Sasha: The Awakening (The Wallflower Series Book 2) (3 page)

“Nadia. Please open the door.”

After no response, there was grumbling before the door almost ripped off its hinges when he shoved his shoulder against the hard surface. His sister looked up at him in horror.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“I am sick and tired of your behavior. Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

Ignoring him, she continued to shove her disheveled clothing into her suitcases. “I’m getting out of here, “she finally replied. “I can’t take living with you anymore.”

He rolled his eyes at her melodramatics. “Why I am not surprised that the moment you don’t get your way, you go running back to Mommy and Daddy. When will you grow up, Nadia?”

She turned to him with a hard glare. “When you and everybody else stops trying to control me. I’m tired of being torn between you and my parents, Dmitri. I’m not that sick person anymore. I listened to you and was released from the treatment center with glowing remarks need I remind you! I see my therapist and I fight every day to not fall back into the decisions I made.” She panted, overwhelmed by all the emotions coursing through her veins. “When will you see that? When will you stop blaming me for the decisions
you
made?”

He halted at the accusatory tone in her voice. His voice was terse as he asked, “What are you talking about?”

Nadia stopped packing long enough to look him directly in the eye. She crossed her arms against her chest and stood with her chin held high. “You know exactly what I’m referring to.
Her
. She hasn’t been in your life for years but you blame me for what happened.”

Dmitri immediately closed down at the turn of conversation. Refusing to respond, he turned to make his way out of the room. But before he could escape, Nadia reached out and grabbed onto his forearm.

“No, you’re not leaving. All the times you forced me to listen to you when it comes to my anorexia, now I need you to listen to me. You can deny it all you want but it doesn’t matter how many women you’ve dated since or relationships you’ve had, you still aren’t over her.”

She sighed. “I’m not denying I didn’t have a part in fucking up the relationship you had with Sasha. I constantly look back at the way I acted towards you and Dominic, and I cringe. I didn’t fully appreciate what you were trying to do for me. And I’ve apologized wholeheartedly for everything. So I continue to ask myself why you constantly punish me: you are using me as the excuse for why you dumped her.”

At Dmitri’s hard glare, she continued, “You can’t keep denying the truth to yourself. I know that more than anyone else.” Nadia paused to let that settle in. Finally, she released him and went back to her packing. “You don’t have to take care of me anymore, Dmitri. I’m not going back to live with Mom and Dad. I’m moving into my own place with the savings I’ve collected from work. And I’m going to live on my own and start over. Maybe you should finally do the same.”

A few hours later, Dmitri watched as Nadia waved goodbye at the door with her two suitcases in her hands. A cab was waiting downstairs for her. The finality of the door closing behind her was startling to him. She may not have been completely cured from her eating disorder for there was none, but he couldn’t deny that she no longer needed him as she once did. He had to let her go but by doing so he no longer had an excuse to not face his own demons.

The day of Sasha’s graduation had been a kick in the rear for him. He found that he was physically incapable of approaching her even as she stood a mere ten feet away. Before Sasha had been able to find Teagan, Dmitri had slipped away. Though her words had angered him, Dmitri knew Teagan had been speaking the truth. It was fear that had kept him from returning Sasha’s love; his sister’s sickness had been merely an excuse for him to hold her at arm’s length. And despite his awareness of this, Nadia’s fight against anorexia became his excuse for not making things right. But she had never been far from his thoughts.

Dmitri sat down on the couch, staring out the floor-to-ceiling windows that displayed the beautiful skyline of Boston.  For so long, he had dedicated himself to his sister. For the first time, he was at a loss as to where to start. When Sasha’s face appeared in his vision as it somehow always did, he immediately picked up the phone and dialed.

“Hello, its Dmitri.” He waited for the person on the other end to respond. “Yes, that’s exactly why I’m calling.  What can you tell me?”

Sasha was in the process of putting on black ankle boots that would emphasize the musculature of her legs when Teagan walked out from the guest room of her condominium. With Teagan’s red hair flying in completely different directions and the sunken look of her eyes and face, Sasha couldn’t help but laugh at the scene before her. Zipping up the last boot, she cocked her hip to the side and gave Teagan an exaggerated cursory glance.

Seeing the ‘I told you so’ look on her face, Teagan could only roll her eyes and look away in slight embarrassment. “What time is it?” she croaked.

“It’s about to be six o’clock and I’m almost late for my date.” Sasha sighed. “What did I tell you? You are getting a little too up there in years to party like you did last night. Your body isn’t as willing to adapt as it used to be.”

Teagan walked into the kitchen, admiring the decorative walls of Sasha’s abode. “Yada yada yada…I just wanted to have a little fun. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” Sasha finally said after following Teagan into the kitchen. “As long as you do it safely. Do you know you almost walked out with a complete stranger?” When Teagan refused to respond and instead looked through the refrigerator, Sasha knew it was best to just let last night’s situation go- at least for now. “I’m about to go out but there is food in the fridge so treat yourself to whatever you find. You can also order in if you like.”

