Shadowborn (34 page)

“No, we should not!” A giant exhalation sent a bunch of my hair flying. “Do you see the way they look at one another?”

Not too subtly, Neve whirled and walked backwards with the same purposeful elegance she always carried herself with. Within seconds, defeat slumped her shoulders, and she turned back. “It almost hurts to see.”

“How many fae do you know who have been fortunate enough to find something like that at all? Are you going to deny that for your sister?”

“But what if she gets hurt?” The glance Neve darted my way filled in the words she didn’t say, ‘
like you did.

“Love that is true can withstand even the most grueling trial.” I whispered the last words Talawen said to me. “Whatever happens, if they’re destined for one another, then they’ll be okay.” I stopped. Why did I hold faith for Cas and Brígh but not for Liam and me? Could I dig deep within and find the strength to believe we would come through all that had happened and still be able to look at one another the way the two young fae did?

“Lila?”

I blinked and found Liam a few feet in front of me, concern tilting his features.

“Yeah, what?” My words came out jammed together.

“Is something wrong?”

I mumbled, staring at the ground. “No. We need to go.”

“Okay.” He lingered for a moment longer before finishing the last few feet to the car.

Cas, Brígh and Andrew climbed into the front. Considering how bewildering it would be to be pressed so close to Liam, I scrambled across the backseat first, tugging Neve after me. Liam sat down next to her and pulled the door closed. He didn’t say anything, but his posture spoke his hurt well enough.

With Cas in the driver’s seat, we began our journey. Neve glanced at me around her strawberry sherbet bangs as if urging me to say something, but I wasn’t ready to forgive him, yet. “Brígh told me about what happened with Nix. I hope you know none of us agree with him.”

I froze, afraid to meet her gaze. “So … you know what I am?”

She bumped me so hard with her shoulder I cracked my head against the window. “Ow.” I rubbed at it. “What was that for?”

“I know
who
you are, Lila. All of your guards do. If Arianne loved your father, he has to be one special fae.” She slouched back against the leather seat, her gaze contemplative. “Believe it or not, some of us still remember what it was like … you know … before, the way it’s supposed to be. Not first hand, but Gran used to tell us stories before bed every night.”

A strange sort of glee surged through my chest. “You believe I can do this, then? You don’t think I’m a total fool for trying to reunite the two sides?”

“Of course we believe you can fix us, geez. Do you think we’d have hung around your grouchy ass if we didn’t?” She said it all with a grin. I caught the same on Liam over her shoulder, but when our gazes met, he lowered his and went back to staring out the window.

You’ve already chosen your new captain.
Brígh’s words finally made sense to me. It occurred to me I didn’t know what Neve’s power was. “What’s your
cumhacht
?”

Everyone in the car went still. I searched them all for a clue as to why but found nothing.

Neve fidgeted with a worn spot on the knee of her jeans. “I wasn’t actually born with one.” Her laugh held no humor. “Nice, right? I’m the only one with no inbred power.”

“That’s not true, and you know it.” Andrew turned and stared from the front seat.

She shrugged.

“What does he mean?” I asked.

“I know Brígh told you about Andrew’s other … ability,” Neve said. “While he can concentrate his power in others, I can only use mine to do things to myself.”

She can give herself an orgasm?
I decided that couldn’t be it. “Things like what?”

“She can run faster than any of us,” Brígh offered with a smile.

“And she can kill someone with a single punch if the need arises.” That from Andrew—an air of pride in his tone.

My lips twitched. “So, that’s how you flattened Neasa last year when she attacked me.”

Neve grinned, nodding. “Yeah. I let my energy fill my arm and sent it flying.”

“I will never, ever forget the look on that old hag’s face.” Brígh burst out laughing.

I didn’t need to know any more. “Would you lead the guard, Neve? Would you be my captain?”

“Really?” Eyes wide, they darted back and forth across my face before she grinned wide enough to erase every shred of doubt from her expression.

Did she think I would take back my request? “Really, really.”

Her hand slapped my knee. “Girl, I thought you were never going to ask.”

Brígh winked at me, laughter adding another layer of sparkle to her eyes. I smiled and nodded my thanks to her. It dawned on me I’d already chosen Neasa’s replacement, too, though I still had to find a way around the Court’s nomination of the silver bitch.

