Sex and the Confession Box (17 page)

I
said excuse me, yes ma, do you have any papers with the story in them, no sorry just caught it on the news. Crawford said Darling I can search it for you on line as he took out his blackberry and a few moments later he brought up our local newspaper on-line. Main headlines of the Belfast telegraph read “Father O Kane’s assassin’s apprehended “five months after they callously shot him in the head and left him to die on the side of a road like a dog in the dirt! Eileen stopped breathing she was sitting and reading and looking at this in front of her and she wasn’t breathing she hadn’t even noticed until she passed out, a few seconds later coming round to a swirl of people and Crawford looking all concerned but mainly embarrassed, she’s coming round they said, helping me up onto the chair and offering me a glass of cold water, the restaurant manager was very attentive making sure I was well and that I hadn’t hurt myself. I assured them all I was fine.

I
wasn’,t I had just began to let a little piece of me peak out this christmas night when this me right in the face. Are you alright my dear, Crawford may I look at that story again, the priest  story he asked, yes you see Crawford I know him, you do yes. Handing me back the phone I was able to read all that had happened and all I could do was smile, I know it sounds ludicrous I find out my lover was shot and I’m smiling big Cheshire cat smiling, because he’s ok he didn’t leave me he was taken so there he is it all makes sense. But then I read the end of the story only it says he hasn’t regained his full memory and has been transferred to “The Belfast Victoria Hospital “for complete review and due to be released today. The world had stopped I didn’t see Crawford pouring more wine nor the waiter placing my starter in front of me, I did,nt hear the loud music or the laughter. I just heard my heart beating and my souls pulling of all of my being right into that moment I heard Peter saying he’d come back for me.

I turned to Crawford, I, have to go I said standing up what he said with a mouthful of food? I’m sorry but I must get back to Belfast. The priest? Yes the priest, to Peter.To a life I began only to lose it but now I’m getting it all back. What he said ,listen ill transfer the money back into your account but I must see him. He got up and said ”Merry Christmas” and goodbye and kissed me on the cheek, he could see it in my eyes the sparkle of life, smiling Irish eyes. I kissed him goodbye and rushed into the cold winter night. I ran over to a taxi that had just dropped off a couple at the restaurant and asked him could he take me to “The Glasshouse Hotel “then to the airport, nah problem lassie jump in. In minutes I’d grabbed my bag and all my bits, no riffling the hotel stash today and was on my way to the airport to home to Peter .He would know me, he would. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that there may not even be a plane to Belfast that night or any seats on it for that matter. But these things didn’t seem to fit in my mind, I was on a journey and the Gods were pulling the harnesses.

Peter’s Christmas

Chapter 19

He’d
been given the all clear at the Belfast hospital after another brain scan showed him he’s lucky to be alive, a walking miracle, made people believe in faith and god again one wee priest had said. Peter had begun to remember so much more ,when they had brought him to the police station to see if he could identify the gunmen, it was the man’s voice he recognised first,and it was like  the blood came rushing to his brain, he saw him, really saw him and remembered  him shooting him. So with that the man was charged with murder, the two others may get off as Peter couldn’t identify them, but the police weren’t going to let it go. They had found some of Peters belongings when they raided their house, so that alone tied them to the murder. Cant release them the inspector said evidence. Would you mind please officer, Peter signalled to have a wee look at the items, his necklace, the Saint Christopher them ripped from his throat,why keep that if you dont believe he thought. His watch and passport and a letter opened and addressed to “Eileen O Hara”? He took the letter out of the envelope,he recognised his handwriting and read what was written. Tears filled his eyes and streamed down his face, as he grasped the letter to his heart, and up to his face, sobbing and saying barely incoherently I remember, I remember,I remember her. Eileen, oh dear god he sobbed Eileen. Father the inspector said getting down on his honkers beside him, are you aright father? Get him a glass of water he said to one of the other policemen in the room.

Father
O Kane stood up wiping his tears and just threw his arm’s around the inspector who was speechless, grabbing him by the shoulders, I’m ok inspector,I’m brilliant I remember. Remember what father ,her Eileen he said showing the inspector the letter he had clutched in his fist. He rushed out in such a hurry he nearly ran down the wee policeman who had gone to get the water. Merry Christmas he said d to him.

