SCARRED (4 page)

      He watched her a moment longer as she turned the T.V. on and began flipping through the channels. He would ensure her safety for their year together. He would refine her, spoil her, and eventually have to let her go. The thought took some of the air from his lungs.

      Serene laughed hysterically with her arms clutching her stomach. Lawson chuckled more at her than the movie they were watching. She was like a child, an under-privileged child. Lawson had popped popcorn and she was happily eating handfuls of the stuff, licking the butter from her fingers. There would be time for etiquette lessons later; for now he was happy to just spoil her.

      The movie ended and she began surfing the channels looking for something else.

      “Would you like to go clothes shopping?”

      Serene gave him a sidelong look and frowned. “My clothes look rough, but I keep them clean.”

      “It’s not meant as an insult. I just thought women liked to clothes shop.”

     
Women do,
Serene thought.
Unfortunately the meager earnings from Ted had to go towards food, toiletries, and what was left over was only enough to shop at the Goodwill.
She didn’t say any of it out loud, however. She was too embarrassed to speak it out loud.

     
“I would like to.” She said quietly.

      “Good. Tomorrow’s Saturday, so I’ll drop you off at the mall and pick up later.”

      “Does that mean you’re staying here tonight?”

      “Yes. I will stay every weekend with you.”

      “Where do you go during the week?”

      “I work.”

      Serene didn’t buy any of it. She felt an inexplicable jealousy well up within her. “You’re married aren’t you?” She spat the words out like a curse.

      Lawson sighed and turned his head away. “Not anymore.”

      The sadness in his voice made Serene regret the harshness of her words. “What happened?”

      She could see his throat work as he swallowed. “She died.”

      The pain in his voice was terrible, causing his voice to barely rise above a whisper. Serene reached out and touched his hand. His eyes met hers, but with the mask, his face was hard to read.

      “I’m sorry, Lawson.”

      He intertwined his fingers in hers and took a deep breath. “How about we watch another movie?”

      Serene smiled lightly and nodded. “Ok.”

* * * *

      The next morning dawned with rain clouds and Serene felt the chilly air raise goose bumps on her arms. Lawson drove her to the mall and Serene realized that his truck had tinted windows. She guessed he had it so he could ride with his mask on. When he pulled into the side parking lot of the mall, he let her out at the far end of the east parking lot, and she knew instinctively it was to ensure that no one saw his masked face. It obviously could cause alarm.

      Lawson handed a thin stack of money to her and told her to shove it in her purse.

      “I’ll keep watch to make sure you enter safely. Spend all of it if you want.”

      Serene looked at the money and felt the crispness of new bills. “How much is here?”

      “A thousand.”

      Serene put the money in her worn bag. She had never held that much money at one time. “Thanks, Lawson.”

      “I’ll be back at two, parked here again.”

      Serene nodded and left the truck. Her excitement built with each step she took towards the mall.
Shopping!
She hadn’t truly been shopping for a very long time, and certainly not with a thousand dollars. She approached the glass doors and could hear the sounds of people and kids. She turned once and waved to Lawson. She wasn’t sure if he could see her, but she waved anyway.

      The first thing she experienced was sensory overdrive. She found a mall map posted near the doors and she inspected what was available near the green arrow that stated ‘You are here’. She looked ahead and saw a cute boutique-style store with colorful clothes displayed on faceless mannequins. She smiled and set off in the direction of that one. The faceless mannequins reminded her of Lawson.

      After forty-five minutes, she had two bags that held underwear, socks, a few shirts, jeans, and some yoga pants. She even found a nice long-sleeved black dress. She looked down at herself and felt proud of her brand new clothes. When the salesgirl asked if she wanted a separate bag for her old clothes, Serene told her to burn them.

      The girl gave her a quizzical look as she watched Serene lace up her new sneakers, but didn’t say anything in response. On the way out Serene saw a pair of boots made of soft black leather and a shiny black jacket with faux fur around the hood and sleeves. She ran happily back to the register with both items.

      “I’m so excited you have my size!”

      The salesgirl had never seen such an enthusiastic customer. She wondered if she could be just as enthusiastic selling the clothes.

      “Are you looking for work by any chance?”

      “Um, no, not right now.” Serene said with lowered eyes.

      “Well, come fill out an application if you ever are.” The salesgirl handed her the bag with the boots, and gave Serene a dazzling smile.

      “Ok, thank you.” Serene responded shyly. Maybe she could come here after Lawson was done with her.

      When she walked out of the store she turned right, wandering a little aimlessly until she passed a small hair salon. She went in and had her hair washed and cut. The stylist cut it to her shoulders and applied a gel that smelled like mangos. Once she was finished, Serene’s hair was shiny and hanging in soft waves.

      “Wow.”

