Save Me (7 page)

PROLOGUE

              I had finally lain down to sleep after an exhausting week stay in the hospital. I was in my own bed but somehow I felt more alone than I had ever been. Before all of this happened I was lonely and sad, but once I found this sleepy little town and found Oli, I knew that we were home. I wanted nothing more than for that to be true. I have spent years trying to get over losing my parents at such a young age when most kids need their parents the most. It never gets any easier, I have lost a lot in my life, so when Oli told me that he had done something unthinkable, something that would forever change our lives, and I was numb to the feeling of it. Max had found me and wanted to kill me and take Belle.

              Oliver thought that he was helping us by doing what he did, but while it helps that Max is gone, it hurts to say goodbye to Oli too. The day after my almost deadly encounter with Max was the day I woke up and Oli told me that he had to turn himself in to the authorities for the murder of my husband. That was 5 days ago, and it gutted me to say goodbye to him not knowing if I would ever see him again. I closed my eyes but knew that I would soon wake up, mainly because I could not sleep without Oli, but mostly because I was afraid of my unconscious state. Survival is a tricky thing.

              Our survival skills take over when they need to, it is like our mind and our body just knows what to do. You can be in the worst of all situations and then your brain flips this switch and you are fighting. I have done this several times in my short time on this earth, survived, but how do you survive when you have no more strength left? You just do, the want and need to survive is buried deep down inside your soul and you awaken it by fighting. When all is said and done you wake up stronger, you wake up a warrior. As I let myself drift off into oblivion in my bed tonight, I feel like anything but a warrior. Fear takes over and for the first time in years I have let the fear win.

CHAPTER 1

Six weeks, Oliver had been in jail for 6 weeks. He has the best lawyers that money could buy considering he used to be a big shot cop in New York City, but no matter how good his lawyers were and how many people he had backing him, he was not being released. They took him to Boston PD since that is where Max lived. We did not have a major police department in Good Hope, so they wanted him somewhere bigger.

              I could not visit him that often because it was so far away. I would take the bus whenever I could but I did not want to take Belle with me, I did not want her to see Oliver like this. She adored him and I knew he would not want her to see him this way either. I felt like the world was playing some cruel trick on me. Why was I being punished this way? What have I done that I need to apologize for or fix in order to have my life back? These things played in my head repeatedly. I cannot help myself, but I want to help Oliver.

              He never deserved to be caught up in this mess. I swear I tried to tell him and everyone this, to stay away and let me go, but they would not listen and now he is locked away in some scumbag prison for loving me. Max deserved what he got, I felt a chill run up my spine, no Grace, do not fall that low, Max was many things but he needed help. I wish he were a different man mainly for Annabelle. When I told her about Daddy going to live with Jesus she just said as quietly as possible, “Maybe daddy will feel better now that he is with Jesus, mommy, because Jesus takes away your sickness and makes you happy!” What a brave sweet girl, I guess in all of my faults and all of my mistakes I have really done something right with Belle.

              I heard a knock on my door as I was finishing the dishes in the sink, I peeked out the kitchen window. “Maggie,” I said, she was here checking up on me. I walked over and opened the front door before she could knock a third time. “Hey Mags, it’s good to see you, again!” I smirked, I joke with her but I really love her as if she were my sister. “Grace, I need to talk to you,” She did not look very happy. Great this cannot be good. It never is when someone starts with that. “Sure Maggie, what’s up?” I asked eager. She sat down slowly on the sofa; she looked up at me and sighed. “Well I talked to Oli last night, he sounded…off, so naturally I questioned him until he caved with annoyance. He said that his lawyers had gotten him a fast tracked hearing for Friday morning; it is to post his bail, which is ridiculous. They are asking for a hundred grand for removing that scum from this planet, oops I’m sorry Grace, I didn’t mean it like that,” She said apologetically. I knew what she meant.

              “Maggie I should be the one who is sorry, your brother is paying for my mistakes, my mess and it kills me to be without him, I didn’t know I could feel so lost, “I said tearing up. She reached for my hand, “Grace he did what he did because he is madly in love with you, he never did anything the normal way, I mean look at what happened with him and Lindsay, he jumps into things wholeheartedly Grace, it is who he is. I did not think he was ready to love you, but he proved me wrong, like he always does. He will fix this, he needs to control most situations, but come to think of it, he has never tried to control anything with you, strange,” She said. What was that supposed to mean? I guess I could tell from the beginning how he insisted on taking me home. He definitely liked being in control but most men do, Max was the worst. Was Oli a control freak? Was he holding back because of what has happened with Max?

              “Maggie, I love him, I really do, I need him to come home, and I am lost, so incredibly lost. I have never felt that way before about anyone,” Tears were streaming down my cheeks. “Oh Gracie sweetie, its ok he will come home,” She reached for me and pulled me into a hug, it was comforting, Maggie was just a few years older than I was but she reminded me of my mother, she always called me Gracie.