In
the reception area Father Francis had been sent to collect Father O Kane and bring him back to Saint Anthony’s parish in Ardoyne. Hello lad how are you? You look happy are you alright Father O Kane, could, NT be better he said laughing out loud yes, yes I’m alive for a reason, son. The bewildered Father Francis watched him and was bemused wondering if he was drunk or it was maybe the medication he was on. Right you and me sonny are going on a road trip. But I’ve to take you straight back to the parish Father Harkin is expecting us, you need to rest father. Nonsense that’s all I’ve done, been sleeping even when I was awake I was sleeping no more, missing not a minute more.OK Father where is it you want to go. Antrim to this address, he said holding up the envelope and clutching it so tight you would have thought it was the winning lottery ticket, yes he said yes and slapped the dashboard. Sorry Father you’re not acting right in the head if you don’t mind me saying. I don’t mind you saying and your right I’m not right in the head, I’m outside my head son I’m not thinking I’m feeling with my heart, you know love sonny love. All the blood drained from Father Francis face and despite his excited joy Father O Kane couldn’t miss it, looking at him with a worried expression what is it son he said.

Forgive
me Father, I don’t want to hear your confession ,what are you doing? Please say you,ll hear it or I can’t move. OK I’l take your confession. Forgive me father for I have sinned against God and worst I’ve sinned against you he said turning in Father O Kane’s direction, me he said almost looking over his shoulder, how have you sinned against me. I never told you the truth, I was told not to they all have kept her from you. Father O Kane’s eyes blazed with anger and clarity and to what this young priest had confessed to him. Tell me boy tell me it all he said grabbing him fully by both shoulders, then releasing him, he was just a novice, new priest he was as much a victim here as Peter was. Go on finish your confession, she Eileen came looking for you to the parish, she did he said swinging his whole body back round to face Father Francis full own, when was this what happened, she was shown the door by Father Harkin and I was there on the day, I took her number and promised her I’d see what had happened to you, he told her you’d been transferred and well we both know that’s not what happeend I contacted her and told her  all I had found out but then nothing. No more from you, you disappeared and no one was looking as well they thought you’d quit the Church, and well you know the rest. When we found you again we were all told to let you discover, remember on your own. Forgive me, I could tell she loved you so much. Has she been in touch since all the news broke anything from her. If she has she hasn’t contacted me. Peter sat in the car and began to feel the freezing winter frost seep into his heart once more. Maybe she’s gone he said I know she wanted to run, to leave I was going to save her marry her, he remembered the ring and how beautiful it would have looked on her finger. Lets go anyway said Father Francis what have you got to lose, her and I couldn’t lose her twice. Maybe she hasn’t seen the news, not everyone watches it. Thank you Father Francis, but IL go back to the parish now. Are you sure father yes. Home, home to all ill, ever know once more.

Eileen’s Christmas

Eileen shoved a wad of notes into the taxi drivers hand and ran like her life depended on it as it truly did, swimming by the hordes of people entering and leaving Edinburgh’s airport she finally got through and up to the “Easy Jets” cubicle, Hello, hello the girl at the counter said ,please is there any flights leaving tonight to Belfast, she said yes we just finished boarding our last passengers and are due to take off .OH! please I need to get on that plane it’s a matter of life and death I have to get home to Belfast please IL pay whatever I have to. The girl was taken aback, I’m sorry we have boarded and the doors are shut there’s no way you can board that plane. Ring through to the pilot, please please I’m begging you, a friend of my has been shot and I only found out I must get to him. She nodded at me and excused herself and went to another desk and picked up the phone she was talking for a few minutes and looking over anxiously She came back and said the pilot has agreed to hold the plane for you and you may board. In these emergency circumstances we do make allowances for such cases. And it’s Christmas you must see your poor friend. Is he going to be alright, he’s lost his memory, shot in the head, but Gods with him and me I said holding my ticket in my hand up high. Thankyou.Welcome. Hurry she said there is going to be a lot of angry passengers on that plane. I’ll buy them all a drink I shouted after her, that will do it she laughed. I was delirious with hope, a complete an utter child in love in awe running to see my miracle. Santa could have popped out and I wouldn’t have taken any notice. I boarded the plane to a lot of tuting and dirty looks, I leaned in to the hostess and whispered how many on board half full how many  is that a  little  over hundred, please announce I’d like to buy them and the crew a drink, for holding them up and because its Christmas why not. Are you serious she was a local girl from Scotland I am I’ve had the best news ever, won the lotto, nah I said better. I took the seat she showed me to up near the front as she placed my bag in the overhead lockers. Then she made the announcement over the intercom that “ladies and gentlemen” I would like you all to join me in thanking our late arrival as she has just offered to buy all the passengers and crew a Christmas drink by way of apology.Yeah,hip hip. Went the whole plane cheers, thank you. People across the aisle said you won the lotto love, no just happiness good thing to share don’t you think. I do love I do. Five minutes later the drinks trolley was out and everyone got a drink I got none I’d had my fill with all that champagne and needed a clear head. The stewardess came over and handed me a large bill which I settled up no hesitatating I’d been given extra from Crawford to go Christmas shopping, this was better than any more bloody clothes I could wear or throw into the cupboard again. This made me feel so alive, that feeling when the wind just blows so forcibly and you hold your arms out wide and let it take you where it will as it sores through your every cell, your every though your every dream and you know how it feels to soar like a bird with the freedom of just letting go and falling back into the arms of love and saying YES!

