Seduced By My Doms BN (33 page)

Just like I’d feared from the start.

“Why don’t we stop somewhere and grab something to eat?” I
asked, trying to keep my tone even. I couldn’t afford to let the hysterical
woman inside me take over. “We could sit down and have a long talk. Can we do
that?”

“No.” He adamantly shook his head. “You might try to escape
and run back to
them
.”

By his contemptuous tone I knew the ‘
them
’ Ryan
referred to were James and Ian.

“Don’t I have a say in any of this? It’s my life too,” I
snapped. Biting my lip, I prayed my outburst hadn’t tripped one of Ryan’s angry
switches.

“That’s been our number one problem, Liz,” he responded in a
quiet and reasonable tone. “We were living different lives, but never again.
See, I finally figured it all out. That’s why I came back for you. It’s a damn
good thing I did, too. Just sit back and relax, let me take care of you the way
I should have from the start. You’ll never have to whore yourself out for
attention again, Liz. I promise. I’m here and I’ll save you.”

“Save me from what?” I asked.

“Save you from ruining your life,” Ryan replied. “I don’t
know what you think you were trying to prove with those two bozos yesterday,
but it doesn’t matter. Just wipe them out of your mind. They’ll never
understand you like I do, and you’ll never find happiness debasing yourself in
such a way, either.”

You’re so wrong. I found happiness, and compassion, and
understanding. They know me better than you could ever hope to. But most of
all, they give me acceptance, understanding, and unconditional love…all the
things that were ripped from my world when
Dayne
died.

“I know you’re not proud of what you did.” Ryan shook his
head in disgust. “But I don’t

want you beating yourself up for it, Liz. I can forgive you.
I really can. We’ll just put all that ugliness behind us and move on. But by
god I better not ever catch you doing something like that again, or you’ll be
sorry. You got that?” Ryan barked, glaring at me with an insidious expression.

As I nodded, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.
I clenched my jaw to keep from keening in terror. As hard as I tried, I
couldn’t find a thread of rationale to pluck from his unstable psyche and
convince him to take me back home.

“Good, now let me tell you about the mountains. The cabin is
amazing. All state of the art with every convenience you could want. Hell,
there’s even a water purification and filtration system since there’s no
running water. No electricity either, but that’s where the solar panels come in
to play.” Ryan rambled on and on, not even taking his eyes off the road to see
if I were paying attention. “My time there was cathartic. Liberating even. I
finally realized why being in Chicago made me feel like I was crawling out of
my skin; why I kept running away. It was the damn city. The crowded streets,
traffic jams, pollution, noise, and constant chaos. I felt like a rat trapped
in a damn cage. There was never anything wrong with me. It was everybody else.
They were the problem.”

Spoken like a textbook sociopath.

It was becoming clearer and clearer that there was a whole
lot wrong with Ryan. Had there been things I’d missed, or had I chosen to
ignore how unstable he was over the years? But how in the hell had I missed the
signs? I was a trained professional for fuck’s sake. Had I been so locked
inside my own misery after
Dayne’s
death that I
failed to see the monster hiding inside Ryan? Had I really been that blind?

No. You weren’t blind…you were lost.

Ryan and I met—of all places—at the cemetery where
Dayne
was buried. Ryan’s mother was one row over and two
plots down. It was a gray and dismal day, but standing at the headstones of our
respective loved ones, Ryan met my eyes, and I recognized the same bleak
dullness that stared at me in the mirror each morning.

Thus our dysfunctional relationship was born. I had no
business trying to forge a future after guilt and sorrow had stripped me to the
bone. But I jumped at the chance anyway, wanting to prove to myself that I
could carry on, or maybe simply share my grief with someone who understood.

Unfortunately, I leaned on Ryan in every way imaginable; and
he let me. Eventually, he helped me find a tiny sense of closure, but more
importantly, I wasn’t alone. Over time, I slowly became Ryan’s caretaker—just
as I’d been for
Dayne
. There was comfort and purpose
knowing Ryan needed me, at least until he abandoned me time and again.

