Savory Deceits (23 page)

              “Okay Alana, don’t get ahead of yourself.” I whispered to myself. “He’s married. All you can be to him right now is a friend.” Still, deep down inside, I wanted more…

23

~NAIMA~

“Are you okay?” Starr asked when she walked into my office. I groaned, and rested my head in my hands.

“No. I have a really bad headache.” I told her.

“Ouch. Did you take anything for it?” She asked me, taking a seat in front of my desk.

“No. I don’t like swallowing pills. Besides, it’ll probably come back up anyway.” I replied, rubbing my temple. The throbbing pain was starting to turn my stomach.

“What do you mean?” Starr asked me.

“I haven’t been able to keep anything down lately. I’ve been so stressed with work and everything, that I haven’t given myself time to slow down, and catch a breath.” I explained.

“Why don’t you take a day off?” Starr suggested, and I laughed.

“If only it were that easy.” I said rolling my eyes. “With the holiday’s right around the corner, as Marketing Manager, I have to make sure that our sales sharply increase. Right now, I am working on new advertisements for our winter line, and it is proving to be a bit challenging. To make matters worse, Christina, the head of our R & D Department, quit this morning, with no notice. With Barb gone for the holidays, she left me in charge of finding a replacement, and basically running the company.” I explained feeling even more overwhelmed. “And Starr, I am so exhausted.” I finished, and then sat back in my seat, resting my head against the cushioned leather chair.

“Wow. You have a lot on your plate.” Starr said, eyeing the mountains of paperwork sitting on my desk.

“Yeah, but I can’t complain now if I want to go for that C.O.O. position. I have to prove to Barb that I can handle the amount of work thrown at me, if I want to be this company’s Chief Operating Officer.” I said.

“Have you already submitted your resume for that position?” Starr asked me. I smiled getting excited.

“Yes I did. I am so nervous, but everybody around here is saying that I do not have to be, because they all think I would be perfect for the job. Lord knows I deserve it.” I said, glancing at the plaques of achievement on my wall.

“You sure do. I am so proud of you Nai. I’m sure you’ll get it.” Starr said with an encouraging smile. Dressed in a fitted chocolate brown, pinstriped pantsuit that accentuated my curves, I got up from behind my desk. Then, I went over to the floor-to-ceiling window, of my office, and peered down at the traffic below.

“Thanks. I’ve worked really hard, to get to where I am now, so cross your fingers for me, okay?” I said hopeful.

“Both my fingers, and my toes, are crossed for you, chica.” Starr replied smiling. I smiled back, and went back to where Starr was sitting, and took a seat at the edge of my desk. Starr’s outfit was excessively revealing for work.

“Anyway, I’m surprised you’re here. It’s only 4:30. Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” I asked Starr.

“Girl, I’m the Human Resources Manager. I can come and go whenever I please.” She said, boasting about her newly acquired position, at the corporate headquarters of a family owed Public Relations company. I laughed, and shook my head at her.

“I’m surprised they even gave you that position, with as many times as you called in sick, to get your hair done.” I said, and we both laughed.

“Yeah girl, I was just as surprised myself. But it helps when you’re sleeping with the CEO.” She said sounding very proud of herself for it. Again, we both roared in laugher. I shook my head again, and wiped a tear from my eye, still giggling.

“I still can’t believe you’re sleeping with your boss. Girl, I would stay away from that, because nothing good comes from office romances. It’s usually a disaster waiting to happen.” I warned.

“Yeah, I feel you chica, but hey, ‘you gotta use what you got, to get what you want.’” Starr replied with her Puerto Rican accent, imitating the words from the movie ‘The Player’s Club.’

“Well then girl, more power to you! Men have been using us for years anyway; it’s about time for some payback.” I said, snapping my fingers.

“Okay!” Starr gave me a high five, and we both started laughing again.

“All right,” Starr started to say, getting the rest of the giggles out of her system. “On a more serious note, other than the mountain of work you have to do, how are you doing?” She asked.

“I’m doing all right.” I replied truthfully.

