Secret Cravings (9 page)

* * * *

Luke and Bryan headed over to a small coffee shop that served the best breakfast sandwiches in Manhattan. They both drank another cup of coffee each, and Bryan ate an egg and bacon biscuit while Luke had the healthy breakfast option.

Luke wondered how far he should let this relationship go. He’d had every intention of kicking Bryan out until he’d heard the shower start. Just thinking of Bryan in the shower had had him wondering what it would be like to make this arrangement permanent. Having someone at home, waiting for him at the end of a long day, sounded like heaven.

He had started the coffee and poured out two cups, all the while cursing himself for holding out hope. Both Bryan and Nichole had opened up about their lives and issues. Jealousy over their ability to have deep emotions had filled Luke. He’d wondered if he even had a soul. There were so many despicable things he’d done in his past to get ahead in his career. For far too long he’d played the game, never opening up and never being real. He’d viewed the people he’d dated as disposable, had never even asked about any of their problems, mainly because no one cared about his.

Of course, few people thought he had any problems. He was the cute one, the sexy one, the one on the billboard. ‘Who cares what’s inside? He’s there to look at. No more substance than a Twinkie, a filler for those needing eye-candy.’ Everyone who’d ever wanted a piece of him had thought he had no more depth than his photographs.

Luke forced himself to calm down before he did something stupid like blow up at a waitress—or worse, Bryan. How the hell had he got this far with Bryan? Okay, so they’d only known each other a few weeks and gone out a handful of times, but he’d actually listened to Bryan’s problems last night and he hadn’t flaked. Maybe he could change and be a caring person in a relationship?

“You want to go for a walk through the park?” Luke asked.

Bryan stared at him for a long moment. “Yeah, sounds good. I need to think about everything that happened last night. Walking with you will be good.”

A bubble of excitement built inside Luke. Bryan wanted to do stuff with him. Bryan stood, so Luke did too, wondering all the while when Bryan was going to tell him to get lost because he’d finally figured out Luke was useless. They pitched their trash in the bin and took off down the street towards Central Park. Two gay guys were holding hands in front of them. Luke wished he and Bryan had that type of relationship. The realisation struck him hard.

The jaded part of him wanted to dismiss any possibility of a future with Bryan. The guy was damaged goods, but Luke felt for him. Hell, he was beyond damaged too.

They walked down a tree-covered path with few people. Bryan reached out and grabbed Luke’s hand. The connection warmed Luke. He looked at their hands, then up at Bryan. His heart stuttered and his head swam with thoughts of a future and happiness.

“I’m afraid of what will happen if I choose to be with you.” Bryan didn’t look at him or slow down.

“You mean because someone will think you’re gay?”

“They’ll know. I mean, I saw your office. Pictures of you everywhere.”

“Hmmm, when did you sneak in there?” Luke asked.

“This morning.”

“What do you think?”

“You’re airbrushed in all of them.”

Luke stopped walking. His mouth fell open and he couldn’t breathe for a moment. “What?”

Bryan turned to face him. The sun splashed onto his face, bringing out the green in his eyes.
Beautiful
. “Oh, come on. You’re super-hot, but you are no less airbrushed than the ladies.”

A deep, stabbing pain centred in his heart. Bryan was the only person who had ever been real with him. He breathed in deeply, revelling in the hurt, wallowing in the anguish.

“I can’t believe you actually said that. To me!”

Bryan frowned and his cheeks turned pink. “I’m sorry. I guess I shouldn’t have said it.”

“Are you kidding me? No one is ever honest when they speak to me.”

“I don’t know how not to be honest,” Bryan said.

Luke pulled him into a tight hug, their foreheads touching. “Bryan, thank you. I need honest.” Luke pulled back, looking Bryan straight in the eyes. “Thank you for telling me the truth. You can’t believe the number of people who lie and say I’m perfect and I look better in person than in the pictures. I have flaws and I’m glad you said it like it is,” Luke babbled on, wishing he could shut up, play it cool—because the more real he got with Bryan, the harder it would be when Bryan said
adios
.

“Really? No one has ever told you the truth?”

“No. I’ve been modelling for so long, and now that I’m seen as one of the top models I guess no one wants to piss me off.”

