Secrets Behind Those Eyes (29 page)

We get out of the car, and Mama looks
at me. "What do you think?"

"I think I love it! It's small, but I
don't think I can handle a big school. That's part of the reason I
liked LRC."

We walk on the lawn to
the stairs of the Admissions Building and go inside.
Here goes nothing,
I
think to myself. We meet John, an admissions counselor. He shows us
around, and I fall even more in love. The school is old. The
buildings are worn out, but there is so much character in each one.
I can feel the history. There is one downfall though; the dorm
rooms are tiny. I mean, smaller than small. I think even a jail
cell might be larger. Even with that little downfall, I know this
is where I am supposed to be.

We continue our tour with the one
major question that’s the elephant in the room. Is there room for
me? I look at my mama, and she asks John. "I know this is late
notice. Charley has been accepted here, but will there be a dorm
space available for her?" I wait for what feels like years, and
then he speaks. "Yes, there is."

Whew! I feel like my heart is about to
beat out of my chest, and I smile like I haven't in a long time. I
am truly happy about this decision. After making our way back to
the Admissions Building, we are given the proper paper work to
complete and then head back to Grassy Pond.

The ride home is awkward.
I know what is coming. Mama begins to question my motives for going
there, why I really want to go there, and am I positive
this
time. Yes, I am
positive
this
time. It's the right choice. I know it! For once in my life,
I know I have made the right choice.

Chapter
2
:
Moving
Day

48
hours earlier...

I get up. It's the day I
have been waiting on. Moving Day. I've been trying to get all the
last minute stuff that I MUST have with me. I get ready. What do
you wear on a day like today? Since the majority of my clothing is
already packed in a gazillion plastic containers, I look to see
what I can find. Today is hot. In North Carolina, there is a thing
called humidity and it sucks! I know that I'll be sweating like a
hooker in church as soon as I walk outside. After looking to see
what's left of my clothes, I remember that my mama did laundry last
night. Maybe, just maybe, something somewhat new will be in there.
I go to the laundry room and see that my Rock Revival Buckle jeans
are washed and sitting on the counter, along with a new aqua blue
zebra halter that I haven't seen before. I think to myself,
I love my mama!
I run
back upstairs to get ready. I grab a blue and silver cuff bracelet
and my pair of Dannijo Paz earrings. They are my favorite and are
handmade from New York City. Yeah, that’s the only thing “Big City”
I own. I look into the mirror and think it's time to start a new
chapter in my life, one that I have been waiting on for
eternity.

Everything is packed in
the Chevy and Honda. It’s time to head toward Southern to start
over on my own. I take a few minutes to love on my favorite dog,
Blue. I look into those big brown eyes, and he lets me know that my
secrets are safe with him. Blue is the one that I can always talk
to. He doesn't reply with smart comments; he just listens to me. I
take a look at the farm and think to myself,
Are you really ready to leave this place?
There's only one thought that crosses my mind. Cash. I look
to the farm on my right and wonder what he's doing. Should I have
told him bye? Is he feeling like I'm feeling?

Then I notice his F250
coming down the drive. WTF! I was
not
planning on this today! I
really don't know if I can handle seeing him. My stomach is
fluttering with an army of butterflies. How can just seeing his
damn truck do this to me?
Deep
breaths
, I tell myself. Blue looks at me
like he is reading my mind. "I know, Blue. I know," I say
quietly.

Cash turns off the engine
and steps out of the truck with pure confidence. He wipes his
forehead with the bottom of his t-shirt showing off a perfect six
pack. My world completely freezes as he begins to move toward me.
Cash is wearing a pair of Carhartts that fit his ass just right and
a sleeveless Dixon Tigers t-shirt that shows off his arms of steel
that I know can hold a girl tight all night long. His short
light-brown hair is full of sweat from working on the farm.
Dang
. The country does
a boy good! Why does he have to be so stinking hot? I stand up from
Blue and slowly walk toward him. I try to hid my butterflies, but
know I am unsuccessful when he smiles and his one little dimple
shines. He runs his hand through his sweaty hair just before he
meets me.

"Hey, Cash. Whatcha doing
here?"

"Charley, do you really think I'd let
you leave without saying goodbye?"

"I ... I... guess not." My voice is
about to fall apart.

"You know I want you to be happy. That
is all I have ever wanted for you. I know things haven't been great
between us, but I want you to know that you will always have a
special place right here,” he says as he pats his hand over his
heart.

"Cash, you know I can't
do this right now. I'm glad you finally decided to talk to me when
I'm about to leave for college! Why didn’t you do this yesterday?
This is too much. I'm closing this chapter in my life, starting
fresh,
and
minus
you," I snap.

"Charley, you can say what you want,
but I know you. I know you like no one else. Remember, I've been
here through the good and bad, and no matter what happens, I will
still be here even if you continue to push me away."

Cash walks toward me and closes the
distance between us. He gives me a hug, and all the butterflies
disappear. I fall apart in Cash’s strong, hardworking arms. This is
not exactly how I thought today was going to start.

I look into Cash's eyes, the ones that
are crystal blue, and know he's telling the truth. He may have
given me the silent treatment for the past six months, but at least
he still cares. That is all I need to know right now.

We pull apart from each other, and he
wipes the single tear that falls down my face. I look into those
piercing blue eyes and whisper to him, "Thank you." He turns around
and walks back to his truck. He gives me one last wave and a
crooked little grin. Ohmygawh! That grin! I love that grin! He puts
the truck in reverse and heads to their farm next door. I smile and
wave, but my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces,
again.

