Shadowborn (30 page)

I paced on the marble, waiting for Nix and the rest of the guards to check our path to the other gateway.

The main doors opened. Seelie Sidhe filtered inside in small groups of three and four. All dressed in full frou-frou splendor. Shocked they had come, my eyes grew wider as more filled the hall. Minutes went by and still more entered. I estimated three hundred at least. A small burst of joy ripped through me at the small success.

The buzz from their chatting hummed against my ears, and the clacking from my high heels added to the throbbing in my temples. I kept fidgeting with the mess of curls and braids of my hair that swished along my back and the thin straps holding the outfit snug to my breasts. I didn’t worry about anything bulging out that shouldn’t, but I still checked.

Brígh appeared before me in a pink off-the-shoulder gown a few shades lighter than her hair, which rolled over her shoulders in loose, cotton candy ringlets. Her sympathetic smile threatened to undo me, so I turned to face the doors instead of greeting her as I should have.

“I wish there were some way I could help you through this night, Lila,” she said from behind me. “I don’t want to upset you, so I won’t touch. But fuck me, if it were within my right to take this agony from you, I’d do it.”

Her right? After clearing the tightness from my throat, I filled my lungs with air and turned back to her as my sapphire and diamond bracelet, which matched my necklace, jangled. “I’m glad you’re going with me.” I manufactured a smile, though it probably wouldn’t have convinced a soul it was genuine.

“You look amazing.” One of her fingers curled a stray hair at my forehead and tucked it behind my ear as her gaze swept over my face. “There won’t be another there who will outshine you.”

His queen might.

A quick drop of my head allowed me to count the tiles under my feet so the stinging of my eyes would pass. If only my appearance could make him change his mind, I’d have worn anything. Or nothing. Where did my insecurity come from? I didn’t think myself unattractive, but a lousy, little voice whispered doubts in my ears. Maybe if I’d been different with him, more loving, more intimate, more flirtatious, wilder, more … something, he’d have found another way to keep his throne.

Gallagher’s dress shoes clapped against the floor as he approached, wearing a navy blue, modern suit with a shirt and shiny tie of the same color. Against his almost black skin, white hair and clouded, blue eyes, the sight of him shocked me speechless.

“Nothing you did drove him to this decision,” he said. “He is caught in an impossible choice between you, whom he loves with a fierceness I’ve not seen in decades, and remaining the monarch of a people he wants desperately to save from themselves. Not to mention help you fulfill the prophecy of one nation.”

“Yeah, I know that.” I tugged on one of the braids he’d woven into his hair and bound the end with a beaded tie. “Knowing doesn’t make it any easier.”

A familiar giggle pierced the conversational noise.

I groaned as Neasa sashayed toward us in a silver, sequined gown that brushed the floor. Hands clasped together, she traced me up and down with a frown. “The red would have been so much more befitting of a gala such as this.”

“Stop being such a stuffy old crab, Neasa.” Brígh straightened one of the beads on my dress and glared at the silver witch. “No eye will be able to resist her, and you know it, not that Lila gives a flying fuck about such things.”

Desperate to get away from the gloating bitch, I grabbed Brígh’s arm and tugged her with me halfway up the staircase that led to the second floor balconies of the Court. With the large turnout, I figured I should say something.

“Excuse me!” When my shout didn’t penetrate the wall of noise, I sent out a flare of Light into the room.

Gradually, all eyes turned toward me.

I looked out over them all, gathering my thoughts. Instead of forcing it, I relaxed my mind and let the words come on their own. “We’re on the eve of a new era for all fae. This will be the first time a convoy of Seelie has ever set foot inside the Black City for reasons other than war. I’m so happy you decided to share this night with us.” For a moment, I wondered if someone had invaded my head and commandeered my mouth because the non-stuttering cadence sounded too smooth and politically correct to be mine.

Murmurs rose and fell. I found a few smiles of approval among the glittering horde.

Brígh jittered beside me, a sideways glance showing me her brilliant smile. My heart pounded.