To be surrounded by a group of fae who knew everything, and it didn’t change their opinion of me, lightened a few pounds of dread from my soul. My thoughts wanted to wander to Nix, to wonder if he’d spill my secret to the Seelie Court, but I forced my focus back to the task at hand. I had to find Talawen and trust her to help me. Maybe she had some advice on what to do about Liam, too. I considered the possibility that only time and some major good behavior from both of us could tear down the wall that stood between us.

30

A chilled wind bent branches together, surrounding us with a haunting melody as we trudged through the woods toward Talawen’s homey hole in the ground.

Andrew and Neve led the way, one of his thick arms slung around her neck. She seemed lighter somehow. Had she been worried I’d cast her out because of her lack of power? I chastised myself for not asking long ago about her
cumhacht
.

“You’ve changed a lot while I had my head up my ass the last few months,” Liam said from behind me. “You’ve always been amazing, but I’ve never been as impressed as I am now.”

What did that mean? “If you say so.”

“They love you, and they’re loyal. From what Neve said, your entire guard feels the same way. Other than Cas and Donovan, not one of my people would lift a finger to protect me from anything, especially not myself. I feel like such a failure.”

“You should try to get to know them. Hang out. Have drinks. Play some cards. You know, regular fun stuff.”

His long stride brought him to my side, and he cocked his head at me.

I went on to explain everything the elves had told me. It hadn’t occurred to me that Liam might have made the same mistakes I had. That he’d known his people for centuries had made me dismiss the idea before.

When I finished, he said, “I’m not sure my guards would be willing, but I’ll try,” to my previous suggestion.

“I didn’t think mine would either, but it was nice. Awkward at first but nice.”

We stepped into a clearing that hadn’t existed the last time we visited Talawen. My skin prickled.

“No.” Cas stood next to us, hand on his sword. “Something’s wrong. I know this is the right spot, I can feel it in my head.”

“Feel it?” I tugged on his arm and forced him to look at me. “This can’t be where Talawen was before. The trees were so dense, and I heard them in my head, remember?” I pushed out some mental feelers to be sure. “I don’t sense anything now.”

“I could have found my way here with my eyes closed,” Cas said. “Every place I go has a unique feeling that imprints on my brain so I can follow it back like a trail of energy crumbs. It’s not a powerful
cumhacht
, but it comes in handy now and then.”

Heart thudding against my ribcage, I strode farther into the barren space where one solitary tree reached its gnarled arms out to the grey sky. I closed my eyes, pushed out my senses and sent energy through my feet to aid my task. My brain tingled as something answered, weak and in agony.

A sharp pain seared my brain. I cried out and clutched my head.

“Help me.”
The plea didn’t belong to me, but the voice twisted with pain, invaded my back, skull, legs and arms as if I’d fallen on a bed of thorns.

“Lila, what’s wrong?”

I blinked and tugged against something wrapped around my arms. My focus landed on Liam’s face inches from mine.

“Why are you touching me?” It came out soft, both from my confusion and from his energy crawling along my flesh in delicious tendrils.

“You were screaming.” He let out a breath as if he’d been holding it for an hour. “Tell me what’s happening. Please.”

“Not my pain,” I managed between raspy breaths. “Talawen. She’s here. Afraid. H-hurting.”

“Stay with your queen,” Liam said to Neve and strode off. “Help me find Talawen. What does she look like?”

While Cas relayed her appearance to everyone, I narrowed my focus and waded through the stabbing emotions in my body. “Talawen? Call out if you can.”

“Take my energy.” Neve shook me. “Look at me, Lila. I know you’ve done it before.”

Brígh’s shriek tore through the morning. “Oh, Goddess, help us.”

I took a step and fell flat on my face when another surge of agony swept over my back. Faster than my senses could process, Neve took me in her arms and sprinted toward her sister. Upon reaching Brígh, where she stood on the far side of the lone tree, Neve set me back on my feet.

A glance around didn’t reveal anything that would have made Brígh scream the way she had. “Where’s Talawen, Brígh?” I grasped her face and turned it toward me. “Are you having a vision?”

