Settling Scores (Piper Anderson Series) (23 page)

“Guilty as charged,” Michael admitted as he leaned in and scooped Jules off of her feet. Spinning her around as he kissed at her neck. “We’ll be in the master suite. No one bother us.” He tossed Jules over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and disappeared back into the house.

Willow found herself holding her breath every time another car pulled out. It was another opportunity for Josh to announce he was leaving too. When she’d left the group that morning to call Denny and tell him about the book, she was sure when she got back he’d be gone. But he wasn’t. When they’d all decided to stay an extra night to help organize the information in the book and take a second look at all the other belongings taken from the apartment of Willow’s biological parents she thought Josh would use that chance to say he was leaving, but he didn’t.

As she watched Michael and Jules playfully enter the house, and Bobby and Piper hop in the car to head out as husband and wife, she found herself thinking only of Josh. She’d taken Michael’s advice and done something big, something that ignored any request for space. Now it was time to see if it would work.

“Can I talk to you for a second Willow,” Jedda asked just as she intended to pose the same question to Josh. The look in Jedda’s eyes was enough to keep her from being able to turn him down.

“Of course,” she acquiesced as she watched Josh fish his keys out of his pocket. “Don’t go,” she said catching his arm with urgency that had everyone’s eyes fixed on her.

“I was just going to pull my car up,” Josh smiled awkwardly. “I had to move my car to let Bobby and Piper out, I was just going to pull it back in.”

“Oh, yeah, go do that,” Willow stammered as she tried to casually shrug the embarrassment off. 

“We’ll bring the boxes in so you can go through them again and see if you overlooked anything,” Crystal said, trailing off as she and Chris headed for the house, and Josh headed for his car.

“I feel like we haven’t talked,” Jedda said, leaning himself against Chris’s rental car.

“I think I was avoiding you,” Willow admitted as she cast her eyes guiltily away from him.

“Why?” Jedda asked with a pain in his eye that hurt Willow even more. He had a look on his face as though he’d done something wrong and that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“I’ve done a lot of selfish stupid things over the last couple of months, well years maybe. But of everything I regret, the way I treated you kills me the most.”

“You were hurt and confused. I don’t fault you for feeling how you did,” Jedda insisted, lifting her chin with one finger and upturning her face so their eyes met. “I’ve tried to work really hard in therapy and part of it was trying to understand why you were so angry with me. It’s survivor’s guilt Willow.”

“But we both survived,” she said not letting the out he was giving her penetrate her self-hate for how she’d treated him.

“You saw my going to prison as a form of death. It’s normal to go through all the emotions you have. Including being angry with me.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Do you know when it hit me, how absolutely foolish I was being? When I got a chance to see how other girls in the same position as me turned out. If only someone had been able to save them the way you saved me. I’m so lucky you were willing to kill for me. I’m so grateful and so very sorry it took me this long to understand it.” Willow had worked through these words, well more concise words, for over a week. She had every intention of this sounding better, of them being somewhere other than standing outside leaning on a car. It was meant to be more powerful, more profound. But the message seemed to be registering with Jedda.

“I don’t regret it. I’ve told you that. I’ve always just wanted you to be happy and safe. I would do it all over again.” Jedda choked out as he pulled Willow against him, squeezing her in a hug that nearly crushed her.

“I’m going to do better. I’m going to be better. I’ve been a bitch to everyone.”

“You don’t have to be, not all at once. I think you’d be promising the impossible.”

“How’s anyone going to ever forgive me, or care about me the way I am right now? The way I’ve been?”

“Wake up Willow, they already do. They might not like the way you’ve acted, but they love you in spite of it. I know it’s not how we grew up when we were little, and it’s hard to believe that it really exists but it does. There really are people who can love no matter what. And that’s more powerful than anything we’ve been through. It’s bigger than our past.”

“I’m going to put it all out there for Josh. I’m terrified he’s going to tell me to go to hell.”

“He might,” Jedda shrugged as he released Willow from his tight grip. “Or maybe he might not. You never know until you do it.”

“Why did you forgive Crystal? She misled you. She kept a secret from you. You were finally opening yourself up. How did you get past that?”

“I’d already lost so many years of my life. Here was someone that was more like me than I had realized. She was willing to risk everything. I know what that decision is like and I respect what she was doing, even if it hurt me at the time.”

“Maybe Josh will feel like that?”

“You were being kind of a jerk,” Jedda said through a snickering laugh, then quickly straightening his face. “But he’s a good guy and he seems like he can see the forest for through your crazy ass trees.”

“I hope so.”

“Now’s your chance to find out,” Jedda said raising an eyebrow in Josh’s direction as he approached. He leaned in and kissed Willow’s cheek as he whispered, “You’re my baby sister. No matter what happens with Josh, I’ll always be here for you.”

Rather than just accept his kiss and let him go, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into her to the point where he nearly lost his footing.

After a moment, as Josh’s footsteps grew closer, Jedda wiggled out of her grip and winked at her.

She sucked in her bottom lip as the tears trailed freely down her cheeks. Jedda’s love had saved her. It wasn’t a burden to be saved it was a miracle.

“You okay?” Josh asked as he stepped in close to Willow and then leaned back on his heels to put safe distance between them.

“Just a lot of tough conversations and overdue realizations on my part. It’s not easy figuring out you’re an asshole.”

“You’re not, well acting like one and being one are two different things.”

“Josh I know that you said you didn’t want to do this here. You said you wanted space to figure things out. I can’t give you space. I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m too afraid to give you space, like if I give you enough time you’ll figure out you’re too good for me. So I’m just going to put it out there and pray you will listen.”