The arched doors opened and in walked Nix, followed by Neve and Andrew. Nix wore a dark grey tux with a matching vest and had secured his hair at the nape of his neck with a black ribbon. His flawless, pale skin and striking eyes captured and held me. Had I not been hopelessly in love with the one man I probably couldn’t have, I might have let myself fall all the way for my captain.

The grin he flashed up at me and his approving nod revealed how much he, too, enjoyed the view. Brígh and I descended the steps. With my free hand, I grabbed Nix’s.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked.

No. Goddess, help me through this night.
“Yeah. Let’s go before I lose my nerve.”

In the wake of more guards than had ever been on duty at one time, the three of us strode hand in hand out the door and down the steps of the castle. Gallagher and Neasa flanked us. One smiled with satisfaction. The other wore a solemn face that matched my internal stew pot. It was bad enough to have to witness Liam’s marriage, but to have Neasa rubbing it in my face nearly sent me over the edge. Some way, some how, I’d fire the hag before I ended up killing her in a fit of rage.

By the clackety-clack on the cobblestone behind me, the women wore shoes as sensible for a long walk as mine—which meant not at all. The buzz amongst them didn’t sound like nervousness but excitement.

Did the Seelie not have marriage ceremonies? I hadn’t attended one since I’d been there. Maybe they never bothered to invite me. I didn’t blame them.

My body moved on autopilot, trusting the two hands I held to guide me in the right direction. Would I get a chance to talk to Liam before the ceremony? Would he appear happy? If so, would it only be for show? Would I know the difference? I hoped I would.

Was that why he didn’t want me to come? Because his queen meant more to him than he’d let on, and that she knew how to do things to him that would make him scream her name and forget I existed?

My steps faltered, but Nix’s arm around me kept me on my feet as he all but carried me out the portal door to Seven Gates.

Brígh squeezed my hand, staring at me and grunting to herself.

“What is it?” I asked. A tug on her fingers had her focusing on me. “Nobody will hurt you there.”

“I know, I know.” Her quick head nod sent her hair bouncing like springs. “This is just … agony.” A little growl passed her lips, and she shook her free hand. “Intolerable. This is crazy-ass madness. You shouldn’t have to suffer this.”

Seeing the effect I had on her made me realize how many watched me and would continue to zero in on me the entire night.
Come on, you can do better than this!
I concentrated on urging the tension out of my back and shoulders first, before moving through the rest of my body. A deep breath calmed me even more.

I grabbed Brígh. “I’m okay, really. Don’t worry about me.”

“You’re not okay.” Pulling away, she stamped her foot on the stone. “Why can’t he—if he would just—this is so wrong! I want to slap him upside his head or hoof him in the jewels.”

An angry tear wet her lashes, and she scrubbed the heel of her palm over it. I offered my hand again. After a moment of defiance with crossed arms and pouted lips, she huffed and took it.

“I’m so pissed at him,” she kept saying as we stepped out into the evening.

“Enough.” Nix glared at her, but I didn’t say anything to stop him. Every ounce of my strength went to keeping my outer self looking normal while my inner self switched among childish hissy fits, black rage and a terrible need to cry out my anguish.

In pairs, our group traversed the distance to the Black City portal, sticking close to the granite face of the cliff.

Andrew and Neve went through the portal first, followed by the two holding my hands along with me. As the rest filtered through the golden shimmer on the wall and emerged into the cavernous chamber, Nix, Brígh and I waited by the arched doors. The others swept their gaze around the Black City portal room, murmuring to one another in quiet reverence, taking in the black marble and the vibrations from the shifter’s great heartbeat that sped when I arrived. When the chamber grew too crowded, Andrew opened the doors, and we stepped out under the liquid sky.

Unseelie Sidhe guards lined the street in full formal garb, hands clasped behind their backs, rows of them all the way to the castle. Their ornate, red cloaks stood out against their black pants and shirts. Each wore a sword on his hip. Some shifted their feet, Adam’s apples bobbing hard, eyes dancing from left to right before dropping back to stare at their shiny shoe-clad feet. Had Liam threatened them not to make trouble? Normally the idea of him being heavy-handed with his people irked me but not that night.

