Secrets (25 page)

“Jess, I want to ask you something.”

Jessica looked up at him and tried to smooth all the worry lines off her forehead.

“Can you tell me why you left California? What is it you’re running from?”

“Like I told you in Mexico. My dad.”

Kyle waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. “Can the relationship be healed?”

“I don’t think so. Not unless I go back. And I won’t.”

They ate silently. A huge knot formed in Jessica’s stomach. She found it hard to eat and put down her chopsticks. Cupping both hands around the small teacup, Jessica sipped her tea. The waiter brought the check and a plate with two fortune cookies.

Jessica chose one, hoping the silly proverb inside would allow them a new topic of conversation. She cracked it open, pulled out the white slip of paper, and read it to herself.

“What does it say?” Kyle asked.

“It says, ‘Do not seek fame. It will find you.’ Now those are profound words!”

Kyle opened his fortune cookie and read aloud, “In matters of love, remain firm.”

“Ooh,” Jessica teased. “Mr. Tough Guy, huh?”

“You heard it here first,” Kyle said. He reached for his wallet, and Jessica watched him inconspicuously tuck the slip of paper into his wallet as he took out his Visa and flipped it down on the check. She thought it was sweet and sentimental of him to save the fortune and decided to do the same with hers.

“Would you like to go to the football game with me tomorrow night?” Kyle asked once they were back in the truck and on their way home. “You haven’t seen our guys defend their title yet, have you?”

“Sure, I’d love to.” Jessica slid across the bench seat in the front of the truck and sat closer to Kyle.

Kyle responded the way she had hoped he would. He slid his arm across the back of the seat and enveloped her shoulder with his large hand. Jessica snuggled a little closer and comfortably rested her head against his shoulder. It was wonderfully relaxing. Neither of them spoke.

The road stretched on and on in front of them, and they sat close as each listened to the steady breathing of the other. With all her heart, Jessica wished this evening could be frozen in time. How she had longed for a man like this and a night like this to be close to him. They didn’t have to discuss anything. Not her past, not the future. They had now, and that was all that mattered.

Y
ou know,” Kyle said when they were a few miles outside Glenbrooke, “I never really thanked you for challenging me to be open about Lindsey’s death. When you told me about Dawn tonight, I could see that some good has already come from it, and I believe a lot more will.”

“I do too,” Jessica agreed.

“For one thing,” Kyle said softly, “I feel ready and open to pursue a relationship with you. It was a long four years. I can’t help but believe God sent you to me.”

Jessica felt warmed inside. She had never been anyone’s answer to prayer before. Kyle’s words comforted and flattered her at the same time. Both were wonderful sensations to lull in while locked into this freeze-frame moment.

“What I’d really like,” Kyle said, squeezing Jessica’s shoulder, “is to know what you’re feeling.”

“I love being with you, Kyle. I love listening to you and being close to you like this. And I think in a way God sent you
to me. My whole life has changed.”

“And for the future?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Jessica said, feeling her muscles tighten.

“Jess,” Kyle said, his deep voice rumbling in his chest and echoing in her ear, “I don’t think you will know until you settle whatever issues you have with your dad.”

“It’s not that easy,” Jessica said, sitting up and putting a few inches of distance between them. “You don’t understand what’s at stake here.”

“I’d like to know, if you would let me,” Kyle said.

Jessica shook her head. “I can’t. Please try to understand. It’s not that I don’t wish things were different and that I was free to fall in—” she caught herself. “To be with you.”

“You don’t have to rephrase it, Jess. I think we both know that we’re in love with each other. Why won’t you open yourself up with me?”

“Because if I do, then everything will change.”

“No it won’t. I promise.”

“You can’t promise,” Jessica said, her emotions rising. “You don’t even know what you’re promising! Can’t we just have today and maybe tomorrow and not worry about what comes next?”

“I don’t think so,” Kyle said. He turned down Jessica’s street and brought the truck to an abrupt halt in front of her house. “That’s not good enough for me.”

“Well then, forget it!” Jessica said, sliding across the seat and opening her own door. “You have no idea what you’re asking of me.”

She blasted out of the door and slammed it hard. With giant steps, she marched up her front walkway. Surely Kyle would jump out of the truck and come after her. They could work out some kind of middle ground.

But Kyle didn’t follow her. As she turned the key in her
door, she heard his tires peel away from the curb and the truck roar down the street. Jessica lurched inside her house and slammed the door. She ripped her purse off her shoulder and threw it on the floor.

“Jessica, you’re an idiot!” she yelled. “What are you doing?” She bulldozed her way into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. Chugging down the water, she tried to calm herself.
Why did I do that? I’m behaving like a two-year-old. Where is this coming from?

She had no answers for herself. She only had a wadded up ball of anxiety and energy. She wished she had an exercise bike. She would pedal the entire night if that’s what it took to work off this steam. Jessica opted for the stairs instead and began hustling up and down the fourteen steps. Three times, four times. Her breathing and heart rate began to pulsate in time with her emotions. Six times up, six times down. Seven. Eight. At nine ascents and descents, Jessica stopped on the top stair, her heart pounding and her leg aching.

Kyle or no Kyle, she would survive. She never should have let things go as far as they had. She never should have gone to Mexico. But then, she wouldn’t have turned her life over to the Lord.

“God?” Jessica panted. “I am doing the right thing, aren’t I? You understand, don’t you?”

The only thought that came to Jessica was to
surrender
. She didn’t like it. She decided to ignore it and take a hot bath and go to bed. She would feel better after a good night’s sleep.

Jessica didn’t feel better the next morning, because she couldn’t sleep. Greg Fletcher had already somehow managed to find her phone number. How long would he be thrown off her trail? And did she really want to live without Kyle? Yet how could she have a relationship with him when he was requiring her to do what she couldn’t. She felt cornered.

