Shackled Lily (16 page)

By the time nine thirty hit, I was calm and happy, and more than ready to go. I was dressed to kill in my favorite black skirt, knee-high socks and high heeled combat boots. My shirt was open at each shoulder and hung just low enough at the neckline to keep men guessing. I added more blue streaks to the back of my hair and straightened it until it hung like a board down to my waist.

I found Rosa before I left asking if she had seen Grant. I felt I should at least let him know I would be out tonight, so he wouldn’t come looking for me.

“Mr. Grant left earlier. He was very handsome. I think he actually have date tonight,” she offered with a smile. Rosa loved Grant.

I got that feeling again, the one that started in my gut and moved up until there was a full knot in my throat. I pushed it down, furious at myself that he could still make me jealous. I voided my eyes. I had no intention of Grant getting a play by play of me losing it.

“Could you please tell him I’m going out tonight, and not to wait up?”

“Mr. Grant will not be happy about that, Issy. Your father either.” Rosa got that motherly look on her face that made her look so soft and loveable that I couldn’t help but give her a big hug. She seemed surprised when I did, but just smiled and squeezed me back. I left without another word and bounced out to my car. There were tears in my eyes. Why, why were there tears? I wiped them in disgust and skidded out of the driveway. I couldn’t get to Macy’s fast enough.

I was fully in control by the time I parked my car at the bar. I checked my reflection in the rearview mirror. My eyes were empty, and my smile so perfected that even I wanted to believe I was happy. As promised, the bouncer let me in as soon as I gave him my name. I watched as he appraised me and whistled appreciatively.

“Jason’s one lucky guy,” I heard him mutter under his breath as I walked past him into the bar. It wasn’t what I expected. The walls were all painted a dark blue and the entire room wasn’t much bigger than the large square bar situated at the center. Coasters from all over the world were placed on the ceiling and liquor bottles lined the back wall. Jason was in the middle, moving with grace and efficiency as he made drinks for everyone. I watched as he laughed and worked. He was completely carefree and truly seemed to enjoy people being around him. I could hear a band in the distance and noticed that the bar continued around the corner.

His eyes suddenly caught mine, and his whole face lit up as if I were a present on Christmas morning. I waited for some physical reaction, but there was nothing, just an echoing emptiness that consumed me. I moved slowly towards the bar and found a seat, making sure to cross my legs as seductively as I could before leaning up to talk to him.

“Wow. That’s all I’m going to say,” he stated as he came towards me, leaving only a few inches between our faces. “What are you in the mood for tonight?”

“Shots. Lots and lots of shots,” I answered, not taking my eyes from his.

“You got it.” He was off, pulling out a bottle and two shot glasses before coming back to me. I watched as he poured us each a drink and then lifted his glass. “Only with me, ok?” he asked, making it clear once again that we were together tonight.

“I hope you’re not a light weight,” I answered as I reached for my drink. I tapped his glass and we slammed it back together, never really taking our eyes off one another.

“Your friends are already back there with the band,” he offered, taking my hand in his and sliding his fingers between mine. “I’ll join you soon.”

I nodded and slid off the stool, sending him one last glance before turning the corner. He was openly watching me, and I realized I was glad. I actually really did like Jason. He was fun, easy and never once asked me to be something I wasn’t. Yes, it was settled, Jason would be my perfect mind eraser for the night.

The band was outstanding, better than any I’d heard before. It was sultry music, the kind that made you just want to sway and listen as it filled your soul. And sway, I did, with Jason next to me the entire night. He was the perfect partner, dancing when I wanted to, drinking when I wanted to, and never once crossed any physical boundary without my initiation. I initiated a lot.

We closed down the place, staying far later than any of my friends, until finally Jason whispered in my ear, “They’re going to kick us out of here soon, green eyes. Where do you want me to take you?” There was no questioning the meaning in his voice or the way he looked at me when he said it.

