Scars of the Future (12 page)

I stared up at his sincere eyes and I felt myself melting into a puddle of goo at his words. He must have known I was a goner because a slight smirk played on his lips and he leaned down to capture mine. My hands left my hips and draped around his neck as my head fell to his shoulder when our lips parted. Matt rest his cheek against my hair and let out a long sigh.

Standing in that hallway with him, I felt safe, cherished, wanted, and loved all rolled into one. But most importantly, I felt at home.

Matt and I spent the rest of our Saturday together. We watched TV, discussed the remodel plans, cooked dinner, made love, and talked all throughout the day. Sitting home doing basic things with Matt ended up being one of the best days I’d had in a while. It was late in the evening when we were in my bed and I laid on my side with the carpet sample book, flipping through the pages slowly.

“If Josh and Maddie were back Josh could help us pull the carpet now. He knows. Of course, if Josh and Maddie were back I could tell Maddie and it would all be moot.” I sighed and ran my fingers across one of the samples before looking up at Matt.

“How does Josh know?” Matt gave me a confused look.

I laughed and shook my head. “He’s just observant. He called me out on it at the wedding when he was dancing with me.”

“It’s really is so obvious now that I know, and I’m not around you as much as the girls. I’m honestly surprised they don’t know.”

I rubbed a different piece of carpet with my thumb and forefinger before smiling at him. “I’ve been really careful. I don’t think they’ve seen me in a fitted shirt in about six weeks. If we still lived together, I’m sure my cover would have been blown weeks ago.”

Matt turned the page of his book slowly. “Maddie will be home Wednesday, right?”

“Yeah, I think Wednesday night. I’ll tell her as soon as I can get her and Sydney together in one place.”

“We have the ‘welcome back’ dinner for them at Mom’s on Friday night. Are you coming?

It was funny, because a week ago I had been thinking of reasons not to go to avoid the awkwardness that had bloomed between the two of us. The situation couldn’t have been more different if I had tried.

I chose not to divulge that tidbit as I sat up and shut the carpet book. “Yeah, I’ll be there. I have a doctor’s appointment at two that day. You’ll be there, right?”

Matt pushed on my chest until I was lying flat on the bed. “Of course I’ll be there.” He slowly pulled my shirt over my head. “I’m actually really excited.” I closed my eyes as his lips found my neck, sucking gently while his fingers trailed along my ribs.

“I’m excited to have you there,” I said breathlessly. His lips found one of my nipples and I gasped, bringing my hand up to hold his head to my chest.

He tugged on my yoga pants until he had to let go of my breast to pull them off completely. I whimpered at the loss of him and opened my eyes.

Matt pulled his shirt over his head, and I just sighed at the welcome sight. He grinned as he dropped his pants and boxers to the floor, and I let my legs fall apart. He climbed up the bed slowly until his lips were back on mine, and with a slow thrust of the hips he filled me completely. We made love until we were both crying out in pleasure, and once we were done I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

I woke up in the middle of the night, still naked, and with Matt naked behind me. I pulled myself out of bed to get a drink of water, and when I returned he had rolled to his back, the sheet covering just one of his legs and nothing else. I stood in the doorway staring at him for several long moments before moving back to the bed. Instead of climbing in with him, I straddled his knees slowly. I leaned my head down and brought his partial erection into my mouth slowly. He stirred, but didn’t wake fully. Once he was hard, I pulled him as deep in my throat as I could.

A low groan slipped between his lips as his hands came to tangle in my hair and I knew he had finally woken up. I sucked him leisurely for a few minutes before quickening my pace.

“Manda,” he gasped. “Manda, pull back, I’m going to…” He didn’t finish as I sucked even harder and he came in my mouth with a guttural moan. I swallowed everything he gave and licked him clean when he was done. I moved back up to the pillow and snuggled into his arms, pulling the sheet back over us.

“Fuck. You’re a fucking goddess,” Matt said hoarsely, kissing the side of my head. “What possessed you to do that?”

I closed my eyes and let my nose skim his bare skin. “You just looked so handsome lying in the bed naked and I wanted to taste you.”

An approving grumble sounded from his throat and his arms tightened around me. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Chapter Twelve

Matt went back to his place Sunday afternoon, and although I wanted to protest and ask him to stay, I didn’t. The house felt empty without his big, imposing presence and so Sunday night I threw myself into a few case studies I’d brought home from work. Matt called me around nine and we talked on the phone about nothing until I dozed off with the phone against my cheek.

Monday morning, Jill greeted me with a smile. “Baby girl, you look more than happy today. You look satisfied.”

