Seductive Shadows (28 page)

I opened the door and scanned the back before climbing in and sitting across from the Doctor. The driver pulled away before I even got settled in.

“You always have a way of finding me,” I said.

He smiled. “Last night was a rough one for you,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

Thinking about Mr. Hunt and everything he’d done to me the night before made my stomach churn all over again. I couldn’t let myself go there. “I’m fine,” I said, untrue though it was. “Thank you again for your help.” It was horrifying and surreal, thanking my father for helping me after a session in the S&M room. With my dead, best friend’s father.

I shoved the thoughts back, as I’d become so skilled at doing with everything else.

“Of course, Charlie.” His eyes showed genuine concern. I think he knew not to push. “I know you have questions for me. However, before you ask anything else, there are a few things I’d like you to know.”

Instead of leaning back against his seat, he sat forward and teetered along its edge. His feet were crossed in front of him; his hands were clasped and dangled between his legs. He looked uncomfortable, restless. Maybe a little nervous, even. His vision was focused on the floor between our seats. He took several deep breaths as his eyes slowly moved upward to meet mine.

“I have to assume, based on your reaction at the gallery, that you were displeased to learn that I’m your father?”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t that at all. I was just...shocked. I didn’t know how to process it. I still don’t. I’ve been without family since Lilly died, and then suddenly a man I’ve known only briefly—and in a
very specific context
—tells me he’s my father. You know all about my work at the mansion, all about my sex…” A wave of humiliation washed through me. “It was too much to take in all at once.”

He nodded. “I suppose it would be. All of this tells me that Lilly must not have known who I was, either...”

I’d been wondering the same thing since he’d made his revelation. “Did she ever make contact with you?”

“No, never.”

I had questioned for so long whether Lilly had lied to me all those years, if she’d known who my father was all along but kept it from me for some reason only she could justify. I knew her priorities too well; had she known my father’s identity as the
Doctor
, she would have tapped into his finances long ago. There was no way she would have passed up an opportunity like this, no way she would have struggled if she’d had another option.

“Then no,” I said. “She didn’t know, any more than I did. All she ever told me was that she’d slept with a lot of men during that time, and that any of them could have been my father.”

He laughed a little. “It appears that I was one among many, then, doesn’t it?”

That made me hurt for him. “Believe me: you’re better off. Had she known about your connections and your money, all she would have wanted from you was child support.”

“I figured as much.” He wiped his palms nervously against his jeans. “We were little more than strangers to each other, anyway. I met her while I was still in med school. She was the bartender at a place not far from campus. I bought the shots, she poured, and we both drank. Things got a little carried away. And that was that. We never saw each other again.” He paused as he recounted it. “But I promise you, Charlie, I didn’t know you existed. For all those years, I had no idea about you...not until you came to the mansion.”

“I believe you.”

And I did. There was no way for him to have known about me, no reason for him to find Lilly again. At that time in her life, she didn’t keep a job for more than a few months; even if he’d returned to the bar looking for her, it wasn’t likely that she’d have been there.

But none of that explained how he’d figured out I was his daughter.

“How did you know who I was?”

“The mansion keeps a file on each girl, like an HR department would. Lilly’s photo was in yours. She had a face I’ll never forget...it was beautiful. You look a lot like her.”

 It almost didn’t hurt to hear him say that.

“That’s what first alerted me,” he said. “Then I saw your age, and that we have the same blood type. I knew it all could have been just coincidence, but something about the similarities made me want to check. After swabbing your mouth for the mansion, I ran my own independent test. The results confirmed my suspicion.”

He’d known since I started working there.

“Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

“I couldn’t tell you in the mansion. Everything that happens inside those gates is watched and recorded. I needed time to figure out how to approach you...to make sure that when I found you on the outside and told you who I was it wouldn’t scare you away.”

“And to make sure that I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“Yes, that too.”

“Because no one else knows...”