My eyes were heavy from the alcohol, but I still knew what I was doing. “Your place,” I answered as I leaned up to kiss his neck. He stiffened under me and then pushed me out the door to a waiting cab. His apartment wasn’t far, but I took the opportunity in the cab to show him just how interested I was. His lips were warm and hungry, ready to accept all I had to offer him. I felt a twinge of guilt, knowing I felt nothing for him, but I pushed it away, and kissed him harder. His touch was making me numb and the screaming in my head had settled several shots ago.

We barely made it into the apartment before I went after him again. He kept trying to get me to slow down, said he didn’t want to rush it, but I didn’t want to hear him. I didn’t want to hear anything or feel anything, and it worked because minutes later, my world went black.

14. just friends

I felt like I was being smothered as I woke up. I could feel Jason’s bare chest up against me, and his arms were wrapped so tightly, I could hardly breathe. I slowly detangled our legs and moved carefully so I wouldn’t wake him. I didn’t remember anything from last night, but the fact that I was stripped down to my purple lace bra and panties left little to be imagined.

I squinted my eyes as the light in the room
which sent a shooting pain through my head, and began looking around for my clothes and my phone. I found them all in a pile on the floor, and cringed when I saw that Grant had called fourteen times last night. There was a missed call every half an hour until finally a text message came in at 8:00 a.m. that said if he didn’t hear from me in two hours, he was calling the police and my father.

I glanced at the time. I
t was nine fifteen, I let out a sigh of relief. I slowly pressed the buttons to text him back, barely able to move my head it hurt so bad.

Me:
I’m fine. I’ll be home in thirty minutes.

My phone immediately rang, and I answered it hesitantly, knowing it was going to be ugly.

“Where are you?” was all he said. His voice was shaking.

“I’m fine. I just need to get my car.”

“I have your car, Issy. I found it when I searched all over town for you last night. Give me an address.” Grant was angry, super angry, and the last thing I was going to do was let him walk in here and see me like this.

“I’ll get a ride.”

I heard him sigh and then his tone was so stern I got chills. “In thirty minutes, I’m calling your father.” I hung up on him. I couldn’t deal with that right now.

I felt Jason’s arm snake around my waist and pull me back into bed.

“You think I’m going to let you sneak out of here like that?” he asked as he leaned over me, moving the hair away from my face.

“Kind of hard to sneak out without a car,” I conceded, staring up into his blue eyes. I really wished I could remember what had happened. “So, did we?”

“No, we didn’t,” he answered with a grin. “Not for your lack of trying, you little minx, but I’d prefer you actually be able to remember it when we do sleep together.”

I felt relieved and touched his face in appreciation. “You’re a good guy, Jason.”

His face changed a little, getting more intense than I’d seen him. “No, I’m not, which is why last night is more confusing than I care to admit. But don’t be mistaken, Issy. If you put me in that position again, I can’t promise I’ll be such a gentleman.”

I nodded. “I understand.”

I started to move him off of me, but before I could, he leaned down and ran his lips over mine. “By the way, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever woken up next to.” Then he kissed me. It was the kiss of a man who didn’t want me to leave his bed…ever, and I immediately felt my stomach turn. For some reason, in the morning light, being with him felt wrong. When he finally let me go, I stood up and started to get dressed. He watched as I moved, making me feel even more uncomfortable. I sat down to put on my shoes and felt him move closer to me.

“Listen Jason, I don’t…” I started before I felt Jason’s fingers on my lips.

“Save the speech, Issy. I’ve got it memorized, I’ve used it so much. You don’t have to make me any promises. I’ll take whatever I can get.”

I laughed and then raised my eyebrow at him. “Apparently not.”

He shook his head and then stood up to get dressed as well. “Ok, I’ll take what I can get and still be able to look at myself in the mirror. Come on, let’s get you home. From what I heard, we’ve only got twenty more minutes until your father gets called.”

The ride home was horrible. Jason’s motorcycle swayed in such a way that I wondered how I would ever keep from throwing up. Once we got to my house, I had to sit there for a second with my forehead on his back, just to settle my stomach. When the nausea finally passed, I stood up, ready to avoid goodbyes and simply walk towards the house. I could see Grant standing in the door frame waiting on me. Jason got off his bike before I could leave and grabbed each of the lapels on my jacket before bringing me close to him.