“I don’t think that’s a−”

“I don’t care,” Willow insisted as she drew in a deep breath. “I called Denny this morning. He’s anxious to get a hold of the book. He did some quick cross-referencing of information I read to him and he thinks it could be a huge source of information on open cases.  He asked me to go up there. My experience with the cases gives me a unique advantage and I could consult.”

“And that’s what you want to do?”

“I talked to my parents. Since I put them through the ringer lately, I thought I’d better see how they feel about it first. They were worried but supportive.”

“So when do you go?”

“That depends on what you say,” Willow croaked out timidly, knowing that once these words were spoken they couldn’t be taken back.

“Last I checked you didn’t answer to me. If you want to go there and help out on these cases, then you should.”

“I know I don’t answer to you,” Willow snarled back and then bit her tongue remembering she was the one who should be receiving the attitude right now. She deserved anything Josh wanted to throw at her. “I want you to come with me. I already bought you a ticket for Thursday.”

“You bought me a plane ticket?” Josh asked, his mouth agape. “After I told you I wanted time?”

“Yes,” Willow admitted apologetically. “I know it was crazy. You have your practice and you’ve lived here your whole life. This could take months, maybe even a year. But if you don’t want to come, it’s okay. I can just make copies and mail the book up to Denny and we can stay here.”

“Edenville isn’t home for you, you know that.”

“I can be happy anywhere if you’re there. I’ll cancel the tickets and we can just stay. I just want to be where you are.”

“How am I supposed to trust that? Am I going to wake up every morning and wonder if you’re going to be there? That’s no way to live.”

“I have literally no answer for you. I feel like running right now. When I sat down with my parents, I wanted to run. When Jedda just asked to talk to me, I wanted run. I don’t know how to turn that off. And I don’t want to lie about it either. I just know I can’t imagine going somewhere and you not being there.”

“Tell me why. I need to hear why you think you want me in your life.” Josh was firm faced and teetering on the verge of anger.

Willow didn’t have an immediate answer. The urge was just to say she loved him and hope that would be enough, but she knew that was cheating. That wasn’t what he meant. So in usual Willow fashion she tried to think about what he’d expect her to say. Just like she’d done with every therapist, her adoptive parents, Brad, and a whole host of others. Then she realized that, within itself was her answer. “You’re the first person who doesn’t have an expectation of my perfection, of me being healed or saved. You haven’t asked me to be anything other than what I am. Before I completely blew it with you, somehow you loved these jagged edges of me that I’d always tried to hide, and everyone else had ignored. You didn’t try to dig up the best in me, you saw the worst and you still loved me. I think I need that in my life, and I don’t think I’ll ever find it again the same way I had it with you.”

Josh drew in a deep breath and scratched tiredly at his head. “That’s a damn good answer.”

“It’s the truth,” Willow said simply, finally able to bring her gaze up to Josh’s.

“Edenville doesn’t feel like home to me either,” Josh sighed as he ran a finger across Willow’s cheek. The warmth of his touch brought tears back to her eyes. “I can bring on some partners at the practice and have them run it while I’m gone. I’ve had some great offers over the years. That’s the nice part of being the only show in town.”

“And you can see yourself in the city? I don’t know how these cases are going to go, it might be a lot of bad news over and over again.”

“I’m tired of living in this bubble and pretending everything in the world is perfect. I love being a doctor and helping people, but I feel like I’m only scratching the surface of what I could be doing. I want to go with you.”

“Just because you don’t want to be in Edenville?” Willow asked, knowing full well, her wide eyes were begging for him to quench her thirst with a drop of his love.

“No,” he said, giving in, “not just because I want to leave Edenville. I want to be wherever you are.” He spun her around and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand as he pressed her against the car she was leaning on. The full weight of his body making her feel completely safe. “I want to go wherever you are, if you’d just stay there long enough for me to love you.”

“I promise to try,” Willow whispered as Josh leaned in close, his lips just inches from hers. “Thank you for not giving up on me.” Their lips met and Willow felt her heart swell as his hands tightened around her waist. She lost herself in the kiss, let it bowl her over like a wave and instead of fighting to get her footing, she let it take her to shore. 

Josh broke the kiss and looked down into her face tentatively searching for something he might be able to latch onto. She could see him convincing himself that Willow was worth the gamble, and it pained her to know she’d made that necessary.

“I’m proud of the things you’ve been doing here Willow,” he said leaning in and kissing her forehead. “I believe in you.”

And just like that, Josh became the thread that mended her split seams and repaired her frayed edges. He pulled the loose piece of her back together and she knew that the promise she was making was one she c
ould keep. She could be better.

“How’s it been going, working all the cases with Denny?” Bobby asked Willow as he bent down and laced up his sneaker. His skin was still tan from his working vacation with Piper.

“No big wins yet but, some great leads. He actually has surveillance on two men that I identified through mug shots as having dealt with my parents. That’s been promising.” Willow said as she stared up at the door of the apartment building she’d been held captive in.

“Well, you look well considering Josh tells me you’ve been busier than a one eyed cat watching a dozen rat holes,” Betty teased looking her up and down.

“He’s been busy too. He’s working at the clinic next to our new apartment. He’s making a real difference there,” Willow bragged with a smile as she took Josh’s hand. “Thank you all for coming. I can’t believe you all got here.” Willow took a look at the group that had gathered. Her people: her adoptive parents, Piper and Bobby, Michael and Jules, Betty and Clay, and Jedda and Crystal were all standing on the lawn of a terrible place, and their simple presence stole some of the power it had over her.