Seduced By My Doms BN (27 page)

Doctor Reynolds hurried toward me. “You working today, Miss
Johansson?” he asked, arching a brow.

“Of course,” I replied with a scowl. “Why?”

“You look a little pale. You’re not sick, are you?” he
asked, narrowing his eyes.

Dammit. Even Reynolds seemed to stare at me with that same
delving, Dominant look. I didn’t want or need the people I worked with
reminding me that I’d probably made the biggest mistake of my life last night.

“I’m fine. I just overslept this morning,” I explained.
Obviously, my half-assed attempt to look presentable had failed, miserably.

“It must have been one hell of a night.” He smirked, then
hurried toward the trauma rooms.

You have no idea.

My worry and doubt seemed overwhelming. I needed to find a
way to warn Cindy before her date with Sam. But it wasn’t only Cindy’s welfare
that had me in a chokehold. The more I let doubt wiggle its way into my head,
the more convinced I became that I’d made a monstrous mistake.

What were James and Ian doing now? Were they laughing and
carving another notch in the bedpost? Why had I let my guard down and agreed to
such madness? The panic within filled me with misgivings that made a thick,
black sludge of self-reproach begin pumping through my veins. I needed Ian and
James. Needed one more touch, a hug, a caress…anything. I knew if I could just
hold them again, that all this madness and turmoil inside me would end.

I had to fight the urge to run down the hall and grab Sam by
the arm and haul him into the supply closet. I wanted to know what was causing
this rising anxiety inside me. Was it normal? Or had I truly fallen off the
side of a cliff I’d never be able to scale to find solid ground? But I
couldn’t, not without arousing everyone’s suspicion, especially Cindy’s.

Suddenly the double doors burst open and two EMTs wheeled in
a gurney. The woman was screaming and crying, clearly distraught. Shoving the
fears and uncertainty swirling inside me down deep, I ran into the trauma room
behind the patient.

I watched as Dr. Brooks took the hand of his hysterical
patient before gazing down at the woman, holding her in a stern but
compassionate gaze: a look identical to that of my
Doms
.

“Calm down, Denise,” he instructed in a low, soothing voice.
“Let’s see what’s happening before we leap to the worst-case conclusion, all
right? Now take a deep breath for me and relax.”

Was I the only one in the room who noticed how Sam suddenly
transformed into mega Alpha Dom?

Yes. You’re the only one in the room who knows his
secret.

I quickly snagged the tablet from Cindy’s hand and she shot
me a look of gratitude. Turning, I began typing information from the EMT’s run
sheet. No doubt Cindy assumed that I’d taken the task from her so she could
assist Sam. Truth be told, I wanted to run the hell away from the man and his
damn Dominant presence. Simply being in the same room with Sam brought my
insecurities and fears back to life with a vengeance.

‘Once you agree to this, nothing will ever be the same.’

Ian’s words rolled through my brain, echoed in my ears, and
made my whole body tremble. The ache to feel their warm rugged bodies, feel the
strength and command they so easily granted, brought on a brutal ache. I wanted
to feel their soft lips, and get drunk on their dazzling Dominance once again.
But they were gone. I was left to deal with the caustic aftermath, alone. How
could I have been so fucking stupid?

‘Life, as you know it, will change. There’ll be no going
back. Understood?’

No. He was wrong. You can claim your life back. You have
to, or you’ll lose your damn mind. Walk away from them. Run if you have to, but
do something to regain your fucking sanity.

My jackhammering emotions wouldn’t let up. I knew deep down
that if Ian or James were there, I wouldn’t be coming unraveled. My emotions
were on meltdown, but I couldn’t stop them. Shame mixed with fear, swirled with
surety and conviction, and pressed around me like some unknown centrifugal force
that threatened to fling me to the dark side of the moon. The only other time
I’d felt so lost and out of control was after
Dayne
had died. I knew if I had to say goodbye to Ian and James I’d be left with that
same empty void inside.

My stomach lurched and my mouth watered. Bile rose in the
back of my throat. Shoving the tablet back at Cindy, I slapped my hand to my
mouth and ran out the door. Bursting into the ladies’ room, I vomited into the
toilet. My body trembled and sweat dripped down my face.

“Do I need to have you admitted?” Cindy asked. Her brow
furrowed in worry.

