Saving Avery (13 page)

With an unspoken agreement, we both climb out of the car, and Max leads the way to his house. My heart is thumping against my rib cage. I'm so nervous. I don't know what will happen between Max and me. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. But I haven't been intimate with anyone other than Nathan. We met when I was eighteen, and he was my first steady boyfriend. He took my virginity, but he never made love to me. It was always rough from the very beginning with him getting all the pleasure and leaving me with nothing but pain. I wonder if it's always like that. I wonder if it will be like that with Max. I can't imagine Max being rough with me, though. He's too gentle, too sweet and too kind --- the exact opposite of Nathan.

Perhaps sensing my apprehension, Max turns to me and says, "Avery, you can leave at any time you want."

I put my hand in his and squeeze, needing to make sure he's actually real and here with me. He's almost too good to be true, and he has no idea what his kindness does to me. It's like every word he speaks fills my empty soul little by little, and he is slowly mending my ruined heart.

We walk into his house. It's big, quiet and smells like pine. I look at the dirty dishes on the counter and half unpacked boxes scattered throughout the living room and smile. Just one more reminder that he is nothing like Nathan.

Max catches my gaze and shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he rocks back on his heels. "Don't mind the mess," he says nervously.

"Oh, I don't mind at all. Trust me."

He gives me a quick tour of the open layout. While he's showing me the big things like the fireplace and his new furniture, I focus on the little things. There are pictures of Max with his friends, souvenirs from Chicago to remind him of home, family photos and so much more that give me a little glimpse into his life. My fingertips linger on a photo frame, and I briefly wonder if someday we will have a picture of us to add to the collection. Hope for something more in my life suddenly blooms in my chest.

He stands in front of the patio doors that lead to the back porch and stares out the glass. "Do you ever get tired of this view?" he asks quietly.

"Never," I answer honestly.

"Do you spend much time on the beach?"

I frown. "No, not really. Not recently." I've been so depressed that all the things I used to enjoy just seem trivial when I'm completely miserable with almost every aspect of my life. When we first moved here and things weren't so bad, I would spend hours collecting seashells, walking, running and swimming. The only time I spend on the beach now is when I need to vent and release my emotions.

He opens the French doors and takes a step out into the cool night air. I follow him outside. "Do you hear that?" he asks, his expression serious.

Listening intently, I shake my head. "No. What is it?"

"The ocean is calling us," he says with a grin on his face.

I glance to the water and back to him. "I didn't bring my bathing suit," I whisper.

"Who says you need one?"

Before I can even think of a response, he's stripping off his shirt and shoes and running down the steps towards the sand. I watch him as he makes his way into the water, crashing through the waves. A few seconds later he comes running out, yelling at the top of his lungs that the water is freezing.

A laugh escapes me, and I realize I have been laughing most of the night. I don't remember the last time I laughed so much or been so happy. My fingertips trace the smile on my lips. I haven't smiled this much in ages either.
Only here. Only now.
His words echo through my mind. Before I can second-guess myself, I'm stripping out of my heels and pulling my blazer and jeans off. Clad in only my shirt and panties, I run down the steps and to the water.

Max's eyes are wide as he stares at me. He didn't think I would do this. Actually I didn't think I would either. It's so unlike the
new Avery
, but something the
old Avery
would have done in a heartbeat with no hesitation. I pass him and run into the strong waves. The water comes up to my chest, and the feeling is exhilarating. It gives me such a rush, and I feel truly alive for the first time in a long time. Squealing and laughing, I run out of the water. "I-I-It
is
f-f-freezing!" I yell, shuddering from the cold.

Max catches me in his arms and spins me around. I hold onto him tight until we collapse onto the wet sand. We lie on our backs laughing and panting. Our laughter slowly dies down as we take in the beauty of the scene above us. The clear night sky is bright with a full moon and millions of tiny twinkling stars. It looks like an exquisite painting, and I want to remember it just like this forever.

"Beautiful," I whisper.

"Very beautiful," he whispers back.

I look over at him and realize he's staring at me with a lopsided smile on his handsome face. Even though we've only known each other for a short time, I feel like I've known him forever. The way he looks at me makes me shiver. It's like he's looking right into the depths of my soul, a place no one else has ever been before. I want to get to know him better, so I ask, "Why did you decide to become a doctor?"

He gets a thoughtful look on his face before he answers. "Well, my dad's a doctor and so was my grandfather, so I guess you could say it runs in the family. My mom and dad are pretty laid back, though. I think they would have been just as proud of me if I had been a professional snowboarder. As long as I'm happy, they're happy. That's all that matters to them."

"They sound wonderful."

"They are," he responds.

I look up at the stars once again. "My mom used to tell me that stars are the souls of everyone on earth who have died and that they twinkle every time they are thinking of their loved ones here on earth. Before she passed away, she told me she would always be up there in the stars watching over me. I was only eight when my mom died, but I remember every single thing about her. She was the sweetest person I have ever met." I feel Max's fingers interlace with mine, and I hold his hand tightly as if he's my lifeline. "I think my dad tried to overcompensate after she was gone. I know he was trying to manage a successful career in politics and had his hands full with two little girls. At some point, though, he lost sight of what was important. We didn't need the big house and the expensive toys. We just wanted to eat dinner and play in the park and go on vacation with our father instead of nannies and babysitters. I feel like he pushed us away when we needed him the most. Even today at lunch when I went to talk to him about divorcing Nathan, he wouldn't listen to me. He's too busy with his campaign and ---." I stop talking when I feel Max's hand tighten around mine. I turn to him, and he has a look on his face that I can't decipher.