I blushed and shook my head at her. “It was a good weekend. I didn’t get a chance to read all of the case files though. Why is it that everything has gone electronic but our filing system?”

“They’re working on it but securing the funding isn’t easy. I can’t wait to carry around some sort of tablet that holds a thousand files effortlessly.” Jill gestured to the stack she had on her desk. “The twenty of those alone hurt my back.”

I nodded in agreement. “What time is court?”

She glanced at her phone and sighed. “Our first case is in thirty minutes so we better get going.”

I pulled on my suit jacket and moved to button it, letting out a frustrated groan when it barely fastened. Jill laughed and ran her hand over my stomach.

“I think it’s about time you look into maternity clothes.”

I shook my head quickly and grabbed my bag. “I’m holding out a few more weeks. It still buttons, right?” I grinned at her.

Jill shook her head. “Make sure to unbutton it before you sit down or else it’s going to blow. I’m surprised your pants still button.”

I didn’t bother to tell her that they didn’t. She really didn’t need to know that my black dress pants were being held up by a hair tie looped through the button hole and then wrapped around the button. Thank you, Google, for that little trick.

We walked the two blocks to the courthouse that I was becoming increasingly familiar with as time went on. We sat through four different cases of placement and inquiries and Jill made me present half of them for practice. The first one I ended up fumbling for words like an idiot, and the judge had smiled at me sympathetically. Jill was widely known in the circuit and I was thankful for that, because any other judge would have chewed me up and spit me out for my lack of cohesion. The second case I offered, however, I felt like I’d presented it like a champ.

On our walk back Jill smiled at me.

“You’re doing great, Amanda. I spoke with Sadie from Adult Protective Services and she is going to let you hang out with her for that week in October while I’m on vacation.”

I looked over at Jill and I resisted the urge I had to hug her. I was so excited to soak up all of the experience I could. Learning about the system from Jill’s angle was great, but I also wanted to shadow someone from APS since I planned on doing that eventually.

Once we made it back to the office, we met with six different families who were either coming in for a follow up or coming in for their initial visit to get help. The last visit of the afternoon was a single mom who had an adorable seven-year-old son, Zach. April and Zach had lost their home when April’s husband had up and left them, and the two of them were living in the shelter every night.

I stuck the straw into a juice pouch I’d brought out for Zach and he smiled at me, one of his front teeth missing.

“Thanks Mandy.”

If anyone else had called me Mandy I would have physically hurt them, but I decided Zach could have called me anything and it would have been okay.

“You’re welcome, Zach.” I settled in the chair next to Jill and looked at April. “Did you go to that interview at the bakery?”

April nodded vigorously. I had been working on helping her find a job and when the bakery had called my office looking to bring her in for an interview, I’d been thrilled.

“I got the job. I start in two weeks.” The excitement on April’s face was contagious and I beamed back at her.

“That’s amazing, April. Really.” I had helped April prepare;-letting her borrow clothes for the interview and going over practice questions. Jill and I had even watched Zach while she went.

“Well,” Jill said looking up from the paperwork she had been sifting through. “Amanda was able to get your paperwork expedited and we have you approved for a furnished apartment. It’s a tiny thing, only one bedroom, but it will do for now. Your portion of the rent will be very low for the first year, and then we’ll re-evaluate then. We also have it set up for Zach to go to the after-school program until you get off of work.”

Tears welled up in April’s eyes and she propelled herself around the desk until she had her arms thrown around Jill. Zach looked at her, his little eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. His face morphed into panic when he heard his mom crying.

“Why didja make my mommy sad?” He stood up and immediately went to rub her back in a soothing manner. It warmed my heart to see him being such a protector for his mom.

April turned and gave him a tearful smile. “These are happy tears, buddy. Ms. Jill and Ms. Amanda found us a new place to live.”

Zach fixed his wide eyes on me for confirmation, and I nodded as he said, “Really?”

April turned and scooped her son into her arms and I watched them cry together with a smile on my face. The apartment wouldn’t be ready until the weekend, but Jill had managed to talk a small motel into letting them stay there until Saturday. The pull she had around town really surprised me. We dropped the two of them off and both hugged me so tight that I couldn’t breathe.

Once Jill and I were alone in the car, she glanced over at me with a grin.

“Let’s just hope that this little push helps April get back on her feet. I want to check in with them every four weeks.”

We spent the rest of the day doing home visits, and we didn’t end up finishing until close to seven that evening. When I climbed into my car, I felt the exhaustion hit me hard.

