Saying Goodbye (What the World Doesn't Know) (34 page)

            “What’s up?” Alex asked looming above Darren.

            “Have a seat,” Darren said.

            Noting the seriousness in Darren’s tone, Alex said, “Thanks, I’ll stand.”

            Darren said nothing as he reached in his coat pocket and handed Alex a folded piece of paper.

            “What’s this?” Alex asked as he unfolded what appeared to be an official legal document.

            “Restraining order,” said Darren with a sigh.

            “From who?” asked Alex, his voice growing louder.

            “The Robinsons,” said Darren, sitting forward in his seat. “They want you to leave their daughter alone.”

            Alex laughed. “She’s twenty years old; she’s a grown woman. She has a mind of her own, you know.”

            Darren shrugged and said, “She’s still their daughter and they feel you are causing her distress.”

            “This is bullshit, Darren,” Alex said and then ripped the restraining order to shreds. “If Frankie wants me to stop calling her, then she can tell me herself.”

            Darren gave Alex a look. “I think that’s the point; she did.”

            “Bullshit!” Alex yelled. “It’s just fucking bullshit. They’re filling her mind with lies because they think I’m not good enough for their daughter.”

            “Alex,” Darren said with a gasp of breath. “Do you not understand the consequences of Frankie Robinson and you having a child together? She’s the hottest thing in the America right now, and the world just can’t get enough of you and the boys. It’s bad—very bad. Julia, Marie, and Sarah can’t walk down the street here in London without being harassed. Do you know what it would be like for Frankie, who is a Hollywood starlet? Do you want to put Frankie in danger?”

            “No,” grunted Alex. “I had it taken care of; I was going to marry her!”

            “Besides, the press would have a field day,” Darren said. “Can you imagine the tabloid journals?”

            “I’m already in every tabloid journal and it’s all lies anyway,” argued Alex. “The press makes shit up all the time.”

            “You wouldn’t have been able to hide the fact that Frankie Robinson was pregnant and you were the father,” Darren said.

            “Who the fuck cares, Darren? It’s nobody’s business but mine and Frankie’s. If the world can’t handle it and it’s a big fucking scandal, so be it. People will get over it when the next big scandal hits and they’ll forget all about Frankie and me.”

            “Alex,” Darren said calmly. “It’s over. The Robinsons terminated the pregnancy.”

            The news knocked all the wind from his body. He had a hard time choking out his response. “No,” he said. “It’s untrue.”

            “Yes,” replied Darren. “At the hand of the family doctor.”

            “Are you saying Frankie had an abortion?” asked Alex.

            “Yes,” said Darren.

            “You said you would help me!” Alex screamed. “You told me not to worry! You told me to take Sarah to Bermuda! I did everything you told me to do and now you’re telling me Frankie had an abortion?!” “Goddamn it, Darren! No wonder she’s not talking to me!”

            “I didn’t know they were going to terminate the pregnancy. I didn’t think they would do that to her,” Darren said in an apologetic tone. “I’m sorry, I just was taking precautions.”

            Alex gasped as he ran his hands through his hair. His mind went blank and then he darted out of Darren’s office, slamming the door behind him. He rushed past Chase, who grabbed him by the arm. Alex stopped and turned to Chase. “Let me go,” he said sternly.

            “I can’t,” said Chase.

            “What, are you all afraid I’m going to do something destructive?” he asked, turning in circles, laying his eyes on a vase. He picked it up and threw it onto the floor where it crashed and exploded into many pieces. Robbie, Nick, Peter, and Josh all looked up from their conversations. “Was that what you were afraid I was going to do?” asked Alex. He picked up another statue and slammed it against the floor.

            “Something like that,” said Chase, holding onto Alex’s arms.

            Alex roughly removed himself from Chase’s grasp and stormed out of Darren’s house. A light but bitter cold rain fell, but Alex felt nothing. He tramped through the mud to his car. Just as he was about to get inside, Chase suddenly appeared and grabbed Alex’s keys.

            “Stop, you’re in no condition to drive,” said Chase.

            “Fuck off!” yelled Alex. “Leave me alone!”