Mama comes out the screen door off the
front porch with a few of my favorite homemade goodies to take to
school. She looks at me with sadness in her eyes. She knows how
much it hurt to lose Cash once, and she knows I can't handle that
again.

"Charley, hun, are you
okay?"

"I'm trying to be, but how can he just
come over here like that!? Doesn't talk to me for freakin’ six
months and now acts like everything is fine and dandy. Why
now?"

"Sometimes things take time to heal.
Remember, you hurt him as much as he hurt you. It will be okay
sweet girl."

Mom walks over to me and puts the
goodies in the Honda, then holds me in her loving arms like she has
done all my life. I have great parents, even though I have let them
down time and time again.

"Come on, sweet girl. Put that smile
on your face. It's time to hit the road, Jack!"

I can't help but laugh at my mama. One
minute I'm ready to choke her for putting me in my place and the
next she's making me smile. I hope I'm half the mama she is when I
grow up.

Dad comes up from the barn. He went to
make sure Tessa took care of her chores this morning. Tessa is the
best sister a girl could have, but when it comes to chores, she
ends up MIA.

"Well, girls, you ready to
go?"

"Yeah, I think so. Can we stop by the
Chevron so I can tell Tessa bye real quick? And I think I need a
Choice Cherry Gold to go."

"Sure, but you're not putting it on my
tab," Dad says as he smiles, knowing that I will.

I pull into the store and start
pumping gas. When I turn around, Tessa is right there with me. She
has my Choice Cherry Gold in her hand. I just love her.

"Great minds think alike," she
says.

"You know it! I'm sure going to miss
you, but I'll be home in two weeks for the Dixon-West Football
game."

The gas cuts off, Dad takes care of
the bill, and I give my sis the biggest hug ever. Although she gets
on my nerves, I wouldn't trade her for the world. Tessa waves and
goes back to work. Dad gets in the Chevy and waits for us to lead
the way. We pull out of the store and head toward I-85. My new
journey begins.

Mama and I make small talk on the
ride. We discuss what I think my roommate will be like, how I want
to decorate, and what classes I plan to take. I know everyone takes
the basics their first two years, so why should I be any
different?

"So, Charley, are you nervous about
anything?"

"Well, I'm really scared about my
roommate. What if she's like some slob or the campus
ho?"

"Charley, I can't believe you just
said that! I taught you better manners than that."

"I know, Mama, but I do worry about
it. I don't want different guys in my room every night.
"

"I see where you are coming from, but
at least try to think positive."

I wonder what it will be like without
me at home. Like I said before, Tessa is pretty slack when it comes
to working around the farm. She'd rather be making something
crafty, doing her nails, or partying with her friends. I've always
been the responsible one. Well, most of the time I have
been.

Before I know it, we are at the
stoplight I sat at a month ago. This time we turn left instead of
right and don't miss the campus. We make another right toward
Mercer Gym to register and get keys. We drive slowly across the
metal bridge and find a parking space.

"I'm so glad to be outta of the car. I
guess this is where we go," I say as I look at my dad, getting out
of the Chevy.

Mama, Dad, and I make our way into the
gym. I swear it's like deja vu. Everything in here looks like my
high school. The colors are the same, and it's small. I mean, we
saw it on the tour, but I guess I didn't think about
that.

As we walk inside, we are greeted by
students who are overly eager to help us. We make it through the
line for meal plans, financial aid, residency, medical, clubs, and
sports. I get my room keys, and we head back toward the
cars.

On the way to the car, Dad looks at me
and says, "I guess the reason I was put on this Earth was to pay
for your education." He just smiles and so do I.

We drive back across the road, passing
the Chapel, President’s home, and then cross the railroad tracks.
To my right is Foot Hall. As we turn right, there is Dyer Hall, and
at the bottom of a set of concrete stairs is Kluft Hall, my home
for the next year. My nerves are about to get the best of me, but
it's more of a sense of the unknown rather than being
scared.

I put the Honda in park, roll up the
windows, and get out, grabbing my purse and the goodies Mama made
for me. Dad parked beside us and is waiting for us at the steps. We
walk up and into the dorm. I'm in Room 209, which is upstairs. My
dorm is co-ed, which my mama was not thrilled about, but got over
it. We walk upstairs, and my room is the third one on the left. The
door is open, so my roommate must be in there. I hope this goes
well.

I walk into the doorway to find my
roommate, a girl with curly, dark-brown hair and a strong Northern
accent. I was unsuccessful trying to contact her in order to figure
out who was bringing what.

"Hey, you must be Crystal. I'm
Charley; it's nice to meet ya."

"Nice to meet you, too. We are about
to leave to go get some items we didn't bring; see you in a little
bit."

Okay, that was weird! This might take
some time to get use to. Anyways, Dad, Mama, and I make multiple
loads to get everything. Mama helps me make my bed and put up
clothes. When that is finished, she is smiling.

"Well, looks like that's it. I guess
we will get back on the road."

I nod and follow them back to the
Chevy. I hug them both. Dad puts the Chevy in reverse and waves as
they head back home. I wave until I can't see them anymore, then I
turn around and try to put away the remainder of my stuff. How the
crap am I going to get all of this to fit in this cracker box of a
room?

I'm alone in my room for about fifteen
minutes when Crystal returns with her parents. They bring in a few
groceries, and then she walks them out to say goodbye.

When she returns, we make small talk.
I can tell that she is different from me. She is very confident in
being on her own. She knows who she is and why she is here. Crystal
turns around and asks, "So, you want to walk around and see what's
going on?"

"Sure." I am at a disadvantage from
everyone else on campus. Since I changed my mind so late in the
game, I missed Orientation. It is very obvious that friendships
started there, and currently I just have a roommate as an
associate.