Secret Lives (17 page)

Of course at the party I couldn't take my
coat off and had to be careful how I sat and Matt kept grinning at
me over the secret we shared. Everyone from our class was there (I
guess I was the only person who hadn't been invited). Plus Getch
who graduated last year and what seemed like a dozen of Priscilla's
cousins. She has a cousin our age in every town around here.

That feeling of not being able to breathe
came over me real fast as I was sitting there trying to be polite.
Nobody was talking to me, which was fine because I like the feeling
of being invisible. Matt was talking to a boy he knew and I finally
had to get up and leave the room. I started exploring Priscilla's
house. It is a large old white farmhouse. Priscilla's family isn't
rich but you would think so by the size of her house.

The downstairs rooms were all full of
partiers so I walked upstairs where I could get my breath easier.
It was wonderful up there, dark and quiet like the cave. I started
quietly down the hall but stopped when I heard sounds coming from
the end of the hall. I let my eyes get used to the darkness and saw
that it was a girl and a boy, and it was not so dark that I
couldn't tell what they were doing. I got a glimpse of the boy's
naked backside before I stepped into an open doorway. I was
embarrassed at first and I just stood there shaking, hoping they
hadn't seen me.

It went on a long while and I was afraid to
leave the room for fear they'd see me. I thought for sure I was
going to pass out. Finally I could hear them talking and putting
their clothes back in order. Their voices got louder as they walked
down the hall, and by the time they walked past the room where I
was hiding, they were laughing up a storm. I peeked out—I just
couldn't help myself—and saw that the girl was Sara Jane!

I hate her! She may as well have stuck a
knife in my side for all the pain I felt just then. My brother is
fighting for his country and she is cheating on him.

I jumped out of the room behind them.

“
Sara Jane!” I said.

She turned around, but it was too dark for
me to see the expression on her face.

“
Kate? Is that you?” she asked.

“
I saw you,” I said.

“
Who is that?” the boy with her asked. I
recognized him. His name is Tommy Miller and his father owns the
bakery in Coolbrook.

“
No one,” Sara Jane said, not making me
feel any more kindly towards her. “Kate, I don't know what you're
talking about.”

“
I saw you fucking.” It was the first
time I ever used that word, but it won't be the last. I loved the
way it sounded when it came out of my mouth and it wasn't too dark
to see the horror in Sara Jane's face when I said it. Her face is
as big and fat as a pumpkin.

“
It's your imagination, Kate,” Sara Jane
said, right calmly. She turned to Tommy. “Kate writes stories. She
has a very vivid imagination.”

“
Ah,” said Tommy, as if that explained
everything and the problem was solved.

“
Let's go back to the party,” Sara Jane
said, to both of us. I followed them down the stairs, thinking the
whole way about pushing her head over heels to the floor.

Downstairs, I found Matt in the middle of a
group of Priscilla's cousins (all girls) who were captivated by his
dark eyes. I was shaking and felt sick as a dog. I wanted to ask
him if we could leave, but I hated to take him away when he looked
as if he was enjoying himself. I was going to tell him I'd wait for
him outside, but he must have seen I was upset because he excused
himself from the girls and took my arm.

“
Ready to go if you are,” he
said.

Once in the car I told him what I'd seen and
he said I should tell Kyle. “If I were in his shoes I'd want to
know what she was doing behind my back.”

I wasn't sure, and I'm still not sure. It might be better
to learn the truth about her when he gets home and has Matt and me
to cheer him up. If I wrote to him about it—well, I can picture him
opening the letter and having no one to talk it over with. It would
upset him. It might affect his concentration just when he needs to
be alert and looking out for himself
.

–
16–

Rain pelted the thin cabin roof and Ben sat
up to look out the window. A downpour. He switched on the radio he
kept under his bed and listened for the weather report. Rain until
late afternoon, clearing this evening. Damn. That meant no work at
the site, no chance to see Eden.

He watched drops of rain falling from the
ceiling near the bathroom, a puddle forming on the floor below. He
could spend the day working on that leak. Or reading. Maybe write a
letter to Sam. He smiled to himself because for the first time in
months he had not even considered suicide as an alternative to
spending a day alone.

Kyle called just as Ben was getting out of
the shower. “Do you want to join us for a barbecue tonight?” he
asked. “Just hamburgers and such. Rain's supposed to quit around
four.”

