Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (14 page)
Read Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette Online
Authors: Brittany Deal,Bren Underwood
Tags: #table manners, #thank you notes, #social etiquette, #entertaining, #dating etiquette, #thank you note etiquette, #bridesmaid etiquette, #maid of honor etiquette, #how to shine as your best self, #tech etiquette, #modern manners, #win friends, #etiquette expert, #proper social behavior, #respect, #social conduct, #charming, #etiquette advice, #good manners, #wedding etiquette, #move on over Emily Post, #polished, #self-help, #etiquette guide, #build confidence, #how to be your best self, #guest etiquette, #manners, #hosting, #host etiquette, #elegant, #being a great guest, #nice people, #social media etiquette, #the power of appreciation, #Etiquette
A few days later, Lou called to invite me to a concert for our second date. I declined, telling him I had tennis lessons with my girlfriends. (I did! I swear!) Lou later told me he thought “tennis lessons” was my version of the proverbial “I have to wash my hair” excuse, and he figured I just wasn’t that into him—despite our awesome first date.
I had no idea that my nonchalant approach to declining date number two had been misinterpreted. After about a week or two of not hearing from my dream guy, I decided I needed to remedy the situation ASAP, so I casually invited him to join me on a hike. Luckily, that was all I needed to do to indicate I was still interested, and an official second date was put on the calendar. The rest, as they say, is history.
What should you do in case you need to reschedule a date with Mr. Right? How do you handle tricky situations like the check? When is it OK to text him first? All will be revealed ahead.
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Take a walk down memory lane for a moment and flash back to the last time you went on a first date. Do you remember what you wore? Did conversation flow as smoothly as the wine? Did he lean in for a kiss at the end of the night?
As much as everyone tries to tell us to relax and be ourselves on a first date, it can be tough to do when you are both excited and anxious. I mean, what if you’re about to go on your last first date
ever
?
Just as you thoughtfully prepare for a job interview, it’s important to prep for a first date and approach it with good dating etiquette so those same nerves won’t get in your way.
Whether you’re currently on the prowl or just trying to help out a girlfriend who texts you a desperate message on her next date, here is how the dating savvy do it.
First things first—
the ask
. If you’ve been asked out on a date and you’re interested, let him know by saying something along the lines of, “Yes, I would love to have dinner with you.” Easy enough, right?
In a perfect world, the guy will then take the lead and respond with, “Great, how about Friday night at Hibiscus, seven p.m.?” However, some guys (OK, most guys) aren’t planners, so your date may ask you where you want to go instead of choosing the restaurant himself.
Although that trendy (read: spendy) sushi place is at the top of your list, suggest something more moderately priced. Also, while you might love exotic cuisine, he might be a “meat and potatoes” type of guy, so choose a restaurant where you both will be likely to find something on the menu.
If he asks to pick you up (the sign of a true gentleman, in my opinion), only accept if you feel comfortable with this. If you’d prefer to meet there, make sure to arrive on time.
Can a girl ask a guy out?
I say do whatever feels right for you—it’s the twenty-first century, ladies. However, keep in mind that guys typically like to do the asking. If you’re feeling like the love of your life might be on the shy side and you need to initiate the romance, ask him to grab coffee, go on a hike, or get drinks. If he’s interested in taking it to the next level, he’ll take the lead and ask for a second date.
Sometimes a sudden emergency or unwelcome case of the flu pops up, in which case you’ll have to cancel a date. If this happens, let your guy know ASAP, apologize for the last-minute notice, and suggest rescheduling for a different day and time. After all, you don’t want him thinking you’re “sick” (
cough, cough
) and don’t have the chutzpah to tell him that you just don’t want to see him again (tennis lessons, anyone?). Suggesting a different day will show him that you’re interested and telling the truth.
If you’re unavailable on the day he’s asked you out again, tell him you’d love to see him but have a scheduling conflict, and ask if you can go out another night. For instance, you could say, “I’d love to have dinner on Tuesday. Unfortunately, I already have plans. I’m free Thursday, though!” and then let him take the lead.
Now for the trickier part of dating: declining a date. If you’re not interested—perhaps the boy isn’t your type or you’re taking a break from dating in general—gently and politely let him down. It takes a lot of courage to ask someone on a date, and you want to be mindful of his feelings. Say, “I’m so flattered you asked me out, but I’m not looking to date right now.”
What to Wear?