As she was about to turn and exit, Teagan called out to her, “I got a call from Jaelynn to meet up. She said Faye would be coming too. I haven’t seen them in a long time.”

Sasha halted and, maintaining her breathing, she asked in an emotionless tone, “When?”

“Actually, they told me to invite you as well.” Teagan looked at Sasha’s stiff back. It seemed that despite the years that had passed, there was still a grudge between her friends. It had put Teagan in an awkward position not knowing the exact cause of their falling out.  But there was no way she was willing to choose between Sasha and her other two friends. What had happened? And could she fix it?

“I thought it would be nice if we all went out to dinner together. How does that sound? I would really like to hang out with all my girls. Do you think you could sit through a dinner with them?”

Sasha turned to Teagan with a forced smile. “Why wouldn’t I?” she asked rhetorically. “Just make the plans and I’ll be sure to be there. Now, it’s getting late so I’m going to head out.”

“Good luck! Have fun!” Teagan barely got out before the front door slammed closed.

Within the next hour, Sasha impatiently tapped her fingers on the table as she waited anxiously for Carter’s arrival. Her mood had turned sour following her conversation with Teagan despite her best efforts to remain unbothered by the invitation. It may have been several years since her last encounter with Faye and Jaelynn, but she hadn’t forgotten their ill treatment and her weak acceptance of it. Unlike Dmitri, she had never gotten the opportunity to put them in their place. And to this day, that bothered her.

With a rough sigh, she closed her eyes and decided it best to take in several deep breaths. Her focus was ruined at the sound of someone clearing his or her throat. Opening her eyes slowly, she was first met with the sight of a broad chest and slim hips in a rather form-fitting suit. Her gaze followed up the form until she met Carter’s dark eyes. There was no denying his attractiveness, especially when he smiled. But as he greeted her warmly, she couldn’t help but notice the lack of her body’s response. Could she go through with this? Should she put in a greater effort at getting to know this man when he didn’t incur the same overwhelming physical response Dmitri had?

Inwardly, she groaned at the direction of her thinking. Ever since her encounter with Dominic, Dmitri had leapt his way into her thoughts continuously. And to her disappointment, thoughts of him were not instantaneously met with anger anymore. It seemed that every time he crossed her mind, she focused less on the pain and more of what she missed. He may not have loved her but there was no denying that being with him had been some of the best moments of her life. Could she get that back with someone other than him?

“Hello, Sasha. It is so good to see you again,” Carter purred. He took her hand in his strong grasp and leaned over to peck her on the back of it.

Watching him closely, Sasha wanted to scream at herself. Could this man get any more perfect? How could she not feel anything?

Carter stood up once more. “Thank you for meeting me here. I thought it best for us to get dinner before heading over. I’d rather spend at least a little bit of one on one time together.”

As he took a seat, she asked, “What is it exactly that you’re expected to do there?”

Carter grimaced slightly, “Well, if I am to be frank: kissing ass. I am required by my company to be there and…try to befriend the head marketing manager for future business opportunities and a potential partnership.”

Sasha frowned at that slightly. “I’m sorry to hear that. But, you seem to be a very approachable and friendly individual. I’m sure you’ll have no problem getting and keeping their attention.”

“Most definitely. Especially with you as my date. I’ll grab all their attention.” He flirted.

Laughing self-consciously, Sasha deemed it best to change the subject. Despite her previous doubts, their date continued in good spirits. Conversation easily flowed between them, a continuation from their previous encounter.

“You mentioned on our last date that you were worried about your friend…Diana wasn’t it?”

“Dina.” Sasha corrected.

“Did you hear from her yet?”

Touched by his concern, Sasha smiled warmly. “No, unfortunately, I haven’t. But I’d really rather not push too much into her personal life by calling constantly. Especially with the time difference. Apparently she has found an amazing opportunity in Italy and won’t be returning ‘til she takes full advantage of it.”

Carter was silent for a while, contemplating this. “What took her to Italy of all places?”

“Well, she got the offer from her job as a curator. Unfortunately, she had to choose between Italy and her life and relationships here.”

“Oh, like you and her boyfriend.”

With a sad smile, she nodded. “I miss her but I know she did what was best for her. And I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same.”

“Yes, but unfortunately, I’ve had the same experience. That is, being forced to choose between career success and love. And I can’t say now that it was completely worth it in the end.”

Hearing his use of the word ‘love’, Sasha was hesitant to continue the topic of conversation but mentally shrugged her worry away and decided to bite. “Really? Why not? Aren’t you doing what you’ve always wanted?”

Carter took a drink of his wine with a nonchalant shrug. “Yes, of course I am. But at what cost? I am a man in his mid-thirties who has no family in the immediate area and no one to go home to. For most men, living the life of a bachelor is always pleasurable. I guess I am the exception in that I haven’t found it to be that enjoyable anymore.”

He leaned over the table, his hands reaching out to take hers within their grasp as he continued softly, “I can see within you the same drive I had when I was your age. This tenacity to succeed and have everything we were deprived of as children. But, when I remember the love within my parents’ eyes when they looked at each other, I am continually reminded that despite the financial difficulties they may have had to overcome, they had one another to fulfill any supposed gaps the lack of money may have caused. For them, life has been enjoyable despite its hardships. Can you honestly say that reaching the peak of your success will fulfill everything you have ever wanted? What is your heart’s truest desire? And don’t let logic be the determining factor.”