Memories of my life with Ryan flashed through my mind, and I
realized why I had stayed with a man that I never really loved. I’d put up with
Ryan’s vanishing acts, out of obligation. Convinced myself that it was the only
way I could pay back some unattainable debt, for him pulling me from the pit of
grief.

He’d never wanted me to work, but being a nurse had been my
salvation. In charge of life and death decisions, I stood tall and proud, but
most importantly I could escape the role of co-dependent woman I’d trapped
myself in at home.

My honest but gruesome self-assessment made me want to
vomit.

“I found my freedom, and I know you will too,” Ryan prattled
on.

I found my own freedom too, Ryan. I’m not letting you or
anyone else take it from me.

“We’ll share it together, Liz,” he continued. “We’ll make a
brand new start on that quiet, spacious mountain top.”

“You mean we’re going to Montana?” I gasped. “But… I—I don’t
even have a change of clothes.”

A devious smirk curled on his lips. “Yes, you do. Your
suitcase is in the trunk. Now don’t go getting all upset. Yes, I picked the
lock on your door this morning, but it was just so I could pack up the things
you needed.”

“You broke into my house like a fucking thief?” I couldn’t
bite back my panic any longer.

“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s my home too. Remember? Why did
you change the locks?”

Dramatic? Was he serious?

My bowels turned to liquid. Instinctively, I gripped the
door handle. To do what? Jump out of a moving car, to break an arm or a leg,
and land in the ditch on some deserted road? No, I had to bide my time and find
a surer, safer way to escape.

“It’s breathtaking.” Ryan went on, oblivious to my mounting
fear. “There are gorgeous, snow-capped mountains as far as the eye can see. No
other houses, or cars. No people…it’s awe inspiring.”

Right. In other words totally isolated, so that no one
could hear me scream.

“The air is crisp and clean,” Ryan touted wistfully. “And
you’re met with the sound of nature, not sirens every morning. There’s a
crystal, clear stream that runs through the property, with the fattest trout
you’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to show you, baby. We’re going to be so damn
happy together.”

My mouth watered as my stomach pitched. I swallowed rapidly
to keep from puking. Hiding the fact that I was coming apart at the seams, I
struggled to keep my shit wired tight until I could find help. There was no way
in hell I was going to end up on some godforsaken mountain with a lunatic like
Ryan.

“I need to use the restroom. Can you find a gas station or
something?”

“Here, let me pull over.” Taking his foot off the
accelerator, Ryan veered toward the grass-covered shoulder.

“I’m not going to pee on the side of the road,” I bit
indignantly.

“Why not? You wanted me to leave you there a little bit
ago.”

“I—I wasn’t thinking straight. I think the drugs were
messing with my head. Please, can you just find a gas station? Someplace that
has a real toilet, if you don’t mind?”

“I do mind.” His tone took on the sharp edge I’d begun to
recognize; the one that warned me to tread lightly. “I don’t trust you, Liz.
You might decide to do something stupid, like you did last night.”

Last night. James and Ian.

I couldn’t allow myself to dwell on thoughts of them, not
without wanting to curl up into a ball on the seat and sob like a baby.
Slamming a mental wall on their memory, I dug deep and tried to rationally plot
out an escape.

“You can come in and hold my hand if you’d like,” I replied
derisively.

“I plan on it.” He shot me an icy glare. “Because I’m not
letting you out of my sight.”

Dread prickled through my veins as a tense silence filled
the car. With each passing mile, my mind grew more alert, crisper and more
determined. My thought process seemed to finally begin to align.

I knew Cindy would be frantic when I didn’t return from
dinner. And while it often drove me nuts, I was glad that she watched over me like
a mother hen. She would have tried my cell but when I didn’t answer she would
have checked the parking garage. Once she discovered my car wasn’t there I knew
Cindy would realize something was terribly wrong and alert Security.

Security
. I could still see the word emblazoned
over James’ massive chest the first night we’d met. Standing there in the ER
waiting room, so rugged and alluring, the man had captured my heart; even when
I thought he was gay. Would he and Ian think I’d purposefully abandoned them?
No. They were smart. They’d suspect Ryan immediately. Then they’d begin looking
for me. But they wouldn’t have a clue where to search. They’d never find me,
especially if Ryan had turned off my phone with its GPS capabilities.

