Savory Deceits (24 page)

“Um, can you let me go now, so we can go inside, because I’m freezing?” I said, trying to lighten the mood. He let me go, and smiled. Then, he took my hand. Once inside, he shut the door, and I turned so he could remove my coat. As he hung my coat in the foyer closet, I went into his living room, and sat down. When he started to come join me on the sofa, he stopped midway. Then, I looked away, because I knew what he was staring at, and I did not want to start crying again. Without a word, he joined me on the couch, and said nothing. Though I could still feel him staring, I looked straight ahead, avoiding his eyes. Then, after I regained my composure, I finally turned to him, fighting back tears.

“As you can see, I’m no longer pregnant.” I said to him. Without a word, he turned, and put his arms around me. Then, I buried my head in his chest, and started sobbing. Chris then rested his chin on my head, and I heard him sobbing too. “I was in so much pain that the doctor had to deliver my baby,” I started to explain through tears. “He was stillborn.” I said, barely managing to get the words out. Chris remained silent. “He never had a chance, and it’s all my fault.” I said, taking responsibility for my son’s death. Then, Chris lifted my head, so I could look at him. His face was damp with tears.

“Do not say that. This was not your fault.” He stated sternly. “What happened was out of your control.” He assured me, wiping away his own tears.

“Wasn’t it?” I questioned through tears. “I mean, how could it not have been? I made myself sick with all the lies, and the secrets, I was keeping. He never had a chance because of me!” I screamed.

“Listen to me,” Chris said taking my hand. “There was no way you could have known that this would happen. It’s not your…” he tried to say again.

“No! No! Don’t! Don’t try to convince me that this wasn’t my fault, because it was!” I yelled, pulling my hand away, standing up. “I did this! I killed him!” I screamed. Then, I buried my face in my hands, and dropped to my knees. Within seconds, Chris was by my side. He then grabbed hold of my arms, and shook me.

“Stop it! Stop it right now! This was not your fault, and I am not going to sit here, and let you do this to yourself! This happened, because God wanted it to happen. Not because of you, so stop blaming yourself!” He screamed at me. Then he pulled me into his arms, and forced me to stay there, as I continued to cry. I thought I was ready to get over losing my baby, but seeing Chris again, and having to tell him all about what happened, brought my pain back to the surface. “Come on, get up,” he said, pulling me to my feet. “C’mere,” he then said, pulling me to him. “What happened to our baby was horrible. I’m just glad I didn’t lose you too.” He whispered to me. His words suddenly made me feel uncomfortable, and I pushed out of his embrace. I took a few steps away from him, wiped my tears, and then looked up at him with sorrow. I could not bring myself to tell him the truth, because I did not want to hurt him.

“What is it?” He asked, noticing my uneasiness.

“Chris…he, um… he wasn’t yours.” I stammered. I could see the disappointment cloud his face, and then I saw his skepticism as well. “I had a paternity test done before I left the hospital,” I explained. “Tony was the father. I’m sorry.” I said to him. He looked away disconcerted. I knew how much he wanted to be the father, and I felt awful for having to tell him that he was not. Finally accepting it, he took a seat on the couch again, and ran his hand over his face. “I’m so sorry Chris.” I said again, feeling horrible.

“No, it’s okay. I mean, I knew it was fifty-fifty, I just did not expect him not to be mine. I was looking forward to becoming a dad.” He admitted.

“I know,” I said, rejoining him on the sofa. “I know how much this meant to you, Chris, and I’m sorry. I made such a mess of everyone’s lives.” I said, feeling responsible for all the misery I caused. Then, Chris turned to me again, and took my hand.

“Now, do not go blaming yourself again. I’m all right; disappointed, but all right.” He assured me. Then I respired, grabbed a tissue, dabbed under my eyes.

“I feel so drained. I have done nothing, but cry all the time. Everything is such a mess, and I don’t even know how to begin to repair the damage that I’ve done.” I said.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Nena. You were just following your heart.” He said, brushing a strand of hair from my face.

“No, I was being selfish. And it cost me my sister, and my marriage.” I said regrettably. Feeling broken, I felt another onslaught of tears coming.

“They’ll come around.” Chris assured me.

“I hope so Chris. I really do.” I counted on.

“How’s Tony? I can’t imagine he knows that you’re here.” Chris said, and I sighed again.

“No. His ship is under way. He’s been gone almost two weeks now.” I told him.

“Oh.” Chris said, and then stared at me longingly. At that moment, he gently brushed the side of my face with the back of his hand. “I missed you so much,” he whispered, drawing my face towards his. I then caught his hand in mine, and turned away.

