Savage Autumn (16 page)

“Yes, I remember,” she said, wondering where his reasoning was taking him.

He smiled as he began to unfasten her gown. “I have found that one can gain more with patience than with force where a woman is concerned.”

Joanna bristled. “I just bet you have had plenty of experience with women.” She did not know that her lips curved into an appealing pout.

He raised his eyebrows. “I would not be truthful with you if I said I had not.”

She raised her chin. “I don’t want to hear about your other women.”

There was amusement in Windhawk’s eyes. “I have no intention of telling you about my past. I was speaking of my horse, if you will remember.” He took a step closer to her.

“What are you going to do?” she questioned fearfully.

“I have a desire to see you in the soft doeskin gown. My mother and sister made this gown for you. Do you not think it fine?”

Joanna had expected his anger and she could have dealt with that; however, she did not know how to handle this mood. She stood still while he lifted her frayed riding habit over her head. She was too amazed to even feel embarrassment. Windhawk seemed totally uninterested in her nakedness. He slipped
the doeskin gown over her head, and then stood back to admire her.

“Something is missing,” he said. He led her over to the buffalo robe, sat her down, and picked up a pair of knee-high moccasins Morning Song had placed there for Joanna. Slipping off her boots, he pulled the moccasins up over her calves and laced them. When that was completed he took her hand and helped her to her feet. Windhawk’s eyes roamed over her approvingly.

“You were beautiful before, Jo-anna, but now you are even more so.”

Joanna beamed at his praise. Did he truly think her beautiful? she wondered. She had to admit that the doeskin gown felt soft next to her skin, and it allowed her greater freedom of movement than her frayed riding habit had. Besides being worn and faded her blue habit was torn in several places. Yes, she would wear the doeskin gown, she thought, since it seemed to pleased Windhawk.

She was not aware that the gown hugged and molded her beautiful body. Nor did she know that the tint in her cheeks was very appealing to Windhawk.

“Come,” he said, taking her hand. “We will eat together.”

Joanna allowed him to lead her to the cook-fire and sit her down on the soft buffalo robe. He knelt down, dished up some meat into a wooden bowl, and handed it to her. She took it reluctantly, still dazed by his gentle treatment. When he filled his bowl with the meat, he sat down beside her.

“I…I had always believed that Indian men ate before their women,” Joanna said, looking into his eyes questioningly.

“That is the practice, but between you and me, Jo-anna, we will each try to respect the other’s feelings.”

Joanna blinked, not knowing what to expect next.

Windhawk picked up a piece of meat from his bowl and held it out to her. Joanna hesitated for only a moment before taking it into her mouth. She found the meat tender and delicious.

“Jo-anna, do you remember me telling about the mare who ate from my hand?” Windhawk said with an amused smile.

Joanna stopped chewing, realizing the significance of his words. Oh yes, she remembered only too well. He was implying that he now had her eating out of his hand.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, arching an eyebrow daringly.

“Do you like the meat?” he asked, ignoring her question, and smiling slightly.

“Yes but…”

“Let us get to know one another, Joanna,” he said, interrupting her. “You will tell me about yourself, and then I will tell you about me.”

“I know that you are not married, Windhawk. Why is that?” Joanna asked without thinking. “Gray Fox has two wives.”

He touched her hair softly. “I was waiting for you, Jo-anna.” His eyes caught and held her gaze. She felt as if she were drowning in the dark depths. “When I first saw you, Jo-anna, I knew that we would one day be together.”

“I don’t belong in this world, Windhawk.”

He drew in a deep breath, thinking now was not the time to tell her she belonged wherever he was. “Tell me about your life, Jo-anna.”

Joanna took a bite of the meat and chewed it while she thought where to begin. “I was born and raised in England. I came to this country with my mother, father, and Tag,” her voice broke. “They are all dead except my father.”

“Was your mother also on the wagon train?”

“No, she died of an illness before we joined the wagon train.”

“Where is your father?”

“He is in Oregon waiting for Tag and me. He will not know what has happened to us.”

“Where is this Oregon?”

“It is on the western shores of the Americas.”