            “No fucking way I’m leaving you alone,” said Chase. “What’s going on?”

            Alex looked away and said nothing at first. Then he turned and looked at Chase. “It’s nobody’s business,” he said. “Besides, no one can help anyway.”

            “Look,” Chase said. “When you start heading in a self-destructive tailspin it is
all
our business.”

            “Alex reached in side his shirt pocket for a carton of cigarettes. Pulling one out, he lit it and laughed ironically. “Funny how everything I do or don’t do is everyone’s fucking business. Why can’t everyone just leave me the fuck alone?! I am so tired of living under a microscope! I’m so fucking tired of people telling me what to do, what to say, who to be with, and who not to be with. There’s no reason for me to be alive—just kill me! Shove a stick up my ass and prop me around like a puppet!”

            Chase paused, taking in Alex’s outburst. “Are you going to tell me what this is all about? I mean, come on, man; you and I go back to when we were kids. If you can’t trust me, you are truly in sorry shape.”

            “Fine!” Alex exclaimed angrily. “Frankie had an abortion.”

            Chase’s mouth gaped open. It was certainly not the news he was expecting to hear. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was pregnant.”

            “She
was
,” Alex said with a puff of his cigarette. “Apparently, Ma and Pa Robinson disapprove of me as the father of their daughter’s baby, so they killed it.” He looked at Chase harshly. “They murdered my unborn child because they didn’t like me—because I was not good enough!” And finally Alex was beginning to break, choking back a few tears as the reality was setting in.

            “Geez,” Chase said with a sigh. “I’m so sorry.”

            “You know what the worst part is?” Alex continued. “I had it all planned. I was going to marry her. I
wanted
to marry her. I told her not to tell anyone, to keep it a secret; because I knew if people found out, they’d try to stop us, keep us apart, and I was right! It’s not fair, Chase! It’s fucking not fair! It was my baby! I should have had a say! I was going to marry her! I wanted to marry her! Everyone else can have babies and get married—Nick and Josh. I get a girl pregnant, and they kill the baby.”

            Chase wrapped his arms around Alex to calm him down. “They didn’t knock up Frankie Robinson. Julia and Maria are hometown girlfriends from before you guys hit it big. It’s a completely different scenario.”

            Resting his chin on Chase’s shoulder, Alex said, “I love her. I can’t stop thinking about her, but now they have this fucking restraining order. I can’t go near her or talk to her. Am I that bad? Am I that terrible?”

            “Not at all,” said Chase. “This this has nothing to do with you or Frankie.”

            “How can it
not
be about me and Frankie?” asked Alex. “It is our baby they killed.”

            “Because in this fucked-up world, you and Frankie are not people; you are a commodity, a product. Do you really think anyone cares about you, or Frankie, or your relationship? They don’t care about love; they care about money. That is what this is about, maintaining Frankie’s reputation and career. They could care less about you, or Frankie for that matter,” said Chase. “If Frankie Robinson gives up her career to have a family, some rich and powerful men are going to lose a lot of money.”

            Alex stepped back from Chase and kicked at the mud. “Well that’s just fucking awesome! That makes me feel so much better! So no one thinks of me as a person, just as some fucking product. Frankie and I have no chance at a life together because some rich bastard will lose money on the deal. Why does this happen to me? How can Josh or Nick find a nice woman to fall in love with and start a family, but I get treated like a fucking piece of shit?!”

            “Like I said,” said Chase, “because you, my friend, fell in love not with a girl, but with America’s top property.” He then patted Alex on the shoulder. “Come on,” he said, “let’s get out of here. We’ll go to my place to settle down for a bit.”

 

            Alex sat in Chase’s kitchen with his forehead resting on the edge of the table as he stared at the floor. No words were spoken. Alex felt dead inside and there was nothing—no drink, no cigarette, no drug, or anything anyone could say—that could revive him.

            Soon Robbie, Nick, Peter, and Josh arrived at Chase’s. Upon first sight of Alex, Robbie said, “Good Lord, he looks like a bird that crashed into a plate glass window and now has two broken wings.”

            Chase looked at Robbie and shook his head, indicating that this was absolutely no time for funny business.

