Secret Pleasures (44 page)

“I know
.
You always have.”

Something significant exchanged between them, twisting another knife in Darien’s gut
.
Would he be able to have moments like that with Ivy
?
A silent understanding of a life lived together
.
Or at best, would he just be recounting the significant details of his life, of Melody’s, to a shadow of Ivy that he must keep safely guarded outside the gates of his public self
?
To consider that Ivy would not be a part of his life at all was unbearable.

Lily
grabbed Darien’s arm and steered him out of the room
.
The outside hall was strewn with dirty dishes, blankets and half-empty basins of water.

“I’ll see to this,” he said of the mess, stunned that he suddenly felt as if it was his responsibility
.

“Do not bother
.
I have turned all the servants away. They have much to attend to with the guests and Father.”

“You should have asked for help
.
You are as much of a member of this family as anyone, Lily.
”
Darien longed for the days when it was true
.
She had treated him like a child, and he was in comparison to her
.
Both she and Philip had protected him, coddled him, and now it was his turn to return the favor
.

“But I’m not the heir
.
I’m merely a woman. It’s all up to you, Darien
.
There is more than you know about Philip’s death.”

“I know now.
”
Darien felt the weight of Philip’s letter in his pocket
.
Unfortunately, next to it was the other forgotten piece of paper
.
Only a few mornings ago he’d asked some questions and discovered by local custom that he and Ivy were already
considered
married
.
According to Hank, all they needed to do was provide a wedding breakfast for the entire village to make it official
. 

“Why in the bloody hell was I the last to know Philip offed himself?
”
Darien balled his fist and bit his knuckle hard to check his temper.

“We wanted to spare you.
”
His sister touched his shoulder but Darien shrugged off her intended comfort
.
“And you are so emotional.”

He ground his teeth but swallowed his response
.
Unfortunately, she was right.

“Mother only told me during her final days,” Lily continued
.
“She especially did not want you to suffer anymore than you already had.”

“Did no one think I would do the correct thing
?
If
I’d known
the truth I would have married one of Maddox’s three girls years ago.
”
And he would have when he
’d
hated Ivy for taking up with Marcus, one of his closest friends
.
After letting himself love Ivy again, it seemed too cruel to have her snatched from him
once more.

“Would you have or would you have gone after Henry Maddox, creating a stir and possibly leaking the information
?
You seemed determined to ruin the family name
.
I don’t think the truth would have helped.”

Darien put his hands on his head, stared at the enormous chandelier dominating the long hall lined with windows
.

“I don’t know what I would have done.
”
But Lily was right in the fact that he might have impulsively challenged Maddox to a duel or thrashed him on a public thoroughfare
.
Darien still might
.
“Maddox should not win
.
He’s blackmailing us, Lily
.
That’s not legal.”

“Do you have any idea what it would have done to mother to see Philip’s body mutilated, buried outside of town beneath a crossroads
?
She would not be able to leave her home without trudging over her own son’s grave.”

“That wouldn’t have happened
”
Darien’s voice was hoarse
.
“Westhaven wouldn’t have allowed it.”

Lily glanced down the hall, stood closer to Darien and lowered her voice
.
“If Henry Maddox chose to bring a case against the family for breach of contract, which he swore he would, part of the penalty would be Philip’s resting place
.
There would
have been
nothing anyone could
have done
to stop it
.
It’s all up to you, Darien
.
Do you want to take that risk?”

Darien put his hand over his mouth, feeling physically ill
.
He had no choice in the matter and he prayed Ivy would see that.

“I would think having a daughter would make your decision for you
,
” Lily’s voice coaxed
.
Darien was more sure of his family duty until his sister mentioned Melody
.

“Melody is Ivy’s daughter, as well.
”
Darien glared at his sister
.
Being a mother herself, how could she expect Ivy to give up her daughter
?

“And I know Ivy will want what’s best for her
.
She has the chance to be raised as an earl’s daughter
.
You can do so much more for her
.
Ivy will only be holding you both back.”

“I can’t give her up again.”

“She has chosen her path, hasn’t she
?
She cannot be received in polite society.”

“I don’t care about polite society and never have.”

“But it is different for a female
.
Melody deserves the chance to take her proper place among her peers if she so chooses
.
And if you can’t see what marrying Arianna will mean for Melody, think of Philip. I cannot bear the idea of Philip’s life remembered for one tragic mistake.”

