Second Chance Romance (5 page)

“Hey
, I need to head over to the Duane Reade before we hit the bar.”

“What do you need from there?”

“Lexi’s coming over later and I’m out of rubbers from the last time. We went through the whole box!” He said enthusiastically. I rolled my eyes.

We walked into the Duane Rea
de on the corner and he went and picked up his signature black box of Magnums. The emo kid behind the register rang him up.

“Fourteen-fifty please.” Jackson handed him a twenty.

“Would you like a bag?”

“Nah
, she’s not that ugly.” He grabbed the condoms off the counter. We walked to Lola’s Bar and Grill and took a seat at the bar.

“I’ll have a Duval please and make sure you put it in the tulip glass.
” I smacked him on the shoulder because he made it sound so pretentious. I guess it was because it was fourteen dollars a bottle, but still.

“For you
, Sir.” The barman asked.

“I’ll have a Jack
, neat please.” He placed our drinks in front of us.

“So
, what happened when you went there? Was she happy to see you today?”

“No man
, she wasn’t. I asked her to lunch and she agreed so I showed up with take-out thinking that maybe she would be more comfortable at her own place, but when she saw me she was freaking out. She tried to shut the door in my face. And then she mentioned something that happened after she moved.” He was laughing slightly, no doubt about her closing the door on me.

“Well
, what was the thing that happened after?”

“I got her
pregnant.” Jackson choked on his beer.

“So you guys have a kid. That’s why she was so pissed.
Did you see it?” He stuttered.

“No
, she lost the baby. She mentioned something to do with her mom being the reason, but I couldn’t get it out of her.” 

“Shit,
I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing to say.
I think I’m going to call the engagement off. I need to process all of this and if there is any chance that I could have a future with Jules I have to take it.” Jackson eyes bugged out of his head.

“Carrie’s dad will cut your balls off
. He’s already shelled out close to a quarter-mil for it.”

“I’ll give him the money
, I don’t care. I just don’t love her like that. Seeing Jules made me realize that.” He gave me a pat on the back and changed the subject to Lexi, his plaything. She was a voluptuous blonde bombshell, gorgeous in every sense of the word. She was in love with him, but it was nothing more than friends with benefits sex for him. We settled our tab and headed back to Jackson’s to get my car.

I headed home to think about how I could call things off.

CHAPTER FIVE

I’m Okay, You’re Okay

Jules

I
managed pick myself off the floor and climb into my bed after Noah left.

I was four and a half months pregnant when it happened and I haven’t talked about it since, it hurt too
much. The only people that knew were the authorities and Ellie. My mom was given five years probation, hardly a punishment if you ask me. My dad had a new family in England, but agreed to keep footing the bill for private school. Ellie’s parents graciously welcomed me into their home over holidays and school breaks. I started hitting the gym in an effort to work out my frustrations. I liked the way it made me feel. I felt empowered. I liked what it did for my body too, the little bit of baby fat I had turned into lean muscle.

Once I turned eighteen my dad cut me off financially
. Even though I had some scholarship money it wasn’t even enough to cover tuition, let alone living expenses. I was working odd jobs when one day I was checking out at a local supermarket and was approached by Adam. I thought he was just another sleezeball trying to get into my pants, but he gave me a business card and told me to check out his club. He promised I could make good money. When waitressing and babysitting weren’t cutting it anymore I made my first trip to Double D’s. I watched the dancers on stage and felt the music in my veins. Adam offered me a trial and after that first time I was hooked.

I was clearing wel
l over a thousand dollars dancing a couple hours a week. Soon I had gained regulars that bumped my average up even higher. I was able to pay for school and one of the regulars owned an Infiniti dealership where he got me a good price on a brand new Infiniti ILP G convertible that I paid for in cash. Ellie started a couple months after me. She was better at it than I was, probably because she oozed confidence and was a natural born flirt. Pretty soon we had saved up enough of a down payment to buy a little two-bedroom house in nearby Amityville. From the outside no one would know what we did. I was the Masters student at Columbia University and Ellie was a design major at FIT. My life was exactly where I wanted it to be and now Noah comes crashing into it turning it upside down.

“Can I come in?” Ellie asked
. She was standing in my doorway eating what I could only assume was the Chinese food that Noah had brought earlier.

“Sure.”
I said picking at a piece of invisible lint on my comforter.

“Sorry about this morning
. I didn’t know he was going to show up like that. So you told him, huh?” I knew she heard most of it.

“Yeah
. I did.”

“Sorry sweeti
e. What now?” I could tell she was worried about me.

“What do you mean? I told him to go have a nice life.”

“Jules, don’t you think that you both deserve some closure? After talking to him I honestly think he wants another chance. He obviously still loves you if he’s going through all this trouble.”

“
He’s engaged and I got closure years ago. I found it myself.” I spat.

“Y
ou know better than anyone that making a big life change is scary. But you know what’s even scarier? Regret. I think if you let this opportunity pass you by you’re going regret it. I think you owe yourself that. I think it would help. It’s not like you’re getting married. Just think about it okay?”

