Shackled Lily (25 page)

I sat in the chair facing the class and took a deep breath. Suddenly, the room was empty and I could see the lake out in front of me as I began to quote William Shakespeare.

“To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles

And by opposing end them?”

I could feel my hands shaking as I remembered the very moment I decided I would follow in my mother’s footsteps. She had known it was the only way…as did I.

“To die: to sleep;

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

To sleep: perchance to dream:”

I could feel myself whisper the last words as my eyes filled with tears. The lake slowly disappeared and I was back in class staring out into faces that were frozen in awe. I stood up and slowly made my way back to my seat.

I felt Jason lean into me. “You were chilling,” he said in awe.

The TA stood in front of the class and cleared her throat. That seemed to wake everyone up and the class erupted with applause.

“Issy, that was exactly what I was looking for. Outstanding job,” she praised.

Person after person went up to do their monologues after me. Some did great, other’s totally bombed. I enjoyed Jason’s the most as he truly seemed to become Romeo. I also noted he didn’t take his eyes off of me the whole time he spoke.

As the class came to a close, I started to get antsy as I watched the time. I knew we’d get out early today, but the window was getting dangerously close to closing. Robbie would be waiting, and I needed to leave before he noticed anything was wrong. As soon as we were dismissed, I grabbed Jason’s arm and pulled him out the back door, practically pushing him along.

“What’s the hurry, green eyes?” he asked as he watched me.

“Jason, either we move it, or you will get to watch Robbie kiss me again. Your choice.”

Jason didn’t need to hear that twice and quickly led us to his motorcycle. We were off campus before my normal class period even ended, and I just held on to Jason and let the wind blow across my face. So soon…I would be free.

We stopped at Jason’s apartment first, and I went right to his liquor cabinet and poured a drink while he changed. He came out of his room, looking as sexy as ever when he joined me. I handed him a glass and he reached up to move hair off my face.

“Is this a date, green eyes?” he asked, his eyes penetrating mine.

“If I say no, will you still take me out?”

“Of course. I told you I’ll take whatever I can get,” he answered, his eyes still searching mine.

“Then let it just be whatever it is and not force me to define it.”

Jason nodded and then grabbed my free hand, placing his fingers between mine. I took another drink and moved closer to him. “Just make me a promise.” He nodded. “No matter what happens tonight, you don’t take me anywhere but here. When I pass out, I want it to be with you.” Jason easily agreed, having no idea what I was really saying. Only I knew that if Avery and Parker had just left me alone that night, the last few weeks would never have happened. Only I knew that when Jason laid me in bed tonight, I would never wake up.

I poured myself another drink and drank it down quickly as Jason watched with awe. “Why do I feel like every time I’m with you, you are on a mission to kill yourself?”

“Because I am,” I answered flatly, my eyes as void as my heart.

Jason just shook his head and finished his drink. “I will never understand you.”

The night went on in a blur. The amount of alcohol I consumed was pushing dangerous levels and I could feel the affects when I danced. I held on tighter to Jason, trying to avoid falling. The room was spinning and I was having a hard time focusing on anything around me.

I leaned into Jason. “I need another drink.”

“Babe, I really think you’ve had enough. I’ve never seen anyone drink
like you have tonight.”

I answered him by running my hands up his chest and pulling him in for a long, provocative kiss. He responded immediately, not wanting to let go when I pulled away.

“One more,” I whispered. “And we’ll go home.”

Jason walked me over to a chair and went to get me another drink. Even sitting, I was having a hard time keeping my body from swaying with the room. I felt my stomach turn, but I willed it away. Throwing up would counteract everything I was trying to do. I had to pass out first. I gripped the chair, trying to steady myself, and suddenly started hallucinating because Grant’s fa
ce was right in front of mine.

“Issy?” he said softly, putting his hands on my face. I tried to get my eyes to focus, but they wouldn’t. “Baby, how much have you had to drink tonight?” His words were floating through my head, but I couldn’t process any of them. I just stared into the face I had hoped would be in my final dream and closed my eyes.

