Scary Dead Things - 02 (16 page)

I had said my piece. Time to die now, I guess. I tensed for whatever beating James was about to lay on me; instead, he chuckled.

“
That
?” he laughed again. “Unlucky coincidence is all.”

“But you...”

“I was trying to get us out of there due to the little argument going on between Gan and her father, in case you didn't notice,” he said with a grin.

“What, did they have more stupid tests for me?”

“You could say that.” He seemed to think about it for a moment, and then continued. “It's not important. I doubt you'll be seeing either of them again for a long time. Suffice to say, things were about to get
awkward
, and I decided it was in our best interest to leave.”

We started walking again; however, I still wasn't convinced. James was definitely leaving something out. “Well then, explain why we didn't stay and help them back there. I mean, maybe I'm not the best guy to have someone's back in a fight, but
you
could have definitely helped.”

“I
am
helping,” he answered as we continued on our way.

“By running off?”

“By saving your ass!” he said, the edge creeping back into his voice.

“I don't underst...”

“You really can be dense sometimes, you know. Even for a child, you are sometimes unbelievably thick,” James sighed. “You know that Freewills are rare. I told you as much myself. But did you hear those people back there? To them, you are a
legend
. In the States, this might make for an amusing comic book story; however, out here they pay a great deal of respect to things like that.”

“OK, I guess I follow you.”

“Do you?” he asked. “Do you really? To allow you to be killed before reaching your full potential...and no, I have no idea what that might be. Well, that would be simply intolerable to them. Your mere presence gives them hope. Don't get me wrong. If they spent enough time with you, I'm sure that hope would evaporate like rain in the desert (
yep, can always count on James to make a guy feel good about himself
). However, for right now it's in our best interest for you to keep living.”

“
Our
best interest?” I queried.

“Most definitely. I will admit to a certain selfishness with regards to my own well being. You see, you're under my charge. If you die here, then it would be my fault.”

“And your ass would be on the line.”

“Exactly!” he remarked. “Perhaps you're not entirely as dense as I thought.”

* * *

We arrived back at our camp a short while later. All appeared to be in order. It was quiet, but we could clearly see the guards and a few others walking around, attending to their duties. The truck that would take me back to the airport was also there waiting for us. I could see the driver lounging by the cab, looking bored.

“Thank goodness,” said James with an audible sigh of relief. “I couldn't be sure until I saw it. The Almas have never been this bold before. To attack the Khan directly was an outright declaration of war.”

“Who?”

“Never you mind. Ignorance is bliss. All you need care about is that New York City is not within their territory for now, so you needn't concern yourself.”

“Not gonna tell me, huh?” I grumbled, probably sounding like a pouty teenager. “Wait, what do you mean
for now
?”

“Enough. You know far more about the Draculas' business already than is good for you. You're not even a year old, for midnight's sake (
yeah, definitely feeling a wee bit insulted now
). Go back to your coven. I'm sure there's plenty there to concern yourself with.”

I thought back to Sally, dull anger once again filling me. There was definitely enough waiting for me back home to
concern
myself with. “Oh yeah, speaking of concerns,” I replied, suddenly reminded of the whole point for this trip, “what was it you wanted to talk to me about anyway?”

James stopped walking, and a look of confusion crossed his face. “That’s funny. Now that you mention it, for the life of me I can’t remember.”

* * *

We reached the supply tent and entered it. James told me that the truck driver was a human, thus it was probably best to package me up outside of his sight. I guess some people can get a little weird if they know their cargo is a box full of grumpy vampire.

My bags were all packed and already loaded into the crate. Sure enough, James' word was good, and there were a few rugs inside to pad things out a bit. It wasn't exactly a luxury suite at the Hilton, but it would probably be at least marginally more comfortable for the return trip. Oh crap! Speaking of the return trip, I had never recharged my iPod. Damn! Well OK, I hadn't exactly seen a lot of outlets during my adventures in Bedouin land. Guess I'd be alone with my thoughts. Fortunately, I had my memories of the day before...more specifically,
naked sweaty
memories of the day before. And if those didn't get me all the way back to New York, well then sorry, Sally, but it's back to the wood chipper for you!

I sighed and started to climb in. “Not looking forward to doing this again,” I admitted to James.

“A necessary evil for now, I'm afraid,” he replied. “However, I did bring something that should make the trip more palatable. Here.” He pulled a small vial out of his pocket and handed it to me.

“What is it?”

“You know how some people are afraid to fly and they take a tranquilizer beforehand to calm themselves down?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Well, this is kind of like that.”