Peter’s Christmas Journey

The room felt cold and empty as Father Peter came into the parish house despite there being a huge open fire burning in the centre filled with turf and logs. Father Harkin came over and guided him to the seat closest to the fire. Would you like a wee scotch he said to Father Peter yes was all he could muster, he gave him the glass, and you Francis no thank you Father as he sat across from Father Peter who looked like he’d wished that bullet had killed him. Father Petere sat looking at Father Harkin through him really, thinking you old shite the lot of you, are you all so bitter and filler with hatred and resentment that you’d stand in the way of another finding love, peace her. He got up and walked out of the room and stood at the sink as tears hit of the steel basin top and he held up his hand to them and caught them in his palm looking at them. What becomes of me now, can I truly live with this, like this knowing what I know? A hand warm and strong gripped him firmly on his shoulder, shall we go, never knowing is always worse than wondering about what could have been, killed men stronger than yourself Father Peter. You’re a smart decent lad and I won’t forget this, so I’m forgiven then, you did nothing wrong, but them they knew better. Slipping out into the late winters night as quiet as two field mice leaving Father Harkin to talk to himself and drink in his own loses. Lets get this car heated up a father, god yes its freezing. Do you know where your heading, yeah I’ve driven to Antrim many times, do you know to go over the black hills quicker though might be a big more ice on the road. That’s up through Ligonel isn’t yes. Father Peter thought quicker to her, to find out what happened, to tell her I didn’t forget her and I still want her. He looked over at Father Francis searching his face for some emotional response, he just continued driving eyes on the road. You don’t approve? Father I don’t judge, isn’t that what were taught as men of god, not to judge our brethren so why would I judge you my friend, after all you’ve been though in the last six months alone you deserve to have all the happiness in this vast universe and if that’s this woman then wonderful, so many are still looking for their happiness, so many never find it, they just keep on searching and sometimes their search leads them to look in all the wrong places in all the wrong ways, like drink or drugs or hurting others in their own pain of that searching. Your search is over. I hope so Francis I hope so, even if there’s some big boxy guy there I’m not going to leave without asking her, seeing her looking into her eyes and finding her, me, us.

It was a short drive but the journey was a long one to them both up and down a few roads and they were lost,
don’t you remember  how you got here the last time Father Peter looked over at Francis eyebrows arched are you mad, I got shot in the bloody head,I just about remembered me own name man. Sorry forgot ok we will have to ask for directions, if there’s a sinner about on a night as cold as this he can’t be up to much good, or as mad as ourselves said father Francis with a smile. They Drove around for another five minutes when they saw a car coming slowly in their direction, they flashed the lights and flagged it down. It was a wee old couple coming back from church, hello both priests said rolling down the window as did the other vechicle, Hello fathers we just came from your place did ya now, oh yes said the wee woman all pleased with herself. Well we’ve come from a parish in Belfast and were are a little lost, oh were is it your looking fathers? No 19 Damascus road, oh yes you’re not far from there at all, just take this road and turn left at the bottom and it’s the fourth house up fathers. Nothing wrong I hope fathers no bad news I hope? The wee woman couldn’t help herself from asking, no all’s grand. Well good night to you both and God Bless you. You too fathers and merry Christmas. They let the couple pass them by and headed down the road and followed their directions, slowly driving up the Damascus road counting the numbers on the houses and the there it was, no 19, they drew slowly outside the closed metal gates, the trees had Christmas fairy lights strewn around them and the garden looked so peaceful and pretty. Well now what said Peter, now you knock on the door, go on man said Father Francis elbowing him. Peter got out of the car as though it was a hearse all slow and careful ,he opened the gates, nothing still not a sound, it didn’t look familiar, nothing seemed to fit but it had been the summer and a lot brighter, he walked slowly, taking his time savouring this moment with excitement and dread. He approached the front of the house and then suddenly barking and howling from inside the house made him jump out of his skin, he froze himself to the spot awaiting the hounds to run out and eat him, a light appeared in the hall and a tall thin man late twenties peered out though the curtains surrounded by two barking dogs. He had a good look at Peter and deciding he looked safe,probably due to his robe, he ushered the dogs into the other room and opened the door. Hello he said can I help you father, are you lost? All sorts of thoughts flew through his mind, is this Eileen’s lover, husband, maybe she, moved. Finally finding his voice he managed to mumble is Eileen here, Eileen came back the response, yes. No sorry father she’s not here at the moment, he interrupted the young man, so she’s still lives here? Peter said, heart pounding with releif, oh aye said the young man but she’s away and won’t be back till sometime tomorrow. In Scotland, Scotland, Edinburgh with her fancy man.