Selected Stories by Fritz Leiber (38 page)

These vivid, fiery recollections came to me almost instantaneously.
I heard my son continuing, “At that cusp moment in November 1918, Dolf, there existed a very strong possibility—I have established this beyond question—that an immediate armistice would be offered and signed, and the war ended inconclusively. President Wilson was wavering, the French were very tired, and so on.
“And if that had happened in actuality—harken closely to me now, Dolf—then the German temper entering the decade of the 1920s would have been entirely different. She would have felt she had not been really licked, and there would inevitably have been a secret recrudescence of panGerman militarism. German scientific humanism would not have won its total victory over the Germany of the—yes!—Huns.
“As for the Allies, self-tricked out of the complete victory which lay within their grasp, they would in the long run have treated Germany far less generously than they did after their lust for revenge had been sated by that last drive to Berlin. The League of Nations would not have become the strong instrument for world peace that it is today; it might well have been repudiated by America and certainly secretly detested by Germany. Old wounds would not have healed because, paradoxically, they would not have been deep enough.
“There, I’ve said my say. I hope it hasn’t bothered you too badly, Dolf.”
I let out a gusty sigh. Then my wincing frown was replaced by a brow serene. I said very deliberately, “Not one bit, my son, though you have certainly touched my own old wounds to the quick. Yet I feel in my bones that your interpretation is completely valid. Rumors of an armistice were indeed running like wildfire through our troops in that black autumn of 1918. And I know only too well that if there had been an armistice at that time, then officers like myself would have believed that the German soldier had never really been defeated, only betrayed by his leaders and by red incendiaries, and we would have begun to conspire endlessly for a resumption of the war under happier circumstances. My son, let us drink to your amazing cusps.”
Our tiny glasses touched with a delicate ting, and the last drops went down of biting, faintly bitter
Kirschwasser.
I buttered a thin slice of pumpernickel and nibbled it—always good to finish off a meal with bread. I was suddenly filled with an immeasurable content. It was a golden moment, which I would have been happy to have go on forever, while I listened to my son’s wise words and fed my satisfaction in him. Yes, indeed, it was a golden nugget of pause in the terrible rush of time—the enriching conversation, the peerless food and drink, the darkly pleasant surroundings—
At that moment I chanced to look at my discordant Jew two tables away. For some weird reason he was glaring at me with naked hate, though he instantly dropped his gaze—
But even that strange and disquieting event did not disrupt my mood of golden tranquility, which I sought to prolong by saying in summation, “My dear son, this has been the most exciting though eerie lunch I have ever enjoyed. Your remarkable cusps have opened to me a fabulous world in which I can nevertheless utterly believe. A horridly fascinating world of sizzling hydrogen Zeppelins, of countless—evil-smelling gasoline cars built by Ford instead of his electrics, of re-enslaved American blackamoors, of Madame Becquerels or Curies, a world without the T. E. Edison battery and even T. S. himself, a world in which German scientists are sinister pariahs instead of tolerant, humanitarian, great-souled leaders of world thought, a world in which a mateless old Edison tinkers forever at a powerful storage battery he cannot perfect, a world in which Woodrow Wilson doesn’t insist on Germany being admitted at once to the League of Nations, a world of festering hatreds reeling toward a second and worse world war. Oh, altogether an incredible world, yet one in which you have momentarily made me believe, to the extent that I do actually have the fear that time will suddenly shift gears and we will be plunged into that bad dream world, and our real world will become a dream—”
I suddenly chanced to see the face of my watch.
At the same time my son looked at his own left wrist—
“Dolf,” he said, springing up in agitation,“I do hope that with my stupid chatter I haven’t made you miss—”

I had sprung up too—
“No, no, my son,” I heard myself say in a fluttering voice, “but it’s true I have little time in which to catch the
Ostwald
.
Auf Wiedersehen, mein Sohn, auf Wiedersehen!”

