Secret Pleasures (45 page)

Ivy strode to Darien, took his hand
.
“I know you would have.”

“And that’s why I must marry Arianna.”

She tried to pull her hand away but he held it.

“Listen to me, Ivy
.
Please
.
Let me explain
.
I want nothing more than to be with you, but there is more at stake here
.
Maddox knows the truth and has sworn to prosecute Philip’s crime
.
The penalties can not only be carried out against his family, but my brother’s corpse.”

Ivy saw the pain in his eyes, the desperation
.
She let him draw her near, hold her tightly and caress her hair
.
Darien did not have to explain further
.
Ivy’s mother had
had
a sister who took her own life
.
Her mother had related in detail the shame and the sorrow of knowing her sister would never rest in peace
.
Ivy and her own sister never visited the country house
where
her mother
had grown
up the privileged daughter of a prosperous baron
.
Only in the months before her mother’s death had Ivy discovered why
.
When Darien relaxed against her, Ivy gripped his arms and set him away from her
.

“Not like this
.
Let’s sit in the kitchen
.
I fear whatever you have to say will be impossible to understand while I’m in your arms.”

“That was my intention.
”
He smiled a cockeyed grin that had Ivy hoping it might not be that bad
.
Surely Darien would not succumb to the earl’s pressure without a plan of his own that would turn them all on their ears.

She returned his smile and led him into the kitchen, pulled out a chair for him to sit, retrieved his favorite Irish whiskey and two crockery mugs
.
She poured small amounts for both of them, way less than Darien would normally be happy with
.
Ivy took a bracing sip
.
Darien did not touch his, which worried her all over again.

“So you must marry Arianna Maddox,” she said firmly, testing it out on her tongue
.
“And what of Melody and me?”

Darien picked up his cup and slugged back the whiskey, then set the cup on the table before he answered
.
“Maddox was the one who found Philip
.
He threatened to reveal that Philip hung himself unless the original marriage contract was fulfilled
.
But he had another motive, something he wishes not to be made public so he has been patient.
”
Darien refilled his glass
.
“And accommodating
.
He is willing to accept Melody as a legitimate child.”

Ivy blinked, not sure what he meant, not understanding any circumstance where that could be possible.

“Of Arianna’s
.
I think the girl will go through with it,” he said in a rush.

Ivy
stood
up abruptly, the wooden legs of her chair making a loud screech before it crashed to the stone floor of the kitchen.

“And what of me?
”
Ivy hated the selfish tone in her voice and even more to know that a situation such as this would have been a dream come true for Diana, Melody’s real mother
.
Ivy squeezed her eyes shut against the realization
.
She abruptly
turned
and strode to stare out the open back door
.
The enchanting grove and babbling brook had not altered in the least in the face of the collapse of Ivy’s world.

Darien came up behind her
.
Set his hands on her shoulders
.
She eased against the sheer comfort of his touch
.

He rested his chin on her shoulder and whispered in her ear
.
“I can give you so much
.
A house in London, a palatial estate in the country
.
I have been wanting to purchase a
larger
holding
with pastures and structures for breeding. And you will be the focus of everything in my life
.
I will do what I must to maintain the obligations of the earldom, but you and I will be the ones with the power
.
Every decision regarding Melody’s future will be yours
.
You will have the final say in everything from her education to who she marries.”

Darien’s laugh was strained
.
“Of course I will have to persuade you to let her choose for herself.
”
Darien’s breath grew heavy and hot as he kissed the side of her neck through the veil of her unbound hair
.

Ivy thrust herself into motion, breaking the intoxicating effect of his nearness
.
She
pulled away, then
strode into the center of the clearing
.
A mist from the brook made the air smell of humus and wet green leaves
.

She turned to face him
.
He
stood,
brac
ing
his arms against the door jamb, looking at her from pain-filled eyes.

“I cannot live under those conditions.” She took a deep breath to gather her strength but her throat closed
.
Her eyes filled with hot tears that rolled down her cheeks
.
Darien sprinted down the steps
.
She stretched out her hand to halt his progress
.
“Don’t come any further
.
I beg of you.
”
She choked out another breath
.
“My plans have not changed
.
I’m sailing to America.”

“Not with my daughter, you’re not.
”

She flinched at his harsh tone.

“It wouldn’t be safe for either of you
.
Traveling alone
.
And Melody is just gaining her strength.”

