Secret Cravings (8 page)

“Four months ago I lost everything. I’m not emotionally stable and I doubt you are either.”

“I’m fine,” she countered.

“I’m not saying you’re not sane, but I can tell you’re sad,” Bryan said.

She shook her head, more tears gathering in her eyes. How could he tell? She’d been so careful to play the part.

“What happened?” Luke smoothed his hand across Bryan’s shoulders.

Bryan glanced at Luke, but turned his head back to her quickly. “My ex had a baby. She fingered me as the father. We lived together for two years and I loved being a daddy. I loved my little boy.” His voice cracked and his eyes filled with tears.

“Last year she moved out, taking Michael with her. She got a DNA test that proved I wasn’t the father and that the real father had come back for her. He took my son and the courts wouldn’t back me up. I have no claim on my little boy. I know what hurt is. I had dreams about our future. Now I have nothing.”

“Shit,” Luke said.

Nichole couldn’t speak or even move. Maybe Bryan had an idea what she was going through. Not exactly the same, but close. She’d dreamt of raising kids with Derek and Charisa, and now they would be bringing up their own children without her.

Bryan reached for her and she went to him. They hugged for a long moment before Bryan pulled her down onto his lap.

“What happened with you?” Bryan whispered in her ear.

Nichole sat there for a long moment, unable to talk. How could she organise her thoughts enough to put into words what had happened with Charisa and Derek? Would Bryan understand why she didn’t want to be involved in any sort of a relationship right now?

Luke sat down on the bed behind them and began stroking her hair. Charisa and Derek had been smaller, more like her size. Luke and Bryan were huge compared to them. Her heart warmed and gladness filled her.

“I was involved with a couple and they kicked me out because they wanted to raise a family. I was there first and Derek shoved me out of Charisa’s life. It’s not fair.” Tears streamed down her face. This wasn’t how she wanted Bryan and Luke to see her.

Bryan hugged her close, wrapping his arms around her and rocking back and forth. His lips slid across her forehead, then sought out her mouth, teasing it open with gentle licks. The kiss left her body shaking and her mind whirling as he picked her up and laid her on the bed.

Luke kissed her toes and feet while Bryan moved to her breasts, licking and sucking and driving her crazy. She didn’t want to think, only to feel. Luke kissed his way up her legs to her knees. He pulled his body up hers, digging his fingers into her flesh. She relished the pain and pleasure. Bryan sucked her nipple into his mouth and she arched up to meet him. Their attention left her breathless and their touches sent her closer to the edge.

Bryan kissed her again, his tongue dipping into her mouth, twisting with hers. Luke buried his face between her legs. The first flick of his tongue against her clit sucked away her breath. He slipped two fingers into her, searching for her G-spot. She cried out as he grazed her sensitive nub with his teeth.

The three of them together seemed right, but the bittersweet memories of her last family made her chest tight, stealing her orgasm from her. Bryan and Luke kept touching her, working with their lips, hands and tongues to get her back on track to bliss. She shut out the memories of the past and allowed the ecstasy of raw sex to flow through her.

Bryan flicked his thumbs over her nipples and pushed her over the edge. She writhed under them as her juices bathed Luke’s tongue. With her eyes closed, she rode the wave of delight, forgetting about her past and not even thinking about her future. She couldn’t contemplate anything beyond the pleasure happening right now.

Nichole grabbed her clothes and followed Luke out of the bedroom. Bryan had fallen asleep after their lovemaking and Luke didn’t want to disturb him. His mind kept turning back to what Bryan had said. God, to lose a baby and a relationship—he couldn’t imagine the pain.

Anything bad that had happened in his life didn’t come close to that type of mind-fuck. Bryan was taking it all rather well, considering it had only been four months. Hell, he would fall apart if he had a baby, then lost it. His feelings for Bryan were growing deeper with every minute they spent together. He didn’t want to lose the guy, but if he wasn’t careful he would fall for Bryan and have no defence against the pain when things went south.

“Why the long face?” Nichole asked.

“Nothing. Want something to eat? I have fruit or some eggs?”

“You have an apple?”

“Sure.” Luke ambled over to the refrigerator, his mind still on Bryan losing his kid. He was such an idiot mooning over his own need to be wanted, when here was a guy who had lost everything.