And with that I was hastening, indeed almost running, or else sweeping through the air like a ghost—leaving him behind to settle our reckoning—across a room that seemed to waver with my feverish agitation, alternately darkening and brightening like an electric bulb with its fine tungsten filament about to fly to powder and wink out forever—

Inside my head a voice was saying in calm yet deathknell tones, “The lights of Europe are going out. I do not think they will be rekindled in my generation—”

Suddenly the only important thing in the world for me was to catch the
Ostwald
, get aboard her before she unmoored. That and only that would reassure me that I was in my rightful world. I would touch and feel the
Ostwald
, not just talk about her—

As I dashed between the four bronze figures, they seemed to hunch down and become deformed, while their faces became those of grotesque, aged witches—four evil kobolds leering up at me with a horrid knowledge bright in their eyes—

While behind me I glimpsed in pursuit a tall, black, white-faced figure, skeletally lean—
The strangely short corridor ahead of me had a blank end—the Departure Lounge wasn’t there—
I instantly jerked open the narrow door to the stairs and darted nimbly up them as if I were a young man again and not forty-eight years old—
On the third sharp turn I risked a glance behind and down—
Hardly a flight behind me, taking great pursuing leaps, was my dreadful Jew—
I tore open the door to the 102nd floor. There at last, only a few feet away, was the silver door I sought of the final elevator and softly glowing above it the words,
“Zum Zeppelin.”
At last I would be shot aloft to the
Ostwald
and reality.
But the sign began to blink as the
Krahenest
had, while across the door was pasted askew a white cardboard sign which read “Out of Order.”
I threw myself at the door and scrabbled at it, squeezing my eyes several times to make my vision come clear. When I finally fully opened them, the cardboard sign was gone.
But the silver door was gone too, and the words above it forever. I was scrabbling at seamless pale plaster.
There was a touch on my elbow. I spun around.
“Excuse me, sir, but you seem troubled,” my Jew said solicitously.“Is there anything I can do?”
I shook my head, but whether in negation or rejection or to clear it, I don’t know. “I’m looking for the
Ostwald
,” I gasped, only now realizing I’d winded myself on the stairs. “For the zeppelin,” I explained when he looked puzzled.
I may be wrong, but it seemed to me that a look of secret glee flashed deep in his eyes, though his general sympathetic expression remained unchanged.
“Oh, the zeppelin,” he said in a voice that seemed to me to have become sugary in its solicitude. “You must mean the
Hindenburg
.”
Hindenburg?
—I asked myself. There was no zeppelin named
Hindenburg
. Or was there? Could it be that I was mistaken about such a simple and, one would think, immutable matter? My mind had been getting very foggy the last minute or two. Desperately I tried to assure myself that I was indeed myself and in my right world. My lips worked and I muttered to myself,
Bin Adolf Hitler, Zeppelin Fachmann…
“But the
Hindenburg
doesn’t land here, in any case,” my Jew was telling me, “though I think some vague intention once was voiced about topping the Empire State with a mooring mast for dirigibles. Perhaps you saw some news story and assumed—”
His face fell, or he made it seem to fall. The sugary solicitude in his voice became unendurable as he told me, “But apparently you can’t have heard today’s tragic news. Oh, I do hope you weren’t seeking the
Hindenburg
so as to meet some beloved family member or close friend. Brace yourself, sir. Only hours ago, coming in for her landing at Lakehurst, New Jersey, the
Hindenburg
caught fire and burned up entirely in a matter of seconds. Thirty or forty at least of her passengers and crew were burned alive. Oh, steady yourself, sir.”
“But the
Hindenburg
—I mean the
Ostwald!
—couldn’t burn like that,” I protested. “She’s a helium zeppelin.”
He shook his head. “Oh, no. I’m no scientist, but I know the
Hindenburg
was filled with hydrogen—a wholly typical bit of reckless German risk-running. At least we’ve never sold helium to the Nazis, thank God.”
I stared at him, wavering my face from side to side in feeble denial. While he stared back at me with obviously a new thought in mind. 

“Excuse me once again,” he said, “but I believe I heard you start to say something about Adolf Hitler. I suppose you know that you bear a certain resemblance to that execrable dictator. If I were you, sir, I’d shave my mustache.”

I felt a wave of fury at this inexplicable remark with all its baffling references, yet withal a remark delivered in the unmistakable tones of an insult. And then all my surroundings momentarily reddened and flickered and I felt a tremendous wrench in the inmost core of my being, the sort of wrench one might experience in transiting timelessly from one universe into another parallel to it. Briefly I became a man still named Adolf Hitler, same as the Nazi dictator and almost the same age, a German-American born in Chicago, who had never visited Germany or spoken German, whose friends teased him about his chance resemblance to the other Hitler, and who used stubbornly to say. “No, I won’t change my name! Let that
Führer
bastard across the Atlantic change his! Ever hear about the British Winston Churchill writing the American Winston Churchill, who wrote
The Crisis
and other novels, and suggesting he change his name to avoid confusion, since the Englishman had done some writing too? The American wrote back it was a good idea, but since he was three years older, he was senior and so the Britisher should change
his
name. That’s exactly how I feel about that son of a bitch Hitler.”