“The weather is perfect and I’ll have to wait for next summer if I don’t sail now
.
In a year, I’m sure I won’t be able to leave at all
.
Melody, of course, should stay with you and Arianna
.
It’s what her mother would have wanted.”

Darien balled his fists and breathed heavily through his nose
.
The old Darien would have blurted out his feeling without pause
.
His restraint frightened her more than his impulsiveness
.
He would not abandon his duty to his family or his daughter
.
Not even for her
.
Truth be told, she hadn’t for him, and the desecration of a loved one’s grave was not even at stake
.
At least now, he would understand why she had been forced to break their engagement
.
Too many innocent people would suffer otherwise.

“You are the only mother Melody knows,” he said calmly.

Ivy smiled through her tears
.
Yes, she was Melody’s mother now and that is why she knew what she must do
.
Perhaps she could justify another choice if either Darien or Arianna were vain, vapid aristocrats
.
Unfortunately, that was not the case
.
They would be wonderful parents to Melody
.
They would love her, nurture her
.
Allow her to be anything and everything she chose to be.

“Melody is too young to know the difference.
”
Ivy pushed her thoughts away
.
She could not continue
to remain
on her feet if she did not
.
“I’ll just say good-bye to Melody and be on my way,” Ivy said so quickly, she was sure her words were unintelligible
.
She gathered her skirts and did her best not to look like she was running toward the kitchen door.

Darien did not bother to turn when she passed him
.
His head was bent, his hand covering his eyes.

Ivy climbed the stairs two at a time but paused at the door to calm herself
.
She did not want Melody’s last memory of Ivy to be miserable
.
But of course, her temporary daughter wouldn’t remember Ivy at all, which was the beauty of the sacrifice.

Ivy walked toward the crib as if dragging herself to the gallows
.
If Ivy knew what was good for her, she would march directly to her bags and out the door
.
She could use the time to finalize the closing of her house in London while she secured her passage to America
.
How reasonable.

But the unreasonable called
to her nonetheless
.

Ivy gripped the sides of the crib
.
Melody slept like a genuine angel, a common sentimentality Ivy had gagged at in the past
.
She didn’t smell of soiled cloth or soured milk or strange baby smell, but of something sweet and on the verge of full bloom, the best Ivy would ever be
.
And the best she would ever do
.
She leaned forward and picked up her daughter
.
Kissed her cheek
.
Checked her diaper scented by a lavender and rosemary rinse, a recipe which Ivy had read in one of her beauty books
.
She must remember to write detailed instructions for Arianna
.
No need for all that trial and error
.

Ivy hugged Melody to her chest and allowed herself to forget for a brief few moments.

“How could you leave her?
”
Darien stood in the doorway
.
His eyes were red and dry but the unique, deep-set almond shape
of them
could not hide the fact he’d been crying.

“Even if I stayed, we could not be acquainted, my darling and I
.
I would not wish her to know that she should ever be content with a man who would disregard her mother and his wife so carelessly
.
For her to ever love either of us under those circumstances would be painful as well as confusing.”

“We are both doing what’s in our daughter’s best interest, though I don’t like it anymore than you
.
Hopefully someday Melody can understand that
.
I’m agreeing to marry Arianna not only for Philip, but for Melody
.
I want her to grow up at Westhaven House, knowing that the stone mansion will always shelter her.”

“Don’t you see that’s what I want, too
?
”
Ivy battled to keep the tears from her eyes and
the
pain from her voice.

Darien came to stand beside Ivy and patted Melody’s back to erase the beginnings of a frown
.

“My father kept a mistress
.
You knew that. I knew that
.
Everyone knew that
.
It’s how
it’s
done
.
I don’t think it changed our relationship in the least.”

Melody smiled at Darien,
as though
pleased
with his answer
.
Ivy’s heart twisted that she was the element that brought Melody a loving and devoted father
.

“You have a terrible relationship with your father, so that should tell you something.
”
Ivy stood tall and tried to be brave
.
“How it’s done is not good enough for our girl
.
You will have Melody
.
I will have a new life in America
.
Your penance is a vow to devote yourself exclusively to her
well-being
.
And for that I will forgive you for what you must do for your family.
”
Ivy’s calm voice surprised even herself
.
She would have years to grieve
.
“Melody’s bags are packed
.
I suppose it’s time for her to move into her new home.”