“Yeah? Have you spoken to Nena since we got back?” She asked me. I stood up, and walked back around my desk, then sat in my chair, and crossed my hands.

“No, I haven’t.” I said, and Starr just nodded. “I told her I needed some time away from her to you know, clear my head and all.” I elaborated.

“Yeah. I understand.” Starr said with another nod.

“We never really talked about what happened, Starr, and I don’t think I’m ready to go there just yet anyway. Just thinking about it makes me angry all over again. I still cannot believe that she did that to me. I mean, she knew how much I loved Chris, so it boggles my mind to think of how she could do such a thing, you know?” Every time I thought about what my sister did, I wanted to hate her.

“Yeah, I feel you, chica. Just take the time you need, to come to terms with what happened, so you can be able to forgive Nena, and move on. Holding on to that pain, and staying angry, is not going to change the fact that it happened. Wherefore, in order to find some closure in all this, I think you and Nena need to sit down, and have a long talk. To be quite honest with you, and as twisted as what she did was, I do not believe that Nena meant to hurt you. Don’t let the pain that you are feeling over this, consume you.” Starr reasoned. I smiled blinking back tears. Although I was not sure if I could ever forgive Nena for what she did, I could not let it take over my life either.

“You’re right, Starr. I know that in order for me to get past this, she and I, have to eventually talk about it.” I agreed. Then, suddenly, I felt queasy.

“Excuse me.” I said, getting up from my desk, and making a beeline towards my office bathroom.

“Are you all right?” Starr asked, standing up. Without an answer, I disappeared behind the door. Inside the bathroom, I quickly lifted up the toilet seat, as my stomach contents expelled into the bowl. Shortly thereafter, I heard a tap on the door.

“Nai, are you all right?” Starr said again. I flushed the toilet, then swished some Listerine in my mouth, and wet my face, before coming out. Feeling a bit off balance, I took a seat on the leather sofa in my office, and rubbed my temple. My head started throbbing again. Starr sat next to me, her expression quizzical.

“Maybe you should go home Nai, cause you don’t look so good.” She suggested, rubbing my back. I shook my head.

“No. I’m fine. I just skipped lunch, because I have been so busy. When I do not eat, I get nauseous. I just need some water, and I’ll be fine.” I replied.

“Okay,” Starr got up, crossed the room, and went to the mini fridge behind my desk. She retrieved a bottle of water, and came back to the couch. After handing me the bottle, she watched as I took a long sip before speaking.

“Nai, is there a chance that you could be pregnant?” Starr asked with a frown, looking very serious. I spat out the remaining water in my mouth, stunned at her question.

              “Excuse me?” I glared at her.

              “I don’t know. I just noticed that you’ve been extra tired lately and…” she began to analyze, as if connecting the imaginary dots.

              “That’s because I’ve been working my ass off.” I interrupted.

              “And you’ve been having these headaches off and on very frequently…” she continued.

              “Yeah, because I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I come in early, and I leave late.” I explained, interrupting her theoretical assumption again.

              “And what about what just happened in the bathroom? That wasn’t the first time, since you been back, that I saw you rush to the bathroom, because you suddenly felt sick.” She said, emphasizing the word ‘suddenly’ with her fingers, indicating quotation marks. I rolled my eyes.

              “Yeah well that was because…” I started to explain again.

              “Will you stop arguing with me, and think about it for a sec?” She snapped. “When was the last time you had a period?” She asked me. I opened my mouth to answer, but stopped to think. Truthfully speaking, I could not remember having a period over the last couple of months. I had been so distracted with my job, and the thing with Nena, that I neglected to pay attention to my body.

              “No. I’m not pregnant.” I said firmly. “I can’t be.” I insisted.

              “Are you sure honey? Check your day planner. You always write down your periods. Maybe I am wrong about this, and it is just your job, that is making you sick. When you were in Virginia, did you and Chris use protection?” She asked me. I sighed putting my head down.

              “Yes, but not every single time.” I admitted.

              “Where’s your day planner?” Starr asked, looking around. I sighed again.

              “It’s over there on my desk.” Starr got up again, and was back within seconds, with the burgundy leather book in hand. Then, she began to flip backwards through the pages.