The Jew still stared at me sneeringly. I started to tell him off, but then I was lost in a second weird, wrenching transition. The first had been directly from one parallel universe to another. The second was also in time—I aged fourteen or fifteen years in a single infinite instant while transiting from 1937 (where I had been born in 1889 and was forty-eight) to 1973 (where I had been born in 1910 and was sixty-three). My name changed back to my truly own (but what is that?). And I no longer looked one bit like Adolf Hitler the Nazi dictator (or dirigible expert?), and I had a married son who was a sort of social historian in a New York City municipal university, and he had many brilliant theories, but none of historical cusps.

And the Jew—I mean the tall, thin man in black with possibly Semitic features—was gone. I looked around and around but there was no one there.

I touched my outside left breast pocket, then my hand darted tremblingly underneath. There was no zipper on the pocket inside and no precious documents, only a couple of grimy envelopes with notes I’d scribbled on them in pencil.

I don’t know how I got out of the Empire State Building. Presumably by elevator. Though all my memory holds for that period is a persistent image of King Kong tumbling down from its top like a ridiculous yet poignantly pitiable giant teddy bear.

I do recollect walking in a sort of trance for what seemed hours through a Manhattan stinking with monoxide and carcinogens innumerable, half waking from time to time (usually while crossing streets that snarled, not purred) and then relapsing into trance. There were big dogs.

When I at last fully came to myself, I was walking down a twilit Hudson Street at the north end of Greenwich Village. My gaze was fixed on a distant and unremarkable pale-gray square of a building top. I guessed it must be that of the World Trade Center, 1,350 feet tall.

And then it was blotted out by the grinning face of my son, the professor.
“Justin!” I said.
“Fritz!” he said. “We’d begun to worry a bit. Where did you get off to, anyhow? Not that it’s a damn bit of my business. If you had an assignation with a go-go girl, you needn’t tell me.”
“Thanks,” I said, “I do feel tired, I must admit, and somewhat cold. But no, I was just looking at some of my old stamping grounds,” I told him, “and taking longer than I realized. Manhattan’s changed during my years on the West Coast, but not all that much.”
“It’s getting chilly,” he said. “Let’s stop in at that place ahead with the black front. It’s the White Horse. Dylan Thomas used to drink there. He’s supposed to have scribbled a poem on the wall of the can, only they painted it over. But it has the authentic sawdust.”
“Good,” I said, “only we’ll make mine coffee, not ale. Or if I can’t get coffee, then cola.”
I am not really a
Prosit!
-type person.

“Present fears are less than horrible imaginings.” —MACBETH

OLD RAMSEY RYKER ONLY COMMENCED THINKING about going to see (through one-way glass) the young women fingering their genitals
after
he started having the low-ceilinged dreams without light—the muttering dull black nightmares—but
before
he began catching glimpses of the vanishing young-old mystery girl, who wore black that twinkled, lurking in the first-floor ground-level corridors, or disappearing into the elevator, and once or twice slipping along the upstairs halls of the apartment tree (or skeleton) that is, with one exception, the sole scene of the action in this story, which does not venture farther, disturb the privacy of the apartments themselves, or take one step out into the noisy metropolitan street. Here all is hushed.

I mean by the
apartment tree
all the public or at least tenant-shared space within the thirteen-floor building where Ryker lived alone. With a small effort you can visualize that volume of connected space as a rather repetitious tree (color it red or green if it helps, as they do in “You are
here”
diagrammatic maps; I see it as pale gray myself, for that is the color of the wallpaper in the outer halls, pale gray faintly patterned with dingy silver): its roots the basement garage where some tenants with cars rented space along with a few neighborhood shopkeepers and businessmen; its trunk the central elevator shaft with open stairway beside it (the owner of the building had periodic difficulties with the fire inspectors about the latter—they wanted it walled off with heavy self-closing doors at each floor; certainly a building permit would never have been granted today—or in the last three decades, for that matter—for such a lofty structure with an open stairwell); its branches the three halls, two long, one short, radiating out from the shaft-stairwell trunk and identical at each level except for minor features; from the top floor a sort of slanted, final thick branch of stairs led, through a stout door (locked on the outside but open on the inside—another fire regulation), to the roof and the strong, floored weatherproof shed holding the elevator’s motor and old-fashioned mechanical relays. But we won’t stir through that door either to survey the besmogged but nonetheless impressive cityscape and hunt for the odd star or (rarer still) an interesting window.