Seth's Broadway Diary, Volume 1: Part 1 (10 page)

Finally, Friday arrived. I'm talking
Annie
. Even though Steve Marzullo was the music director, he let me conduct the opening trumpet solo in the Overture. Then I came forward and told my story about my obsession as a child with what I call "The Red Album." I told them how I never got over having to see Andrea McArdle’s replacement when I saw
Annie
on Broadway. That sadness was compounded by watching the show and realizing I could never be in it because all the orphans were girls. But in the middle of Act One, I noticed that there were two newsboys in the "NYC" number and I was suddenly thrilled because there were boys in
Annie
. Yay! I
could
be in the show I was obsessed with! I then realized that the newsboys were actually girl orphans dressed up as boys. That’s right, I told the ship audience, I was fooled by a couple of 11-year-old "drag kings." I said that most everyone I knew who was my age had dreamed of being an orphan in
Annie
and wished they had seen Andrea play the title role. "Tonight," I said triumphantly, "through the magic of R Family Vacations, those dreams will come true."

I set the opening scene (an orphanage in December), and all the girl orphans ran out because Molly (Sarah Uriarte Berry) had a bad dream about missing her parents. I ran offstage, donned an orphan smock, and ran on shouting "Oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness…" Yes! I was Tessie, the "oh, my goodness" orphan!

It was so fun doing "Hard Knock Life"… for me. The other girls had a breakdown because we kept it in the original key. Andrea said that Charles Strouse found out how high little kids could belt "Hard Knock" and then, since they're angry, took it up a half step so the song would make all the orphans sound strained. Well, if little kids had trouble hitting the high notes, imagine adult ladies. Suffice it to say, the words "nodes" and "vocal damage" were bandied about. Along with, "I'm gonna kill Seth." The end of the song, though, was fun for everyone because the director (Dev Janki) had us pretend to throw our bucket of water at the audience, and instead of splashing everyone, out came multi-colored confetti. Cool!

Andrea was amazing as Annie. First of all, she was totally believable as an 11-year-old orphan. She has the same spunky sass that made her a star back in '77. Rosie and I were backstage plotzing during "Tomorrow," and at the end of the tumultuous applause, someone in the audience screamed out a heartfelt "Thank you!"

I introduced "NYC" by saying that the original "Star-to-be" solo was the late, great Laurie Beechman, but Andrea played the role in the TV movie. "So, Andrea played Annie on Broadway and the Star-to-be in the film. Too bad she can't do both roles tonight.
Pause.
Or can she!?!?!!" I exited and "NYC" began as usual, but in the middle, the crowd circled around Andrea as Annie, and when they opened up again, she had done a quick change and become the Star-to-be! The only problem was, for some reason, we could only find one suitcase for her, so it made no sense when she sang "…three bucks, two bags, one me." I'm just curious why we couldn't find another suitcase
on a cruise ship
!?! Didn't anybody pack? Who cares, Andrea found her D flat on "…to-ni-i-i-i-i-i-i-ight! The Y…"

Rosie was a brava as Miss Hannigan. Hilarious and on her gig, musically! I went up to her suite earlier in the week to teach her the "Easy Street" harmony (her suite was on the top deck of the boat and had eight bedrooms and two outdoor hot tubs!), and she nailed it during the show! I knew she could do it because she was able to sing three-part harmony backing up Megan Mullally on "Freddy My Love" when we did
Grease!
Of course, according to Megan, Rosie was
also
able to make dinner plans with her friends in the audience while she was dancing "Born To Hand Jive" by mouthing "Meet me at Orso at 11." Seriously.

The most fun was when I got to do "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile." If you haven't seen the original staging, get thee to
YouTube
and watch the Tony telecast. Peter Gennaro's choreography is brilliant because it's not technical for kids, but it's totally character appropriate and has built-in audience applause moments. At the very end of our "Smile," we were joined by kids on the ship that had been practicing the dance all week. I felt so happy to dance with them... and incredibly upstaged.

I announced to the audience that Harvey Evans was playing Daddy Warbucks and told them his amazing history (15 Broadway shows, including
Follies
and playing Tulsa in the original
Gypsy
!) and then, to show the audience that he still "had it," we put a dance break in the middle of "I Don't Need Anything But You." He and Andrea did a challenge tap and they both had clean-as-a-whistle sounds… even on the pull-backs!

At the end of the show, tons of kids from the ship came up and sang "New Deal For Christmas." Bobby Pearce did a brilliant job with costumes, culminating with Andrea coming out in the middle of the song in an exact replica of the Annie red dress. She looked amazing! She did, however, draw the line at wearing the red fright wig.

Right before we left the stage, Andrea started a reprise of "Tomorrow." At the end, everyone onstage was singing along during "You're always a d-a-a-a-ay… a-a-a-a-a-a," and then I cut everyone off so Andrea could end by herself with "-w-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-y!"

After the show so many people came up to me and admitted they had the same
Annie
orphan fantasy and asked me if I was freaking out onstage. I have to say I was mostly very concerned with hosting it and getting my steps right… except during "Maybe." All the orphans were on the stage, and Andrea was comforting Molly by singing "Maybe far a-w-a-a-a-a-a-y… or maybe real nearby," and I suddenly thought that this is what the original orphans experienced. Sitting on the stage, facing out towards the audience and looking at Andrea, center stage, singing. I thought about how, as a kid, I would always look at the cast album photo of the orphans in their beds with Andrea in the middle and how I was now, literally, in that picture. When I realized that it was something I always wished for, never thought could happen, and was actually happening, I started crying. Who wouldn't?

All in all, the Rosie cruise was thrilling and life changing —like it always is!