He shook his head. “And no one else
can
know.” He finally leaned back in his seat, but he still didn’t look comfortable. His fingers wrapped around the safety bar on the door and squeezed tightly. His knuckles turned white. “It wasn’t a stroke of luck that got you this job, Charlie. You were recruited. They did their research; they knew everything about you—what you liked, what you wanted...what you needed. They knew you’d say yes when they made their offer.”

We were moving beyond the father-daughter connection now.

“Who are
they
?”

The partition between the back and front seat was closed, but I wondered now who was driving. I didn’t believe it was someone who worked for the mansion; it seemed too great a risk for him to take if he was trying to keep our relationship unknown. For all I knew, it was someone different every time. And he was always in a limo...did he not own a car? They were insignificant details compared to the other questions I had. But my curiosity about him—about everything—couldn’t be contained.

He had moved in front of me, kneeling on the floor. His hands alternated between pushing against his thighs and rubbing his temples. “That doesn’t matter at the moment,” he said. “What does matter is that I get you out of that place...that evil fucking place.” I’d never seen him become anxious before.

“Why would you call it evil?” I asked. “And how did they even find me?”

“Your old hotel. There’s a connection there, something that links directly to the mansion.” His voice began to rise. “And you fit their criteria, Charlie. Lilly was dying; to their knowledge, you had no other family, no friends. No one would miss you.”

No one would miss me
?

His knuckle tapped against his lip. “In their eyes, you were little more than a pretty young slip of a girl who enjoyed sex. The one element they didn’t consider was your art. No one expected that you’d begin making a name for yourself. They had no way of knowing how you would connect with Cameron...that he would take such a liking to you.”

It felt as though he’d pressed a lit match against my skin. He was right: after Emma’s death, I had been alone in the world. Even with Lilly still alive, I’d been completely alone.

But I had made things right with Dallas now. Cameron and I had become partners in class, and we were on the verge of becoming so much more. And Professor Freeman was more than a mentor now; he’d become a true friend. But all of it had happened after I began working at the mansion. Until then, all I’d had was Lilly.

No one would miss me...
His words repeated again in my head.

“Why does my art matter in any of this?” I asked. “And why does Cameron?”

He didn’t answer me. He just sat back on his heels and pulled out an envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket, and laid it on the seat next to me. “This...this is your way out.” I was afraid to touch it, of what it represented. “Everything you need to escape the country is in there: a new name, new social security number, a passport, and means to money. I am giving you a new life. I wish I could give you so much more...but this is all I can offer you.”

My whole body began to shake. I gripped the lip of the seat and held on. “I want to leave the mansion, not the country.” Not Dallas, not Cameron...not my father.

“You can’t be here any longer, Charlie. Not in the States—not even in North America. They’ll find you.”

“Who are
they
?” I asked him again. I looked around the limo, trying to see something that wasn’t there, trying to read what he wasn’t saying or find some answer hidden in the blackness that surrounded us. There was nothing.

“I’m giving you a new life, Charlie. A chance to start over again, to put your time at the mansion in your past and move on.” He was repeating himself, avoiding my question, as if he hoped the repetition would help me understand the pieces he wouldn’t say.

I thought of what my life had been, and what it was headed toward now. He wanted me to leave it all behind, along with the mansion. I felt my eyes fill. “I want to start over...but I don’t want to leave in order to do that.”

He shook his head. “You have to. It’s the only way.”

“No. That can’t be true.” Now my voice was rising. “I’m rebuilding my life now. I have friends; I have my art.”

“You have to let those go, Charlie.”

“Why can’t I just stop working there? Why can’t I just quit? Victoria said I could, whenever I chose, whenever I wanted to...”

“You’re not hearing what I’m telling you.” He leaned closer; our knees touched, and his arm wrapped gently around my shoulders. There was comfort in his touch. “This is the only way.”

His presence made me calm, but his words, his message were torturing me. “You’re scaring me.”

