Separate Roads (43 page)

Jordana was the only one who wasn’t nervous at the prospect of the reunion. She longed to see her mother, to talk to her. Maybe her mother might have some insight about this uncharacteristic melancholy Jordana was experiencing.

——

Shortly before noon the following day, Victoria announced that the carriage was pulling up in front of the house. Jordana raced down the stairs from her room, followed a bit more timidly by Caitlan. When they reached the bottom, Jordana took her friend’s hand.

“They will simply be delighted with you,” she smiled encouragingly.

“Do ya truly think?”

Jordana just shook her head and rolled her eyes. Caitlan would enchant her parents, she knew very well. She
looked
enchanting for openers. Jordana had finally persuaded Caitlan to buy the green dress they had seen the day of their fight. She convinced the frugal girl that it would serve many uses, first to impress her future in-laws, then as a going-away dress for her honeymoon.

“And where would I be goin’?” Caitlan had returned lightly.

In fact no honeymoon had been planned beyond a brief stay in a nice hotel in town.

Nevertheless, Caitlan sparkled in the gown of green poplin, edged with scallops trimmed with black piping that ran along the straight sleeves, and down the bodice and the front of the skirt. Jet black buttons followed the line of the scallops, and black lace encircled the neckline. Her hair was piled upon her head in a fetching array of ringlets, which Victoria had spent hours fixing. They had laughed that if it took this long to get ready to meet the parents, they’d best get started now to dress her for the wedding.

The three young women arranged themselves in the entryway as elegantly as their excitement would allow. Jordana wanted to open the door and run out to meet them, but Victoria’s admonition had prevailed that they needed to do all they could to assure their mother that her adventurous daughters were still ladies.

The door opened and Kiernan appeared, then quickly stepped aside for his guests. Jordana’s heart simply leaped when her mother stepped inside, and no amount of effort could keep her from racing into her mother’s arms.

“Oh, Mama!” Tears sprang to Jordana’s eyes. “I was trying to be a lady, but . . . I’m just so glad to see you.”

Carolina laughed and kissed Jordana. “As am I, my dear!”

Then Carolina opened her arms for Victoria, who was only a breath away from doing the same thing. It had been far too many years, and both women burst into tears. Thus it was longer than expected before attention was finally drawn to Caitlan. Jordana had stepped back next to her friend and was holding her hand. But by the time Victoria and Carolina had recovered a bit from their emotional reunion, James and Brenton had stepped inside, followed by the younger children—Nicholas, now thirteen, and Amelia, who was eleven.

As Brenton moved quickly to stand next to his fiancée, Jordana embraced her younger brother and sister, exclaiming at how they had grown.

“Mama and Papa, you remember Caitlan,” Brenton said, drawing Caitlan to the front. His eyes were aglow with pride and love.

“Of course we do,” said Carolina with a gracious smile.

Caitlan gave a dainty curtsey. “I am most honored to meet you again, Mrs. Baldwin . . . and Mr. Baldwin.”

There was a brief moment of tense formality. Then James grinned and spoke. “You will be my daughter in a few days, young lady,” he said, “so I hope I will be allowed the honor of hugging you.”

“’Twould be my honor, sir.”

Then James gathered her up, kissed her cheek, and exclaimed at how lovely she looked. Caitlan’s cheeks pinked in a most becoming way, and her eyes glowed. But before she could recover from this, Carolina also held out her arms.

“This family may not see each other very often, but when we do we are an emotional and expressive lot.” Carolina embraced Caitlan. “Welcome to our family, Caitlan. We are proud to have yet another O’Connor enrich our Baldwin bloodlines.”

“I can’t believe you’re finally here,” Jordana said to her family. “Nicholas, what did you think of Russia?”

“It wasn’t half so grand as England,” he replied. “I want to study architecture in London when Papa says I am old enough.”

“And I want to live in Paris and wear beautiful gowns,” said Amelia, her dark eyes sparkling. “The ladies there dress so beautifully.”

Jordana laughed. “Well, it seems you both have your lives quite planned out.”

The happy group moved to the parlor to await the luncheon Victoria and Caitlan had prepared. For the rest of the afternoon the little house fairly buzzed with animated conversation, interspersed with frequent hugs and much laughter. Jordana wanted this joyous reunion to never end. And as that thought occurred to her in the course of the afternoon, her melancholy tugged at her again. She suddenly realized it would end, and life would never be the same.

39

After supper Jordana wandered out to the front porch of the house. It was a chilly January evening, and she wrapped her wool shawl tightly about her. The sky was clear and dotted with an array of faraway stars. A breeze blew from the north, brushing her upturned face with an icy hand.

She didn’t know why she had felt the need to come out here where it was not very comfortable. Why had she wanted a break from the warm togetherness of her family? Her family was everything to her. And having them all together for the first time in years was simply the best thing she could imagine happening. But all the reminiscing over old times had left a knot in Jordana’s stomach. Being reminded of their growing-up years in Greigsville and Baltimore had made her sad instead of happy. It was because she would never be able to go back to that happy time. It had never bothered her before. She had always been one to look ahead to new vistas, new adventures.

Why was now any different?

“What a lovely night!” came Carolina’s voice from the doorway. “Do you mind some company?”

“Please, Mama, do join me.” Jordana made room on the wicker bench where she was sitting.

Carolina sat and placed an arm around her daughter. “You’re shivering.”

