Seasons of Sorrow (33 page)

“Talk to me, Greg,” she entreated, cupping one of her hands over his. “Let me in.”

He sighed. “I haven’t been myself this week, I know, but it’s not what you think, Charlotte.”

She sensed he wasn’t finished, so she waited.

“Before Derek showed up, things were going so well with us. I…well, I just thought everything was perfect. Then he came back and we found out Danielle is pregnant. You seemed different. I was afraid that I was losing you. You didn’t turn to me like you had before and I knew you were hurting. You were so fragile for so many months, I hated the idea that he might have broken you. I only wanted to give you whatever you needed.”

Charlotte was surprised. She did feel different, but not in a bad way. After her confrontation with Derek and the satisfaction of breaking his perfect nose, she felt stronger than ever before. She was no longer his doormat. Apparently, Greg mistook her newfound confidence for withdrawal.

“Oh, Greg, that’s not an issue.” She cleared her throat. “After I saw Derek again, I realized that he has no power over me any more. For the first time since college, I feel confident and strong. I didn’t turn to you because I wasn’t hurting. He can’t hurt me unless I let him. It makes me sad that he’s having another baby as though he can just replace Adam, but that’s not in my control. If I let it, it could drive me crazy, so I let it go.”

Greg studied her. He must have seen that she was sincere because he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. After a several minutes, he lifted his head and they were both breathing hard.

“I’m so sorry, Charlie. I should have said something, but I’ve been so afraid of pushing you too far, too fast that I forget what an amazing person you are.”

“I’m not amazing, Greg. I’m human and so are you. I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been and that’s because of you. Please don’t be afraid to talk to me. You’re entitled to feel stressed out, depressed, angry, or any other emotion that you can think of and you can always share that with me. You have told me so many times that I’m safe with you, well, I want you to feel safe with me.”

Greg smiled. “That was quite a speech,” he murmured.

Feeling better, Charlotte couldn’t resist responding, “Yeah, I practiced it in the mirror.”

She squealed as he pushed her down on the sofa and started tickling her mercilessly as punishment, the serious mood dispelled. Soon, their wrestling became groping and they were both breathing heavily. Greg started stripping her out of her sweater and jeans and Charlotte did the same to him. They made love on her couch in the dim light of the fire and twinkling Christmas lights.

When they were both sated, Greg carried her upstairs, both of them still nude, and they cuddled in the center of the bed. For the first time in days, Charlotte actually slept soundly.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

T
hat weekend, Charlotte and Brandy went Christmas shopping. It was a bittersweet event for Charlotte because she wouldn’t be getting presents for what would have been Adam’s second Christmas. Still, she went. Now, more than ever, she wanted to show her loved ones just how important they were to her. She knew too well that a single day could take them away.

However, she was glad her Christmas list was short. She needed to buy gifts for Greg, Brandy, and her assistant, Laura. She also had to find a nice gift for her boss because they had taken a collection up at the office and it was usually the office manager who took care of obtaining the gift. Laura had offered to do it, but Charlotte told her not to worry about it. She had a nice gift in mind. Brandon had been understanding and compassionate the last few months, and she wanted to show her appreciation.

The mall was full of exhausted people and cranky children. She and Brandy started out at Nordstrom. Charlotte bought a sweater for Greg. It was cashmere and it was expensive, but it was the same grey-blue as his eyes. She knew that it would wonderful on him and that it would be worth every penny. She saw Brandy eye-balling a Kate Spade tote in the handbag department and made a mental note to get online and see if she could order it when she got home. It would also be expensive, but she wanted to do something special for her friend and she could spend her money on whatever she wanted.

Then they headed to Crate and Barrel. Laura was engaged and would be getting married in the spring, so Charlotte thought a gift card to Crate and Barrel would not only be appropriate but help her assistant set up house. Charlotte planned to buy Brandon’s gift online since it would have to be special ordered anyway.

After she purchased the gift card, Charlotte turned to Brandy. “I’m done.”

Her friend gave her a nasty look. “No, you’re not.”

Charlotte nodded. “Yes, I am. I bought presents for Greg and Laura. I’m buying Brandon’s gift online and I can’t buy your gift while I’m with you. Therefore, I’m done.” If her voice was a tad smug, she couldn’t be faulted.

“Well, maybe you’re done with your list, but I’m not done with mine. I have to buy something for my parents, my sister, and get Greg a present,” Brandy complained.

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “Fine, but I’m not shopping until the stores close. If we can’t find those presents within two hours, you’re on your own.”

“Some friend you are,” Brandy muttered under her breath.

“You know I would do anything for you, Brandy, but shop. I’d rather give you one of my kidneys than shop for an entire day.”

Her friend just shook her head. “If I didn’t know better, I would wonder if you were a woman.”

Charlotte laughed and followed her friend out of the store.

A few hours later, Charlotte wished she had told Brandy no and left while she had the chance. Brandy dragged her to almost every store in the mall and pored over choices. She wanted to buy the
perfect gift
for each of her family members.

Charlotte was also several hundred dollars poorer. Every store they went into she found something that she thought Greg would love. By the end of their shopping trip, Charlotte had bought him a wallet, a watch, and several movies in addition to the sweater.

Finally, at H&M, she threatened to abandon Brandy at the mall if the woman didn’t get her shit together. They left the mall, weighed down with bags, and with extremely sore feet.