Liam appeared behind her. The terror in his eyes made me follow his gaze. There, imbedded in the tree, stood Talawen. Bark had partially grown over her skin, and her head seemed to grow out of the wood.

“Couldn’t save them,” she said. Blood ran in crimson rivulets down her forehead and from the corners of her eyes like morbid tears. “Goddess, have mercy.”

Liam took tentative steps toward the old elf. “Have the Magi done this to you, Talawen?”

Wet coughs burst from her lips, spraying ruby droplets into the air. “Coming. They’re coming.”

Cas, Andrew and Neve went into full guard alert, their skin radiating Light, wide stances, wary eyes scanning our surroundings. Brígh wept softly into her hands.

“Who’s coming, Talawen?” Liam asked.

“Shadow … born.”

“Mother loving hell!” Darkness burned beneath my skin. “Lying fucking bastard. The Magi must have planned this all along.” Instead of having hours left to learn how to defeat Alastair, the sand had all but leaked out of the hourglass.

Andrew shouted, “I’ll stop time!”

“That will accomplish nothing,” Talawen said. “He is coming.” Her faded eyes turned to Liam. “You must stop him from taking Lila to the Magi, Liam Kane. All life on Earth will end if you fail to save your love. Do you understand—” Another coughing fit claimed her.

“I understand.” Liam edged closer to her, his chest heaving hard. “Tell us how to defeat Alastair. Tell us how to help you.”

Her tongue swept blood from her lips. “No help for me. Lila must tap all sources of energy within reach, even those that exist, forgotten, within you and—” Talawen gagged and choked “—beyond your world. Kill me, I beg of you.”

Liam stepped back, his face twisted up in concern and confusion. “Dammit, we can’t let her suffer this way. Tell me what to do, Lila.”

“Everybody leave,” I said, holding my stomach so it wouldn’t explode out of my abdomen. “Now.”

His fingers brushed down my arm. “Let me stay with you.”

“I won’t ask anyone else to do this, but I don’t want anyone seeing what I have to do in case …”
In case I enjoy her suffering.
I swallowed, closing my eyes until the thought passed.

“Fine, but I’m not going far.” Liam put his arm around Brígh and led her to the edge of the clearing where the rest had already gone.

I turned my attention back to Talawen, afraid to watch Liam leave in case it was for the last time. “If this dark power is mine, how do I control it? It will feed on your suffering.” A shudder rumbled through me.

Talawen’s eyes became even more vacant. “It is because you suppress a bottomless well that continues to expand without use. Accept it as part of you, set it free, and you will find the balance you seek.”

“How? Even in controlled bursts, its seductive power overtook me every time.”

“Trust in your nature.” Talawen jerked. Her scream pierced my mind.

Unable to stare into the face of agony, I closed my eyes and searched for my darkness. I coaxed it to the surface, doing the same with my Seelie energy. Euphoria swept over me, and a giggle brewed in my throat from the cold pleasure.

“Balance, Lila Gray. Set it all free. Search beyond your world for more.”

“More? Where?”
Every bit of control I’d developed over the years sat firmly in place. “I can’t.”

“You can.” Another wail burst free from her bloodied mouth, breaking my concentration. Panic welled in me as more bark grew across her face, almost covering her left eye and her nose. “Your mind and soul must be at peace, or Alastair will defeat you.”

I summoned my Force of Will.

Set it free.

Visualizing my two sources of energy flowing freely from my body, I let go of my control.

I won’t fail.

Fire consumed me, though not unpleasantly so. My body exploded into pure energy, morphing and twisting with every color of Light I’d ever seen. Something similar had happened when Parthalan bonded with me but nowhere near as intense. For a moment, I stared in awe at my translucent skin, the sun-like brightness pulsing with my heartbeats, savoring the power coursing through me.

This was how we were supposed to be. All fae.
This is right.

I moved to Talawen without my feet touching the ground. She smiled back at me.

With no more than a swirl of energy against her forehead, I searched her body for her spinal cord. “May the Goddess bless you, Talawen. I’m so sorry.” I pictured her spine severed below her skull. A tiny crack invaded my ears.

Her face went slack.

I wept tears of pure energy, wiping them from my face with the Light that once was my hand. Calm once more, I summoned my Sight and used it to call everyone back to me.