22
. the illusion of hope

My warm dream suddenly turned into a nightmare. It was cold, so cold, and wet. I felt water pelting me from all sides, and I lifted my arms to try and stop the flow. I felt something hard against my cheek and it made me jerk away.

“Wake up, Issy, you cant sleep,” I heard in the distance.

But I wanted to sleep. That was the point. The water continued relentlessly and I felt the other side of my face being lightly slapped. I sent my arms flailing, trying to stop whatever was attacking me. My eyes slowly became light enough to open, and I looked around the tile prison that surrounded me. I turned my face away from the stream of water that was coming out of the showerhead as I realized I was sitting in a tub I had never seen before. The quick motion sent my stomach in a whirl, and I barely crawled out of the tub fast enough to make the toilet.

I felt someone grab my hair and rub my back. “That’s it. Get that poison out of you.”

When I was sure there was nothing left in my stomach to get rid of, I slid down to the floor. My whole face was flushed and the cold tile felt amazing against my cheek. The heaving had brought tears to my eyes that seemed to flow without control as my soaked body lay shivering on the floor.

I felt a blanket being wrapped around me as the sad, honey sweet words hit my ears. “This can’t be what you turn into, Issy, it’s too…tragic.”

His words only made the tears come harder and sobs started choking me. The dam was broken and every tear I’d ever withheld came pouring out of me with no chance of stopping it. Grant lifted me onto his lap and rocked me while I cried. “Just let it out, sweetheart, it only gets easier from here.”

I wanted to believe him, but he didn’t know. He didn’t know what my father had done, how far he had fallen. “He sold me,” I cried, my words barely audible through the sobs. “To Robbie Marsh…for 1.4 Billion dollars.”

I heard Grant gasp, which just made it all seem more hopeless. “You should have let me die. I wanted to die.” I cried, pushing away from him.

His arms where immovable and I finally stopped fighting and just sat there and cried.

“I told you, I’m not letting you go, even if that means I protect you from yourself,” he whispered, rubbing his hand over my hair to console me.

I cried until I had no more tears, which seemed like hours. When I finally calmed, Grant stood me up and gave me some dry clothes to change into. I looked into his eyes, and the compassion overwhelmed me, making me turn away from him. His clothes practically swallowed me, but I didn’t care. They made me feel safe, and since I knew the feeling was fleeting, I just wanted to keep the dream as long as I could.

Grant was pacing when I shut the bathroom door and walked toward his bed. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked sharply, his eyes catching mine.

“I knew you wouldn’t let me do it, and my disappearing was the only answer,” I admitted. Grant took a deep breath and pulled me into his arms. I pushed him away and wiped the stray tears that fell from my eyes again. “My father will stop at nothing to make this merger happen.”

Grant took my hands in his and looked at me intently in the eyes. “God is bigger than your father, Issy. You only feel this way because you haven’t allowed Christ to infiltrate your life. I get it. I felt the same way this summer, completely lost, but God changed all that. He gave me hope, perspective, and a purpose, Issy.” Grant was pleading with me. I could see it in his eyes.

I felt my anger stir as I pulled my hands from his. “Hope? Are you kidding me? There is no hope for me, Grant. I’m selfish and cruel. I use people all the time. Even last night, I knew what I was doing to Jason, and I didn’t care. I needed him and to hell with the collateral damage. Your God doesn’t want me,” I yelled, the retched tears returning to my eyes.

“Issy,” Grant replied softly, his tone exposing how much he hurt for me. He gathered me in his arms despite my protest. “There is no sin too great for God. He even died for you, knowing you would be exactly who you are. All you have to do is accept His love…it’s unconditional.”

“My own father sold me to the devil in a business deal. I have no concept of that kind of love,” I said flatly.

Grant’s eyes glossed over a little as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. He knew I was done talking. “I wish I could take away your pain,” he whispered.