              “Ok enough of this sappy shit, I need to get home to the boys, oh my gosh I almost forgot, Oli sent me a letter for you. I am not sure why he sent it to my house and not yours but he wrote me one too, he said to make sure this got to you before his hearing,” She handed me the letter and looked nervous, does she know something that I do not, I hope not, I cannot take much more. Once she left I sat down at the kitchen table, Belle was in her room playing quietly still, she was good at that. I placed my hand on the letter, I took a deep breath in and let it out, stop being such a baby Grace open the letter, ok, here goes nothing. I placed my finger under the sealed part of the envelope; I could feel my breathing becoming panicked and heavy, deep breaths Grace. I slid the letter out from the envelope and opened it up; I took a deep breath and opened my eyes.

My Dearest Grace,

              Where do I even begin to start? I know why you said that you cannot visit me more, I understand it, but I also know you, and you like to overanalyze every situation. I wanted you to understand the whole truth about what really happened the night Max came back. All of the digging I had been doing when he was missing was to protect you, I told you that I looked into him and knew about him, what I did not tell you was what I found. I know this is going to be hard and it should be because he was a part of your life, a huge part, even though your memories with him are haunting ones it’s still important that you forgive him and go on from this, and I want to help you do that. Max Peterson was a liar. He had a trust fund set up by his grandparents, it specifically stated that he had to be married and produce a child that was his to inherit this fortune. When I dug as far as I could I found that he had taken out a large life insurance policy on you and Belle. He was hiding secrets and he hid them right under your nose the entire time. Before he met you he was married to a woman named Grace as well, she literally looked exactly like you. They had gotten into an altercation one night and he hurt her pretty bad, she got away though, no one, not even him knew where she went. His friends at the Boston PD helped him look for her but they never found her. He was looking for you Grace, you looked very similar to her and he knew it would fool his family since they had not yet met her. I am telling you all of this because he never loved you, he used you. You do not deserve this and I only want to be honest with you. When I saw him hovered over you with his hands around your neck I could not believe he had found you. I had planned to tell you everything that I found when I got to your house and when I saw him, I just lost it. I just did not want him to hurt you anymore. I have screwed up so much in my life Grace, but know this…you are the absolutely best thing to have ever walked into my life. You are so strong and we can get through this, if you will have me…criminal and all.

Forever,

Oli

              Once I finished reading the letter I had not noticed that tears had been streaming down my face, how could he not tell me? How could he keep that from me? It was Max’s plan all along to kill me. As much as I did not want it to hurt, it did, there was a point in my life where I loved Max, or when I thought, I did at least. The whole time he wanted to kill me for money.

              The thoughts were making me sick; my faith in men was slowly fading. As much as I love Oli I am angry with him for keeping such a secret from me, on the other hand how could I have been so stupid and not have known what Max was planning? I know that I want to be angry with someone but whom? I am already angry enough for a lifetime at Max, dead or not, but can I really be angry with Oliver? I sat down at the kitchen table and grabbed a pen and pad of paper; I want to write him back. I want to be able to send this out in the mail today and have it arrive to Oliver this week.

              He needs to know all of these things before he is released from jail, he needs to know how I feel. I started to write on the piece of paper and then I realized…I need to tell him these things in person. It is important that he hear it from my lips. I crumple up the paper and throw it away. Four more days, his bail hearing was in four more days. I can last that long…I have lasted six weeks already.

CHAPTER 2

              I woke up on Friday morning in a terrible mood. Apart of me was excited to be finally able to know if they would let Oli come home or what his fate would be. He had one month to go until his trial. I need to believe this will all work out or I will surely lose my mind. I heard eager feet running down the hall, “Mommy, I am so hungry is it breakfast time yet, “Belle Said. My sweet Belle she was a good eater. She always wanted breakfast first thing in the morning. I have not slept well in weeks and I think she is starting to figure it out. I smile sweetly at her and say, “Of course Belle what would you like this morning?” She put her finger to her mouth like she was thinking very hard about her selections, “Hmm today I think we should have French Toast, I love it so much mommy,” She said.

              “Ok French Toast it is my girl,” I said.  She squealed with excitement, jumped off my bed, and ran down the hall, oh to have that much energy again. I was happy we finally had a home but sad that Belle may never have a steady male role in her life. Oli was exactly what she needed and she loves him already.

              After breakfast, I cleaned up the house and tried to stay busy. I knew that Oliver’s hearing was at noon, I checked the clock, 11:35 ok I can do this. Stay busy that was my new motto, stay busy. I know exactly what I am going to say to Oli when he gets here. I have thought and thought and thought about it until I was blue in the face. At first I was going to say how sorry I was that this happened to him…how I felt like Belle and I, walked into this sleepy little town, and ruined his life, how he would get out of this trouble and then move on from us. Yes ok, I will admit I was going to run, again. I have to say I have gotten good at running, it is what I do.

              I have been running from my problems and emotions long before Oliver, way before Max. I was comfortable with it, but then I decided that maybe I should take the blame for Oliver, yes that was the best most brilliant idea I have ever had! It will get him out of trouble and he can be free of us. Ok, honestly I am not a rocket scientist these ideas suck completely. So when I finally realized that I cannot run my entire life and that Belle and Oliver both deserve more it was a good day, I decided to stay, yes I am not small town, and yes we probably don’t quite fit in here, but I have gone through a lot to finally get to this place. I deserve this, it is liberating really to finally accept your fate and this is mine, here in this town with my daughter by my side and great friends, and of course…Oliver. We do belong here; once I finally stopped with the excuses and let it all go, I was whole again. I know what I want, I know what I need, and I am going to tell him the second I see him.