Instead of heading home like I should, I found myself following the streets to Matt’s apartment. I had only been to his place two times since he moved in, and it took me twenty minutes to figure out exactly where I needed to go. By the time I got there I was hungry and tired but missed Matt a lot. I parked my car and trudged up to his doorstep before ringing the doorbell. I had a moment of panic as I waited for him to answer, and I suddenly realized that appearing on his stoop without calling might not be the best idea. I didn’t have time to change my mind, though, because the door opened quickly and when Matt caught sight of me, surprise crossed his face.

“Manda.” A smile played on his lips as he glanced over his shoulder. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

Is it a bad time?” I raised my eyebrows at him curiously.

“Never. I was just expecting the pizza man.” He looked back over his shoulder again and stepped towards me. For a second I thought he was going to hug me but instead he pulled my jacket closed. As he buttoned the stubborn button, his lips tipped up happily and he let one lone finger trail over my stomach briefly.

“Come on in.”

I was thoroughly confused but stepped by him into his living room. When I walked in, two figures were on the couch and I realized the reason for Matt’s discretion.

“Oh. Hello.”

Sean glanced away from the TV and grinned. His almost-black hair was purposely styled to be messy on top of his head and his chestnut eyes shone happily. He had obviously come straight from work and  I noticed his suit jacket and tie were gone and his dress shirt was untucked with the sleeves rolled up. Another guy, one I didn’t recognize, smiled up at me from the armchair. He was bigger than Sean, but not quite as big as Matt. I instantly knew he had been in the military as well with his buzz cut on top of his head and his impeccable physique. He was definitely good looking with his chiseled face and stormy grey eyes. He stretched his long, muscular legs out in front of him and scratched his solid chest as he studied me silently.

“Hey Amanda. I didn’t know you were coming by.” Sean stood and placed a quick kiss to my cheek before sitting back down and picking up his beer.

I looked back at Matt and he just smiled at me for a second. Love bloomed in my chest for him and the respect he had for keeping the baby news quiet a little longer.

“Amanda, this is a buddy of mine, Drew Baird. Baird, this is Amanda.” The doorbell rang and Matt excused himself to answer it, leaving me alone with the guys.

“Nice to meet you,” I said to Drew, whose eyes still hadn’t left me, and I leaned against the arm of the couch near Sean.

Sean looked up at me and nudged me gently with his elbow. “How’s the house?”

“Lonely sometimes. It’s hard living alone after living with Mad and Syd for so long. Matt lives so close so I thought I’d stop by.” I gestured towards the TV. “What are you watching?”

“Monday night football,” Drew answered from his chair. I glanced over at him and he gave me a smirk. “Do you like football, honey?”

I scrunched up my nose at his use of the word ‘honey’ and shrugged. “It’s okay. Is this something you guys do a lot?”

Sean nodded. “Matt and I do almost every Monday. David had come one or twice and this is Drew’s first time.”

“Doesn’t Kayla like football?” I asked, referring to Sean’s girlfriend.

“We broke up,” Sean said with a shrug. “We’re definitely better as friends.”

“I’m sorry. She was nice.”

“It’s not a big and we really are going to stay friends.” He flashed me a grin. “We’ve ordered pizza. Stay and eat with us.” Sean pat the couch next to him and, instead of sitting, I reached my hand out to mess up his hair.

I looked over at Matt as he walked back inside and he caught my eye with a small smile.

“I might eat a bite or two and stay for a little bit.” I stood and followed Matt into the kitchen. He grinned when I came into his view, and the second he had the pizza boxes down he was pulling me into his arms. He placed a long, slow kiss on my lips and tightened his hold on me.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” I replied as I let my fingers stroke the back of his neck. “Sorry to barge in like this.”

“Hey, never apologize. I am really glad you did.” He inclined his head towards the counter. “Hungry?”

“Starving is probably the word I’d use.”

Matt released me with one last small kiss. “Well, let’s feed you and our baby.” He squeezed my hand. “Our baby.”

He had moved to open the pizza box when Drew joined us in the kitchen, a lazy grin on his face as he grabbed another beer out of the fridge.

“So you’re the famous Amanda, huh? Thomas has mentioned you a time or ten over the past few years.”

Matt rolled his eyes and opened the pizza boxes in front of him. “Take whatever you want, Manda, and I’ll pick off whatever you don’t. We have pepperoni with green peppers, Hawaiian, or…” He reached over and opened the lid on the last one. “… meat-lovers with onions, tomatoes, pineapple, and anchovies. This is Sean’s.”