I nodded.
She climbed off my bed and left me to think.

I
had a few boyfriends over the years, but nothing serious and only Noah and one other fell into that category. It wasn’t their faults they didn’t last. I knew what I wanted in a partner and my standards were pretty high. I thought back to my unwanted visitor this morning, the one I probably subconsciously compared every man in my life to. When I was a little girl I felt like someone must have sent him to me. He was my knight, my safety. I don’t even want to think of what would have been without him all those years.

My phone alerted me that I had a new mess
age. It was from him. I read it and knew they were lyrics to a Buckcherry song. I pulled out my iPod and put the song on repeat.

I closed my eyes and thought about the day I met Noah.

I was six and insecure, and I had just lost my two front teeth.

“Get out! Get out! Get out!” My mom was yelling
as she dragged me to the front door by my pigtails and slammed the door behind me. I don’t know what made her so mad. I just asked her for help with my homework. I headed over to the giant oak tree in my front yard and sat on the tree swing my dad had made me. I heard leaves crunch and turned my head to see where the noise was coming from. The sun was shining on his face. He had dark brown hair and blue eyes with gray flecks.

“Hi.” I responded
, shyly swinging my feet.

“
Hi, I’m Noah Sinclair. We just moved next door.”

“My names Julia
, but everyone calls me Jules. Except my mother, she calls me a brat.”

“I don’t think you’re a brat.
” He was smiling. “Do you want a push?”

I shook my head solemnly.

“Are you okay? You look sad.” I shook my head again. He held his hand out reaching for mine. It felt nice, it was warm and comforting. He pulled me from the swing and started walking to a large weeping willow between our houses. He explained that he had just moved here from Denver. He was nervous about starting a new school, but now he was happy that we would be going to the same school. We were became instant best friends. Sophomore year he asked me to be his girlfriend. We were perfect together.

Part of me alway
s felt like we were meant to be, but I had my heart to think about. I wasn’t used to making myself emotionally vulnerable and he’s engaged.

Maybe Ellie’s
right. I wondered if he was happy. He didn’t seem like he was. Maybe we could both get some closure and I would finally be able to move on.

I
felt the silent tears escaping. I wiped my eyes with a tissue and pulled my phone off the end table. I knew needed to apologize. I sat there for the longest time battling with myself on what to say before I finally texted him back. I decided sorry was a good start.

Me: Hey. Sorry about earlier you didn’t deserve that.

Noah: No, I didn’t but I understand better now. I also shouldn’t have just stopped by. I guess I just thought you’d feel more comfortable at your place.

Me: What can I say I’m stubborn…

Noah: Always wer
e
BTW I’m calling off the engagement. I didn’t do it because of you I just thought you should know. I realized that I was doing it for the wrong reason.

Me: You should be happy Noah.

Noah: I’m not. I haven’t been in a long time just didn’t have the courage to admit it.

Me:
I know the feeling. I had a bit of meltdown after you lef
t
   

Noah: Sorry… I wish things were different. I wish you would talk to me Jules, I have so much I need to say.

Me: I can’t. Give me some time…

Noah: As much as you need. You know where to find me.

I trudged through the rest of the day and managed to get a lot accomplished. I spen
t Monday shopping with Ellie. Tuesday I had lunch with my friend Chase.

“So
, you will never guess who I saw over the weekend.” I said.

“If I will never guess just tell me.” He teased.

“Noah.”

“A
s in
your
Noah?” He looked surprised.

“Yes. He came to the club for his bachelor party on S
aturday. Then on Sunday he showed up at the house.” I couldn’t tell Chase about losing the baby, he knew I couldn’t have kids, but didn’t know the why.

“What did you do?”

“I tried kicking him out but he was persistent.” I laughed. “We talked a little, and then fought a little. It’s such a mess Chase. I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do.”

“What does your heart tell you? Be honest and don’t worry about hurting me, just the truth.”

“The truth is part of me will always love him, just like part of me will always love you. I don’t know what I want right now. I just want to finish the semester and start my life with as little complications as possible.”

“You know I’m still in love with you. I know we can’t get back together right now
, but I just want you to be happy Jules.”

“You’re one of the best people I
know Chase. You have helped me more than you will ever know.” We finished up our lunch and talked some more. I could tell he was disguising his hurt and I knew what he wanted, but I couldn’t give it to him. We broke things off because, in my opinion, I was damaged goods and couldn’t give him the family I knew he wanted. I told him I’d see him on Thursday and headed to work. 

A week had gone by and nothing from Noah
. Part of me was relieved, but the other part was sad. I still didn’t know what to do, but I didn’t want to make the first move.

As if on cue my phone pinged.

Noah: Want 2 come over? We can watch a movie or something. I’ll order in?

Me: I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…

Noah: Pls. It will be like old times!
Its Sunday you should relax.

I wanted to say no
but I was too weak.

Me:
What’s your address?

Noah: 515 72
nd
Street, NYC