“Hey, you’re like a million miles away.” Nichole ran her hand down his chest, her eyes bright with lust.

“I’m sorry, I’m just a little distracted.”

“Distracted?”

Luke didn’t feel comfortable talking to Nichole about his thoughts about Bryan. He liked the girl, but there was something about Bryan that made him crazy. He wanted the man for more than just a few quick fucks, but relationships had always been difficult for him. The twists and turns they took always threw him for a loop. Of course, none of his past lovers had really wanted to be with him. His money or his fame had fed their egos and they’d all pretended to like him for just long enough to screw him over. His heart had gone dead a long time ago and he’d never expected to actually feel the emotions he was having right now. His strong reaction to Bryan freaked him out.

“It’s nothing. I’m just thinking.”

Nichole took a bite of her apple and chewed, her eyes on him. She swallowed and took another bite. An uncomfortable feeling started deep in his gut and wound its way up to his brain.

Nichole cocked her head to the side, her eyes narrowed. “Are you two going to hook up and dump me?”

God, he hated the drama. Why did it always come to people wanting to pull him one way or another? “Nichole, you’re a nice girl but I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She took another bite of her apple and chewed. “Really?”

“I know you’re hurt with your lovers kicking you out, but I don’t think we made any promises when we got together last night.”

“This is crap.”

“Nichole, what did you think was going to happen?” Luke was tired of being forced into relationships, bribed to give head or made to feel guilty and generally treated like dirt. He couldn’t take demands and drama anymore.

“Never mind. I need to leave.” Nichole tossed the apple in the trash and pulled on her clothes. She looked back over her shoulder, her face blank.

“Nichole, you don’t have to leave. I’m not kicking you out, but I’m also not going to live with drama. I made no promises except to have fun.”

She turned to face him, anger and defeat playing across her face. “I can’t do a relationship right now. I thought being with the two of you would make me feel better, but it didn’t. Sure, the sex was good, but I want more.”

“I can’t give more.” Luke felt like a heel saying it, but it was true. He was too tied up in Bryan right now, not her.

She pushed the button for the elevator and the doors slid open. Nichole stepped in and shot him a sad smile. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. You are just another pretty face. I guess I don’t rate highly enough for you.”

Luke sucked in a quick breath. Her statement was like a slap in his face. Luke froze, unable to speak as the doors slid closed and the elevator began its descent. His shoulders sagged and pain knifed into his side. Fuck, no one wanted him. Bryan would probably leave him too. Maybe he should go wake the dude up and kick him out. Bringing them up to his home had been a mistake.

* * * *

Bryan had rolled into a ball after sex and pretended to sleep.
Shit, quit talking about the baby.
That part of his life had ended and he would never see Michael again. There wasn’t any way for him to change losing the baby, and telling his new lovers about his past had only brought up painful memories.

Luke and Nichole left the room and shut the door behind them. He turned on his side and stared out of the window. New York woke up slowly on the weekends. Soon the streets would be crowded with tourists and city dwellers. The energy and throngs of people had kept him from going crazy. If he stayed busy enough, he would eventually forget about Michael’s sweet kisses, bright eyes and funny laughter.

He should go out there and face the music, but he didn’t want their pity. Nichole’s problem weighed on his mind and he had sympathy for the girl, but losing Michael had cut him to the core, leaving him unable to take on anyone else’s problems.

Hell, Luke must think they were losers. Both of them had been tossed out of relationships. Bryan rolled off the bed and realised he’d dropped his clothes in the other room. He’d have to brave Luke’s and Nichole’s stares in order to get dressed and leave.

He would shower first, then he would go. His broken heart held all of his focus as he stepped into the shower and turned the spray on. The icy water soon turned warm. He lathered up and rinsed his hair. Mindlessly, he ran the bar of soap over his body.

He washed the soap off his face and turned around to find Luke standing on the other side of the glass door. Bryan had been so involved in the shower he hadn’t heard the bathroom door open or close. Luke held up a cup of dark liquid, then placed the mug on the bathroom countertop.

Bryan thought he would leave, but he didn’t. Instead, Luke leaned up against the counter, crossed his legs and arms, and watched Bryan finish his shower.

