Seven's Diary (Hers #4.5) (4 page)

In that room with Master Robert and Lucas that day… something clicked and I finally felt as though I found the real Seven James, even if she was masked as some bitch called Mistress Marilyn.

After Daniel Alexander I said I would never fall in love again. That was a lie. I tried to stick to the rules I had set for myself, trying not to expose myself enough to feel for another person. Master Robert broke all of my walls down, one-by-one. Our relationship may have been unconventional, but there was one thing clear between the two of us and that was love. Maybe something that wasn’t there from the start, but sometime later we both knew we were in deeper than either of us wanted to admit.

The months we spent together were a blur of work and sex; in that order on most days. It wasn’t just the two of us but a plethora of subs willing to fuck us in Sinners & Swingers, and that is exactly what we wanted. But some nights, at the end of a long day or just times where the kink wasn’t a need for us… there were tender moments… moments of making love, holding each other with the need for nothing more than a kiss goodnight. Moments I would think about for the rest of my life.

One of my fondest memories of Robert is a dinner we shared about a year into our
relationship
. He would always make up some kind of a celebration, but this evening there really was an occasion; my birthday. Something I hadn’t celebrated in ages. Not because I wasn’t happy about growing older but because I never celebrated it once growing up. Birthdays in my family were just another day of the year. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized for most people they were yearly celebrations, not just another day of the year. That day, I turned twenty-five.

“In your office you will find an Alexander McQueen dress I purchased especially for you. Please wear it tonight, Seven. And be ready for six, we have reservations at Eleven Madison Park.” He continued reading through the stack of papers on his desk, ignoring me. He was good at that when he knew I would raise some kind of objection. “Seven, please don’t make me dismiss you. Just be a good girl, and do what you’re told.” He let out a carefree laugh. God I loved that sound. The fact that he had just spit out reservations at one of the most lavish restaurants in the city didn’t faze me. His lifestyle rarely did by this time. I had become used to his wines, and his need for the best of everything. And he deserved it, because he earned it.

“Whatever James,” I laughed as I let myself out of his office. The moment real names came into play I knew we were no longer
playing
but living our real lives. Not this fantasy role-playing game we set up to fill our desires. It was real. It was more than just an elaborate game of dominance. There were real feelings, and real connections. At the end of the day, and night it would always be me and James, or Master Robert, whatever he would choose to go by at that moment in time. But deep down, despite the Mistress Marilyn title, with him I was always Seven.

A few minutes after six the door to my office opened, and James stood in the doorway. He looked impeccable in his suit, but that was nothing new. The warmth in his blue eyes shown through clear as day, his normally messy brown hair was perfectly combed to the side, and the smallest hint of a five o’clock shadow donned his jaw. I could remember every detail of him like it was all yesterday. Looking back, I wish I could have lived in that evening for eternity.

“My God, Seven. You look stunning.” James said as he slowly moved across the room until his arm wrapped around my slim waist. The snug mermaid style dress accented every luscious curve of my body in all the right ways, like it had been made just for me. Knowing James it probably was, but I would never have asked.

“Can dress me up, but you can’t take me out.” I winked at him and nodded to all my tattoos. Even though I looked like a Manhattan debutant, my arms were still sleeved in the tattoos that those same high society assholes would look down on. I would never be one of them, even if James really wanted me to be. It just wasn’t in me. I wasn’t born and bred into this elite circle. I had to laugh though, I didn’t belong here but I sure as fuck was taking it by storm. Because, that is what Seven James did. Stuck out like a sore thumb every chance she got.

“My dear, you are absolutely stunning. Every last inch of you.” His honesty made me uncomfortable. No one was ever so sweet, so accepting, so worshiping of me. It was something new I am not sure I would ever get used to. But James slowly taught me to take my compliments and run with them. Not only was I beautiful, but I deserved for the world to think the same. He would teach me that.

In an attempt to take the attention away from me, I interrupted the moment. “We’re going to be late.” I nodded to the clock as James took my hand and we headed for the elevator. People stared as we made our way through the building, dressed to the nines for our night out; something out of the ordinary for the two of us. While James liked nice things, overall he was outwardly a very simple man. I could only wonder what the rumor mill churned up that night.

We dined on delicious food, and shared an overpriced bottle of expensive wine. People pointed across the restaurant, mainly at James. For someone of his
age
he had never married which wasn’t completely unheard of but not exactly the norm in the business community. Truth be told, for years people insisted he was gay. I would take his secret to the grave with me because his kinks weren’t my tale to tell. I would never break his trust under any circumstance. Now or then. But as time went on, and our relationship grew… fewer men joined us behind the closed doors of Sinners and Swingers. I never questioned his choices in our activities or why the pendulum began to swing.

The evening wore on, and we enjoyed a delicious slice of cake. I insisted on him eating most of it because in all honesty, if I had another bite I probably would have made a scene in one of the finest restaurants in Manhattan by vomiting everywhere. Told you, I’m not a classy broad by any means.