She struggled to get dressed and mentally prepared for the day. Yesterday she had told her classes they would have a test today, but she hadn’t prepared one. Probably none of the students would mind, but she didn’t like getting off schedule like this. Especially today, when her nerves were shot.

Jessica hurried out the front door and locked it behind her. When she turned around, she saw Kyle’s truck parked at the curb. Kyle was leaning against his vehicle, his arms folded across his chest.

I’m not ready for this. I can’t talk to him. Not yet. Not now
.

Jessica kept her head down and cut across her front yard, walking briskly down the street toward school. She could hear Kyle coming after her. He fell into step with her and walked silently beside her for half a block before speaking.

“It’s no good running, Jess. Let’s face this together.”

Jessica didn’t answer. A thousand possible lines crossed her mind. None of them made it to her lips.

“I have a plane reservation for you,” Kyle said. “Portland to Los Angeles. You fly out this afternoon and return Sunday night. I’ve rented a car for you. Go talk to your dad, Jessica. Straighten this thing out and then come home to me.”

Jessica stopped walking and faced Kyle, her face flaming red. “Forget it!” she spouted.

Over their heads a pair of squirrels chittered and scurried across the telephone line, one of them in hot pursuit of the other. It flickered through Jessica’s thoughts that being pursued by a relentless tracker wasn’t so romantic after all.

“No, you think about it,” Kyle said, raising his voice. “I’ll pick you up at noon. You’ll have to get out of your last few classes, and you’ll only have a few minutes to pack. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t do this.”

Jessica narrowed her eyes and tried to bore her anger into Kyle’s steady gaze. He didn’t flinch. Like a rock, Kyle stood
before her, jaw set, eyes clear, and his expression full of compassion.

“‘In matters of love, remain firm,’” Kyle said, quoting his fortune cookie. A smile inched onto his face.

Jessica felt her anger begin to drain from her and a weariness rush in to take its place. She had felt this inner exhaustion for a long time but had refused to acknowledge it. The resources simply weren’t available to carry on anymore. “Okay,” she whispered, looking down. “Okay.”

Kyle cupped her chin in his hand and lifted her face up toward him. He didn’t say anything but tenderly rubbed his thumb across the half-moon on her upper lip. This scar that had first brought them together seemed to have as powerful a draw for Kyle as it did for her. Under his touch, she laid down her defenses. All she could think of was the word
surrender
. She still didn’t like it.

“I’ll be ready at noon,” Jessica said, looking up and allowing herself to plunge into Kyle’s limpid green gaze.

He drew her close and pressed his cheek against her forehead. She thought he would kiss her, but he didn’t. He held her and whispered, “Thank you.” The faint scent of cinnamon floated past her nose.

Kyle pulled away and said, “I have to get to the station for a staff meeting. I’ll be at the school at noon. Sharp.”

“Okay,” Jessica said, watching him turn and sprint back to his truck. The interminable little squirrels frolicked down the thick wooden telephone pole and skittered past Jessica, then up a shady elm tree.

She arrived at school a few minutes late and was dismayed to find Charlotte waiting for her again in her classroom, perched once again on Jessica’s desk. A few students were already in the classroom. Jessica didn’t want them to hear whatever it was their principal had to say.

“You’re late,” Charlotte said.

Jessica sat in her chair, unlocking her desk and dropping her purse into the bottom drawer without acknowledging Charlotte.

“I had a nice chat with your Aunt Bonnie yesterday,” Charlotte said.

Jessica didn’t look up. When she had listed Bonnie and John as her nearest relatives, she had gambled that they would never be contacted. Obviously, Charlotte had taken upon herself the role of junior detective.

“She says the whole family has been frantic since you disappeared almost two months ago. None of them seemed to know you were here in Oregon.”

Jessica curled her toes inside her shoes and clenched her jaw, waiting for the next bit of information Charlotte had uncovered.

“Bonnie gave me a most interesting phone number.” Charlotte read each number slowly and deliberately. “Does that number ring any bells with you, Ms. Morgan?”

It was her father’s phone number. His private line.

“I tried him this morning, but Sharon—you know, his secretary, Sharon—well, Sharon said he’s just returning from a business trip and will be home later this afternoon.” Charlotte leaned over and pointed her finger at Jessica. “Either you tell me what is going on right this instant or I’ll fire you!”

“You can’t fire me,” Jessica said calmly. “That would have to be a board decision.”

“Well, after I talk with your father I’m sure I’ll have enough information to present to the board at the Monday night meeting.” Charlotte was speaking loud enough for the students to hear her. “You did notice your name on the agenda, didn’t you?”

“Excuse me,” Jessica said, reaching for her purse and rising
from her seat. “I don’t seem to be feeling very well. It looks as if I’ll need to use one of my sick days today.”

Jessica walked past Charlotte and out the door. She didn’t stop walking until she arrived home. Then she called Kyle at the fire station and told him what had happened.

“You did the right thing,” he said. “She was probably trying to force you to quit, the way she tricked Mrs. Blair into quitting. If you
had
quit, getting your job back would be a mess. You’re entitled to sick leave. It was a good move, Jess. Do you want to leave now for the airport? I’m pretty sure we can switch you to an earlier flight.”

“Okay,” Jessica said. “Let me throw some clothes in a suitcase.”

“I’ll be right over,” Kyle said.

“Kyle?”

He had already hung up. Everything was coming at her so fast. She wanted to tell him thanks for setting up this encounter, even though she dreaded it. The meeting with her father was now imperative and inevitable.

Jessica threw some clothes in her garment bag and grabbed her cosmetics from the bathroom. The phone rang as she was zipping up the bag.