“It’s a cold night.”

“There’ll be snowstorms in New York now. It amazes me that here in Sacramento in January it’s as mild as a fall afternoon back home.”

“They say it is even warmer south of here.”

“Are you truly interested in discussing the weather, Jordana?” sighed Carolina.

Jordana shook her head. “I can think of far more important things I want to talk with you about, Mama.”

“What is it, dear?”

“Oh, but I don’t want to burden you on your first day here.”

“Nonsense! I have come here specifically to share my children’s joy and their burdens. I haven’t much time, so I want to get an early start.” She gave Jordana’s shoulders a squeeze. “So . . . ?”

“Everything is so wonderful, Mama. We finally made it to California and found Kiernan alive, and Caitlan gave her life to God, and she and Brenton are about to be married. And . . . I don’t know. All is perfect. But why am I feeling so sad at times? Am I jealous that they have found love and their futures are laid out before them? I could have found love too. I’ve had men propose—” Her brow arched. “Well, one has died and the other has turned out to be insane. But I could find love—”

“If you wanted it?” prompted Carolina.

“Yes, but I don’t think that’s what is bothering me. I am happy for Brenton and Caitlan, and I don’t think I envy them. But we had such grand times together. Now . . . what will happen now?” The tears she had feared might surprise her during the afternoon finally made an appearance. She dashed at her eyes with her hand. “They are both my best friends, Mama. What am I going to do?” And the tears came harder, too fast for her to wipe them away.

Carolina handed her a handkerchief. “Are you resenting them just a little bit, Jordana?”

Sniffing, Jordana nodded. “Brenton has always been there for me. You know how close we have been, and now he will marry and transfer his allegiance to Caitlan. Oh, I love Caitlan. But she is taking away my brother!” Now Jordana was bawling as the full impact of her feelings was finally expressed. She had always known that one day she and Brenton would find marriage partners and their relationship would change. Selfishly, she had always thought she would marry first and thus her pain would not be as great. But now she felt as if she were being abandoned.

“Isn’t this the silliest thing you ever heard?” Jordana sobbed. “I’m insufferable!”

“There, there . . .” cooed Carolina. “You are neither insufferable nor selfish. Some changes are just harder to take than others.”

“But how am I going to get over the way I feel? I should be so happy now.”

“Tell me something, Jordana. Besides how you are feeling about Brenton, are you worried about your own future?”

She looked at her mother and smiled through her tears. “I don’t think I’m worried, just uncertain. There are so many things I want to do, but I suppose . . . well, maybe I am worried that I won’t be able to do them because I am a woman. I’m worried and a little angry, too.”

“I understand. . . .” murmured Carolina.

Jordana knew indeed they were more than mere words, for her mother had experienced the same things at one time, the same dreams and hunger for adventure as Jordana now knew.

“I guess besides missing what Brenton and I had before, I am also going to miss his presence, which gave me the freedom to do many things that would have been forbidden me had I been alone.” Pausing, she shook her head. “That really does sound selfish, but . . . it is true. Do you know, Mama, that we were attacked by Indians while traveling on the prairie with a survey party? How many single women could have gone on such a trip? It was frightening and thrilling all at once. My horse spooked during the attack and took me on a wild run.”

“What an ordeal!” Carolina exclaimed.

“Captain O’Brian had to rescue me,” Jordana went on, “and he got in a fight with one of the Indians and I had to shoot the Indian to save Rich. Oh, Mama, it was horrible.”

“It makes me appreciate more than ever that you are safe and sound,” Carolina remarked earnestly, then added, “Captain O’Brian? Rich?” Carolina arched her brow inquisitively.

Heat flared up Jordana’s cheeks. “Mama!”

“This was just some old army officer, then, of no particular consequence?” The irony in Carolina’s tone was hard to discount.

“Not old,” Jordana admitted. “Young, in fact, and rather handsome. But I have no interest whatsoever in him. He is an arrogant, insufferable sort. Just because he has rescued me on several occasions, he thinks he can boss me around.”

“Lord save the man who thinks that!” laughed Carolina.

Jordana tried to look quite affronted, and it almost worked, until a small smile intruded upon her lips. Then a grin followed. “I suppose I might be a
bit
insufferable myself at times.”

“But this Captain O’Brian does seem to keep on rescuing you, it appears.”

“Well, I rescued
him
last time.”

“Good, that should keep him in his place,” quipped Carolina.

“He’s really not all bad.” Jordana smiled as she thought of some of those encounters with Rich O’Brian. He did have a way about him.

Mother and daughter fell silent for a few moments, then Carolina said, “We ought to be getting inside before we catch our deaths. But before we go, I was thinking about something you said earlier about being alone.”

“Yes, Mama . . . ?”

“I have a feeling that even though Brenton is getting married, he will still miss you as much as you will miss him. Of course, it may not be as intense because he’ll have Caitlan, but . . .” Carolina tapped her finger against her lips thoughtfully. “I gather from talking to Brenton this afternoon that he still holds to his dream of photographing the country.”

“It is his and Caitlan’s dream.”

“Yes, and they both look forward to traveling all over fulfilling that dream. Not at all unlike the three of you have already been doing.”

“But, Mama . . .” Jordana said warily, “there is one difference—they will be married now.”

Carolina tittered lightly. “Married, Jordana, not fallen off the face of the earth. It may well be they would welcome your company on these adventures.”