Seduction of Souls (16 page)

“I’m feeding her.  It’s called breast-feeding.  Feel free to leave
, anytime.  The sooner the better.”   Once Lillyanna was settled and sucking eagerly, she stole a glance at Ryker.  The look of horror on his face was actually comical.  She bit the inside of her cheek hard, to keep from laughing.

“Does that hurt you?” 

“No,” she sneered.  “Disappointed?”  She knew she was being a bitch, but she didn’t really care.  She had held a lot in over the last year.  Time to vent, bigtime.

“I don’t hate you,
RayeAnn.”   He ran his hand through his hair.

“Oh, goody, goody, gumdrops.  I’m sooo relieved.  I’ve spent the last year worrying about that.”  She put her free hand to her heart and looked to the heavens as if thanking God.

“All right, I deserved that.  I get it, you’re angry.  I can’t say I blame you, but we need to work out some type of arrangement, for the sake of the baby.  You can go ahead and be angry, but I’m not going anywhere, whether you like it, or not.”  His eyes grew darker and she knew he was struggling to keep his anger in check.  He flexed his hands into fists briefly, before opening them again. 

As much as she hated the idea of being around Ryker on a regular basis, she couldn’t deny her daughter the right to know her father
.  Lillyanna was more important to her than her contempt for the sperm donor.   

She moved Lilly to her shoulder and gently patted her back, smiling when a loud burp erupted from her tiny body.  The look of shock on Ryker’s face almost made her laugh.  Almost.

“All right, here’s the deal.  For today you can rock her until she falls asleep, then you’re outta here.  In the future, you
will
call before barging in on us.  No exceptions.  We’ll work out a visitation schedule that works for me.  You’ll have to work around my schedule.  Take it or leave it.”  She got out of the rocking chair and nodded her head for him to take a seat.  To her surprise, he nodded his agreement and sat in the chair.

“Do you even know how to hold a baby?”  Suddenly she wasn’t sure this was a good idea.

“Of course I do.  Hand her over.”  He wiggled his fingers at her, like he couldn’t wait to hold their daughter. 

  He gently but eagerly took the tiny baby into his arms, cradling her to his body as if he had been doing it all his life.  Her tiny body was light as air. 

“She’s so tiny.  How much did she weigh at birth?”  He gazed into the violet eyes of his daughter, drinking in every little detail of her beautiful face.  One cute little yawn and he was hooked.  In that instant he knew she had him wrapped around her little finger, and he couldn’t be happier about it. 
Daddy’s little girl
.

“She was eight pounds even.”  He choked back the lump in his throat before speaking again.  “Tell me her full name.  I mean, I know her name is Lillyanna…”

“Lillyanna Juliet Trenton.”  She sat on the footstool in front of the rocking chair.  She looked like she was ready to catch the baby if he dropped her. 

“You didn’t give her my last name, why not?”  His disappointment struck him in the chest
like a punch. 

“I didn’t expect to ever see you again
, and you weren’t around to ask.”  His huff of anger made the baby jump, and he made the ‘shhhh’ sound as he rocked her back and forth. 

“Hey, you asked.  If you can’t stand the truth, then don’t ask the question.”  She
poked an angry finger toward him, pissed.  He ignored the anger and pressed on with his questions.

“Te
ll me everything about her.  Is she a good baby?  What kind of disposition does she have?”

“She is an absolute angel.  If she’s ever cranky
, I know something’s really wrong…she’s such a happy baby.”

“You love her
,” he said it as a statement, but she answered anyway.

“With all my heart and soul
, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

He raised the baby to his lips and kissed her softly on one
cheek, then the other one.  She smelled wonderful.  “What sort of things does she like to do?  Is she old enough to play with any toys?”  His lame questions told him he had a lot of research to do about babies.

