Secrets (27 page)

They were shooting a scene between Sabina and Jane when he arrived, and the bell rang just as he walked onto the set. He froze where he stood and stayed out of Sabina's line of vision. He knew how she hated to be distracted during a big scene, and that was one of her major requests, and everyone did their best to respect it. It was one of the reasons why they rarely had visitors on the set, because they unnerved her.

When the director shouted, Cut, Bill moved away from where he stood, and a few members of the crew spotted him. Some of them said hello quietly, others ignored him. It was awkward for them too. They didn't know what to say, and it was the first time he realized that some of them probably thought he had killed her. It was frightening to think of it, and he wanted to shout onto the quiet set, I'm innocent, but instead he walked straight to Gabby's dressing room and prayed she was there. He found her reading a script and drinking a cup of coffee. She looked up in surprise as he walked in, and then smiled hesitantly. She knew he had gotten out, but she hadn't called him.

Is this a bad time?

She shook her head, and smiled at him. No, it's okay. How're you doing?

All right, I guess. I just saw Mel.

She frowned. What did he say? They had all wondered about that.

He's a decent man. He'll let me stay till the hiatus.

And then?

I guess that's it. They're going to shoot a final scene with me getting killed, just so they have it in the can, if they need it. I go to trial in June, and there's no way of knowing how that will work out.

That's a nice optimistic point of view, she chided him, and poured him a cup of coffee. He took it with still trembling hands and sat down across from her.

I'm not at my most optimistic just now. And with good reason, but his eyes softened as he looked at her. I owe you an apology and my thanks. I've been an asshole to you all year. And I don't understand why you did what you did, trying to give me an alibi. I didn't deserve that from you.

She was straightforward with him. I don't think you killed her.

But you don't know that. No one does. He had felt the vibes as he came on the set. No one was sure of him anymore. He had become a stranger in a few short days. And yet some of them had stood by him. But no one as staunchly as Gabby. They knew you were lying anyway, but it was a noble try. And you could have gotten into trouble for lying to them.

I thought it was worth a shot. Their eyes met and held.

And then he closed his eyes and looked at Gabby again. I don't know why you even talk to me, after the way I've treated you.

Dumb, I guess. She smiled and set down her cup of coffee. I won't deny you've been a complete prick sometimes, and I would have liked to kill you in New York when you told everyone who I was and showed them the paper, but no matter how big a pain in the ass you were, when this happened, I knew it was a rotten thing happening to you. She hesitated. Is this why you've been so uptight so much of the time?

I guess ' I was so worried about her, especially while we were in New York. I kept thinking she'd OD and it seemed so unfair that my life was going so well, and hers was going down the tubes. And I was scared stiff about having lied to Mel about being single when he hired me. I wasn't even sure if I should push her for a divorce because I was afraid he'd find out then, if there was some publicity. He looked up at Gabrielle oddly then. You look a little like her, you know. I think that bothered me too. You were so fresh and alive and normal and healthy. Maybe I resented that. Gabrielle watched his eyes. He looked desperately sad. I just kept thinking that she could have been like you ' if she wanted to ' she had a terrific career going for herself when we got married.

Why'd you keep it a secret?

It's a long story, but her agent wanted us to, and the show she was on ' and then I lied to Mel ' it's been a real mess. He sighed. But it's not much better now. I go to trial when we go on hiatus. He told her about Mel's offering him their attorneys, and she was impressed.

He's a hell of a nice man. He took me out to dinner in New York when I was so depressed. Thanks to him, but she didn't say that.

He's a real mensch. Bill used the favorite L.A. term. But he was. A real man. A father figure. A hero.

And then Gabby looked at him with a mischievous grin. You think Sabina's sleeping with him?

Bill laughed. It was the first levity he'd heard in days. They were like two kids, gossiping about their parents. Probably. She knows where the good stuff is. That jewelry of hers doesn't all come from Santa Claus.

I think he's in love with her.

I think he's a hell of a decent man, and even if he fires me, which I'm sure he will, he deserves a lot of good things in his life. Bill sighed, thinking of the show again. Have I missed much this week?

Nothing too hot. We're shooting around you. You coming back on Monday? It was funny, they were suddenly like old friends, and they had hated each other before, but what she had done for him had won his friendship forever. She was a terrific girl, and he was mortally embarrassed about the way he had treated her until then.

Yeah. And then, as though he needed to tell her, he spoke in a sad, quiet voice. Sandy's funeral is tomorrow.

She winced. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do? He shook his head. There was nothing anyone could do now. For him, or for Sandy' . His apartment had been cleaned up by a service Harry had hired. He couldn't have faced her blood on his bedroom walls. And the dog had been taken to the vet to board until Bill came home and caught his breath again. And he had already decided to move. He wanted to get the hell out of there. Besides, whoever had gotten her might come back for him, though he doubted it. He was taking the fall for that other guy, and he would have been crazy to kill Bill, and thus prove that he hadn't killed Sandy.

Bill looked at Gabrielle, as though seeing her for the first time. She was a pretty girl. Even prettier than Sandy. Thank you for everything. He stood up, not sure what else to say. He remembered her warm hug in the jail but that seemed awkward now, and someone knocked on the door just then.

You're the next one up, Gabby. It was one of the assistants and Gabby called out in answer.

Thanks. I'll be right out. She looked into Bill's eyes then. Everything's going to be all right, Bill. It may be rough, but it'll be okay in the end. It has to be. You're innocent. You'll win. Just hang in there.

Thanks. He decided to hug her after all, and he left the set quietly again a few minutes later.