Oh. OK. A little something to take the edge off might be just what the doctor ordered. I uncorked it and downed the contents. I winced as it went down. The taste wasn't great, but it was vaguely reminiscent. One summer down at Tom's house, we’d gotten shitfaced on Jagermeister and Rumplemintz...or as they're collectively known when you mix them together;
Screaming
Nazis
. It's a vile concoction, but damn if it doesn't get the job done. This tasted a bit like that, albeit in a slightly more viscous sort of way.

Wow! This shit was more potent, too. Within a few seconds of quaffing it, the room started spinning around me. Within another ten seconds, I found I could no longer even stand. I flopped unceremoniously onto the bottom of the packing crate, managing to turn over and blearily look up at James' face. “What the hell was that?” I slurred at him.

“It's a poison refined from the venom of the
Mongolian death worm,
” he said matter of factly. “It should keep you out for the majority of the trip. Enjoy your nap.” With that being said, he placed the lid back onto my crate, and I was again sealed into the darkness.

“
Mongolian death worm, eh? Yeah, I guess that makes perfect sense
,” I thought as I plunged into a much deeper darkness.

Whoa! I have to make it a point to get some of that stuff for my next party. I spent what felt like maybe five minutes inside of the most freaky-ass, psychedelic hallucination I’ve ever experienced before I was jolted awake by the feeling of my crate being moved. I’d assumed that I was probably still in China, maybe being loaded onto the cargo plane back to the states; however, a short while later the crate lid was pried off. I found myself staring up at the faces of a couple zombies, as well as the vampire shipping clerk who had originally packed me. Definitely have to get some more of that stuff.

“Welcome back. Do you have anything to declare?” the clerk said with a grin.

“I declare that's the last time I fly with air-vampire,” I replied, taking his outstretched hand and pulling myself to my feet. I was still a bit shaky from James' Mongolian death cocktail, but damn if it hadn't done the trick. Fastest flight halfway around the world I’d ever experienced.

The zombies carried my bags back to the door of the terminal. I followed and was let back outside to the gloriousness that is nighttime at LaGuardia. From the look of things, it wasn't particularly late. I turned towards the other vamp and asked, “So how do I get back?”

“There are these marvelous inventions called cabs. Have fun using them,” he replied with a smirk. “Thanks for flying with us. Buh bye!” and with that, the terminal door shut and I could hear it being locked from the inside. Fucker! Some days, I just hate other vampires.

I felt bad about bugging Ed for a ride back, so I figured I'd call Sally and see if she could find it in her non-beating heart to send a car to pick me up. I was still gonna kill her, but I might kill her less severely if she could arrange for a quick pickup for me. I pulled out my cell phone and found it to be even deader than I was. Oh yeah, hadn’t had a chance to recharge that either. Oh well, guess it was time for a hike.

* * *

Fortunately, for all the indignities modern day airports inflict upon us, a shortage of cabs isn't one of them. I walked to the nearest living terminal, my baggage not really slowing my vampire self down at all, thank god, and was quickly able to flag a ride. The trip from of the airport wasn't too painful; traffic was lighter than it had been when I first arrived. Sure, my Indian-accented chauffeur took a few unnecessary turns to jack up the fare, but it was still better than being crammed into Ed's junker. All in all, it was the least eventful thing I had done in several days. For that alone, I figured the cabbie had earned a decent tip.

We made it back to my place, and after sending the cab driver on his way I grabbed my bags to walk up to the apartment I shared with my two friends. I let myself in and noticed the place was dark. My roommates were out. Odd. Or maybe not, as I realized I had no idea what day of the week it was. I had lost at least three or four days from my adventure in total, and taking into account the time distance to China...well, I'd be fucked if I had any idea.

Oh well, I could always check the calendar later. Right now, I needed to unpack, plug in my rechargeables (
come to think of it, my cell being dead might be a minor godsend considering the roaming charges
), and take myself a nice long shower to wash the smell of horses, rocks, and Bang off me. Thus, that is what I did.

* * *

I’d just gotten dressed and was walking into the kitchen to grab myself a nice glass of blood from the fridge when I heard the apartment door being unlocked. Cool. One of my bros was home. I was all prepared to give them a disgustingly pornographic retelling of my little Asian adventure.

The door opened, and Ed walked in. I was just opening my mouth to say hi when Sally came strolling in behind him. Ed turned and saw me, but my gaze was locked onto Sally. A moment later, she, too, realized I was in the apartment and our eyes met; a look of surprise on her face, a slowly spreading snarl on mine.

“You...”

“Hey, Bill,” Ed greeted me. “Home already?”

“...bitch!” I finished, ignoring him. I grabbed the nearest thing to me, our toaster, and trudged into the living room.

She started to back away. “What's up, boss?” she said with a shaky little smile.