I felt the tears stream down my face as I looked into his loving eyes. “Me too.”

Grant sat on the bed and pulled me to him. “Let’s just get some sleep. We’ll figure out what to do in the morning. I’m sure it’s not as bad as it seems.”

I gave him a ghost of a smile and allowed him to believe everything would be ok. I even started to believe it myself, because as I laid on his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me, I felt myself wondering about a father who actually loved his children more than himself. I even started to wonder if that same father could save me from mine.

The shuffling of papers woke me up. The room was still dark indicating the sun hadn’t risen yet, and Grant sat stiffly at a small desk as he read through pages of information. The small desk lamp was just enough to frame his profile and made me want to jump out of bed and kiss him.

“Hey,” I said softly to get his attention.

Grant looked up and his face was rigid, anger so heavy in his eyes that I was sure he was shaking. “How did I miss it? It’s right here, clear as day, and I just missed it.”

“Grant, what are you talking about?” I asked, getting off the bed so I could go to the bathroom.

“You’re KIS. It’s all over this, Issy.” Grant stood up holding one of the documents and began reading. “Upon the signing of this contract by both parties, KIS shall be immediately relocated to 500 West Manor Road and shall be guaranteed the following: a proper namesake with all the rights and privileges afforded by such, lavish accommodations and attire, and proper compensation should the undersign determine to terminate the arrangement.”

“Grant,” I said, walking up to him. He pulled away from my touch, unable to look at me.

“No, it gets worse,” he stated as he continued to read. “It is not required that KIS be afforded any contact with previous affiliations and may be confined if necessary.” Grant was pacing the room now. “He can’t get away with this. It’s human trafficking, Issy. I’m calling the police, today.”

I let out a sigh. “Grant, who is going to believe us? Robbie and I have made the paper multiple times, always looking like a couple in love…mutually. KIS could mean anything, and I have no doubt my father has a backup plan just in case. We can’t beat him, Grant.”

Grant threw the paper back on his desk and pulled me into his arms. “Then we’ll run. We’ll disappear until this whole thing dies down. Baby, I’m so sorry. I should have seen it; I should have protected you.”

“There was a reason my father kept you out of those meetings, Grant,” I reminded him, trying to ease some of his guilt. “This isn’t your fault. Robbie had hinted numerous times as well, and I never caught any of it. I ignored my instincts and just made this whole thing a lot easier for them.”

“Listen, I will stall your father. I’ll tell him I found you and set up a meeting place. You take my car and go home and pack up just what you need to survive. I’ll meet you at Nation’s bank in one hour. I have enough savings to keep us hidden for a while.”

“Grant, it will never work. Robbie’s had someone following me since October. I’m surprised my father isn’t already here.”

“Trust me, Issy. They were frantic last night. They had no idea where you were.”

“Then how did you find me?” I asked, pulling away from him.

Grant grinned as he looked at me. “You told me your secret, remember? I called Jake.”

I sighed and walked toward the bathroom. “I guess it’s worth a try, but I’m telling you. My father always wins.”

“He’s smart, Issy, but so are you. You got away once, remember, you can do it again.”

I simply nodded and shut the door. I found myself looking around the bathroom that had somehow brought me back to life, and wondered if he was right. Maybe we could win. Maybe it would just work.

I heard Grant on the phone when I stepped back into the room. He put his finger to his mouth to indicate I needed to be silent.

“Yes sir, she was at Winsor. I found her at one of the clubs she took me to last time we were there.” Grant was silent as he listened and then continued, “Well, she’s still passed out. I can wake her and bring her home, or wait until you come. Whatever works for you.” Grant then nodded and smiled. He glanced at the Marriot confirmation code on his computer.  “Yes, the Marriot in Asheville, room 215. I’ll see you and Mr. Marsh in an hour. Yes sir, I understand. I won’t let her out of my sight.”