"You're divorcing Nathan?" he asks, incredulously.

I bite into my lower lip nervously. "Yes. I want to, but it's not going to be easy." I release a shuddering breath. "He'll never let me go willingly."

Max sits up and stares down at me. "Are you going to talk to your father again about it?"

"I can try. I just don't think he'll understand. He's very good at brushing things under the rug as far as anything that might affect his career."

He nods slowly. I hate how the conversation turned to Nathan and put a damper on our evening. I want things to be how they were before I brought up the heavy stuff. Slowly, I place my hands on his shoulders. His gaze slides from my eyes down to my lips, and I feel butterflies instantly erupt in my stomach. I haven't felt emotions like this in a long time. Gently, I trail my fingertips down over his muscular chest and rippled abs. His body screams perfection, and I want to feel every inch of it.

He leans into my touch, and his lips brush softly over mine. He's waiting for me to make a move. And so I do. Inclining my head, I press my lips against his. He tastes and feels so good. He's like a drug, and I am totally addicted.

The kiss grows more and more demanding as his tongue dips into my mouth. It's velvety soft and slides over mine. My fingertips curl into his shirt, and I pull him even closer to me. I can't get enough of him. I can't get enough of this feeling. I felt empty for so long, and he makes me feel so alive.

Suddenly, he pulls back. We're both breathing hard, and it takes me a while to catch my breath. "I don't want to push my luck," he whispers.

I don't want him to stop, but I know we should probably take things slower even though my body is trying to tell me otherwise.

He stands and offers his hand down to me. When I place my hand in his, he gently hauls me to my feet. His hands linger around my waist, and he gazes down at me with a look of adoration on his face.

"We're both covered in sand," I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," he agrees.

"Maybe we should take a shower."
Oh, God. What did I just say?
"N-not together," I stammer. "You can take a shower, and I can take a shower, but not in the same shower," I ramble on even though I try to force myself to stop. Mortified, I say, "I'll just stop talking now."

He chuckles. "You can shower in my master bathroom, and I'll take a quick shower in the guest bath."

I just nod so I don't risk saying anything else embarrassing.

*

After hanging up my wet clothes on a rack in the master bath, I scrub my teeth with my index finger and a dollop of his toothpaste I found in the medicine cabinet and rinse with mouthwash. Then I climb into the amazing shower that has two glass walls with a door and a backsplash of brown and beige tile. I turn on the water, and the spray comes out of a large showerhead centered in the middle of the ceiling. I swear that thing is made for elephants, because the spray almost hurts with the amount of force and water that comes out of it.

I lean partially out of the spray, not wanting to ruin my hair and makeup. My eyes flicker over the small assortment of soaps and shampoos, and I grab a bottle of body wash. Opening the lid, I take a whiff. Mmm. This must be why Max smells so good. It's a very clean scent with a hint of sandalwood. It's very manly, and I have to smile that I'm going to use it and smell like him. I lather up the soap in my hands and set out to rid myself of any trace of sand.

When I'm done, I rinse off and step out. Max had laid out a few white, oversized, fluffy towels before he left, and I grab one. I dry off and stand in front of the partially steamed mirror. After pulling the bobby pins and clip from my hair, I run my fingers through the long strands and glance at my reflection. What I see makes my stomach drop. "Oh no!" I gasp.

The tattoo concealer washed off, and in its place are all the bruises I so desperately tried to conceal. Dark purple, blue and green splotches trail down my arms, stomach and legs. I can feel my breathing pick up as I begin to panic. I had gotten lost in the moment and forgot about my past that is so clearly mapped out on my body. I can't let Max see me like this. I grasp onto the sink and try to calm myself down.

A knock sounds at the door, and I jump. "Avery, did you find everything you need?"

"Yeah!" I call out, and I can hear the panic in my voice.

"Is everything okay?"

I take a deep breath. "Yeah. Just give me a minute."

"All right," he says, sounding unsure.

I hang the wet towel up and wrap the other dry towel around me, twisting and tucking the end between my breasts. Tearing my eyes away from my reflection, I open the bathroom door a few inches. I can see Max sitting on the edge of his king-sized sleigh bed. He's only wearing a pair of pajama bottoms, and my mouth instantly dries.

"Can you…Can you turn off the lights?" I ask. I squeeze my eyes shut and groan inwardly. I hope I don't sound as awkward as I feel.

He hesitates for only a moment before saying, "Sure." And then he moves to switch off the lamp beside him.

I turn off the bathroom light and walk out. The room isn't pitch-black because of the full moon shining through the floor-to-ceiling windows, but it will do. I can hear my ragged breaths as I make my way to his bed. I don't think I've ever been so nervous before in my life.

I stand before him, and Max rests his hands on my hips. My entire body trembles under his touch, and he slowly draws back and buries his hands through his hair. "Avery, we don't have to do anything tonight. I had one of the best nights of my life tonight, and I don't want to ruin it. We can just lie here, or I can walk you home if you'd like. Even though I really don't want you to leave," he says with a grin, "the decision is yours. I don't want to scare you away. And I definitely don’t want to hurt you."

He's afraid of hurting me, and that is exactly what is holding me back.
Fear
. Fear of being hurt. But Max is not Nathan. Max is sweet and kind and gentle; and even though it sounds crazy since we haven't known each other for that long, I'm falling in love with him. "You won't hurt me," I say out loud for his benefit as well as mine. I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. "I trust you." The words are surprisingly easy to say, but I doubt he has any idea of the power behind them and the strength it took in order for me to say them.