Seduced by Innocence (3 page)

"I've just been traveling. You know, seeing the country. I make do." I didn't want to talk about this right now; I just wanted to see my brother.

"You know, son, if you just come home, there's a place for you here. A place for you at Rose Botanicals. You don't have to work in my office if you don't want to. We could find you a place that suits your… temperament."

I stood, angry that he'd use this time to once again push me into his mold. "I'm going to see Dean. I don't want to have this conversation again, Dad. I can't be who you want me to be. Not now. Not ever. Just let it go."

His disappointed sigh followed me out the door and up the stairs to Dean's room, where I assumed he'd be. When I walked in, Tammy looked up at me with unshed tears still full in her eyes. When I saw Dean, the tears flooded my eyes as well.

"What the hell happened to him?"

Thou shalt not stir one foot to seek a foe.

— William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Dear Diary,

I dreamed of him again, the man who haunts me at night. But the dream is changing. Before, all I felt was longing and unfulfilled desire. This time, I could touch him, feel him, taste him. It happened in a flash, as dreams often do, and carried with it the scent of magic, but for that moment, I was normal. My touch no longer brought death, only pleasure.

I wonder if I'll ever know that during my waking hours. I can touch others, of course, not each contact with flesh brings about their soul's death. My skin carries the dark infection like a Trojan horse, harmless until it's unleashed.

The true danger lies in never knowing when it will unleash itself. It fights to claw its way out of me, like a trapped wild thing scraping at the door of my subconscious, looking for a way to escape.

That first time it happened, I'd been a young girl hurt by the ridicule of another. My hurt had turned to anger, and that anger had let loose the locks that kept my dark gift contained.

When Mother was attacked, fear and intent set it free.

And Mother always said that passion, too, would undo me, releasing my darkness against my lover's flesh.

It was a risk I could never take, save in dreams.

TEARS FELL FROM
my eyes and bile rose in my throat. I pushed out of bed and ran to the bathroom to empty the contents of my stomach in the toilet rather than my bedroom. I'd never used that much of my power before, not since… Not since I was six and Donna Smuckers said I was a devil worshipper. I hadn't meant to hurt her, hadn't meant to wipe the light from her eyes like that. I didn't even know I could.

The unwelcome memory played side-by-side with last night's horrors. Two lives lost because of what I was. Did it matter that last night was in defense of Mother? That the wolf would likely have killed her, and probably me? It seemed like that little fact should have weighed heavier, like it should have given a moral rightness to my soul. But nothing could erase my guilt.

With shaky legs I walked back into my living room. Ocean, my best friend, stood in the kitchen with a pot of tea while Jasmine, my little sister, flipped through pages of a book on my coffee table. They both looked up at me as I sank into my favorite overstuffed chair and propped my feet up on the matching red ottoman. Sandy whined and put her head in my lap. I stroked her soft ears and murmured platitudes I hoped would give her some calm after last night's scare.

No one spoke, and I raised my eyebrow. "Well? What happened after I passed out?"

Ocean brought me a cup of tea and sat on the couch next to Jasmine before answering. She crossed her long legs, baring more thigh as her already short shorts crept up higher. Even in the winter she showed more skin than most people did in the summer, but she got away with it. Ocean was like her name, vast and strong and inviting. She could have been a mermaid in another life with her long red hair full of wild curls and green eyes full of mischief. But any playfulness had been dampened by what happened.

Now, she was all business. "Rainbow had Blake take the guy that attacked us back to their property, and he's getting the cars fixed. No one blames you, Rose. You did what you had to do to protect your mother and yourself."

I ignored her last statement, took a sip of my tea, and thought about all that had happened last night. One thing didn't make sense. "Why was he here at all?"

Ocean frowned. "Who?"

"The wolf guy. What was he doing here? How'd he get in Mother's room in the first place?"

Jasmine huffed in annoyance. "Why even ask something like that? Who knows why these creeps do anything? They could have killed our mom."

I looked at my sixteen-year-old sister. "How is Mother?"

She shrugged and ran a hand through her dark bob with purple highlights. "You know. Normal. Nothing phases her. She wasn't happy you missed the meeting this morning, though."

Ocean kicked Jasmine and shot her a nasty look. "You
had
to bring that up?"

I sat my tea down on the table so hard the water sloshed out. "What? Seriously? I was unconscious. After saving her life. That's a legit reason to miss a 4 a.m. meeting."

Jasmine narrowed her hazel eyes at Ocean. "What? I'm just giving her the heads up. She should know. I'm not saying I agree with Mother." She looked at me. "Obviously, you couldn't have been at the meeting. I'm sure she's grateful for what you did, but everyone else is really nervous. You haven't done that since you were little. People forgot, but now… I don't think they'll forget anytime soon."