“Oh
, yeah.  She has a mobile that she lies under and plays with the toys that dangle down.  There’s a night light in her crib that plays lullabies and does a light show on the ceiling for her that she enjoys.  Peek-a-boo is big on the list.”  He looked down at the baby and she cooed sweetly in his arms. 

“See what I mean?  Besides Tim
, you’re the only other man she’s ever seen. Without Bryn and Tim I’m not so sure Lillyanna would be here today.”  His head snapped up at the comment.

“What do you mean?”
 

“It’s a long, boring story.  Don’t worry about it.  Just know that they were both wonderful friends when it mattered most.” 
He got the implication, he wasn’t there when she’d needed him.

“So, how long are you in town for?” 
Although her voice sounded casual, he knew her well enough to know better.  Her fidgeting fingers gave away her anxiety. 

“I’m back for good now.” 

“Ahh, I’m going to make some coffee.  I’ll be right back.”  She sped out of the room without looking at him.  She was upset, he knew her well enough to know. 

Tim had been right during his rant,
calling him a walking sperm donor.  He had been right about more than just that point, too. He should be ashamed of himself and his behavior over the past year, and he was.  If he hadn’t been so full of himself he wouldn’t have missed out on the most special and joyous time of his life.  He had no one to blame but himself.   He shuddered at the thought of what else he had missed out on because of his ego.  Shoving those thoughts to the back of his mind for later examination, he tried to look forward.

Even though Lillyanna was falling asleep
, Ryker stayed seated in the rocking chair.  He just couldn’t bring himself to leave her, afraid this was all just a dream.  What excuse could he come up with to stay?  He couldn’t fake an illness, or it would be clear he had just put his daughter’s health in jeopardy by coming over.  Exhaustion?  Maybe, but he’d have to start yawning and acting groggy, and he wasn’t a good actor.  Honesty?  Maybe…

“She’s asleep now.  You can lay her in the crib and meet me in the library.”  It wasn’t a request, it was a command. 
Time to face the music.

CHAPTER 17

RayeAnn stood at the doorway of the library, waiting for Ryker to enter before she quietly shut the doors.  She was proud of herself for the control she exercised by not slamming them right off their hinges.  With her arms clamped tightly across her chest, she hoped her body language was threatening.     

“Well, now that you’ve seen her
, your curiosity should be satisfied.  Do you have any more questions before you leave?” 
See, she could pretend to be nice
.

“Just a million.”
 
Shit.
She wanted him out of there.

She sat in her desk chair
and took a sip of her coffee, then crossed her arms over her chest.  She knew it was rude of her to not offer him any coffee, but she didn’t want him to have an excuse to stay.

“If you’re worried that I’m going to ask for any kind of
financial support from you, don’t.  We’re fine just the way we are.  I can handle everything.” 
Translation, I don’t need you.

“What if I want to help?”

“It won’t be welcomed.  As far as I’m concerned, you’re just the sperm donor.”  She stood and headed for the doors, intending to open them and show him the way out.  But then, he already knew the way out.  It was the same one he’d used to walk out on her over a year ago.  She stood holding the doors open, waiting for him to leave. 

He just sat there. 

After a few moments of silence, she said.  “You may leave now.” 
Take a hint, asshole
.

“I’m not going anywhere.  You didn’t answer a
ll of my questions, so you might as well close the doors and come back here.  On second thought, you might want to keep the doors open so you can listen for her.”

“I had an intercom system installed in every room of the house
, and I always keep it on.  I assure you, she’s not neglected.”  With a huff of frustration she waved her hand in the air.

“Fine.”  She stomped over to her desk chair and plopped down
hard. 

“Shoot.  Let’s get this over with.”
  Her arms crossed tightly over her chest, she crossed her legs and bobbed her foot.

“When is her birthday?”
  She wanted to slap that smug look off his face.

“January 15
th
of this year.”

“Who else knows I’m the father?” 

