Shadowed (29 page)

Nick's head buzzed from lack of sleep, too little caffeine, and the drone of a plane.
They taxied onto the runway at the navy base in Sevastopol, Ukraine. Back again to
the country where his buddy
had lost a leg. Back to chasing a terrorist that haunted
their daily lives. He glanced around at the faces of the men around them. It was
payback time.

They unloaded their gear and moved to a room awarded them by the base commander.
X took charge as soon as they dropped their gear.

“Titus, round up coffee. Jay, get the white board set up. Hawk, check the gear. Micah,
see about sleeping arrangements. Hopefully we will only be here a few hours. Colt,
unscrew the paperwork. Let's make a plan, ladies.” He bit down on a fresh toothpick
while he paced the room, muttering under his breath.

Within minutes the room evolved. X spread a city map out over a table. “All right,
listen up. Our friend Janus is back at it again for a huge meeting that goes down
Wednesday night. Intel says our Big Kahuna will be there too, along with a leader
from Iran to negotiate the terms of a big weapons deal. We think the intended target
for weapons use is Israel.”

“Perfect. Got a plan?” Nick was chomping at the bit to end this. And he wanted answers.
Why was Janus targeting him and his girlfriend? How did she know his full name?
As much as he wanted to catch her for the greater good, he had his own agenda as
well.

“We will be stationed at a warehouse where the meeting is supposed to take place.
We're partnering with one of our buddies in the Agency, so once we get the go-ahead,
we will move in and capture those involved. Notice I said capture, not kill.” X
made eye contact with every one of them. “I know this has turned personal for all
of us. But we have to keep cool heads and get the job done.” He laid out the plan,
and then sent them to crash. Nick grabbed his gear and followed Micah and the guys
to the bunks they'd been granted for a short R and R session.

Despite his desire to catch Janus, Nick felt weary. He'd asked Kaylan to marry him,
honored her request to fight together. But if they didn't catch Janus?

He stretched out on a bunk, Micah to his right. “Stop it, Hawk.”

“Stop what?”

“You did the right thing with Kaylan. Don't second-guess.”

Nick studied the metal underwire holding the mattress above his head. “I haven't
second-guessed Kaylan. Not since we've been back together.”

“Maybe not. But you're second-guessing not walking away for a season. I know you.”

Nick sighed and closed his eyes. “What if we don't catch Janus this time? What do
I tell Kaylan? What happens if Janus ups her game with our families at home?”

“We'll catch her this time, brah. Don't even worry.” Colt's voice rang out in the
dim room.

Nick normally felt invincible, but a feeling of dread he couldn't shake continued
to weed into his mind. “But if we don't?”

“Stop thinking that way, man. We will,” Jay added, his voice groggy.

“How can you be so sure?”

Titus leaned over the side of the bed to look at Nick, his dark face and dark eyes
in shadow against the light streaming in behind him. “Because we want it more. Because
she's fighting for her twisted, selfish empire, and we're fighting for people we
love.”

“Get your head in the game, Hawk. We need you.” Micah rolled over on his side and
shut his eyes. “Sleep. It will help your perspective.”

Nick closed his eyes, readying his mind to face down a killer, but instead his dreams
revolved around the one he desired to protect the most.

Chapter 35

K
AYLAN MADE A
mental note to teach Megan how to hold a baby by practicing with a
sack of potatoes. She'd never seen her roommate so out of her comfort zone. Nadia
Elaine Carpenter had Megan wrapped around her finger, and Megan couldn't figure out
how to hold her.

“Here, Megan.” Kim helped Megan balance the tiny newborn, supporting her bald head
that was dusted with tufts of blonde.

“I'm not sure who she looks more like, you or Logan,” Kaylan marveled, her heart
stolen by this new addition to her SEAL family.

“Isn't she beautiful, Miss Kaylan? I got my sister.” Molly plunked down in Kaylan's
lap, her eyes trained on the newborn. Kaylan had no doubt that this baby would be
the most fiercely protected child on the block. Her brothers already hovered over
her. Molly barely let her out of her sight.

“I'm going to teach her how to play dolls and have tea parties and play dress up.”
Molly clasped her hands in excitement. “I just can't wait.”

Kaylan hugged her close, tickling her in the process. “You're going to be the best
big sister ever. It takes a special kind of love to be a big sister.”

“Are you a big sister, Miss Kaylan?”

She nodded. “I have a baby brother, Seth. But he's not a baby anymore. He's taller
than Uncle Nick. When we were your age, I wouldn't let Seth out of my sight. I took
care of him, but he changed pretty quickly, and soon I was chasing after him and
my two older brothers.”

Molly rolled her eyes. “I know all about chasing after those older brothers.”

Megan chuckled at Molly's drama queen antics.

Logan entered the room in his wheelchair. “All right, Molly baby. Time to get ready
for bed. It's Tuesday night, which means you have preschool tomorrow.”

“Ah, Dad, do I have to?” She slipped from Kaylan's lap and gingerly climbed onto
Logan's, balancing on his good leg. Kaylan loved that Molly didn't see her dad any
differently. He remained her hero.

“Pretty please, Daddy?” She batted her blonde lashes, and Kaylan watched Logan hide
a smile.

He tweaked her little nose. “Bedtime. Now. Hop to, Molly baby.”

With a groan, she hopped to the floor and stomped down the hallway. Moments later
Kaylan heard the faucet turn on.