“Chris, I can’t.” I objected.

“Nena…” he started to say, but I shook my head, and stood up.

“No Chris. This cannot happen.
We
cannot happen. I love Nai too much to do this to her again. She loved you Chris. So much, that she was willing to move out here to make a life with you, and I took that from her.” I said, dabbing the tissue at my eyes again.

“Nena, I know you love your sister, and I know this must be difficult for you, but please don’t walk away from us.” He begged, standing up as well. I moved away from him, and shook my head.

“Chris, there is no us! There never should have been an
us
! Can’t you see? We have hurt the people that we cared about the most. Our affair has cost me my sister, and you, your best friend. How can you not have any remorse for that?” I questioned.

“I don’t, because life is too short Nena. If anyone should know that now, it should be you.” He said. Then, I gasped, feeling the pain of loss all over again, and my eyes watered even more. “I am not saying this to hurt you, but you cannot live your life, based on what other people will think of you. If you do that, then you’ll never be happy.” He said. Then, I shook my head again, wiping my tears.

“Chris, how can you look at it that way? It’s as if you don’t care about either of them, or how they feel.”

“I care about you! And I’m sorry Nena, but that is all that matters to me right now. I love you!” He said, quickly closing the gap between us. With my hands up, I took a step back out of his reach.

“Chris, please don’t.” I protested when he reached me. He caught my wrists, and pulled me to him. His breath was so warm on my skin that my body, involuntarily, surrendered to his. Then, he gently grasped my chin once again, forcing me to look at him.

“I wouldn’t be doing this if I knew you didn’t feel the same way.” He whispered. With that said, he lowered his head to mine, and lightly kissed my lips. Equally, I put my hands on his chest, prepared to push him away, but could not bring myself to do so. I felt as though I were hypnotized, charmed under his spell. Then, he stalled the kiss, and with his lips still touching, mine, in a soft voice he said, “Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll leave you alone.”

“I don’t.” I whispered back, breathing heavily against his mouth. My body was on fire, and I started to quiver.

“Then why are you still here?” He challenged.

“I…” I started to say, but then closed my eyes.

“Yes?” He pressed. When I opened my eyes again, his gaze seemed to paralyze me.

“I love you too.” I finished.

~CHRIS~

I have waited a long time to hear Nena say those words to me. I kissed her again, and this time I deepened the kiss, to her submission. Then, she threw her arms around my neck, and drew me closer. I groped her breasts, before sweeping her off her feet, and carried her to my bedroom. I had fantasized many times about making love to her again, so I intended to savor this moment. As I laid her on my bed, I showered her delicious body with kisses, and then slowly began to undress her. After zipping down the jacket of her pink velour pantsuit, exposing her red-laced bra, I gently kissed her cleavage. Then, I started a trail of kisses down to her navel. When I reached the drawstrings of her pants, I tugged at them, and then pulled her pants down, along with her matching red panties. I kissed each foot, as I pulled them out of her pant leg. She was divine. No other woman could ever amount to her, for as long as I lived. Thereafter, I removed my own clothes, led another trail of kisses up her legs, to the inside of her thighs, until I reached her mouthwatering, velvety lair. Instantly, her cries of ecstasy filled my ears, and her juices flowed freely on my tongue, as I devoured every drop of her sweet nectar. When I felt her hands on my head, inciting me to consume every ounce of her liquid passion, I could not wait any longer. I just had to have her. Then, I moved upwards, and slowed to kiss her C-section scar. When my lips found her breasts, I bit each nipple through the fabric of her bra. Readily, she unclasped the front closure of her bra, then pulled me up to her face, and kissed me fervently. I pushed the fabric away from her delectable mounds, and squeezed her breasts with my hands. As our tongues danced to the rhythm of our bodies, I slowly eased myself inside her.

~NENA~

After making love to Chris twice that night, I laid awake in his arms, staring at the ceiling. As I rested my head on his chest, many things ran through my mind. I felt so happy lying there in his arms, but I also felt saddened by the guilt, of having betrayed my sister again. My thoughts then drifted to Naima, and tears welled up in my eyes. How can I do this? How can I be with him, knowing how much it hurts you, Nai? I closed my eyes, trying not to feel the overwhelming culpability, which plagued my conscience. Once again, I felt torn over the love I had for my sister, and the love I felt for Chris. This is wrong, I thought. How can this work? My mind battled with my heart, at my predicament. I loved Nai dearly, but Chris now had my heart, which brought me to more tears. Then, I closed my eyes, and let them trickle down my face, onto his chest.