Tailor your outfit to the type of date. You don’t want to show up in an Hervé Léger dress if you’re going to a basketball game, right? And if he’s taking you sailing on a summer afternoon, be the perfect first mate in white jeans and a cute tunic or summer sweater. If he’s taking you out to dinner at one of the more upscale restaurants in town, that LBD is all you need. Either way, put in the effort to dress appropriately for the venue, show you care, and look your best from head to toe.
There are so many unknowns in the dating game, from figuring out what to order (will the spinach get stuck in my teeth?) to deciding what to drink (uh-oh, what if he asks me to choose the wine?). To take the stress out of this romantic rendezvous, follow these guidelines:
•
DON’T MAKE HIM WAIT.
Be on time, whether he is picking you up or whether you’re meeting him there.
•
LET HIM TAKE THE LEAD.
When it comes to ordering drinks or wine, let him toss out ideas. For example, he might suggest ordering a bottle of wine for you both to share, or he may ask if you’d like to start with a cocktail. (In case he encourages you to pick the wine, check out
Savvy Girl: A Guide to Wine
before your date.)
•
ORDER SOMETHING MODERATELY PRICED.
While the filet mignon or seafood tower might look delicious, keep in mind that your date will likely be paying for the meal, so it’s best to select something less expensive. If you’re unsure what to order, ask him what he is having, and then follow his lead with something similarly priced. For instance, if he orders a salad and entrée, you might also order an appetizer and entrée so you can enjoy your courses together.
•
LEAVE YOUR CELL IN YOUR PURSE.
And don’t forget to put it on silent. Also, don’t jump to check your phone as soon as he gets up from the table to go to the restroom. Your bestie might be asking you for a play-by-play, but showing more interest in your phone than your date is a sure way to
not
get that second date.
•
SHOW OFF YOUR SAVVY TABLE MANNERS.
Practice proper table manners by saying please and thank you to the server. (See
Chapter 8
for a helpful refresher on these.)
•
STRIKE UP AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION.
Ask open-ended questions to learn more about your date and try to keep the conversation going. Awkward pauses are . . . well, awkward. To avoid them, stick to neutral topics (work, hobbies, travel, and family) and skip anything potentially controversial (religion, politics, money, exes . . .
especially
exes).
•
KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN THE CHECK LANDS.
Proper etiquette rules say that whoever asks for the date pays for the date. Since he (presumably) asked you out, he is responsible for the bill.
But just because it’s etiquette protocol, that doesn’t mean everyone follows it. The old “let’s split the check” move is a good one. When the check arrives, pull out your wallet as if you expect to split the bill. When the guy tells you to put your wallet away and says he’s “got this,” reply with, “That is so sweet of you! Thank you.”
But what if you get to the end of the first date, you do the reach-for-your-wallet move, and then he actually
lets
you pay for your half (or worse, he lets you pay for the whole bill!)? This may be a sign that he’s just not that into you—
or
it might mean he simply hasn’t had traditional etiquette training. Even though there’s no doubt that this move would send a strange signal, it’s too early to determine what it means. If you like the guy, don’t jump to conclusions.
•
AT THE END OF THE DATE, THANK HIM FOR THE EVENING AND REITERATE WHAT A GOOD TIME YOU HAD.
If you’re interested in seeing him again, let him know and then leave the ball in his court. If he’s interested, he will call you to set up another date.
•
AS FOR THE KISS?
That’s up to you. I say leave it for the second date so there is a hint of mystery.
After the First Date:
Can I call him?
As excited as you might be, let him contact you. If he is interested in another date, he will call.
Can I text him?
Hold off on texting him unless he texts you first. And even then, keep the texts to a minimum. You don’t want to appear desperate.
What if he only texts me?
If you wish he would call, the next time he messages you to get together, reply with something like, “Sounds great, give me a call when you have a chance and we’ll set it up.” This will subtly let him know that you’d appreciate a phone call.
What if he doesn’t text or call for a week or longer, or ever?
If a man isn’t calling or texting you after three to four days, I’m afraid he’s “just not that into you.”
The mystery of a blind date often entices people to give a total stranger a try (Just think: What if he is Ryan Gosling’s doppelgänger?). But a blind date can also become a dating horror story you’ll share at future cocktail party one day.
Although finding the perfect match on a blind date may sound rare, I actually know two couples who were set up on blind dates that both resulted in true love. So in case you decide to get a little adventurous, here are a few tips for you hopeless romantic matchmakers out there.