Another Hundred People

July 24, 2007

First of all, when did it become the third week of July?
It seems like only yesterday I was obsessing about
America's Next Top Model
cycle six. How did we suddenly get to the final episode of Kathy Griffin's
My Life on the D-List
? Also, on a side note, when did a TV "season" become five episodes? Remember
The Mary Tyler Moore Show
? Twenty-four episodes? Kathy Griffin began season three a minute ago, and now this week is the season finale! That's like starting
Gypsy
with "Let Me Entertain You" and immediately segueing to "Rose's Turn." The only positive aspect would be skipping "Little Lamb." I know it's a beautiful song, and it sets up the Louise character, but suffice it to say that when I would listen to that album as a child, I couldn't lift that needle fast enough.

This week began with the NYCLU benefit that I emceed and music-directed at the lovely Skirball Center. It opened with the brilliant Tony Kushner reading a piece that I demanded he get published in the New Yorker. I'm sure he was like, "I kind of have a Pulitzer… I don't need to get my piece in 'Shouts and Murmurs.'" Fair enough.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson was, as usual, so funny. He accompanied himself on the guitar and began his piece by saying, "I'm not a very good guitar player." He followed that statement with "I am, however, an amazing singer." So dry! Then he said there would be a part of the song where he'd ask for applause as if he just held a long and impressive note. Sure enough, halfway through the song, even though he had only sung a middle C, and held it the length of an eighth note, he demanded applause… and got it! Brava on the manipulation!

LaChanze came to rehearsal and wanted to sing "Another Hundred People." Unfortunately, she couldn't remember what key she sang it in. I name-droppedly told her that she sang it in B major in the '95
Company
revival, just so I could show off my Broadway knowledge. She was impressed that I remembered (the reaction I wanted), and I called Michael Lavine, who has every score ever, and he offered to fax it to me. Then I realized that I've been playing that song since high school in C major, and if I tried to play that Sondheim hand twister in another key, I could make seafood risotto with the amount of clams that would be spewing out of the piano. I scurried over to LaChanze and changed my braggart "you sang it in B major" statement to "you'd sound amazing in C major." Thank goodness LaChanze is the nicest person ever and she obligingly belted the whole thing up a half step. Phew!

The coolest part of the whole evening was at the after party. During my stand-up segment, I talked about the pen pal I had as an 11-year-old. Instead of writing her a letter, I, not surprisingly, decided to make her a 45-minute tape of me singing and playing the piano. Of course, when I finished, I thought, "I've gotta keep this. It's
way
too good to send!" After I told that story to the crowd, I played the section of the tape where I sing "Tomorrow," featuring unflattering riffs, an unasked-for blue note and certain notes not less than a quarter tone and up to a half step flat. When I talked about my pen pal, I mentioned that I had connected with her through the magazine everyone my age was obsessed with,
Dynamite!
. I always hear the audience murmur agreement when I do that part. Then I hold up one of my many issues (Monday, I chose the issue with Sarah Jessica Parker's TV show,
Square Pegs
, on the cover), and I always hear gasps. Well, cut to after the show, a young man approached and told me that his father created
Dynamite!
Holy (fill in the blank)! He also said that his Mom created
Bananas
, which was the magazine you were supposed to graduate to when you got to high school, but I kept up my
Dynamite!
subscription well into my menopause. He also told me that his parents always listen to me on Sirius! I couldn't believe it! It definitely wasn't a "bummer." (Remember that section of the magazine? "Don't you hate when you wake up early for school… and it's Saturday!" Hilarious! …when you're nine.) I asked what his parents did now. Turns out his mom is in children's book publishing and his Dad is a writer of children's books.

ME: Oh, really? What's his name?

SON: R.L. Stine.

ME: (Passed out with dollar signs floating around my head.)

Tuesday, I interviewed Lee Wilkof on my Sirius radio show. He was the original Seymour in
Little Shop of Horrors
and told me that periodically he would come back and play Seymour for a limited time or rehearse with the new Audreys. He remembers one rehearsal with an Audrey that he thinks may have been a standby or an understudy. Regardless, he definitely remembers that she was the sexiest Audrey he had ever worked with. He told me that when he got to kiss her, he practically had a breakdown… and he worked with a lot of Audreys. Turns out, that sexpot understudy/standby was… Donna Murphy! And, quite frankly, she's still got it!

Friday night, I went to see Broadway legend Betty Buckley at the Blue Note in the West Village. Right before the 10:30 PM show, I scrambled to get her a birthday present, but the stores near the Blue Note that were open only sold a wide variety of bongs. Not cool. James and I loved the show, and she sang one of our favorites, "Come On, Come On," sounding exactly like she did in her Carnegie Hall concert from more than ten years ago.

After the show, we went to her dressing room and she told me that she recently had an audition for a M. Night Shyamalan film. She was asked to film herself and send it to the casting director. She and her assistant, Cathy, drove from her Texas ranch to Fort Worth, a city an hour away, to get a camera that was compatible with a Mac. They then drove back to her ranch, filmed her audition, and Cathy went to transfer the film so she could make FedEx by five o'clock. Annoyingly, it
wasn’t
compatible with the Mac! She frantically called the store, and they told her to bring it in and they would transfer it. Cathy drove back to the store, and when she got there, the store said that they wouldn't do it. Ah! She only had an hour ‘til she had to FedEx it! She called Betty, who was riding one of her horses (!), and Betty told her, "Wrap the camera in bubble wrap and mail the whole thing!" And that's what she did. Betty got a callback and flew up to N.Y. When she walked in, M. Night was laughing and busted her for mailing an entire camera. The great news, is, Betty got the film role! I'm so excited there's going to be belting in an M. Night Shyamalan movie. "I see de-a-a-a-a-a-ad (high E) people!"
Betty isn’t the only Tony Award-winner in the film. There’s also Victoria Clark!