“What about your relationships? Any exes tell you the truth?”

Luke took off walking, pulling Bryan along with him. He didn’t want to reveal how sad his life had become. He wasn’t a teenager—hell, he was into his mid-twenties, and he still hadn’t ever had a relationship that had lasted more than a few fucks or blow jobs.

Bryan tugged at Luke’s hand, stopping his progress. “I’ll take that as a no.”

Luke shook his head as sadness enveloped him. “No, no one is ever honest with me.”

“That’s sad.”

The emotional wall he’d perfected started to crumble. Bryan had hit upon the one theme Luke had tried desperately to ignore. His life was sad. Sure, everyone thought he had it made. He was the golden boy, but Bryan had seen through his false exterior. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be transparent anymore. Transparency hurt like hell.

They ditched the main path and came to an open field. Bryan put his hand on Luke’s shoulder and forced him to stop walking.

“Look at me.”

Luke spun around, his heart aching with something deeper than lust. “What?”

“I like you. I feel something for you, and it scares the hell out of me,” Bryan said.

Luke didn’t know how to deal with the words Bryan had said. “Fuck, I’m so jaded. All I can think is that now you know who I am and you want a piece of me.”

Bryan’s nostrils flared and pain flashed over his face. He stepped away. “That’s low.”

“I know.” Luke grabbed onto Bryan’s wrist so he couldn’t leave. “I’m fucked up. Part of me wants to piss you off and tell you to leave. The other part of me wants to hold you close and never let you out of my sight.”

Bryan stepped closer. His body relaxed and concern filled his eyes. Luke stepped into his embrace, craving the closeness. They held onto each other, neither of them willing to pull apart.

“I don’t care if you’re a model or a fry cook. Okay, if you were a fry cook I’d make you take a shower before you came to bed, but I would still feel the same about you. I don’t know why I feel this way. I should want Nichole more.”

“Why?”

“God, this is hard. I’m not supposed to be gay,” Bryan said.

“You ever want a guy before?” Luke asked.

“Yes, before my ex.”

“I want you. And not just your body. I like spending time with you. You’re special and… Hell, I’m afraid of having deep feelings for you,” Luke said.

“What are we going to do?”

Luke stepped away from Bryan and held up his hand, hoping that the guy wouldn’t touch him for a moment, while he got this out. “I don’t want you to walk away and leave me alone. I don’t want to be out in the cold because you are afraid. I feel something for you and as painful as it is for me to tell you this, I have to.”

“Why is it painful?” Bryan moved closer, but Luke spun away.

“If you touch me I’ll melt into your arms and not care if you’re only here to take advantage of me.”

“I’m not. Like I said, I like you. Quit modelling, become poor, gain weight—I don’t give a shit. I like you.” Bryan reached out and grabbed Luke, pulling him close.

The dam on his emotions broke, flooding him with pain and pleasure. Luke sagged into Bryan’s arms, letting him take control. Tears burned his eyes before they ran down his face, dampening his cheeks. Luke didn’t care if anyone saw him in this state. The paparazzi had grown bored with him because he never left his apartment. He was an emotional wreck and needy as hell, but he could make it work with Bryan.

“Hey, babe, I’m here for you.” Bryan kissed his forehead and his cheeks, then his lips.

Luke had never felt so good. Loving was something he’d never thought he would experience but here he was, falling hard for Bryan. He didn’t want to say anything yet, but soon he would. When the time was right, he’d tell Bryan that his feelings had grown deep.

* * * *

Nichole tromped up the stairs to her apartment, wishing she lived in a building with an elevator. Halfway up, a couch blocked her progress and it was the last thing she needed. She’d walked forty dogs today and it felt like it. Her arms were tired and her feet sore. All she wanted was to sink down into a hot bath and drink some wine.

A door slammed above her and she heard feet on the stairs. Great—maybe this was the jerk with the couch and she’d be able to make it up to her apartment.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know we were blocking anyone.” The woman Nichole had run into last week stood at the top of the stairs, her green eyes shining, a bright smile on her face. A man rounded the corner and wrapped his arm around the woman, and Nichole rolled her eyes.