              “Let me see that.” I said, taking the book, determined to prove her wrong. I started flipping through the pages myself, and stopped when I came across my last menstrual cycle entry. Then, I closed my eyes, and tried to remember a time that perhaps, I had forgotten to write it down, but I could not. I was very punctual with dates, so there was no way this was a mistake.

              “Oh no,” I said, as my heart quickened. “Oh God,” I said again, dropping the book on the couch. I stood up, and started to pace.

              “What?” Starr questioned, picking up the book. Then, she flipped back to the page I was looking at, before I dropped it. “August? Your last period was in August?” She asked in shock.

              “Well, technically yeah, but that doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes, I forget to write it down. And lately, I’ve been so preoccupied with work that it must have just slipped my mind.” I lied, in complete denial.

“Nai, you have to take a pregnancy test.” She urged, still searching for further entries past August, in my planner. I closed my eyes, willing the possibility away.

“You know what? There is no way I am pregnant. I will take the stupid test, just to prove you wrong. Missed periods can be a sign of stress, which I’ve had a great deal of lately, not always pregnancy.” I reasoned, trying to convince myself of that.

“True, but better to be safe, than sorry, Nai.” Starr suggested. I continued to pace the room, with my hands on my hips. There is no way, I thought to myself. I had better not be pregnant, especially not for that son of a bitch. The thought of Chris made me even angrier. I hated him for what he did. I hope to God that I am not pregnant with his baby.

“I’ll take the test,” I said again, “but right now, I have a million things to do.” I needed time alone to think.

“Okay. Want me to stop by the drug store for you?” Starr asked standing up, bag in hand.

“Sure. Thanks.” I replied, and then she gave me a hug.

“Don’t worry, Nai. Try to relax. Everything’s going to be fine, okay?” She tried to reassure me. I faked a smile and nodded. Then I walked her to the door, and closed it behind her, after she left. Finally, alone, I leaned against the door, and tried not to cry. There was a time that I would have been thrilled to have Chris’ baby, but now, the possibility of me carrying his child, was sickening. I hated him with a passion. He was not the man I thought he was. He was no longer the man I used to love. I hated the fact that a small part of me still cared for him, while a great deal of me loathed him. I would be crazy to have his child, not after what he did. Then, I closed my eyes, and prayed that the test came out negative. I had too much on my plate, to add anything else on. Moving from the door, I went back to my desk, and sat down in my chair. I eyed the papers on my desk, trying to figure out which stack to tackle first. Starting with the highest stack of manila folders, I grabbed the first one, and opened it up. As I tried to study this quarter’s figures, my mind kept wandering. How could I be so stupid? Why had I not used a condom with Chris? I knew better than that, and I was supposed to be smarter than that. Now, I shook my head at myself, disappointed. Subsequently, I closed the folder in my hand, and put it back in the pile. Then, I sat back in my chair again, thinking about the last time I was with Chris. It all seemed so long ago, and I wanted to forget that he ever existed. Unfortunately, now, I had the possibility of being pregnant with his child, hanging over my head. How sick is that? First Nena, and now me? I shook my head again, then grabbed my purse, and stood up. My generously spacious office, suddenly felt suffocating, and I had to get some air.

24

~NENA~

I slowly made my way up the stairwell to the fourth floor of Chris’ apartment. I opted for the stairs, to prolong the inevitable, of seeing him for the first time, since my release from the hospital. With every step I took, I became even more nervous. After having heard the many heartfelt messages he left on my cell phone voicemail, I finally mustered up the courage to call him. I was surprised he answered after the first ring, as if he was expecting my call. The thought of that made me smile. Touched, by how much he cared for me, I could not let another day go by, without seeing him. When I finally reached the landing to the fourth floor, I pulled the door open, and then made my way down the long narrow hallway, until I reached his door. When I raised my fist to knock on it, the door flew open. All of a sudden, Chris stood before me, and I felt my knees buckle. I opened my mouth to speak, when he took a step forward, and embraced me. He held me tight, and I hugged him back. After what seemed like a long time, I finally spoke.