Sandy's funeral was the bleakest moment of his life. Her parents were there, sobbing painfully, her younger brother, and older sister. Her sister kept squeezing her husband's hand. Her little brother sobbed, and all of them looked sadly at Bill. At least they believed he hadn't killed her. A few of her friends from her old show had come too. But it was one of those terrible events that one expects to be difficult, and turns out to be much more so. Because of the bullet wounds, the casket had been closed, which was a relief for him. He didn't want to see her again, even without that, she was so tiny and frail and shrunken, her body ravaged by the excesses over which she'd lost control long before, her face only the shadow of what it had once been, her laughter all but forgotten.

She was so sweet when she was a little girl, her mother sobbed in Bill's arms as he fought back tears. She was all eyes ' and she used to help me make cakes ' She couldn't go on, and even her father hugged him. The minister shook hands with all of them, and they went to the cemetery in rented gray limousines. Bill rode with Sandy's older sister and her husband. They were quiet, devastated by it all, and Bill had the feeling that they weren't as sure of his innocence as her parents.

She told me she owed a lot of people money for drugs, her sister said, still unable to believe that her baby sister was dead. They were only two years apart, but her sister wasn't nearly as pretty. I guess ' She looked at Bill questioningly, as though expecting him to confess on the way to the cemetery. They ran out of conversation long before they arrived, and they all stood dumbly staring at the coffin, as her mother sobbed even more hysterically and the minister read the Twenty-third Psalm. Bill felt as though he were living a bad dream. And he kept thinking of the day they had gotten married. And now it was all over. It was odd to realize that he was a widower. Sandy had still been his wife when whoever it was had killed her.

The ride back to the city seemed interminable, and he found himself wandering aimlessly. He couldn't remember where he'd left his car, and when he found it again, he had forgotten where he was going. And then he remembered. Harrison and Goode. Mel's attorneys. He had time to stop for a cup of coffee on the way, and he sat staring into space, the coffee growing cold, as he thought about her again, and then forced himself not to. And as he paid the check, he saw the waitresses staring at him, not as they had before, wondering if he was the star of some show, but this time because they had seen him on TV and in the papers. He hurried out to his car, and drove to Santa Monica Boulevard to see the attorneys.

They were on the thirty-fourth floor of the ABC Entertainment Center, and Stan Harrison had already called in two criminal lawyers to consult with them. It was a long, arduous afternoon, and like Ed Fried, who had sent over his file, they thought he had a good chance of being acquitted at the trial, if no further evidence turned up, but they thought it unlikely that the case would be dismissed before that. And as it turned out, they were right. Two weeks later, he appeared in superior court for a preliminary hearing, and he was bound over for trial. The judge felt that there was enough doubt in the authorities' minds to warrant a trial, and there was no talking him out of it. The trial date was set for June ninth. And Bill felt as though he were watching a very bad movie.

He had to hurry back to the set that afternoon, because he was in three scenes. He was working harder than he ever had before, and putting more into his role. He felt as though he owed it to Mel, and to everyone. And he wanted to infuse something more into the character before he left him.

They finished shooting that night at eight o'clock, running an hour into overtime, which they seldom did, but Sabina had trouble with a big scene with Zack. She kept blowing her lines and she had finally stalked off the set in a rage. They finally got it right, but it took twenty-two takes and everyone was exhausted. Even Zack, who never complained. But Bill could see he'd had it when he left with Jane. He had noticed them together a lot recently and wondered if the subtle rumors he'd heard were true, or just the usual Hollywood talk. Someone he'd met at Mike's said he thought Zack was gay, but he certainly didn't look it. And they said that about everyone sooner or later. But maybe he and Jane were just friends. It was hard to tell, they were very discreet, even more discreet than Mel and Sabina.

You look beat, Gabby said to him as they left the set together. It had been a long day for all of them, but longer for him, with his appearance in court.

Thanks.

How'd it go? Gabby had offered to go with him, but he had declined. He wanted to deal with the ugliness in his life alone. There was no reason for her to go, and it still embarrassed him that she was being so nice to him, after the shabby way he had treated her all winter.

They held me over. He knew all the terminology now, and wished he didn't.

For trial?

He nodded. He had resigned himself to it. He just hoped his lawyers were right and he'd get acquitted. Yep. June ninth. It seemed a lifetime away, yet he knew it would come much too quickly. We'll have just started our hiatus. Mine will be permanent by then.

Stop saying that. You've been doing great things with your scenes lately. I've been watching you.

I figure if I'm gonna go, I'll go in style. At least maybe this way everyone will miss me. He smiled ruefully at her and she shook her head at him. She was wearing her dark hair in a long silky braid down her back, and she flung it easily over her shoulder.

Stop talking like that. No final decision has been made.

What do you think? No matter what happens at the trial, do you really think they'll keep me, Gab? No show can afford that kind of scandal, particularly a brand-new one, hungry for the ratings. They'll have to get rid of me, just to satisfy public opinion.

What difference does it make? Even if they get rid of you in real life, you'll be on the show all year. By then everyone will have forgotten. They might as well keep you on.

Tell Mel. But he was only teasing. He respected Mel's decision, whatever it would be in the end.

I might, she teased, but they both knew she wouldn't.

Hungry? He was beginning to treat her like a little sister as he looked down at her.

So-so.

Want to go for a hamburger somewhere?

She thought about it. I don't know ' I've heard so much noise and talk today. You want to come to my place for some pasta?

Can you cook? He looked amused. Gabrielle Thornton-Smith cooking? But he didn't say a word of it, or even breathe the word slumming.

Actually, no. She smiled up at him. But I can fake it.

How do you fake pasta? That can't be easy.

I pretend the sauce doesn't come out of a can, and you pretend you love it.