“Thank you for a wonderful evening, James. You really went above and beyond for my birthday.” It was a moment of genuine happiness. Something I don’t think I ever had before in my life. Yeah, sure I’ve been happy about shit but it was something totally different from the moment I was sharing. Everything about us was right. It was just simply perfect.

“Oh, Seven. It isn’t over yet.” He let out a laugh and nodded to the door. “Time for the second part of our evening.” I learned to never question this man and his plans. I just went along with whatever he had intended for the rest of our evening. But I couldn’t help but smile, not knowing what else he had planned for my birthday. Just the fact that he had remembered was enough to make me an emotional mess.

“Clyde, The Plaza.” James said as he helped me into the back of the town car sitting at the curb. My jaw dropped as I waited for him to get in the car. It was rare that I sassed him, but I am pretty sure he already knew it was coming. His smile was wide when he turned his gaze to meet mine.

“The Plaza? James are you insane?” He laughed at me. Because deep down aren’t we all a little insane?

“Seven, give it a rest. I wanted to do this for your birthday. Just relax and enjoy the night. It isn’t often we get an opportunity like
this.
” It was my turn to laugh at him, because we had this opportunity all the time. Weekly we would spend hours on end in bed, or at the club with other people involved in the middle of our sexcapades.

“James, we do this weekly!” I objected.

“Seven, tonight is different. Let me show you…” his words stopped when his lips pressed to mine. In one of the most tender and loving kisses we ever shared. It was full of love, and the unspoken emotion we would never dare share with each other because we were both stubborn as hell and terrified of commitment. We didn’t need the words exchanged to know how we felt. To know exactly what was happening between us. Looking back, I wish I would have told him right then and there I loved him. But, we all live with regrets.

That night we would make love. Not fuck. I would lie in James’ arms and bask in the attention he gave every inch of my body, mind, and soul. That night we became one. We both know what happened between us that night. Once again we didn’t need the words.

There were unspoken promises of dedication to each other. But, I’m good at fucking things up. I always have been and I always will be. It was late, almost two in the morning when we finally dragged ourselves from bed for bathroom breaks and a snack. Room service at The Plaza is something I will always recommend. Chocolate cake and strawberries in the middle of the night was just what the doctor ordered. I loved the way he spoiled me.

We snacked, and shared a bottle of champagne. It was a night I will never forget.

“Seven James?” His words snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Hmmm” was all I could respond with, as I finished chewing the strawberry that filled my mouth.

“Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” Shock wouldn’t have even covered the feeling that coursed through my body right then and there. I am also surprised that paramedics didn’t need to be called in as I choked on the strawberry I was trying to finish. James placed a Tiffany’s box on the table with one of the biggest rings I had ever seen. I couldn’t even look at it. But, then again it was like a train wreck.

“James? What the hell! Are you trying to kill me?” I couldn’t be serious. I honestly think I was stuck in shock for a week after that. This was something I could have never imagined even in my wildest dreams, especially coming from the man who was so stubborn that he lived his entire life alone. Never committing to anyone or anything before whatever this was we shared.

“Why not Seven? We are perfect together. There is no reason we shouldn’t just make it official.” While his defense made sense, I knew there would never be a day I got married. Ever. I just wasn’t the marrying type. But, I knew my answer would disappoint him, just as my reaction to the end of our evening would.

“I’m sorry, James. I just can’t.” I began to search through the room for the dress I had on hours ago, something to make myself presentable enough to walk through the lobby of The Plaza at this hour without looking like a high priced whore. But, I guess that is exactly what I was. A whore.

“Seven James, don’t you walk out of that door.” His words were stern, and gone was the romantic man who asked me to share his life. “You can say no, but Seven don’t fucking leave me. Not tonight. Not like this. Please.” He pleaded. He never said please, never asked nicely for anything in his life. He took what he wanted like the entitled man he was. The only reason I stopped, was because he used that one word.

I turned right back around and spent the rest of the night with him. In his arms as if nothing ever happened between us to cause that momentary rift. As if he didn’t ask me to be his wife. All was forgotten by the morning. But in the back of my head I would never forget that night. I would remember every detail, every word spoken between the two of us. Every emotion I felt when I had to say no to him. And regret the words that came out of my mouth. Saying no to James was one of the biggest mistakes I would ever make in my life. And I would live to regret it damn near every day.

During the day I worked my ass off. Climbing the corporate ladder like the suited professional I was. All while I continued to climb my boss like a tree. I always intended to get somewhere in my career by hard work, but being a woman in my field it was often unheard of. If we are being honest, professional women are still looked down on. Being a female CEO is rarely heard of, and once one of us actually does break that glass ceiling, it is all over the international news.

Truth be told, I didn’t give a shit how I got to the top, as long as I got there, because the top is exactly where I belonged. It was the place I’ve craved to be my entire life. Yes, an unconventional opportunity came my way, and you know all those bitches that say they wouldn’t have jumped at the chance are liars. But what we had worked. It worked for us, which is all that I really gave a shit about. It wasn’t like Robert was some kind of pervert. Well, I guess in a way he could be considered a pervert. But no more than I was.