of balance. Not only had I gained some weight back, but my confidence was almost zero, and now my relationship with Max was on the rocks. Sure, we’d figure it out. The question was, why was this happening now?

Max had pointed out that since we’d arrived in Venice, my confidence had taken a nosedive. I didn’t have time to think about why.

As I sorted through the books on the table, I tried to practice a few affirmations. Positive thoughts generated a sense of well-being that I really needed in that moment. As I worked my way through the affirmations, I heard them in Max’s voice, which didn’t really seem to be helping me at all.