“You should be scared, Charlie. This is extremely serious...more than you even realize. More than you should know about.” His voice caught. “You don’t know what really goes on in there, what evil occurs within those walls.”

He wanted me to leave, but I didn’t hear him making similar plans for himself. “Then why are you still there? Why haven’t you started your life over somewhere else, like you’ve arranged for me to do?” I knew I was reaching, resisting. I didn’t know what else to do.

He had kept his gaze away from mine out of shame, I assumed. He finally lifted his head and met my eyes. “Had I known you existed, things would have been different. I would have protected you, stopped you. It wouldn’t have even happened at all. You would have been with me instead of Lilly.” He paused, as if he was imagining all the possibilities. “I would have given you such a good life. You’d have your degree...your art would be your life.”

I was imagining it, too.

I saw him steel himself. “But that didn’t happen; all of this happened instead.” He lifted the envelope. “And now
this
has to happen, for your own safety...for your life. This is the only way I can protect you from everything.” He handed it to me, wrapped my fingers around it. I let it fall into my lap. “It kills me that I haven’t gotten to know you—
really
know you. And now I won’t have the chance.”

“This is it, then, for us? You wait this long to tell me you’re my father, and now you’re sending me out of the country...alone?”

He nodded. ”It’s the only way.”

My hand reached for his shoulders. “I finally have family, friends. Cameron.
You
. I can’t run from it now. I can’t be alone anymore...not again.” I squeezed, digging in my fingertips. “So if you want me to even consider doing this at all, you’re going to have to tell me what’s really going on, who these people are. What the mansion really is.”

He swallowed, and his face reddened. “You’re in danger, Charlie. Your life is in danger. That’s all I can tell you. I…I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” The tears spilled down my cheeks, running past my lips and onto my shirt. I didn’t try to stop them. I didn’t wipe them. I barely noticed how fast they flowed or that they blurred my vision. What mattered was the feeling that consumed my chest and stomach. The emptiness had made a sudden return. The pain, the fear.

The shadows.

My life was in danger, and he wanted me to leave. Without Cameron or Dallas, without any other protection. He wanted me to be completely alone.

Alone.

No. I couldn’t be alone. Not again.

I blinked and stared blankly through the tinted glass as we rolled to a stop at the light. Something pushed inside of me, trying to dig its way out. The knot in my throat was cutting off my breath. I had to get out.

“I need air…right now.” I was gasping. “I can’t breathe.”

I reached roughly for the door, pushing up against the lock and tugging on the handle. I leapt when it opened, thankful when my foot found the pavement beneath it.

He held my arm and kept me from stepping all the way out of the limo. “Charlie...wait. Please. I know this is a lot for you to take in—”

“I-I need some time. Just some time…to think.”

His hand relaxed. “I understand,” he said calmly. “If that’s what you need, then I can give it to you. But your decision has to come soon…very soon.”

My other foot touched the pavement and I stepped into the air, empty-handed. I didn’t remember shutting the door behind me, or rushing down the sidewalk in search of a trash can. But as soon as I found one, I heaved. The coffee that had been my breakfast poured back out of me. My stomach was as empty as the rest of me now. I walked, just walked. I wasn’t sure where I was headed or where I was, even. It really didn’t matter which direction I took; everything I’d just learned, everything he told me, led me away.

Just
away
.

I found a bench on a busy sidewalk and dropped onto it, gripping the armrest with both hands. My feet bounced in place. I didn’t know where I was; the street wasn’t familiar, and I hadn’t bothered to look for a sign. I focused on the people, my eyes following their faces as they approached and their backs as they passed. When they’d moved out of sight, I would start over again with other people. It was the same thing I’d done as a kid whenever I rode the train. But there was no glass here to press my nose against, no trees to stare at on this street. I hungered for the details of these people, their essence; the way they moved toward me in case I needed to run from them, to escape. At the same time, I let my mind record the sounds, the pulsating, rhythmic life of the city. I was taking in every element of the place that had been my home. I was processing what I’d just learned from the Doctor.