“Neither can I.
”
Darien hated the taste of the words in his mouth, but he knew the brutality of Old English law and was sure he was no match for it
.
A Grand Jury would likely have little sympathy for a wealthy aristocrat that found his privileged life intolerable
.
“I’ll do what must be done, but let me speak with Ivy first
.
I don’t want to lose her.
”

Lily embraced Darien and he felt Philip so close he could be standing right next to him
.
Ivy had to understand that
.
She would not desert him twice
.
This time, he wouldn’t let her
.

***

Ivy watched Darien drag himself across the lawn
.
His head sagged with every step
.
Dear God,
had
Robert passed
?
Ivy clutched Melody’s white linen gown to her chest
.
She said a short prayer to his departing spirit then quickly folded the tiny garment and placed it in
the
trunk
.
The extra time to prepare for the journey had been a blessing and a curse. She had too many opportunities to question her choice. and the man she trusted with her heart, her life.
Darien would come with her
.
She knew he would
.
He would not desert her twice.

Melody was sleeping peacefully in he
r
crib
, obviously glad to be back home
.
Ivy wanted to let her rest and tip-toed downstairs to meet Darien
.
Once she explained to him why they must leave at once, he would see reason
.
Surely he would not want Melody to grow up in Westhaven’s environment, being forced into a life of someone else’s choosing no matter the gilded mote of security that came with it
.
Together they could give Melody a life where she was cherished beyond her need to fill in the
chairs
of the Blackmores’ dead.

She met Darien before he reached the stairs and threw herself in his arms
.
He caught her weight and held her tightly against his chest
.
He buried his face in her loose hair
.

“I’m so glad you’re here.
”
Darien’s voice broke and she hugged him tighter.

“I would not leave without you.”

He let go of her and stepped away
.
“Things have changed.”

Ivy pressed her shaking fingers to her equally trembling lips
.
“I suppose you spoke with your sister.”

“She spoke out of turn.
”
Darien strode toward her, instantly registering her distress
.
He gripped her shoulders tightly
.
“I have no intentions of letting my family stand between us being together.”

Ivy wanted to relax, but the dull brown in his usually reflective gaze gnawed at her.

“This is about Melody, isn’t it?
”
She pried his hands from her and took a step back
.
“I won’t let you trundle her off to Ireland to be raised by your sister.”

Darien remained quiet, unusually thoughtful
.
“I did not know of that, but my sister is a good woman
.
She’s raised three healthy girls
.
Not to mention Robert, whom we both admire.”

“Are you mad
?
You sound like you’re trying to talk yourself into this ludicrous idea as well as me.”

Ironically, when Ivy had first discovered Melody, she would have thought having Westhaven’s daughter raise Melody as her own a fitting idea
.
Not now
.
“How could you deny the bond we both have with her and she with us
?
She’s already been passed around too freely as it is
.
She is my daughter, Darien
.
If you love me as you claim, you will not behave otherwise.”

“I do love you, Ivy.
”
Darien paced before her, rubbed his fingers through his hair
.
Ivy had never seen him so agitated
.
“That’s all I know
.
I do not want to lose you.”

“What’s all this about, Darien
?
I have a right to know
.
Just like I had a right to know your father had cut you off if you did not break our engagement
.
Perhaps then my family would have been less shocked when our creditors came knocking on our door all at once
.
Maybe if I were prepared, I could have done something differently
.
We could have done things differently
.
Answer me
.
”

“Philip wasn’t murdered
.
He killed himself.”

“What?
”
Ivy pressed her hand to the stiff paisley satin of her stomacher, stunned and bewildered simultaneously
.
“I don’t believe it
.
Philip would never do anything like that
.
He was too fond of himself.”

Darien stepped back
.
A hopeful shadow passed across his face then faded
.
“I thought the same until my father gave me the letter Philip left me
.
They found him hanging in the stable and this in his pocket.
”
Darien pulled out a yellowed envelope with Darien’s name scrawled across the front
.
He tried to hand it to her.

Ivy held up her hands too shaken to take it
.
“What did he say?”

“Sorry, old chap
.
Carry on.”

“What
?
That doesn’t sound like Philip.”

Darien put the letter back in his pocket
.
“That’s my summation
from the letter’s beginning
.
I’m too afraid to find out
more
.
How could I have not known things had been so difficult for him
?
I would have done anything to help him.”