But James and Ian were private investigators, though I
didn’t know exactly what they investigated. We’d never discussed their
business…never had time. Did Ian and James search for missing persons, or did
they simply track cheating spouses? How could my heart be so tightly tied to two
men I still knew so little about?

Tears burned the back of my eyes and I wanted to free-fall
down the chasm of hopelessness. No. I couldn’t allow myself the luxury. I had
to fight. Giving up wasn’t an option.

In the distance, a faint glow of light illuminated out of
the darkness.

“If there’s a town ahead, will you please stop?” I begged,
hoping to play on Ryan’s sympathies. “I don’t think I can hold it much longer.
I’m sorry. I’ll be good. You can trust me. I swear.”

“Well, since I think you’re being honest with me, okay,”
Ryan replied begrudgingly. “But don’t do anything stupid, Liz. I have more
drugs. I won’t think twice about shoving the whole damn bottle of them down
your throat if you try to pull something stupid.”

“You won’t need to,” I assured him, forcing a steady, strong
voice. “I’m anxious to see the paradise you’ve described.”

Ryan studied me like a bug under a microscope. I knew he was
looking for the tiniest crack in my veneer to determine if I were lying.
Forcing a soft smile of sincerity, I prayed my act was convincing.

“Whew, darling. I’m so glad to hear that,” he declared with
a huge smile.

The lights of the town grew brighter. I stared out the
window, looking for a hint of where we might be. We zoomed past a huge, brick
landmark that read ‘Welcome To Grinnell.’

Grinnell what? Illinois?
I’d never heard of the
town.
Where the hell had he taken me?

Ryan pulled into a brightly lit gas station. There were four
cars parked in front of the small convenience store, all bearing Iowa license
plates.

Grinnell, Iowa. Okay, that’s a start.

As Ryan turned off the engine, a big, black pickup truck
pulled alongside the pump next to us. My heart beat in triple time until I
watched an older man with a potbelly slide out of the vehicle. I swallowed down
a scream of despair.

“Stay in the car while I fill up with gas. I’m trusting you,
Liz.” Ryan pinned me with a threatening glare.

When he yanked the keys from the ignition, I gave him a
confident nod. I wasn’t about to give him any reason to doubt my sincerity. While
Ryan stood between the pump and the rear quarter panel of the car, I watched
men, women, and children enter and exit the little convenience store.

Hope soared as I hatched a plot to escape Ryan. If I could
wander a few feet away from him, I might be able to snag the attention of a
Good Samaritan. It might be the break I needed to end this surreal nightmare.

The gas cap snapped shut and I jumped. Seconds later Ryan
opened my door as I disengaged the seatbelt and reached for my purse.

“Leave it. You won’t need it,” he instructed with a low
growl.

Trembling in anticipation and a whole lot of fear, I climbed
out of the car. Ryan gripped my elbow, his fingers pinching into my flesh as he
hurried me inside the brightly lit store. Gazing toward the floor, Ryan
shielded his eyes while I frantically searched for some big, burly farmer, or
beefy, farm hand who I could engage with a frightened glance. Unfortunately the
store’s traffic had dwindled down to a couple of middle-aged women yelling at a
trio of hyperactive kids running through the aisles. I couldn’t even find the
old man with the round belly who’d parked beside us. Hope started to wane.

Ryan hauled me to the ladies’ room, then jerked me around to
face his furious glare. “I’ll let you go in alone, but I’ll be waiting right
here when you come out. Take care of your business fast. Don’t make me come in
after you.”

“I’ll hurry,” I replied in as carefree a timbre as I could
muster.

“You do that.”

Stepping inside, the first thing I noticed was the toilet in
the dilapidated bathroom. Closing and locking the door I discovered a sink and
a small mirror on my left. I hadn’t seen them when I’d walked in because they
were hidden behind the open door.

“Perfect,” I mumbled under my breath.

Rummaging through the pockets of my scrub top, I discovered
that not only was my cell phone missing, but my scissors and surgical marker as
well. All that remained were a couple of alcohol preps, and a new lancet used
to draw blood for glucose level tests.