            Peter rested his hands on the back of Alex’s chair. “Is anyone going to tell us what is going on?”

            “No,” muttered Alex.

            Nick sat alongside Alex and stared at him intently. “Stop being such a proud fuck and tell us what is going on,” he said. “You go down, we all go down—you realize that? All five of us are one.”

            Alex nodded his head and said with a sigh, “You can always find another guitar player.”

            “We don’t want another guitar player,” said Peter, patting him on the back. “We want you.”

            Josh leaned on the table. “’Cause you are the light that keeps us all going,” he said with a lighthearted chuckle.

            Alex lifted his head and stared at Josh with look of heavy sarcasm.

            “It is true, you know,” said Nick. “I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

            “Ah, come on,” said Peter. “You’re like my little brother, and you can never give up on family.”

            Grunting heavily, Alex reached for a carton of cigarettes. With the light of a match, he lit his cigarette and puffed. “Frankie had an abortion,” he said finally.

            Everyone was silent until Josh finally said: “Shit.”

            “Yeah,” Alex said, trying to remain casual in the conversation, but his eyes started to well as he told the story. “Her parents don’t like me. So they turned her against me and terminated the pregnancy.”

            “They murdered your baby?!” exclaimed Nick.

            Alex nodded, unable to speak, again trying to hold back tears. His hands trembled as he held his cigarette and rapidly puffed. “It’s partially my fault,” he said.

            “How the hell is it
your
fault?” asked Peter.

            “Sarah,” he said. “Frankie found out I was still living with her,” He then laughed at his own misfortune. “I brought this on myself. I don’t have the balls to break up with a girl I don’t love and I’m too afraid to commit to the one I do.” He rose from the table. “Had I been a better man, this probably would not have happened.”

            As Alex walked out of the kitchen, Chase called to him. “Where are you going?”

            “Living room,” Alex said from out of view. “I can’t have the six of you staring at me. You’re all looking at me as if I’m on my death bed.”

            Robbie, Nick, Peter, Chase, and Josh stared at one another helplessly.

            “How long do you think it will take him to get over this?” asked Josh innocently.

            Nick poured himself a glass of whiskey. “This is not something you get over,” he replied. “This is something you have to live with.”

 

            After the holidays Frankie was more than happy to get away from home and the cold, dark winter of New York City. Despite having to perform for the soldiers stationed in the Dominican Republic, the bright sunshine, warm air, and slight breeze were therapeutic. They cleansed a bit of the negativity, pain, and grief she had experienced over the past several months. She was able to see past the overcast skies that for so long had clouded her vision.

            Here in Santo Domingo, behind the sturdy walls of the US Army base, she sat at the water’s edge, looking across the teal blue Caribbean toward England. It definitely wasn’t the vacation she had hoped to share with Alex. She realized that it was the civil unrest within her own family that had bought her to the Dominican Republic, a country already filled with its own civil unrest. She chuckled at her own irony.
Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire
, she thought.

            It did give her perspective, though. Her recent personal tragedy and the strained relationship she was currently experiencing with her parents were nothing compared to the hunger and growing violence in the streets of Santo Domingo. It made her feel like a spoiled brat for even crying.
There is a larger world outside of me and my own,
she thought, and she was glad to have found it.

            Frankie was never a girl who relished in politics; she could care less for the posturing of the powerful. She did, however, have a personal tie to the politicians’ agendas when her father had been targeted as a communist during the red scare of the 1950’s. Marcus had always been such a sweet and gentle man. It had infuriated Frankie to witness others nearly bring his career to ruin through condemning innuendos and lies.

            It was then that Frankie decided to separate herself from the images the public knew her for. Fans everywhere didn’t realize they were being given a false reality created by managers, agents, the press, and politicians. Some people wanted to paint her father red when he truly wasn’t, while others wanted to portray her as a dimwitted pin-up girl, which she definitely wasn’t. And then she had met Alex, who was suffering through the same image problem she was. Everyone either saw him as the sweet “boy next door” that his manager wanted to promote, or the “bad boy” that the press constantly portrayed.