Maybe committed, but not admitted.

“No,” I groaned wishing she hadn’t followed me.

God, I wanted to tell her everything. I was ready to shout from
the rooftops that I’d been a slut and slept with two men. But I doubted it
would exorcise the chaos clamoring within.

“I’m sending you home,” Cindy informed me as she stood at
the sink. Wetting a handful of paper towels, she draped them over the back of
my neck.

A part of me wanted to argue, but what could I say? I wasn’t
ready to confess my sins to Cindy or anyone else. I needed time to sort out all
the choking emotions. But even then, I knew this was one embarrassing secret I
would have to take to my grave.

“I think you’re right.” Guilt like a ton of bricks landed on
my chest. I was lying to my bestie.

“Are you able to drive home by yourself?” Cindy studied me
with an intensity I wanted to crawl away from. When I nodded, she sighed. “I’ll
call you on my break to see how you’re feeling. Okay?”

After giving her another nod, she darted back to the trauma
room. I rinsed my mouth, clocked out and headed home.

Once inside my bedroom, I stripped off my clothes and
crawled into bed. Alone, I felt small and terrifyingly fragile. Tears spilled
down my cheeks. Clutching my pillow, I sobbed and let the claws of confusion
rip me apart.

I woke to the incessant ring of my doorbell. I had no desire
to drag myself to the foyer for some solicitor. Ignoring it, I padded to the
bathroom. After finishing my business the ringing stopped but had been replaced
by thunderous pounding. With a curse, I jerked on my robe and tied the sash.
Scrubbing a hand through my unruly bed-head hair, I stormed into the foyer and
yanked back the corner of the curtain. James and Ian stood on my porch. Their
expressions were identical: pissed to the nth degree. Sucking in a startled
gasp, I bit my lip, undecidedly.

“I’m sick,” I called through the door. “I’ll have to call
you later.”

“You’ll open this fucking door now, Liz, or I’ll kick the
son of a bitch in,” James bellowed.

By the tone of his voice, I knew he meant it.

Fuck.

With trembling hands, I turned the lock and twisted the knob
only to have it ripped from my hand as the door burst open. Both men stormed
inside and I skittered back. Twin sets of narrow eyes silently assessed me
before James swept me off my feet and into his arms. Cradling me against his
chest, his face was chiseled in anger but his eyes filled with fear. Without a
word he carried me back to my bedroom.

Gently placing me in the center of the mattress, he sat down
next to me while Ian stood at the foot of the bed, arms crossed over his
expansive chest. An unhappy scowl set tight on his lips.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to you
this morning, little one.” Ian’s apology rang more like a reprimand than
regret. “So you’re not feeling well, huh? Physically or emotionally, girl?”

I didn’t want anyone to know I was coming apart at the
seams, least of all them. Lowering my gaze, I stared at the sash of my robe.
James still hadn’t spoken a word, just sat next to me, anger rolling off his
body, yet softly brushing his fingers through my hair. They had the good
cop/bad cop routine down pat.

“I asked you a question,” Ian barked.

Pinching my lips together, I refused to lie to the man.
Through my volley of tears earlier, I’d decided to hunker down until this
emotional shit-storm passed, and wait for sunshine and blue skies to magically
reappear.

“Right. Let’s try this again. Tell me when I hit the nail on
the head.” Ian instructed in a tone dripping with sarcasm.

I suspected they knew exactly what was wrong with me, even
if I didn’t. Without waiting for me to respond, Ian climbed onto the bed.
Hovering over my body, he gripped my chin and forced my gaze. His dark eyes
flared with impatience. He was
not
a happy Dom.

“You’re second-guessing your decision to submit. You’re
trying to convince yourself that what we did last night was a mistake. And ever
since James dropped you off, you’ve been aching for our touch, our kiss and to
feel the unbelievable connection we shared.” Ian dipped in even lower as a
spark of challenge lit his dark eyes. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

The son of a bitch read me like a gypsy with a crystal ball.
Closing my eyes, I strove to block Ian from invading even further. I didn’t
want him to also see the riot of guilt pulsing inside me.

“Open your eyes,” James ordered succinctly. “You will take
an active part in this discussion, Liz. Communication is non-negotiable.”