“Nena, you okay?” He asked, tilting his head, to see my face. When he saw my tears, he propped himself up, turning me to him. “What is it?” He asked, as I wiped my tears with the back of my hand.

“It’s just that…I realize now, how much I love you, and I feel so torn, because Nai means the world to me. She is my big sister. I need her.” Then, Chris drew me closer.

“I know baby. I know.” Was all he said, before I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke the next morning feeling well rested. Chris was already awake, and kissed the top of my head, when I shifted in his arms.

“Morning,” he said. I rubbed my eyes, and smiled.

“Thank you.” I said to him.

“For what?” He asked me.

“For last night,” I replied.

“Well, the pleasure was all mines.” He said with a smirk. I heard the insinuation in his voice, and laughed.

“That’s not what I meant. Thank you, for listening to me. You’ve always had a way of making me feel good about everything, no matter how bad things seemed.” I explained, grateful to have him in my corner.

“I care about you, Nena, and when it comes to you, I will move mountains if I have to, to make you happy. When you are weak, I will be strong for you.” He professed.

“I love you, Chris.” I said feeling safe, and protected in his arms.

“I love you too, baby.” He squeezed my shoulder, and I heard my stomach growl. “Why don’t we get out of here, and go out to eat?” He suggested. I then glanced at the clock, displayed on the cable box, under his TV.

“Don’t you have to get to the ship? It’s almost seven.” I said, sitting up.

“No, I got the rest of the week off, since tomorrow’s Thanksgiving. But I got duty on Saturday though.” He replied.

“Oh.” I said, lying back down on his chest.

“So, what are you in the mood for?” He asked, stroking my hair. The friction of his fingertips on my scalp felt soothing, and I instantly felt comforted in his arms.

“How about Café Mocha?” I suggested. Then, he playfully rolled his eyes.

“What is it with you women and caffeine?” He joked, and I giggled.

“It’s been my favorite place to go, since I moved here.” I explained.

“All right then, Café Mocha it is.” He agreed. I sat up excited, and threw the covers back. Rolling out of bed, I stood, and stretched naked. Then, I ran my hand through my hair, trying to tame my long wild mane, as I searched the floor for the rest of my clothes.

“I’m going to jump in the shower before we…” I started to say, but stopped. “What?” I asked, noticing his stare, and suddenly beginning to feel self-conscious. I placed a hand on my abdomen, obscuring his view of my scar, feeling vulnerable.

“Don’t,” he said, getting out of bed. Stark naked as well, he walked over to me, and moved my hand away. Then, he traced my scar with his finger, and looked me in the eye. “You’re beautiful. Always have been, and always will be.” He said with such profoundness. Touched by his words, I reached up on my tippy toes, put my arms around his neck, and pulled his face to mine. Then, I parted my lips, closed my eyes, and kissed him amorously. He kissed me back, with a great deal of passion, easing me towards the bathroom. With our lips still locked together, we entered the bathroom, and he closed the door behind us, pushing me against it. Then he drove his tongue into my mouth with such intensity, that I longed to feel him inside me again. I arched my back, thrusting my pelvis against his, and then he grabbed both my hands, placing them above my head. Then, he suddenly pushed my breasts together, and took both nipples into his mouth. He was so smooth, and his movements were so quick, that I found myself panting, and wanting more. Next thing I knew, he was sampling my mouth once more, and pinching my nipples in a way that sent a fresh wave of fluid between my legs. As our kiss intensified, he pulled me away from the door, and towards the shower. We stepped into the shower, with our tongues still dancing in each other’s mouths, and he reached past me to turn the water on. When I felt the droplets of water on my skin, I tilted my head back, letting the hot water run over my face, and through my hair. Then, he lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He pressed my back against the shower wall, and lowered my body onto his shaft. Immediately, I closed my eyes, as I took all of him in me. He slowly bounced me up and down, each time going deeper than before. With each moan that radiated from my body, I opened my eyes, and met his. The chemistry between us was exhilarating. His thrusting became more vigorous, as we gazed into each other’s eyes. He kissed me again so hard, and so full of passion, that I lost myself in his sea of ecstasy. Then, another moan escaped my throat, and into his, as he continued to feast on my feverish lips. At that instant, my body tensed, as a feeling of euphoria washed over me. Chris tightened his grip around my waist, and growled, when he met my orgasm with his own climax. Soon after, while sweating from the shower steam, he kissed me again, mouthing the words, I love you.