Ben grinned, tightened the towel around his
waist. “Yeah, I would. Thanks.”

“And listen, Ben,” Kyle continued. “I'm
worried about you and Eden. She hasn't been divorced all that long,
you know. She puts on a good show—that's her forte—but she's still
a little on the shaky side.”

“So am I,” he said, hurt.

“You have to tell her the truth about your
divorce.”

“I will, Kyle. But I need some time. It's not
the kind of thing you can just blurt out to someone.”

“You're not being fair to her.”

He didn't want to hear that. “I wanted her to
get to know me before I told her, so she'd believe me.”

“Sharon knew you for a decade and she still
didn't believe you.

Ben flinched as the cruelness of Kyle's
remark cut through him.

“I'm sorry,” Kyle said when Ben didn't
respond. “I'll go to bat for you after you tell her, Ben. I'll tell
her I think you were railroaded. But it's only fair she know the
truth.”

“And I'll tell her.” He felt his voice rise
and worked to lower it. “Just not quite yet. I'd like to feel like
a normal person leading a normal life for a change. And Kyle?” He
hoped Kyle would let him change the subject. “She told me about the
skeleton in the cave.”

“What about it?” Kyle's voice was ice.

“Well…” Ben hesitated. He had never felt this
awkward talking to Kyle before. “What happened to it?”

“There were three actually,” Kyle said after
a moment's pause. “I went in to take a bone from the one in the
late fifties when radiocarbon dating caught on. I found a couple
more back there.”

“And…?”

Kyle took a long time to answer. “Two
thousand B.C.,” he said finally.

Ben stood up. “Why didn't you tell me
this?”

“It's moot, that's why. The skeletons are in
the cave—the cave is sealed and is going to stay sealed.”

“But Kyle, those skeletons could give a whole
new meaning to the site.” Just yards away from the pits was a
chance to save Lynch Hollow.

“The subject's closed, Ben.”

Ben was quiet for a moment. He was completely
unaccustomed to Kyle's anger. “I was just thinking of the grant,”
he said softly.

“I'll tell Lou and Eden you're coming
tonight?”

“Yes, please.” He hung up with a heaviness in
his chest. He'd stop by the liquor store and pick up some of Kyle's
favorite grape brandy. And he wouldn't mention the skeleton again.
But what should he do about Eden? He had to tell her, but he knew
what would happen when he did. He'd lose what little he had of her.
He'd be alone again. Kyle was right. How could he expect Eden to
believe him when even his own wife thought he was guilty?

–
17–

Even in the rain Eden could smell the aroma
of baking bread as she climbed the outside stairs to the apartment
above Miller's Bakery. Sara Jane opened the door for her before she
reached the landing.

“Come on in, Miss Riley. Why, you're soaked
right through!”

Eden left her umbrella on the landing and
stepped into the small living room, where the yeasty smell filled
the air. She felt it settle on her damp skin and lace itself
through her hair, and she knew she would carry this scent with her
for the rest of the day.

The living room was exactly what she had
expected: dark green carpeting, yellow floral wallpaper, family
photographs crowding the top of the television. Three children
giggled together from behind the toothpick-thin legs of a tall,
balding man, and two women—one about Eden's age, the other a little
older—sat together on the couch, grinning at her.

“Oh, I hope you don't mind this.” Sara Jane
swung one helium-filled arm through the air. “But they all wanted
to meet you. Janie has her little autograph book out and all. Soon
as they say hi, they'll be going and you and I can talk in private
about the movie.”

Eden smiled. “Well, who's who?” She peeked at
one of the little girls, who shrank, giggling, deeper behind her
grandfather's legs.

“This here's my husband, Tom.” Sara Jane
grabbed the elbow of the dangerously thin man and drew him
forward.

“Pleased to meet you, miss,” he said as she
shook his hand. “We're big fans of yours. No one round here ever
misses an Eden Riley picture.”

“Thanks,” Eden said. “And please call me
Eden.”

The man nodded. “Well, if you'll excuse me,
I'll get you gals some refreshments.” He stepped out of the room
and Eden lowered herself to her haunches.

“And who are these three?”

Without Tom's legs to hang on to the two
smaller girls clung to the arms of the older child, who thrust a
blue autograph book toward Eden.