Under the watchful eyes of the guards, we walked in a column of flesh, silk and sequins toward the black turrets slicing into the sky. Every step closer to the castle, to Liam, tightened the screw in my heart and slowed my pace. Tugs from Nix reminded me to keep going. Brígh continued to curse quietly beside me.

Upon reaching the wide expanse of stone steps leading up to the castle, a glance up revealed Liam standing at the top in a striking black suit, hands jammed into his pockets, his Light shining a dark blue beacon into the dim night.

“We have to go up, Lila,” Nix whispered against my ear when no amount of cursing made me mount the first step. “I can carry you, but … tell me what to do, Li.”

“I need a minute.” My focus never left the regal man standing high above me. “Keep everyone here for a bit.” I smoothed my shaking hands down my skirt and started my ascent. The distance seemed monumental as if I could walk all night and never reach him. Maybe that was closer to the truth than I wanted to believe. Was he truly out of my reach?

“You shouldn’t be here.” Liam said as I grew nearer. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” My voice came out steadier than I expected. “You’re doing what you need to do for your people, and I’m doing what I need to for our race.”

“I can’t believe how many came.” His gaze finally lifted to me. Only the depths of his eyes gave away his torment. “How did you do it?”

I laughed without a hint of humor in it. “I just told them some stuff about me and gave them a choice instead of a demand. Who knew the whole honey and vinegar saying had some merit?”

“I knew you’d win them over. You have your mother’s grace buried beneath what life has done to you.”

I snorted. “If you say so.”

He shifted closer. Only then did I notice the hunch of his shoulders. Or maybe I saw what I wanted to see. “You look stunning.”

“Don’t.” I skewered him with my stare to distract from the thorns piercing my center.

A nod and he stepped back, returned to the outward picture of poise and grace.

“We need to go inside now.”
Because standing this close to you is unbearable.
“Lead the way, and I’ll follow.” I’d have followed him anywhere if only he’d taken a path I could walk with him.

As he nodded and went through the door, I realized it hurt my soul to watch him walk away from me, knowing he might never come back.

He belonged to another world that held no welcome for me. Not then. Possibly not ever.

I must have stood there for a while, because Nix’s hand on my back startled a yip out of me. “Just a little farther, Li. Come on. Let’s get this over with so we can go home.”

Home
. I’d come to think of Dun Bray that way. The foundation of that sentiment involved Liam and I living there together someday. With that future dying before my eyes, I wondered how that would change my perception of my city.

One last gulp of fresh, damp air cleared my head, and I stepped through the door into the castle.

27

The shifter that housed the Unseelie Court had expanded to accommodate each of us foreigners down to the right number of chairs and benches.

An ocean of Unseelie dressed in black, wearing every color of cloak, shifted and shuffled to their daises around the bowl-shaped arena. The buzzing of voices overwhelmed, drowned out all my efforts to think past it.

I couldn’t bring myself to glance down to the stage below where an altar I’d seen once before sat, draped in red velvet.

My right side tingled. I sighed but didn’t turn. “Stop staring at me, Brígh. I’m fine.”

The string of curses falling out of her would have made a trucker proud.

Nix, on my left side, bounced his knee and wrung his hands together, glaring at the floor.

Something brushed my left shoulder from behind.

I jumped out of the ornate chair and turned to find my father standing there.

“Lila.” He clutched a fancy, plumed hat to his stomach with both hands. The hurt shining out from within him reflected my own. When he moved nearer, I put my hand up.

“I can’t. I know you mean well, but … don’t. Please.” My voice held a waver I hated. A glance around let me know all eyes remained forward, but their stillness betrayed their eavesdropping.

Father nodded. “May I at least be with you tonight … in case …”

The worst happens
, I finished his statement in my thoughts. He offered an escape should I need one and in the event a mating bond took place.

Judging by my precarious hold on sanity, I welcomed the option. My father could cast an illusion that would make it appear as though I remained in my seat while allowing me to flee undetected. If I couldn’t cope, at least Donovan could help me save face with the rest of the fae in the room. Except at my mother’s behest to run from Parthalan, I’d never run from anything. First time for everything.