      “You have very nice hair.” The stylist said gently. Serene saw her looking at the fading bruises on her neck and jaw.

      “How much do I owe you?”

      “It’s twenty five, sweetheart.”

      “Can I buy the gel too?”

      “That will bring your total to forty five.”

      Serene followed her to the register and handed a hundred dollar bill over. The woman glanced at her and opened her mouth but closed it again. She was a pleasant middle-aged woman with graying hair. Serene wondered what her mother would have looked like by now. Maybe she would have looked like her. The woman handed her the change and watched her leave with sad eyes.

* * * *

      “You cut your hair.”

      “Yeah.” Serene said sliding into the backseat and handing Lawson the money she didn’t spend.

      “You only spent half.”

      “I got everything I needed. Plus I found a book store that had a great clearance table!” She said with a big smile. “I actually did really well! I only bought two things that weren’t on sale!”

      Lawson twisted in the seat further to look at her better. “Serene, that money was a gift to you. You didn’t need to shop frugally.”

      She furrowed her brow. “If you shop frugally, you can buy more, right?”

      Lawson chuckled. “Yes, I suppose that’s true. Take this money back.”

      “Why?” Serene was confused and leery. Ted had never offered her free money before. She slowly reached out her hand to take the bills. “Thanks.” She said in a small voice.

      “What books did you get?”

      Serene’s face lit up with the mention of the books, and she began pulling them out of the bag to show him. “I found this one about Ireland, and this one is on the Arctic! Plus, I found a great book about digital photography!”

      Lawson turned back and faced the windshield. Her child like enthusiasm over her new treasures was disturbing. How terrible had her life been? “That’s really great.” He put the truck into gear and drove slowly from the parking lot.

      Serene stared at the money, biting her lower lip. She wanted to ask something, but fear was stopping her. Lawson might think her ungrateful.

      Lawson watched her from the rearview mirror. She was so beautiful. He noticed her working something out in her mind, which made her all the more alluring; with her head down and her eyebrows drawn together so that they nearly touched.

      “What’s wrong, Serene?”

      Her head shot up and she shook it quickly. He saw the fear in her eyes, though he had spoken softly. At that moment he wanted to painfully punish every man that had contributed to that look.

      “Is there somewhere else you would like to go, or maybe something else you wanted to purchase?” He kept his voice soft.

      She began to shake her head, and then nodded.

      “That’s fine. What would you like?”

      “I want a way to print my pictures. Do I have enough here?” She handed the money over the seat.

      “I’m pretty sure you do.” Lawson knew she would need a computer as well, and that meant that maybe she didn’t have enough. He glanced at her again and saw her smiling sweetly as she flipped through the photography book. His heart skipped a beat knowing he would pay any price to keep that sweet smile on her lips.

* * * *

      Two hours later they were back at Lawson’s house and Serene was watching him set up her new laptop and printer. She clenched and unclenched her hands as she stood a few feet from him.

      “I’m sorry this cost you more than what I had left.”

      Lawson sighed and let his head drop a bit. He stood and faced her, placing his hands gently on her upper arms. She looked up at him with her enormous blue eyes, shining out of pale skin. “I told you that the cost didn’t matter. You did a good job picking them out. You’re a very good shopper.”

      “I really am grateful.”

      He nodded. “I know you are. These are your things, so please enjoy them, and stop apologizing, ok?”

      “Ok.” She gave him a shy smile and stood on tip toe to kiss him just below the mask.

      The mask was beginning to concern Serene. He wore it all the time. Why? Did he wear it everywhere he went, or just when she was present? He stayed in the truck at the electronics store and she had to go back and forth from the truck to the store until the purchase was complete. How did he get anything done?

      She studied the back of his head and neck as he bent over the equipment again. She could tell by the slightly grayish hue of the half of his scalp that she could see, that he did indeed shave his head bald, but she also could see faint scars that crisscrossed over the flesh of his scalp and the back of his neck. She had noticed similar scarring on his hands and wrists. She wanted to see the rest of him but he always wore long-sleeved shirts with collars or shirts with collars that came high towards his neck.

      “Where did the scars come from?”

      Lawson stopped and tilted his head to look at her from the corner of his eye. “Some things are private, Serene.”

      His voice wasn’t angry and Serene took it as an invitation to try and persuade the information out of him. “I don’t mind them. I was just wondering…”

      “
I said it’s PRIVATE!
” The force of his yell and the way he stood as he eyes burned through the mask caused Serene to take a step backwards. Her eyes instantly filled with tears, and Lawson regretted his reaction immediately. He held a hand out towards her with the palm up, but she shook her head and walked down the hall to her bedroom. The soft click of the door followed by the sound of her locking it behind her was like a knife to his heart. This woman had been bullied. She had been bullied possibly her entire life and he had just confirmed for her that all men were that way.