Saving Grace (The Grace Series Book 2) (29 page)

“Martin died at Gettysburg. After the war, Jonny sought out Pauline. They spent a lot of time together and he asked her to marry him, but she refused. Like a glutton for punishment he kept going back. He pursued her for a long time and I think he must have asked her to marry him many times, but she wouldn’t. One of the reasons he began investing his money so heavily was because he was trying to prove something to Pauline. Money was important to her. His investments eventually paid off, as you know, but before they really began to, he was sent on assignment to New York and he was away for several months. While he was gone, she married someone else, a very wealthy, older man. A carpet bagger.”

Jessica would have laughed over his disdainful, carpet bagger comment, but his serious edge kept her quiet. “He must have really loved her,” she said.

Etienne shook his head. “There was a time he thought he did. When Julien came home from New York and found out she remarried… we were having dinner and Leo, the idiot, blurted it out. I’ll never forget the look on Julien’s face. God, I was furious with Paulette for doing that to him. I wanted to kill her.”

He grunted and went on, “You can always tell when he’s really upset, because he gets quiet, but you probably already know that. He barely spoke to anyone for days. I think, in a way, after he got over her, he was relieved. You see, before he died, Martin wrote to Julien and asked him to look after Pauline. I think what he thought was love was really obligation. Since then, for the last couple years, he’s been immersed in his work with the army. As far as I know there have been no others.

“The only good thing that came out of it, I suppose, was that Julien became a very wealthy man. He was smart with his investments though, picking companies he knew would flourish after the war. It was all very insightful on his part, really. He’s been generous with all of us—well mostly with Leo. That kid is spoiled rotten, wait ’til you meet him—but Julien’s never really spent any of his money on himself. Until now.
Maman
was beginning to worry he would never marry. Of course she says the same thing about all of us.”

Jessica grinned, thankful he was finding his humor again. “Well then, you must tell me about all your great loves.”

He laughed. “I don’t have any. Maybe I’ll get lucky someday and find someone like you.” He threw her a lopsided smirk and said, “I think you’re Julien’s one true love.”

Looking away modestly, Jessica could find no words.

Etienne chuckled, but again he turned sedate. “The night Julien came home from New York and found out about Pauline, I overheard him talking to
Maman
. He was pretty upset, and I remember him telling her all he wanted was to marry, to have family, to be a father. I’m sure you know how much he loves children.”

Jessica didn’t know, but she should have. She remembered the riot at the Mount Joy fair, how Julien’s first concern had been the children. He’d rescued four little ones before they were trampled by the crowd. She remembered catching him observing her students’ activities at recess. She remembered him, as the spook, with the children in Shanty Town.

“
Maman
told him Pauline wasn’t right for him,” Etienne said, “and someday, when the time was right, when he least expected it, he would find the woman meant for him, and all of his dreams would come true.” He paused and added quietly, “
Maman
will be pleased and comforted in knowing he found her.”

Bashfully, Jessica looked away.

“Julien asked me to bring you to South Carolina. He would like for you to meet
Maman
.”

“I…I would like that,” Jessica stammered.

“I shall warn you now, before I forget, our
Maman
is a firm believer in hugs. She will squeeze the breath right out of you.”

As pleasant memories, and some erotic ones too, swarmed her, Jessica said bashfully, “Julien believes in hugs, too.”

“Tell me the story,” Etienne said. “Tell me how all of this…” He waved his hand in the air. “…transpired?”

So she told him. There wasn’t much she left out, even admitting some of the horribly cruel things she’d said. The only thing she didn’t speak of was Evan, their baby. In the end, she said, “After he was hurt, I was very scared. I thought he was already… gone, until I saw him at the trial. That’s when everything came out and I found out our marriage wasn’t real. I was very upset, but the next thing I knew, I was here and Julien asked me to marry him. He said he wanted to marry me to fix everything, to ensure my future. He has given me so much—” Her throat grew tight.

“You are very good with him,” Etienne said quietly. “I can see why he cares for you as he does.”

“I want to tell him how sorry I am, but I’m not sure how. I’m afraid of hurting him,” she said remorsefully.

“You and he haven’t spoken about the difficulties you’ve had because of his assignment here, have you?” Etienne asked.

Jessica shook her head.

“Talk to him, Jessica,” Etienne said.

Jessica opened her mouth to protest, but Etienne shook his head.

“Don’t,” he said. “Julien will listen to you. He loves you.”

* * *

At breakfast the following morning, Etienne and General McLean told Jessica they were going to town and wouldn’t return until the afternoon. They went in to see Julien for a few minutes and then they left.

As she always did, Jessica waited for Herlin to let her know Julien was ready for her company. He came out of the parlor with a great smile on his face, and while he gestured for her to enter, he called out for Ditter. Jessica was both surprised and thrilled to find out Julien asked to go outside. Herlin and Ditter helped him to the wheelchair, and as Herlin pushed him out onto the porch, Jessica followed. She sat beside him in one of the wooden rocking chairs.

They spoke of many things, the beauty of the day and common interests they shared—horses, books and music—and he teased her that this house was desperate for her expertise because the gardens were not yet designed. Jessica laughed.

As the morning hours faded to noon, she was overjoyed by how improved his stamina seemed to be. He spoke for longer periods without breaking to catch his breath. He barely stuttered. Although pale, he didn’t appear quite as washed out, and there was color across his cheek bones. Even his eyes weren’t so terribly bruised. Not once did he have an episode of choking, and he smiled often.

Ruth interrupted them to set a tray with luncheon on the small table between them. With a short greeting and wink she left them alone again.