Bryan cut the water and pulled a towel from the rack, his thoughts firing rapidly and confusing the hell out of him. Should he go, or stay? He didn’t know. He dried off his hair and body, not bothering to wrap the towel around his waist. Luke had already seen everything—so what if he looked at Bryan’s dick again?

“I brought you some coffee.”

“Thanks.” Bryan grabbed the cup and took a sip. “Yum, brewed to perfection and smooth too.” He wanted to take the words back, say something smarter, but he felt so strange. Luke didn’t stare at him but he also didn’t keep his eyes averted. The man was a serious turn-on, but Bryan didn’t want that right now. His emotions weren’t in the right place.

“Nichole left,” Luke said.

“What? When?”

“Just a few minutes ago.”

“But she didn’t even say goodbye.”

Luke turned to face him and slid one hand down Bryan’s side. His touch warmed Bryan and filled him with pleasure, leaving him feeling as though they’d been together for a long time. But they hadn’t been together that long, and this was the first time he’d been with a guy in ages. It was comfortable and strange all at once.

“So, your kid. How do you stand it?”

Bryan turned away, pain lancing his heart. “I don’t.”

“So you never get to see him again? No visitation or anything?”

“My ex made me look like shit in court. Plus the real dad is a fairly powerful attorney. I didn’t stand a chance.”

“What if you had some money?” Luke asked.

Bryan blew out a quick breath, the pain of losing Michael almost overwhelming him. “But I don’t have enough, and even then, there is no reason for me to ever meet with him again, as far as the courts are concerned.”

“But what about you and your concern?”

“Damn it. It’s not going to happen. Just drop it.”

Bryan ran out of the room to find his clothes. He had to leave. With Nichole gone, he couldn’t stay here any longer. He wasn’t gay—or was he? Fucking lawyers, they would have a field day if they found out he was butt-fucking another guy. They’d never let him visit Michael, even if he had the money to win a court battle. Sure, there was supposed to be equality but that wouldn’t apply to him.

“Wait.” Luke grabbed his arm and spun him around.

Desire spiked in Bryan and he let the hunger roll through him. He grabbed Luke and pulled him close. They stared at each other for a long moment, their cocks touching and pulsing together. He wanted to fuck the guy again, but shouldn’t. If he did Luke now, without Nichole here to share, would that mean he really was gay and not just experimenting? Hell, he’d already been with Luke without Nichole present and he’d loved that, craved that, and had wanted to be with Luke alone, without a girl in the middle.

“Don’t leave yet,” Luke begged.

“I can’t stay.” Bryan pushed away from Luke and grabbed his shirt off the floor. “And I’m not gay.”

“Whoa, where did that come from?”

Bryan tossed his shirt to the floor again and threw up his hands. “Well, I’m not.”

“Fine, but you don’t need to convince me about your sexuality.”

“I can’t think about this right now.”

Luke stepped close and held out his hand, only inches from Bryan’s chest. The desire to step forward overrode his good sense. He leaned into Luke’s touch, hating himself for wanting to be with him.

The heat from Luke’s hand warmed all of Bryan. They stood close for a long minute. Bryan thought Luke would kiss him, but he didn’t.

“Fuck, I’m an idiot. I should let you leave and just chalk you up as another guy who wants a piece of me, but I can’t.”

Bryan sucked in a breath. His heart thundered and blood roared in his ears. He brushed his hand over Luke’s hip and stepped closer.

Luke stepped out of Bryan’s reach and shook his head. “Let’s get out of here, go get some food.”

Bryan’s stomach rumbled and he laughed. Hunger gnawed through his belly, and staying in this place didn’t seem to be doing either of them any good. “Sure, I’m starving.”

“Want some clean clothes?” Luke asked.

“You offering?”

“You can fit into my shirts and underwear, and maybe my shorts.”

“Hmmm, I’ve never worn the clothes of anyone I’ve ever fucked.”

Luke burst out laughing and pulled Bryan into a quick hug. Wrapping his arms around the man made Bryan thankful he’d taken the plunge. Luke’s strength amazed him and made him feel special. He’d always dreamt of doing something like this, but what would people say? He could deny his desires all day long, but deep in his heart he knew what he wanted.