Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (10 page)

[
BRITT:
Have you ever written somebody an e-mail and then never received a response? And when she didn’t respond, did you think, Why isn’t she responding? Is she mad at me? Is she ignoring me on purpose? Down the insecurity vortex we go! It’s so easy to misinterpret what’s going on when someone doesn’t get back to us.

One time, I was upset about an unreturned e-mail about a work collaboration I was excited about. I thought this person changed her mind about the project and was purposely ignoring me. I fumed about it for weeks, wanting to tell her why I thought her non-response was so rude. Luckily, I never sent that blunt e-mail I’d drafted a million times in my head because later I learned there was a death in her family and she had stopped responding to
all
e-mails. Turns out her non-response had
nothing
to do with me.

Luckily my mother’s advice, “Be careful what you put in writing, because you can’t take it back” stuck with me that day. But in the twenty-first century, this cogent piece of advice takes on a whole new meaning, especially considering our (almost disturbing) ability to now instantly share everything and connect with anyone, whenever and wherever we are.

Tech etiquette—everything from following up on unreturned e-mails to social-media sharing—is something we could all use a little refresher on. Knowing what is appropriate to share, what is TMI, and what can go unsaid can be a fine line to walk, and one that deeply affects our reputation. So, let’s get savvy on tech etiquette and avoid some serious #fails.
]

SCENARIO #1:
You’re at dinner with your girls and you notice that the group is more focused on Instagramming how much fun you’re all having (yourself included) rather than actually
experiencing
the fun you’re all having.

SCENARIO #2:
You’re at a Beyoncé concert and you’re only half-enjoying your favorite song because you’re so focused on changing your Facebook status to how Beyoncé is killing it tonight.

SCENARIO #3:
You’re at your niece’s first birthday party and you miss seeing her face-plant into her birthday cake because you’re too busy tweeting about how fast a year goes by.

You get where I’m going with these scenarios, right? Our generation is in love with the instant gratification that cell phones deliver and the connecting powers of social media. From being our camera, our credit card, our reservation maker, and even our tip calculator—not to mention giving us minute-by-minute updates on exactly what all of our friends are doing, eating, watching, and wearing—they do everything! It’s no wonder we can’t put the darn things down.

It’s easy to fall into this pattern when everyone’s doing it, and we may tell ourselves there’s no harm in some innocent scrolling. Well, the harm is that cell phones can also be distracting and downright rude when we are with others. And as we’ve discussed, the single most crucial component of good etiquette is making those around us feel comfortable and special—not like they are playing second fiddle to your smart phone. So, keep these tips in mind the next time you go to whip out your cell.

Put it in your bag and on silent mode when . . .

•
You’re eating with others.

•
You’re at movies, concerts, and theatrical performances.

•
You’re at a social engagement, such as parties and weddings.

•
You’re at church or meditation.

•
You’re in meetings and interviews.

Savvy Girls are busy girls. Returning every single phone call can be tricky to do between work schedules, hitting the gym, and attending social functions. Plus, sometimes you might not know what’s expected of you if, say, a friend calls but doesn’t leave a message. Was it an accidental dial or did she not leave a voice mail on purpose?

My take: It’s always important to follow up with those who have contacted us. So the next time you spot a missed call (or twelve) on your cell, follow these pointers:

•
If someone calls but does not leave a voice mail . . . Although pocket dials are more rare with today’s smart phones, if you have a missed call and there’s no message, you can call someone back as a courtesy but don’t feel obligated. A text back to that person is also acceptable.

•
If someone leaves a voice mail, can you text them back? If someone calls you and takes the time to leave a voice mail, it’s best to take the time to call them back instead of texting them.

[
BRITT:
I know it’s easier to text someone back than to make time for a twenty-minute phone call, but if your friend called you, it’s probably because she wants to catch up. If you can’t make time for a phone call that day, shoot your friend a text and say that you got her voice mail and you will call her back the next day, or as soon as you get a few minutes. Even if you only have five minutes to talk, it’s better than no call back at all.
]

The exception? If you are traveling or dealing with personal circumstances. If that’s the case, return the call at your earliest convenience.

I think we can all admit to screening our calls every now and then. Sometimes, hitting the Ignore button is all too alluring. Maybe it was a number you didn’t recognize, or you were in a situation where it would be rude to answer the phone, or you just got home from work and all you wanted to do was indulge in your favorite Bravo show. Of course you have the right to let a call go to voice mail. Just be sure to check the voice mail to see if it is urgent.

As for those who seem to be screening
your
calls: Leave a message when you call explaining that you need them to return the call, and hopefully they will. If it’s urgent, follow up with a succinct text. We’re all checking our voice mail less frequently these days, so instead of hoping your friend will listen to your message, shoot a quick text.

If you still don’t get a call back, e-mail your friend to let her know you’ve tried to call. You might also tactfully bring it up the next time you see her, saying something like “I know you have been so busy, but did you get the voice mail I left you last week?”

When you were little, did your mom ever make you answer the phone with, “Hello, you’ve reached the [insert your last name here] residence?” Thankfully we don’t need to answer our cell phones that way, but there are still a few etiquette tidbits to keep in mind when you accept a call:

•
ANSWER YOUR PHONE WITH POSITIVITY.
Doesn’t it feel amazing when someone answers the phone in a tone that sounds like they could not be more thrilled to hear from you?

•
END A CALL POLITELY.
Have you ever been on a call with your friend (or your mother) and wanted to get back to doing the dishes but you didn’t know how to end the call nicely? No need to explain where you’re off to or what you need to get back to doing. A “thanks for the call” or “I’ve got to run, but great chatting,” is all you need to say to get off the phone.

•
KNOW WHEN TO ANSWER CALL WAITING.
If you get a beep and you need to answer the call, end the call you’re currently on instead of placing them on hold for a lengthy period of time.

•
TALK AT A NORMAL DECIBEL.
Be mindful of how loud you are talking, as you’ll annoy anyone around you if you are yelling into the phone. Don’t be
that
person everyone secretly wants to muffle.

•
ADMIT TO USING SPEAKERPHONE.
Let someone know if you’ve placed her on speakerphone. That way, she can be mindful of the conversation, lest an awkward moment arise.

•
WAIT UNTIL YOU’RE OUT OF THE ELEVATOR.
Don’t answer if you’re en route up or down in an elevator. This is a small and confined space and not everyone needs to hear the intimate details of your bestie’s wax appointment gone wrong.

•
QUIT YOUR MULTITASKING.
You don’t want to sound distracted while talking on the phone. The person on the other end should be your priority.

These days, a good chunk of communication with family and friends is done via text. Whether you’re sending an “On my way!” message to your BFF before meeting her for Sunday brunch or texting the caterer’s contact information to your mom for the dinner party she’s planning, texts are quick, easy, immediate—you know the drill.

However, texts can also be a slippery slope thanks to awkward autocorrect moments and misconstrued messages. So take a moment to brush up on some texting dos and don’ts.

DO
be careful with sarcasm and jokes in texts—you can only convey so much with those little emoticons.

DO
reread your messages. Whoever created autocorrect technology clearly had a sense of humor.