“Get off me, Nick.” The girl pushed at the guy, then stared back at Nichole. “You have to ignore him, he’s a jerk. We’ll get this out of your way soon. By the way, I’m your new neighbour. Amy is my name.”

“Nichole.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m in number nineteen… Well, you know, right down the hall from you. We’re going to order pizza—you want to come over?”

“No, I’m sure you and your boyfriend would like some time alone in your new place.”

Amy and the guy behind her both laughed. “Oh, he’s not my boyfriend. This is Nick, just a pal from work. I don’t do men.”

The twinkle in Amy’s eye caught Nichole off guard. Yesterday, she’d stormed out of Luke’s place, vowing to never get involved with anyone again, but here she was, wanting to get to know Amy better. “Just pizza, nothing else, right?”

Amy cocked her eyebrow. “I’ll behave, if you do.”

Nichole laughed and it felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. “I need to take a shower first.”

A predatory smile lit Amy’s face and Nichole felt as if hot honey was running through her veins. She squeezed her legs together, thinking of fun ways Amy could entertain her in the shower. What the hell was she doing? She didn’t need another failed relationship. But pizza, she could do. Nichole relaxed and pushed thoughts of sex from her mind.

“Give me ten minutes after you get the couch taken care of and I’ll be over.”

“Sure. Nick, get down there and start moving this beast.”

Nichole couldn’t just stand there. She helped Amy and Nick manoeuvre the large piece of furniture up the stairs and into Amy’s apartment. Nichole begged off and raced into her place to take a shower. She contemplated dressing provocatively before she pulled on a loose-fitting T-shirt. Amy was cute, but she didn’t want the attention.

Nichole knocked on Amy’s door, her stomach twisting in knots. Why had she come down here? It felt a bit like she had something to prove, but she knew she didn’t. The thing with Luke and Bryan had been a mistake. They hadn’t been interested in her and she’d known it. Okay, Luke had been that first night, but not anymore.

Amy opened the door and Nichole had to hold back and not step into Amy’s arms. The woman looked so similar to Charisa that she wanted to feel the comfort of being held in a welcoming embrace.

Amy couldn’t believe her luck. Nichole was coming to her place. She’d asked Nick to leave, then to stay, changing her mind about fifteen times, driving him crazy. In the end she decided that it would be best to have Nick there and she would pay him with pizza. Her new couch fitted right into her small space, not taking up too much room but providing a comfortable place to relax.

The knock on the door startled Amy. She giggled, then put on her lawyer face, trying to be serious. Just before she opened the door she realised the lawyer face would be the wrong look so she smiled, allowing her joy to show through. She pulled the door open and, after a few seconds of looking at Nichole, she thought she’d made a mistake by being too happy. Nichole looked as if she was about to bolt.

“Nichole, thanks for coming by. Nick ordered the pizza and it should be here in about twenty minutes.”

“Cool, where did you order from?”

“Pino’s, just downstairs.”

“Good, I love Pino’s.”

Amy stepped out of the way, not wanting to scare Nichole. The girl looked scared already and that was the last thing Amy wanted. “Come in. The place is small, and I’m sure it’s a lot like yours, but I’m happy here.”

Nichole stepped into her tiny space and shut the door behind her. “I like the small space—not big enough to get messy.”

“You said that right.” Amy felt like an idiot. Her conversation wasn’t riveting. Hell, it wasn’t even interesting. Amy fell back into wishing she’d talked to Nichole at the bar. At least then they would have had music to fill the lull in the conversation. Nick wasn’t being any help.

Nichole stood next to the couch and Amy had the strong urge to go to Nichole and take her hand, to draw her down onto the cushions and kiss her, but that would be wrong. They didn’t know each other, though Pink had been the star of Amy’s dreams lately.

“So, Nichole, what do you do for a living?” Nick asked.

Amy wanted to slap him, but she had been rendered mute and needed someone to carry the conversation. Nichole’s short stature and cute, turned-up nose made her think of elves and pixies.

“I walk dogs.”

“You walk dogs?” Nick asked.

“Yeah. I enjoy the work, and it’s better than being a fry cook.”

Nichole’s job didn’t bother Amy at all. She was used to dating women who were closer to her income level, but with Nichole she didn’t care. The woman was beyond attractive.

“What do you do for a job, Nick?”