"Right. I'll be even more of a leper. Great."

Ocean grabbed my hand, my bare hand, and held it, looking me square in the eye. "They can go screw themselves as far as I'm concerned. You did what you had to do, and I'll never be scared of you, Rose. Never."

I squeezed her hand and then pulled away, scared enough for the both of us. People had a right to be worried. What I could do shouldn't have even existed or been possible, and I'd never known how to handle it. It's why I was homeschooled in high school, why I took online classes for college, and why I had no friends or social groups outside of our coven. I was too dangerous to be around people. Rose—the beautiful flower with the deadly thorns.

Outside, the stillness of the morning gave false promises of peace. I knew the truth, nothing about this day held peace, but I had to find some way through this. "I'm getting dressed, and then I'm going to find someone who will teach me self-defense."

Ocean smiled with as much force as Jasmine frowned, and my sister jumped on the attack. "You know Mother has forbidden that. People might find out about you, about us. It's too risky. You could hurt someone."

I pulled a long-sleeved cotton shirt and another pair of jeans from my drawer, then slammed it shut. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Sis."

"I'm not trying to be mean, but you know this is a bad idea."

"No, I really don't know that." My voice escalated with my own anger. "What I know is that draining people of their life is a
bad idea
. What I know is that I can never do this again and still live with myself. I need other tools, other ways of defending myself and others. If I'd done this earlier, that boy might still be alive."

Jasmine crossed her arms over her chest. "He
is
alive, Rose. Don't be dramatic."

"Dramatic? Seriously?"
Oh if only I could hit my sister.
"You weren't there, Jas. You didn't see him after I touched him. You don't know anything about what I can do, or how it makes me feel."

She stood and stomped her foot. "You always think you're so special, so much better than everyone else. Well, I'm sick of it. Do what you want, but don't blame me when it all goes wrong."

The door slammed hard behind her, shaking the windows and causing Sandy to bark. Ocean and I looked at each other with matching stunned expressions. My heart felt heavy. "Does she really hate me that much? Does she really think I think that I'm better than everyone else?"

Ocean shook her head. "She doesn't know what she feels or thinks right now. She's sixteen and full of conflicting hormones. Don't take it personally, Rose. It'll pass. Jasmine loves you. We all love you."

I tried to remember being sixteen. It wasn't that long ago, but it all blurred together. Nothing ever seemed to change in my life, and all my memories felt like photocopies of each other. Always the same.

Jasmine lived a more normal life than I had, so maybe she had a more diverse spectrum of experiences. I hoped so, for her sake. "Do you think she'll tell Mother about my classes?"

"I don't think so. Besides, it doesn't matter." She spun me around to face the mirror hanging on my wall. "You do realize that you're an adult? She has no legal claim on your life or your choices anymore."

My reflection didn't convey an adult in charge of her own life. Instead, my mousy brown hair, ordinary hazel eyes and make-up less face made me look young and unremarkable. The kind of girl who lives under the thumb of another and who never speaks out in her own defense.

A new awareness settled in me, and I turned away from the girl in the mirror. "You're right. It's time I took control of my own life. Let's find a place to learn self-defense."

Ocean's face lit up in a smile, her dimpled cheeks, red lips and emerald eyes so beautiful. "Perfect! I'm so proud of you, Rose. Okay, I'll look online for different places today and we can check a few out tomorrow."

"No." I reached for my jacket and purse. "I'm going today. Now. I don't want to wait anymore."

Much to her credit, my best friend didn't hesitate a moment. She pulled on her coat and scarf and waited while I put on my boots, then marched me out of the cottage and to her car. "Get in. I'll drive. I'm taking the class with you."

"Thank you." My insides let out a sigh of relief. If she were with me then I wouldn't do anything bad. I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. She'd stop me.

Already I felt better about this new adventure.

Fate guided us as we went in search of a studio. Ocean's car actually ran out of gas on a corner that featured a gas station, a laundry mat, a coffee shop, and a martial arts studio called Inner Peace Martial Arts.

When the car sputtered to a stop, Ocean slammed her palm down on the steering wheel and cursed.

I tried hard not to laugh out loud at her antics. Instead I said, "Guess you have to push while I steer."

She glared at me. "We can both push. I'll steer while pushing."

I got out and went to the back of the car, while she stood by the driver's side and leaned in to steer. Once in place, she hollered back to start pushing. It didn't take as much strength as one might imagine to push the car to an available spot at the gas station. She had a Fiat Coup, which wasn't big at all, and we had the advantage of nudging it along with a little magic.

Ocean emptied out her purse on the counter in the gas station, scrounging for loose change and small bills. She collected bits and pieces of what amounted to $4.32 and presented it to the cashier.