He tilted her chin up. “Jo-anna, I am grieved that your little brother is dead. I loved him because he was brave, but I loved him mostly because he belonged to you.”

Joanna saw the sincerity in his eyes, and she knew in that
moment that he had had nothing to do with the raid on the wagon train. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.

He didn’t need to ask what she meant. He knew that she had now realized that he hadn’t ordered the raid on the wagon train. “I waited for you to know in your heart that I could never harm you, or anyone you love.”

Joanna felt tears in her eyes. How could she ever have thought that Windhawk had committed such an atrocity? Her heart swelled with love for him. He was so sensitive and kind. She had never known anyone like him before. She didn’t want to love him, but she couldn’t seem to help herself.

Windhawk saw the different emotions play across her beautiful face. He knew she was wrestling with her feelings, but he didn’t know why.

“How did you find me when I was at the bottom of the gorge?”

“I heard that Running Elk had raided the wagon train. I came to look for you, fearing you had been killed, or that Running Elk had taken you as his captive.”

“Why did Running Elk attack the wagon train? There was so much senseless killing.”

“I do not mean to defend Running Elk to you, but his people and mine have been badly treated by your race. He did not consider it wrong to raid the wagon train.”

“But why? I need to know, so I can justify my brother’s death.”

Windhawk picked up a shining red-gold curl and ran it through his fingers. “He wanted you, Jo-anna.”

“What are you saying?”

“When he saw you at the river, he wanted you.”

Many things became clear to Joanna at that moment. She remembered being held in Running Elk’s tipi. He had meant to take her as a captive that day, but Gray Fox had prevented it by taking her to Windhawk.

“You saved me from Running Elk the day Tag crossed the river, didn’t you?”

“No, Gray Fox was the one who saw you and brought you to me.”

“But Running Elk would never have relinquished me had Gray Fox not threatened to tell you I was being held against my will, would he?”

Windhawk laid his uneaten food aside and took Joanna’s hand in his. “What does it matter? You are safe now. I will never allow anyone to harm you,” he said in a deep, meaningful voice.

Joanna reached up and touched his face. “I have been blaming you for so many things when I should have been thanking you. Why did you put up with my little tantrums? I feel like such a fool.”

He closed his eyes as her hand drifted across his face to touch his mouth. “Forgive me, Windhawk, for all the horrid things I said to you.”

Opening his eyes he scanned her face, searching for any sign of love, but he saw nothing but gratitude in her eyes. “There is nothing to forgive. I lay no blame on you.”

Joanna could feel him weaving a magic spell about her, so she decided to change the subject before she was lost forever. “Tell me about your childhood.”

He smiled. “There isn’t much to tell. I had a good boyhood. My father was a great warrior and chief. He taught me many things. My mother is a kind and loving woman and I also learned from her.”

Joanna didn’t agree with his assessment of his mother, but then perhaps she was being unfair. She had been stubborn and willful since being brought to Windhawk’s lodge. Perhaps if she hadn’t acted like such an ungracious guest, Sun Woman might have accepted her. If she had acted in such a rude manner in any white person’s home, she would have been shown the door long ago.

“Tell me, Windhawk. Did you once find a white buffalo?”

Again he smiled. “Yes, that is so.”

She looked into his darkly handsome face. “Are you a man or the god your people believe you to be?”

He pulled her head over to rest against his chest. “I am a man, Jo-anna. Feel how my heart is racing because I hold you in my arms.”

Oh yes, she knew he was a man for she, as a woman, was reacting very strongly to him. She felt frightened as he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the buffalo robe. This man would take from her what she was so willing to give, and then she would lose sight of who she was.

He placed her down on the robe and then he lay down beside her.

“I am not of your world, Windhawk, and you are not of mine. We are all wrong for each other.”

His dark eyes blazed. “To walk, Jo-anna, one must take one step at a time. It is but a short walk from your world to mine. If you will take my hand, I will lead you every step of the way.”

Suddenly, Joanna felt like a child who needed to be led by the hand. Lately she had been forced to deal with so many tragedies. Even though she had met them head-on and with bravery, she needed Windhawk’s strength. What he was offering her at the moment was a beacon of light at the end of a dark tunnel. If she took his hand, she would be accepting his way of life.