              It was late afternoon, noon had come and went a long while ago, why haven’t I heard anything yet? I literally feel like I cannot breathe normal when Oli is not here. It is like a bad dream that just will not end, its 3:15 and I am picking up toys and praying for a drop of news to give me back my sanity. I had let Belle sleep a while longer for her nap so that I could finish cleaning even though the house had been spotless all friggin’ week. I was going overboard I get it, but I cannot help it. I made my way into the kitchen once I heard the sounds of the tea kettle whistling on my stove I grabbed my tea cup and turned to pour the scalding hot water into my cup, I looked out the kitchen window and my heart stopped…

              I thought I was hallucinating, have I seriously lost it. “Oli, I screamed!” He just grinned from ear to ear. He motioned for me to come outside. I carefully put the teakettle down and ran as quickly as I could to the back door. I slowly turned the knob and took a huge deep breath; as soon as I opened the door, he had me in his arms. He was holding me as tightly as he could without hurting me.

              “Grace, my God I have missed your scent, I love you so much,” He said breathing in my scent. I could not hold back the tears, I had not cried this hard the entire time we have been apart but I wanted to, it was as if he opened up the floodgates and they consumed me. “Oli, I honestly cannot believe you are here, I have been waiting all day to hear the news and I am so happy you’re here,” I said. He smiled down at me and bent his head down to kiss me, it was tender at first and then it turned into something different, it was a longing kiss, I felt it too, the longing for him these past few weeks has been so difficult but now that he is here it was like no time had passed at all. I did not want to break the kissing off but I had to know. “Oli, how are you here right now?”

              I had to admit it was quick if his hearing was at noon. “They surprised me with a hearing first thing this morning. It was at 9 am and the judge had already made up his mind. He was letting me out on bail early for good behavior, my lawyer thinks they will let me off on self-defense, so I called Maggie and she was already almost there and well here I am, I came straight over when I got back into town,” He said grinning. I looked up into his eyes, mine were tear stained.

              “Oli, I missed you so much, none of this is fair to you, but now I finally understand why you did what you did, and I love you so much for protecting me and Belle, I am so grateful to you and I know that I do not deserve you, but I want you to know that I am in this forever. I swear I will not run ever again, please don’t leave me,” I pleaded with him. It hurt me just to say it because the thought of him not being here with me was unbearable. “Grace I will never leave you, I promised you that I would fix this and I meant what said, I will fix this. I swear to it. I have wanted to say so many things to you and now here I am and I cannot find the right words, “He said.  I put my hand up to his mouth and said, “We can talk later, right now all I want is to be lost in your love, please Oliver, make love to me.”

              He scooped me up and carried me into my bedroom, I knew Belle was dead to the world while she slept and I needed him, needed his love. He started by trailing light kisses up and down my jawline. “Grace you are so beautiful, I swear I almost forgot not seeing you every day, I will not forget again,” he said.

              He kissed me down my chest undid my bra, feeling his warm hands on me was enough to make me scream with passion before we really even got started. I had never been desired like this nor had I ever desired someone the way I desire Oli, he is perfection. He carefully undressed me saving my panties for last; he is crazy if he thinks that I can much longer. “Oli please I cannot wait anymore, I need to have you inside me now or I am going to combust. Please I need you so much,” I was begging him.

              He quickly tore through my panties with his fingers and sank himself inside of me. “Shit, Grace I’m sorry I don’t have any condoms I got so caught up I forgot,” He said. “It’s ok Oli, I don’t give a shit about a condom, and I want you inside me, nothing between us, just us,” I said desperate for him. He smiled and we continued into bliss.

              A few hours later we were sitting in the living room waiting for Belle to fall asleep watching her favorite movie Frozen, Oliver had bought it for her right after we moved in and she watched it nonstop. I had to admit I liked it too. I was laughing at her favorite part when Oliver grabbed my hand and kissed the back of my knuckles. “I love you Grace, I love you so much that I never want to know what it feels like to not have you in my life, “He said.  Where was he going with this? “I love you too Oli, I always will,” I said. He sighed heavily.

              “I know it hasn’t been that long but I wanted to ask you something, and honestly I was going to ask you before you Max returned and screwed up our lives but I guess things change…I have never met anyone like you Grace, you have this strength about you that I cannot get over, I hope to one day be as strong as you, you are so beautiful it hurts and you are an incredible woman,” he said his eyes never leaving mine.

“When I lost Lindsay I thought that my life was over, I loved her so much and I thought to myself for a long time about how unfair life was, don’t get me wrong I still miss her but you have brought so much hope and joy into my life that I realized Lindsay was the start of my journey in life…you are my ending. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want to adopt Belle, please Grace Elizabeth Peterson will you marry me?” He said getting down onto one knee. Holy shit, did he just propose to me? I cannot breathe, what do I do?