I begrudgingly lifting my lids. Ian released my chin but
held me in place with an even more cutting stare. “I know you’ve been berating
yourself. How many times have you called yourself a slut? A whore?”

“Both of you, just go away and leave me alone,” I demanded,
though my quivering tone sounded more like a plea. “I’m not going to discuss
this, and I don’t want either of you here right now. Just…go.”

“We can’t do that,” Ian whispered on a sympathetic sigh.
“You threw up at work and you’ve been crying.”

“How do you know—”

“Tell us why,” James insisted.

“I’d tell you if I knew.” My voice cracked. Anger spiked at
being so damn weak and vulnerable in front of them.

“Aw, sweetheart, I told you—”

“No, you told me I might feel letdown,” I hissed, interrupting
James. “This shit is a hell of a lot more than just some fucking letdown.
It’s…it’s…eating me up inside.”

Unable to hold back, tears leaked from my eyes. I cupped my
hands over my face to hide the shame spilling over.

James tenderly gripped my wrists and pulled my hands from my
face. Tracing his fingertips through the tracks of my tears, his touch was the
lifeline I’d been aching for, to pull me from the riptide that dragged me out
to sea. Nuzzling against his touch, I’d sought this absolution all day, and as
I’d suspected, the riot of chaos calmed. Drawing my palms to his lips, James
placed a sweet kiss over each one before leaning in to sip my tears.

“It’s called sub-drop, sweetheart,” he murmured against my
cheeks. “I’m so sorry we weren’t able to save you from this. Both Ian and I
were afraid this would happen. That’s why we’re here.”

Rising back on his knees Ian stared at me. Compassion and
understanding etched his face.

“This morning, after I dropped you here at home, I went by
the hospital to check on Trevor.” James began. “He’s doing so much better that
they’ve moved him into a private room. After chatting with both him and Drake,
I went down the ER to give you the good news. Your friend Cindy told me she
sent you home because you were sick. I knew then that sub-drop had hit you. Hit
you hard. But I what I don’t know is why you didn’t call me like I told you
to?”

“I—I didn’t know what was happening. I felt like I was
crawling out of my skin. Then I saw Doctor Brooks, and everything I’d done with
you two came slamming home. I didn’t know it was going to knock me off my
feet.”

“I’m sorry you were blindsided, little one,” Ian offered
with sincerity. “But we’re here to help you. Sub-drop is emotionally and
mentally crushing. It pains me to know that you’ve already learned that the
hard way, but worse, we weren’t there to save you.”

I sniffed. “How can I be in sub-drop? James only spanked me
a few times. That doesn’t make sense.”

“The depth of subspace makes no difference, sweetheart. You
can fly away in a submissive frame of mind, just as easily as you can from
being spanked or flogged,” James explained. “You opened yourself up to both of
us last night. Gave us your heart and soul. Releasing all those priceless,
intimate parts is freeing, yes, but it comes with a price. You had to leave us
while you were still open, still raw and vulnerable. It’s no wonder you crashed
hard. I wish you had called me, Liz. While we may not have been able to stop
the fall, we could have at least softened the landing.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t, too,” I mumbled. “I don’t like feeling
this way. It’s not me… not who I am. I’m not weak like this. God, I feel so
damn pathetic. I couldn’t even function at my job for fuck’s sake. My insides
feel like they’re fire. I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m drowning.”

“We know,” Ian commiserated, bending to brush a kiss against
my lips. “We’re not going anywhere until we help you sort out your feelings.
Will you trust us, and let us do that for you?”

“Will you make all this crap go away?” I ceded in a thin
voice.

“Yes,” James affirmed. “But first, what happened last night
was no mistake. What we shared was beyond amazing. Neither Ian nor I have ever
experienced such completeness like we did with you, Liz.”

“I told you yesterday that you’re a part of us—branded into
our souls. I wasn’t blowing smoke up your sexy little ass. You’re our
submissive, our responsibility…a very precious gift. You belong to us, just as
much as we belong to you.” Ian vowed.

“You’re the most important woman in our world, Liz.” James
smiled softly. “If we have to peel your emotions away one layer at a time, so
be it. But there’s no way in hell we’re going to walk out and leave you to
wallow in confusion, guilt, or doubt.”