The smell from the last pizza infiltrated my nostrils and I clapped a hand over my mouth before backing up a few steps. I shook my head quickly and both Matt and Drew burst out laughing as Matt closed the box.

“I’m sorry, sweets, I didn’t even think about it.”

I shook my head again as my stomach rolled slightly. “God, it smells like a dumpster. I’ll take a slice of the first one, but I don’t think I can come back over there.”

“I’ve got it. Go sit down.”

I nodded and turned to escape the kitchen as quickly as I could. Instead of going back to the living room I went down the hall to Matt’s bedroom. I needed a different shirt so I could remove my tight jacket. I slid open Matt’s closet door and started to flip through the shirts that were hanging up. Someone cleared their throat behind me and I turned my head quickly to see Drew leaning against the frame in the doorway.

“Need help with something?” The grin he was giving me had undoubtedly gotten him laid several times and probably even broken a few hearts in the process. I would have been blind or lying to say I didn’t think he was hot- he was. But compared to Matt, he was just another guy. Where Drew’s stare made me feel desired, it was lacking the ability to make me feel, not only beautiful, but cherished and safe as well. His muscular body was great to look at, but it was missing the warm and inviting feeling Matt’s had. Where Drew was cocky, Matt was just sure. Matt had completely stolen my heart and I had no desire for it back.

“I’m good. Thanks though.” I offered Drew a polite smile before turning back to the closet.

Drew let out a low laugh and I heard him move until he was just a few feet from me. A glance over my shoulder confirmed that he was now sitting on the edge of the bed, still watching me.

“You should let me take you to dinner sometime.”

I folded my arms across my chest as I turned my body around completely and raised my eyebrows at him. “What makes you think I don’t have a boyfriend?”

“Do you?”

Matt walked into the bedroom at that moment and looked between us with narrowed eyebrows. I couldn’t help the smile that flit to my face when I saw him.

“Actually, I do.”

Drew glanced at Matt and surprise crossed his face. “You and Thomas? About time he makes that move. I’m totally sick of hearing him whine about you.”

Matt brought an arm up and slugged Drew in the shoulder in a way that probably would have bruised a non-muscled man pretty well. “Shut up, Baird. You have to keep it quiet with Sean here. We haven’t told anyone yet.”

As if Sean knew we were talking about him, his voice rang out from the living room. “Touchdown!”

Drew backed out of the room with his hands up in mock surrender. “Your secret is totally safe with me. If you ever get sick of him and want a real man, let me know.” He winked at me before disappearing down the hallway.

Matt rolled his eyes as he watched his friend leave. “Sorry about him. Too many years spent in the desert.”

I gave a half shrug with a smile. “It’s fine. He’s kind of amusing.”

“You say amusing, I say annoying. What are you doing back here, anyway?”

I let out a sigh and unbuttoned my jacket. “Do you have a shirt I can wear? My jacket is too tight for me to be sitting with it buttoned but with Sean here…”

Matt’s blue eyes trailed down to my stomach before his big hand came to rest on it.

“Of course.”

I sat on the edge of the bed as Matt began to dig around in his dresser. I took the opportunity to really inspect the master bedroom. It was very plain. He had a dresser, king-sized bed, and matching nightstands, but other than that the area was bare. Despite the bland appearance of it, the room was very neat and tidy, obviously a habit picked up in the military. I had been around teenaged Matt and he definitely was not neat and tidy. The bed was made with immaculate precision to the point that the pillows both lined up perfectly. I briefly imagined the chaos a child would bring into his tidy life but chose to keep that thought to myself. Matt pulled a shirt out of the bottom drawer and tossed it to me. I held it up and let out a small laugh when I saw it was an old shirt from our high school with the football team logo on it.

“I figure one of my old ones will be more appropriate with the guys here. It’s still going to be big but not nearly as big.” Matt’s voice got lower as he spoke, his eyes following the movements of my fingers as I unbuttoned my white blouse.

I had all of the buttons undone when Matt crashed his mouth to mine. He tasted like beer and the distinct flavor that was Matt, and I let out a soft groan as our tongues danced hurriedly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled my body flush to his, enjoying when the proof of his arousal pressed against my lower stomach. His hands tightened on my hips almost painfully and he backed me up until we were at the bed. He gently pushed me down to my back with his body hovering over mine but our lips never breaking apart. My body was on fire with need and when I rocked my hips up to meet his, a moan of pleasure escaped my mouth. Matt tore his mouth from mine at the noise and I was breathing hard as he dropped his forehead to meet mine.

“Fuck. Those noises are amazing. I want to go kick them out right now.” He glanced back at the door like he was really contemplating it.