“Bryn, Tim, Jarred, and you.  Me, of course.  That’s it.  What’s the matter, afraid it’ll ruin your playboy image to be a daddy?”   She couldn’t resist the dig and didn’t see the need to do so.

“How long do you think it will take you to get over your anger towards me?”

She glanced up at the ceiling as if deep in thought. “A lifetime, plus some.” 

“Perfect, just the amount of time I plan on spending with you and Lillyanna.”

She slapped her hands down on her desk. “Please, tell me you’re kidding.  You seriously think…”  He held up his hand in the air to stop her mid-sentence.

“Here’s what I know.  I plan on being a part of my daughter
’s life on a regular basis, for the rest of my life.  That also includes you, indirectly, of course.  I was an idiot about a lot of things over the past year, but I refuse to compound it by leaving either of you again.  That would be the ultimate stupidity.” 
If the shoe fits…

“What makes you think we want you in our lives?”

“Exactly the point.  When Lillyanna is old enough to make her own decisions, and she tells me to my face that she doesn’t want to ever see me again, that’s when I’ll believe it, and not a second before.  Furthermore, I expect you to not speak badly about me to her until then.  If you do, you’d just be putting her in the middle of our problems.  I think you love her too much to do that to her.  Besides, eventually she would ask about me and where I was.”

“I planned on telling her you were dead.”  She smiled what she hoped was an evil smile.  Her chin resting on her clasped, raised hands.

“Change of plans.  I’m here, and I’m staying.  Deal with it.”

A challenge?  You’re on!
She nodded.  “I’ve dealt with a lot more than this, I’m sure I can
handle you.”

She nodded.  “I’ve dealt with a lot more than this, I’m sure I can handle you.”

“Great, then we’re in agreement.  I’ll be back first thing in the morning with my things.  I’ll take one of the upstairs spare bedrooms.  You won’t even know I’m here.”

“Are you telling me you plan on living here?  Because if you think that, you’ve got another think coming.  This is my home and I decide who lives here and who doesn’t.” 

“Listen, I have a lot of time to make up here
, and I don’t want to be treated like a stranger.  I don’t want to have to visit. I want to be a part of her life.  Twenty four/seven.  I can’t do that if I don’t live here.”

“That’s not my fault, and I won’t allow you to make it my problem.”
 
The nerve of this
bastard!
   She stood and leaned toward him before speaking.

“I’ll think about it and get back to you.”  She wouldn’t allow him to bully her into a snap decision. 
The phrase, ‘over my dead body’ kept popping to mind.

“Fair enough
.” He nodded his head.  “What time can I come back tomorrow?”

She turned to her computer and pretended to look up her schedule.  “Looks like the morning, maybe nine o’clock, would be best.”

“I’ll be here.”  He stood and walked out the door without another word.  

After taking a few deep, calming breaths
and letting each out slowly, she took a few moments to think about things.  If his past behavior was anything to go by, she knew it wouldn’t take long for him to get scared and run away again.  Anytime he got uncomfortable with his feelings he took a hike, this wouldn’t be any different.  In fact, it might even get rid of him faster in the long run.  She supposed she could play house for a month or two until he was gone.  How hard could it be?

She was proud of herself for the way she’d restrained
herself from doing any physical violence.  The problem now, was that her life was going to change…again.  Riding the rollercoaster of life was making her a little nauseous.

********

Ryker was determined to woo both RayeAnn and his daughter.  Granted, the daughter would be the easiest.  His arms were full of gifts for them, flowers for RayeAnn, a bigger than life Winnie the Pooh stuffed toy for Lilly, and breakfast from the local bakery for both adults.  Maybe it was a little overkill, but he didn’t care.  He pressed the doorbell with his elbow and waited for Rat to answer.  His gut churned with both hunger and anticipation.  RayeAnn opened the door and he bit back a gasp.  She looked like hell.  Her flannel pajama top was mis-buttoned, her hair splayed wildly around her head, and dark circles hung under her eyes.  Immediately he was alarmed.