“Grandkids,” said Sara Jane. “They belong to
Maggie there.”

Eden looked over at the sofa where the two
women sat. One of them, Maggie presumably, had a wry, bored smile
on her face, and she gave Eden a little salute. Eden noticed with a
jolt that the woman next to her had no arms, just hands dangling
from her shoulders. She kept her smile in place and turned back to
the little ones.

“Now come on, Janie,” Sara Jane said. “Get
your autograph and then you got to be on your way.”

Eden signed Janie's book and talked with the
two younger girls for a minute before standing again. Then Maggie
rose from the couch, stretched, and kissed her mother's cheek.
“We'll get out of your way, Mama.” She shook Eden's hand, while the
little girls latched on to their mother's legs. “Heart of Winter
was hot.” She gave Eden a conspiratorial grin, as if she and Eden
were the only people in the room who could understand what she
meant. “Is Michael Carey as good as he looks?”

Eden laughed. “I hate to disappoint you,
Maggie, but I wouldn't know.”

Sara Jane gave her daughter a little shove.
“Hush, Maggie, now get out of here. Miss Riley doesn't have all
day, I'm sure."

Once Maggie was gone, Eden braced herself and
turned to face the woman on the couch. She was strikingly pretty,
although her round face was beginning to bloat like her mother's.
“I'm Eden,” she said. She stopped herself from reaching out her
hand.

“This is Eleanor, our first daughter,” said
Sara Jane. “Say hi, Ellie.”

Ellie smiled. “Hi. You're the beautiful
witch.” Her words were heavy and slurred.

“That's right. Did you like that movie?”

Ellie nodded as Tom returned to the room with
a tray laden with cinnamon buns and a teapot.

“Ellie was a favorite of your mama's,” Sara
Jane said.

Eden started to say, “She was?” then caught
herself.

“C'mon, Ellie.” Tom tugged at his daughter's
shoulder. “Let's give your ma and Miss Riley some privacy.” Ellie
rose obediently and followed her father out of the room with a
foot-dragging gait that put a lump in Eden's throat.

Once they had left the room, Sara Jane let
out an enormous sigh, then turned to smile at Eden. “Have a seat,
dear.” She pointed to the sofa and Eden sat down and pulled her
tape recorder from her purse. Sara Jane stopped pouring the tea and
her eyes widened. “You're going to tape me?”

“I'd like to. Do you mind?”

“No, I guess not. I'm delighted as could be
you want to speak to me. I hope I can help.”

“I really appreciate it. I'd like to know
about my mother from your perspective. Kyle's is a little
biased.”

“Oh, your mother was a delightful girl, so
pretty and smart.” Sara Jane handed Eden her tea. “She could
write—even as a young girl. My, how she could…”

“Mrs. Miller.” Eden smiled. “You don't have
to spare my feelings. I want to deal with reality. I don't think
anyone thought of my mother as delightful. Plus, I should tell you
that she kept a journal from the time she was thirteen, which I
have.”

Sara Jane's eyes widened. “Does she mention
me in it?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, Lordy. Well, I'm sure she didn't have
anything too kind to say about me.”

“But it's obvious that my uncle cared about
you.”

Sara Jane beamed with pleasure, her skin so
flushed that Eden could almost see the blood pulsing beneath it.
“Well, you want the truth about your mother? I can give it to you
in two sentences. Your mama was crazy. And she was in love with
Kyle. She was brighter than the rest of us, and sometimes—well,
ignorance can be bliss, you know. I think she had a price to pay
for being smart.”

“What do you mean, she was in love with
Kyle?”

“She had an attachment to that boy that went
beyond the typical brother-sister sort of thing, you know? Kyle and
I were close friends and—” Sara Jane clamped her little rosebud
lips shut and tapped her fingertip against them. “Exactly how much
do you know?”

“I know you and Kyle were lovers.”

Sara Jane sat up straight, eyes big as angel
food cakes. “Oh, my. You don't mince words, now do you? Sort of
like your mama. She could be straightforward like nobody else.
Well, what I meant about her and Kyle was…she wanted to be with him
all the time, and he'd sometimes tell me he couldn't go out because
he should stay with her, like she was an invalid or something. She
was right jealous of me, I know that. I was so glad when Matt—when
your father finally came along because she let Kyle go a
little.”