Windhawk’s dark eyes stared at her questioningly. Joanna hesitated for only a moment before she placed her hand in his. His eyes softened and he drew her into his arms.

“I will be to you all things, Jo-anna. You have been hurt; I will help you heal. You have been lost; I will help you find your way.”

Joanna laid her head against his shoulder, feeling a strong tide of love wash over her. Could their love possibly bridge the gap between their two cultures? Could she forget that she was Joanna James, and become Windhawk’s woman instead? It was as if she were two people. One side of her was strong and rebellious, needing to right the wrong committed by her aunt and uncle. The other side of her wanted to bask in Windhawk’s love, to be by his side no matter what hardships the future threw in her way.

Windhawk seemed to sense her dilemma. He lifted her chin and laid his face against hers. “Jo-anna, I can feel that you are troubled. I do not know what passed in your life before, but I can feel in you a great unrest. I want you to be my wife, but I cannot bind you to me if you are unwilling.”

Joanna squeezed her eyes tightly together, trying to stop the flow of tears caused by his beautiful words. Had any girl ever had a man such as Windhawk professing such an unselfish love for her? Her lips brushed his smooth cheek, as her love for him filled her heart to overflowing.

What did anything matter to her in life if she couldn’t be with Windhawk? This was where she belonged, warm and safe in his arms.

Once again he raised her chin, and seeing her tears, he kissed them lovingly away. “Stay with me, Jo-anna. I need you to walk beside me. Become a part of this land with me. Allow me to fill your body with strong sons who will also belong to this land.” His eyes were beseeching, and his voice was deep and husky.

Joanna laced her fingers through his ebony hair, and held him tightly to her. “I love you, and tonight I want to be your woman, but I cannot say that tomorrow I will not feel differently.”

He closed his eyes, loving the feel of her in his arms. She had said that she loved him. He had known from the beginning that they would love each other. It had just taken her longer to admit it than it had him.

Windhawk removed the bear-claw necklace which he wore about his neck and placed it around Joanna’s neck. “From this moment forward, you are my wife. This necklace has powerful medicine and will keep you from harm. I have placed it around your neck, so that all who see it will know that you are Windhawk’s woman. The only way you can return it to me, is if you no longer love me.”

“What if one day you ask me to return it to you, Windhawk?” Joanna asked, running her fingers lovingly across the necklace.

His hand closed over hers. “The day I would take this from you would be the day I die. Each time you see this necklace it will speak to you of the love that burns in my heart.”

Joanna raised the necklace to her lips, feeling in that moment she was indeed his wife. She felt bound to him stronger than if they had gone through a proper wedding ceremony. Again she had the feeling that she and Windhawk had loved one another in the far distant past.

“Joanna, I feel that there are two important times in a man’s life. The time when he is born, and the time when he dies. For me there are two other times that are important.”

“What are the other two, Windhawk?”

He touched the necklace which rested against her breast. “The moment you allowed me to make you my wife was the one.”

“And the other?”

He swallowed a lump in his throat, before answering. “The other will come the day I have a son born of our love.”

Joanna’s eyes were blinded by tears. “I am honored to be the wife of Windhawk,” she whispered. “I cannot explain my feelings very well, but I feel as if I have traveled a great distance to find you.”

Windhawk looked at her in astonishment. “I did not know that you felt as I do. Do you feel that we have always known each other?”

“Yes, oh, yes,” Joanna said, glad that he understood her feelings, and hadn’t laughed at her.

Windhawk smiled and his whole face seemed to light up. “Come into my arms, Jo-anna. I want to show you my love.”

Joanna went willingly into his arms. For a long moment he just held her tightly, allowing his heart to overflow with happiness.

When Joanna felt his hands slide sensuously over her hips, she drew in her breath. When he knelt down to lift her gown over her head, she felt hot and cold at the same time. Her body ached for his touch. The gown and moccasins that he had insisted on dressing her in earlier now lay
in a heap on the floor. They were quickly joined by Windhawk’s clothing.