“I put my number in your phone last night. You call it any time, ok?” he offered before giving me a good-bye kiss. Once he was back on the bike, I looked back towards the door. Grant was gone.

Nerves consumed me as I took the walk of shame up the front steps. I had no idea what to expect. Part of me was angry with him for making me feel this way when I had made it more than clear we were not together. But part of me thought of how I would feel if I saw a girl leave his room the morning after, and once again felt guilty.

When I finally shut the front door, Grant was in the foyer pacing with a phone in his hand. I watched him as he walked back and forth multiple times without saying a word. When he appeared to have calmed down, he turned to me, his eyes enlarged with fury. “Do you have any idea what you put me through last night? I didn’t know where you were, or if you were dead in an alley somewhere. Seriously Issy, do you ever think about anyone besides yourself?”

I felt my body stiffen in defense, and my eyes go cold. “I told you not to wait up.”

I watched as he backed away from me and put his hands in the air. “I can’t be near you right now.” He turned and stalked away, slamming his bedroom door so loud that I jumped in response.

I felt the tears burn my eyes, but pushed them back, unwilling to accept I had done anything wrong. I slowly walked to the kitchen and thankfully Rosa was already working on my green smoothie. She didn’t say a word, but I could tell from her stance and facial expressions that she was just as disappointed with me as Grant was.

I took the hangover juice and three aspirins before heading up the stairs to my room. The tears were uncontrollable now, and I just sat on the floor by my door and cried.

Several hours of sleep and a hot shower later, I felt almost human again. I glanced at my phone and saw three missed calls from Robbie. Knowing I had kind of promised him a date, I called him back.

“Hey, it’s Issy,” I said after he answered the phone.

“You really know how to make a guy sweat it, don’t you?” His voice sounded calm and cheerful, but I still had this eerie feeling he was mad at me.

“I’m sorry. I really don’t feel good today. May I take a rain check?”

There was silence on the other line until Robbie finally spoke, once again perfectly controlled. “Sure. I hope you feel better soon. Did you have fun last night?”

“It was ok. What about you? Did you do anything?” I asked, trying to stay on the phone the appropriate amount of time before getting off.

“Nothing big, just went by this little place called Macy’s. Ever been there?”

I felt a chill go down my spine. If he had been there, he’d seen me with Jason and the two of us had given PDA a whole new meaning.

“Anyway,” Robbie continued before I spoke again. “I’ll check in on you later. Have a good night, Isadora.”

“Thanks Robbie, you too.” I hung up the phone and noticed I was shaking. Then I realized what it was…Robbie scared me. There was something that wasn’t right, something I was missing. I just couldn’t figure out what it was. 

I let out a breath, and walked over to my balcony. I could see Grant standing on the pier with his arms leaning on the rail. I knew he did that when he was upset and needed to calm down. The guilt came tumbling back on me again, and I finally conceded that I was going to have to break down and apologize or suffer with it the rest of the night.

I knew he heard me approach him, but he didn’t move when I took a spot next to him on the rail. “I’m sorry about last night. I should have called.” I was sincere in my apology and really hoped it was enough to make him stop being angry.

Grant continued to stare into the unknown, before turning to me with haunted eyes. “You know, Issy, I almost think it would be easier for me if you felt something for these guys versus knowing that you are only with them because you want to feel nothing.”

I went to speak, but as usual Grant continued on his long soliloquy, looking off into oblivion once again. “When I found out that your dad was bringing you here, I was thrilled. I actually believed that maybe you could find some healing in this place. But now I realize how naïve I was. Instead of being a part of your healing, I’ve got a front row seat as you self destruct, and there is nothing I can do about it.”

I put my hand on his arm so he would stop talking. “Grant, you can’t heal in the same place that broke you to begin with. I’m sorry I keep disappointing you, but you expect too much from me. I just want to do my time and get out of here.”