“Are you hungry?” Julien asked in his whispery tone.

“A little.”

He motioned to the tray. “Please.”

Jessica picked up a bowl of soup. It looked like split pea, thick enough to hold the spoon straight up, and it smelled wonderful. “Will you have some?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m hungry, too,” he whispered.

Jessica couldn’t contain her grin. Surreptitiously she watched him eat. He didn’t finish, but he ate most of it. He didn’t put the bowl down until his hand began to tremble.

“Have you had enough?” she asked.

He nodded. As he settled more comfortably in the wheelchair, she noticed his left sleeve was pulled back slightly. The fairly thick, not completely faded scar on the inside of his wrist was in plain sight. Pointedly Jessica looked at it and asked, “Will you tell me how that happened?”

Instead of answering he turned his arm over so the scar was no longer visible.

“Herlin told me what you did,” she coaxed softly.

Still he wouldn’t look at her.

“Herlin told me about all the lives you saved. You were the spook.”

This time, slowly he turned to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you—”

Jessica interrupted him. “No. Don’t be sorry. You couldn’t. It was your job and I understand why you couldn’t. If you told me, if I knew, I might have said something to my father or to my brother. I could have destroyed the whole operation, even if I didn’t intend to. You had orders to follow. I know you didn’t have a choice. I’m the one who should apologize for all the awful things I said to you,” she said.

“Your incredible spirit, your firm convictions, your determination to stand up for those who could not fight for themselves was beautiful, Jess. You inspired me and made me so very proud. I…I had to be a horrible beast. I had to say and do such hurtful things to people. Every time you stood up to me, every time you yelled at me, I fell more and more in love with you.”

“I used to be so confused,” Jessica admitted. “I never understood how you could be so kind one minute and so mean the next. Through all of it, you were always good to me. I should have realized. I should have known something wasn’t right. When I was sick you stayed with me and took care of me, and you were so gentle and so kind. I’m sorry.” Jessica couldn’t stop her eyes from filling. “I’m sorry for all the terrible things I said to you.”

He leaned forward in the chair. “Please don’t cry, Jess,” he whispered. “Please.”

“I’m sorry for what I said about our baby.” Her voice broke. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t.”

He reached out to her, touching her hand with his fingertips and she took his hand in hers. “I know,” he whispered. “I know you didn’t mean it. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Jessica sniffled several times to gather herself together. She saw him wince and she let go of his hand, watching as he leaned back and closed his eyes. “Everything you did here was right, Julien,” she said. “Those men deserve to be punished for their crimes. They deserve to be in prison. The Klan is no more. Almost entirely by yourself, you brought them down.”

He shook his head and opened his eyes. “I couldn’t have done it without Herlin, Ditter, Martha and Ruth. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Jessica remembered how Trent had accused him of being a braggart. She thought it ironic that in reality he was exactly the opposite, so reticent to give himself credit or even discuss the great things he’d done.

“There is so much I look back on now that I see differently,” she told him. “That day the Klan came after Herlin, you could have hit me, but you didn’t. You could have strangled me, but you didn’t. You made it look like you were hitting me. You made it look like you were strangling me, but you didn’t push me hard at all. If I hadn’t tripped on my dress, I wouldn’t have fallen. You didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“No,” he murmured.

She could tell by the way he closed his eyes the memory troubled him. “You knew I was following you the night you went to warn Weber. That’s why you rode around like you did, and when you rode away you were still close. And then you followed me home to make sure I was safe. Did you know it was me the whole time?”

“Yes, I knew,” he said.

The guilt in his expression almost made her laugh. “Sebastian gave you the scarf I made?”

“He said the scarf was for the spook, not for him,” he whispered.

“It was.”

He looked at her crookedly, like he didn’t really believe her.

“I know you didn’t force Martha to sleep with you,” she said.

He shook his head. “I could never do that to Martha. I could never do that to any woman.”

Jessica tried not to grin, but she couldn’t completely withhold it. “You didn’t want to sleep with me, either. You kept saying you couldn’t…”

“I didn’t want to… to ruin your future. I wanted you to be able to walk away from this whole situation unscathed. I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get away with it because I knew it would be a while before things ended. My plan was to tell you I… I was impotent. I was going to tell you I was wounded in the war and couldn’t,” he said. “But Jess, I did want to sleep with you.

“The night we met, before I knew who you were, I saw you across the ballroom. You smiled at me. Do you remember?” A small, lopsided grin turned up one corner of his mouth. “I had to remind myself I was there to work, because all I wanted to do was cross that room and talk to you. I got stuck with other people and I kept searching for you in the crowd, hoping I would see you again. When you turned out to be the woman I was supposed to court and marry, I was afraid I would never be able to pull this whole thing off. You’re so pretty, I didn’t think you would spare me a second glance.”

He looked away bashfully. “On our wedding night, when you dropped your nightgown… I have never desired a woman more. And you were so passionate, I…I couldn’t resist you. I tried, but I couldn’t. I told myself just one kiss. Then I told myself just one touch…”

His modesty both humbled and intrigued her. At the same time, remembering how forward she’d been, she almost giggled.

He went on, “I…I didn’t think things could possibly be better than that night, but I was wrong. You amazed me more and more everyday. You still amaze me. Everything about you. I just… I am…” He took a breath and murmured, “I didn’t know what making love meant until I made love with you. I didn’t know what being in love meant until I fell in love with you.”

The sudden flutters in the pit of Jessica’s stomach were very real. “I liked making love with you, too, Julien. You’re very good at it. I’m glad you didn’t get around to telling me you were impotent.”