Sasha was at a loss for words with the sheer sincerity in his voice as she met his unfaltering gaze. Her immediate thoughts were ones she couldn’t delve deeper into out of fear.

“What if what I want…would end up hurting me?”

Releasing her hands and sitting back in his seat, Carter raised a brow and asked, “Will it really? Or is that what you are telling yourself so as not to face desiring it?”

Still not ready to answer, she turned the question back to him. “What about you though? What is your deepest desire?”

He answered immediately, without a second of hesitation. “Love and family.”

“I wanted that one day. But…sometimes it’s best to just realize that not everyone can be gifted with love and family. I’ve accepted the absence of it in my life-or at least, I may not have love in the exact way I would have wanted but it exists in other forms. Like friendship. I shouldn’t be greedy.”

Carter noticed that as she spoke, it was as if she was speaking to herself. Her gaze had wandered off and her hands shook slightly. Before he could stop himself, he asked,

“Who was it?”

Knowing of whom he referred, Sasha merely shook her head and wiped at her eyes before the tears could fall. “No one. Just life.”

He smiled at her attempt to keep the subject of her hurt secret. “I admire you, Sasha.” When she only gazed questioningly at him, Carter continued, “It’s because of how much you’ve been through. You may not have stated the exact details but I know growing up in the system wasn’t easy. And yet, look at all you have accomplished. Look at how far you’ve come. I can’t say the same being from the normal nuclear family. We may have been low middle-class but I never exactly wanted for much.  And now, I don’t have to worry about money.” He harrumphed and smiled to himself. “Yeah, you are one special woman.”

Feeling a blush rising to her cheeks she cleared her throat and shook her head. “No, I am not. But, thank you for saying as much.”

Knowing it was best not to argue the point, Carter accepted her response. “Well, if we are going to make it on time, we should go soon.”

When they arrived at the site, Sasha felt anxious. Networking events sill weren’t her strong suit despite her going as merely a date. She looked over to Carter and found him smiling at her in assurance before opening the driver seat and circumventing the car to assist her. His manners were still a welcomed surprise.

“Sorry we had to leave your car in the parking lot. Invite only event,” he grimaced.

“No worries,” she whispered back to him as the valet drove off in his sports car. It was neither ostentatious nor plain but classic with its sleek lines and clear coating. While not a car connoisseur, Sasha could recognize an expensive and dependable vehicle when she saw one. It was truly a reflection of its owner. Carter, she had come to find, while he made no qualms about his financial success, was still every bit the down-to-earth man of his modest upbringing. He could easily traverse the snooty parties his job required but felt more at home at the backyard barbeques he grew up with as a child.

Listening to him speak of his childhood, Sasha felt a connection to him despite the obvious differences. When she had told him about growing up within the foster care system on their first date, she was taken aback by his response. There were no signs of pity as she had often faced but respect. His recent words of praise had felt uncomfortable because she had rarely had them said to her. The confidence she had nurtured for the past several years had been self-imposed. She had learned to face the lack of recognition head on, to not let it falter her belief in herself. But for the first time, someone had acknowledged her fight for her.

And she had been left speechless.

“Now, this is meant to be a somewhat casual event, so don’t feel any pressure.” Her right hand was tucked into the crease of his elbow as they walked. While Carter was of average height, she was still thankful for the heels she wore to make up the difference.

“Oh don’t worry about me. I feel more nervous for you. Networking takes a social awareness I am not too skilled at analyzing.”

Carter laughed. “You’ll do fine. Just be you. The key is to never over-analyze. You end up being your own worst enemy that way.”

When they entered the garden, Sasha saw people scattered around, a spewing fountain in the center of the large courtyard. Rushing amongst the guests were ushers dressed in red vests, plates of snacks and refreshments held carefully on their fingertips. The ambience was not nearly as stuffy as she had presumed and she automatically let out a breath of relief. Feeling her relax at his side, Carter only smiled.

“The person I’m looking for will probably be surrounded. So we may have to slowly make our way over.”

She looked up at him. “What’s our strategy?” Sasha asked in a playful manner.

Leaning further into her, he grinned mischievously. “Well, why don’t we work counterclockwise around the fountain? Being bombarded probably won’t give him much opportunity to move throughout the night and we don’t want to seem too eager. I can’t lay all my cards on the table at once.”

Teasingly, she patted him on the cheek. “Poker face.”

When they mirrored each other with the same blank stare, they couldn’t help but to burst out in laughter, receiving rather odd looks from those around them. “Yeah, we’re going to need time to work on that one. It may be best to take the long route,” she sputtered between chuckles.

Despite their mission, Sasha found herself enjoying being in Carter’s company and seeing his easygoing nature with others. She could tell immediately why he was good at his job; people couldn’t help but respond to his warm smile and approachable nature. She was happy to be his companion for the night.