Grant leaned over and put his head on his hands, shaking it back and forth. “You have no idea how hard it is for me knowing that you spent the night with that guy. Every time I think of it, I get nauseous.”

“Not that I owe you this, but I didn’t have sex with him,” I offered, hoping to ease some of the pain.

Grant stood up again, but didn’t look any less miserable. “I guess that’s good, but I don’t feel any better. He still got to hold you and kiss you and wake up with you in his arms. He has no right to that kind of intimacy with you.”

“Grant, you wouldn’t have wanted the person I was last night. You’ve made that very clear.” I stared at him apologetically and watched as he slowly relaxed, pulling me in for a hug.

We just stood there, holding on to one another until he finally pulled away and lifted my face to look at him. “I need you to promise that you will never do that to me again.”

I nodded and then buried my head back in his chest. “I promise.”

I heard Grant chuckle. “I don’t know how Jake managed to keep you alive as long as he did. I have a whole new respect for the guy.”

I pulled away and laughed, letting him in on our little secret. “Jake had our phones synced to where he could locate me anywhere. I got mad at him once and turned it off. After a night similar to yours, he changed all my passwords, and now even I can’t mess with my phone. When I got tired of getting humiliated by him, I just started going home every night.”

Grant shook his head. “The man’s a genius. I totally should have thought of that.”

We made our way back to the house, still wrapped up in each other
, and watched a movie together. I even cuddled with him on the couch. The movie turned into several card games of Speed where I was declared the ultimate champion. By eight o’clock we were starving and made a floor picnic in front of my fireplace.

“Ok, so tell me all about this software project my
dad is too stupid to invest in,” I stated as we ate our food.

“Well, the technical stuff is probably a little over your head, but basically it connects all of the financial software in each company we support and funnels it through one system. This will allow our customer support center to fix bugs instantly instead of having to learn each unique system.” I could see the excitement in Grant’s eyes when he talked about it.

“Sounds brilliant,” I agreed. “Does it only run with my dad’s software?”

“No, it would work with any of them. I’d just have to make a few adjustments,” he explained.

“And does it compete with something my dad already has on the market?”

“No, it’s brand new. Why?”

“So forget my dad, go get your own investors. Branch out,” I suggested, trying to figure out why he was putting all his faith in my father.

“Your dad is a very powerful man, Issy. It’s not smart to cross him.” Grant’s voice was defeated and resigned to the fate my father had given him.

“That’s just what he wants you to think so you won’t leave him. But goodness, Grant, you have a perfect opportunity here. You know all his contacts and all his competitors. Get investors quietly and then market it to the competition. My dad won’t know what hit him.” I was starting to get excited at the prospect of Grant getting out from under my dad’s thumb and jumped up on my knees as I spoke.

He saw my eagerness and laughed. “How exactly am I supposed to quietly get investors?”

“Well, I will teach you,” I offered, pulling him up off the floor. “There are several tactics that can be used when selling a person an idea.”

“You mean manipulating them,” Grant interrupted.

“Not manipulation. Remember, this is a great thing for them and for you. It’s win win.” I stood face to face with him and squared my shoulders. “Ok, so your first tactic is the assumption tactic. Most people will automatically assume my dad supports you simply because you work for him. For example, you go to this investor and tell them you have a great new software product, and as a personal favor, you want them to be the first ones to get a chance to invest in it. They in turn say to you, ‘well, Andrew Summers is a shrewd businessman.’ You kindly agree that he is. They assume that my dad is an investor as well and next thing you know, there is a check in your hand.”

“Issy, I don’t know whether to be impressed or terrified by how good you are at this,” Grant stated looking at me in awe.

“Oh, I’m just getting started. The second tactic that is critical to master is the avoidance tactic. This is especially helpful when you have inquisitive businessmen. You once again present your software idea as if you are doing them a favor. But this time they ask you, ‘what is Andrew Summers take on this product?’ You smile and say, ‘we both know Andrew Summers never makes a business move without first knowing it’s going to be a success.’ Once again they assume my dad is an investor. You will have money in your pocket in fifteen minutes, and never once did you distort the truth.”