Grant ended the call, and ran over to kiss me. “Time starts now, baby. We’ve only got an hour, so you have to hurry.”

Minutes later I was in his car driving to the lake house. When I pulled up, I looked around for my father’s car, but it was missing, giving me a rush of hope that maybe Grant was right. I parked around back so no one could see the car and slipped in through the back door and up the stairs.

My room was just as I left it when I entered and I tore through the closet, throwing as many clothes in my duffle bag as would fit. I ran to my armoire and grabbed multiple sets of underwear and was just about to stuff them in the bag when I looked up and saw him standing there.

He was leaning against my balcony with his arms crossed. When he saw I noticed him, he slowly walked forward and shut the doors behind him. “Don’t mind me. By all means, continue,” he said calmly as I stood frozen in fear. My father had always been an intimidating man, but never in my life had I feared him…until that moment. I started moving again, forcing my eyes to go void, hiding the fact that he affected me at all.

“I decided my mother and Jake would survive,” I said flatly as I zipped up my bag and lifted it off my bed.

“Yes, I got that message loud and clear last night when you disappeared,” my father said calmly as he wal
ked around the bed and placed two photos in front of me. They were pictures of me and Grant on the pier the day I came home from Jake’s. The first was us looking in each other’s eyes, the intimacy clear to anyone who looked at it. The other was of us kissing.

My father made a
ticking sound with his mouth and shook his head. “Turns out that Grant has been up to some very sneaky things the last several years. Embezzlement…that’s a felony, isn’t it? He had the nerve to shave off ten percent from each business transaction and put it into an off shore account. Looks like the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Such a shame. I was just about to call the authorities when I heard of your disappearance.” My father descended into one of the chairs in my sitting area and put his elbows on his knees. “I wonder how far you’ll get before the cops pick him up?”

“You’re bluffing. Grant is squeaky clean, and you know it.”

“That he is, but he is also very trusting, and when I directed him to open an off shore account and put away money for your trust fund, he did so faithfully…every time. Those accounts don’t have names attached to them…just numbers, and somehow, I can’t seem to remember that conversation now.”

I closed my eyes, knowing full well it was checkmate. How I didn’t see it before, I’ll never know. My father owned Grant too. He always had. I set down my bag and walked over to my father. I had one other choice left, and knew it was worth it. I had let others sacrifice for me my whole life, but now it was my turn. I would do this for him…set him free.

“I want my own contract. If I follow through with this merger, you will send no less than ten letters of recommendation to your top investors lauding Grant’s performance and his integrity. I also want a written statement that you directed Grant to open that account and transfer money to it.”

“Now why would I do that when you could turn around and run off with him?”

“I know it doesn’t mean a whole lot to you, but you have my word. I will not run off with Grant. His freedom for my cooperation. Or do I walk out right now?” I asked sternly with my arms crossed.

“Tell you what, our press conference is in two hours. After our announcement, Robbie is going to get down on one knee and put a really large diamond on your finger. You say yes, and I’ll send out three letters. Each day you behave, although after last night I doubt Robbie will let you out
of his sight, I’ll send two more. The day we sign the merger, I will hand you the letter exonerating Grant. That’s my counter offer, Kaitlyn. Take it or leave it.”

“I want the letter
in my hand before you sign, or I will make a public scene and expose all you are doing. I will not give myself to Robbie without that letter…and it better be notarized.”

My father chuckled. “Why Kaitlyn, it seems you have picked up something in those business classes after all. It’s a deal,” he said standing, his face betraying his arrogance. I felt his hands on my shoulders and I turned my head away in disgust. “Let this be a lesson to you. Love makes you weak. In time you’ll see, Robbie is a much smarter choice.”

Then he walked out of my room, but not before reminding me what time I was to meet him in the foyer. I walked over to my bed and pulled the covers back. I laid there, wrapped in the lingering smell of Grant that was embedded in his clothes, and cried until my phone chimed indicating my hour was up. Grant had set it so I wouldn’t get distracted.