Once they got into the car, Brandy looked at Charlotte and asked, “Pedicure?”

Soaking her feet and having someone massage them for her sounded heavenly, so Charlotte nodded. Brandy drove them to their favorite nail spa. A few minutes later, they were both settled into huge massage chairs, drinking glasses of white wine, and having their feet scrubbed. It had been a while since they got pedicures together, so it would be a nice treat.

“So, what are you guys doing for Christmas?” Brandy asked.

Charlotte sighed. “I’m not sure. Greg’s mother will be in the Bahamas for Christmas, but she’s with her new husband, and Greg isn’t fond of him.” She plucked at her jeans. “I think we’re going to spend Christmas at the house, just the two of us.”

Brandy watched her closely. “Why don’t you sound happy about that?”

Charlotte suddenly had to blink back tears. “It’s just so hard, B. It hits me at random times that Adam isn’t here any more. He wasn’t very alert last year during Christmas time, but I can’t help but imagine how he would react if he were here now.” She sniffed. “Then I see other children his age and it breaks my heart all over again. Then there’s Derek and Danielle…and their baby.”

Brandy reached across the space between their pedicure stations and grabbed Charlotte’s hand. “I know, babe. I’m here, Greg’s here. You should talk to him about this.”

Charlotte nodded. “I know, and I will. It’s just that Greg is excited about the idea of our first Christmas together and I don’t want to ruin it for him.”

Her friend gave her a look. “You know him better than that, Charlie. That man would move a mountain for you if he thought that’s what you wanted.” The looked became more piercing. “And didn’t you say that you and Greg just had a
discussion
about sharing your feelings openly this week?”

Charlotte sighed and dropped her head. She was being a bit hypocritical. “Yes, we did. I’ll talk to him tonight.”

“Good. I think it will all turn out fine,” Brandy said.

She had to smile. Brandy was probably one of the wisest people she knew but her life was just as much a mess as Charlotte’s.

They finished their pedicures and Brandy drove her home and dropped her off.

“Talk to him, Charlie,” she admonished.

Charlotte sighed and nodded as she walked Brandy out the front door. “I will.”

Suddenly, Brandy embraced her tightly, nearly pushing all the air out of her lungs. “I love you, Charlotte. I only want you to be happy.”

Charlotte hugged her back and felt tears prick the back of her eyelids. She was so tired of crying, but she couldn’t seem to control her tear ducts.

“I love you, too, B.”

Brandy released her and stepped back. “Call me tomorrow and tell me how it goes.”

Charlotte nodded and shut and locked the door behind her friend. She went upstairs to hide the presents she bought for Greg. Though she really wanted to sit and brood, Christmas was only ten days away and she needed to order Brandy’s present, so Charlotte made a cup of hot chocolate and sat down at her computer. After about half an hour of searching she found the purse Brandy had been ogling on a website that could have it to her within five days and it was thirty percent off.

After she ordered the bag, she went into the living room and vacuumed up the needles that the tree had shed. Charlotte knew she was trying to keep busy so she wouldn’t sit around and think about the things she’d said to Brandy. Unfortunately, an ornament caught her attention. Charlotte turned off the vacuum and went to the tree. Hanging toward the back of the tree was an miniature picture frame ornament in the shape of a baby carriage. Inside was a small picture of Adam from the Christmas before.

Charlotte gently removed the ornament from the branch. She collapsed into the closest armchair. Reverently, she cupped the small silver shape in her hand, touching her finger to the picture in the center. Her son’s precious face stared back at her.

The anguish she had been suppressing for the last couple of weeks overwhelmed her and Charlotte wailed. She clutched the picture to her chest, wishing it was her son’s round little body, but knowing it was a futile.

She was barely aware of arms coming around her and lifting her from the chair. Without a thought she turned and wrapped her arms around the solid mass of muscle behind her.

“Charlotte, what’s wrong?” Greg’s voice was tight with worry when he spoke into her ear.

She couldn’t even speak. The storm of tears had her in its grip. Charlotte didn’t resist as Greg took the ornament from her hand.

“Oh, God, Charlie, I’m so sorry. I thought you would want it on the tree,” he said.

She sobbed harder into his neck, burrowing closer. Greg just held her and rocked her from side to side, whispering nonsense into her ear. After a long time, the ocean of tears subsided and Charlotte hiccupped softly, her head resting against Greg’s shoulder.

He smoothed her hair back from her hot, damp forehead. “Do you want some water?” he asked.

She nodded.

He rose from the chair, still holding her in his arms, then set her on the couch before walking toward the back of house to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he came back with a cold bottle of water. He cracked open the lid and lifted it to her mouth.

Charlotte took small sips until her sore throat felt better.

“Thank you,” she said hoarsely. Her throat felt as though it had been rubbed raw with sandpaper.

“What happened, Charlotte?” he asked, taking the bottle from her when she offered it.

She wiped her wet cheeks with her hands. “The last couple of weeks have been tough. Especially since I found out that Danielle is pregnant. It hurts so much to see so many children Adam’s age every time I leave the house and to know that my baby is gone forever. I’ll never get to see him open his Christmas presents, sit on Santa’s lap, or read the story of Christmas to him. It’s not fair,” she cried. “I want my baby back.”