Kim entered the room with a burping cloth slung over her shoulder. “Honey, if you'll
get the kids to bed, I'll feed Nadia and chat with the girls.”

“You got it, love,” Logan responded. Kim bent to kiss Logan, smiling near his face.

Kaylan turned away from the moment, tears pricking her eyes. How quick they all were
to think a lost limb signified the end of the world. This family couldn't be happier.

Kim settled on the couch next to Kaylan, and Megan passed Nadia to her. “How long
have you two been together?” Megan leaned into the couch and wrapped her arms around
her legs.

Kim patted Nadia's back. “Seems like forever. We started dating when we were nineteen.
Got married when we were twenty-one, so coming up on twelve years.”

“Whoa.” Megan shifted in her chair, clearly curious about this couple. Kaylan could
think of no better example of a healthy, Christ-centered relationship than the Carpenters.

Kim held out her hand. “Now let me see your ring, Kaylan.”

Kaylan grinned as Kim examined the ring. News traveled fast. Kim had heard of the
engagement almost before it was a done deal.

“It's beautiful, Kaylan. Tell me how he proposed.”

Kaylan recounted the story, still feeling the anticipation and surprise. “It was
tough having him leave yesterday after all the excitement.”

“Get used to it. Logan was away when both of the boys were born. Thankfully he was
back for Molly and now Nadia.”

“I know all about absentee parents,” Megan intoned, a hint of bitterness in her voice.
“My dad was in the military.”

“I'm so sorry your dad wasn't around, Megan. I've never seen Logan as an absentee
parent, though. I've always seen him as a very active one, active when he's here
and active in prayer when he isn't. Even when he was gone, I knew he was actively
protecting our family. We believed the sacrifice was worth it. I've always been thankful
that when Logan couldn't be here, I knew my kids had a heavenly Father watching over
them.”

“Yeah, but He doesn't really do much, does He?”

“I guess that depends on how you look at it. I believe that even though God isn't
physically present with us, He is providing, protecting, and working all things
for the good of those who love Him.”

“And even when bad things happen, you still see God as good?”

Kim smiled. “My husband is alive and still active. But even if he had died”—Kim paused
to blink back tears—“the Bible says God is a Father to the fatherless. Even when
life is hard, you can trust Him.”

Megan sat chewing her lip, watching Kim and Nadia.

“Kim, how did you handle Logan missing the big moments?”

Kim shifted Nadia in her arms and looked at Kaylan. “I knew I found a fighter when
Logan and I started dating. When he came to my room to tell me he wanted to join,
it was never a question of him doing it alone. I knew we would go together. When
you marry a fighter, part of loving them is having the strength to let them go, take
care of things while they are gone, and still submit to their leadership when they
get back, knowing they probably saw things that you will never be able to understand.
You comfort, you help them adjust to normal life, and you send them off and welcome
them home with your head up.”

“I don't know how to do that. I wish I were as strong as you.”

“Kaylan, you are.”

Kaylan glanced at Megan, knowing she was about to share things her roommate had never
heard. “Last January, during the earthquake, I broke. I lost my best friend. I became
angry and bitter toward God and my family. And Nick, Nick was the strong one. He
pointed me back. I'm still not fully myself. I still have nightmares. The fact that
he might not come back makes me panic. I don't know how to let him go without losing
it or begging him to stay. I don't feel strong, Kim. I'm not sure how to do this.”

“It's not about me feeling that way, Kaylan. It's about making a daily decision to
be strong for my husband, knowing that some days I'll need him to hold me together,”
Kim said.

“Doesn't all the stuff going on terrify you? The fact that this person was so close
to Molly?”

Kim lifted Nadia on her shoulder to burp her, the baby nuzzling into the cloth.
Kim's face tightened at Kaylan's question.

“It terrifies me and makes my mama bear instincts kick into high gear. With Logan's
leg still healing, I'm trying not to worry about that. I can take extra precautions,
but that's it. Kaylan, strength isn't the absence of struggle or chaos or fear. It's
choosing not to
let it beat you and knowing who is bigger than fear. I'm strong because
I trust my husband, I know who my God is, and I know He is in control. Before you
can let Nick go and be strong for him, you've got to remember the One who supplies
that strength for both of you in your relationship. Let God be who He is.”

Megan shook her head. “Whoa. Kaylan isn't the only one who buys into all this. You
believe it too. I mean, you really believe it.” She stood abruptly, signaling the
end of the conversation. “I'd like to see Molly before she goes to bed.”

Kim smiled and nodded. “Feel free to read her a story or play with the dolls for
a few minutes. It will help her wind down.”

Kaylan cleaned the kitchen while Kim put the baby down and finished helping the kids
get ready for bed. She mulled over Kim's words. She could feel herself getting stronger,
but it was so much more than a feeling. She wasn't the same girl who had graduated
last December or the same girl who had returned from a second trip to Haiti in July.
She wasn't even the same girl who jumped at fireworks at the Labor Day party.

She was somehow more herself and a stranger all at once, growing into a new role
and stage she never dreamed or planned. In that came the necessity to trust the Lord
for each new step, and in that process came strength.

Kim entered the kitchen and stopped. “Kaylan, thank you. This looks great.”

Kaylan chuckled as she dried the last pan and returned it to the correct cabinet.
“If you can't find something, give me a call. I tried to put it all back in the right
place.”

“Will do.” Kim's brown eyes turned thoughtful. “Kaylan, you know Nick wouldn't have
asked you to marry him if he didn't think you could handle this.”

“I know. And I think I can. I just have moments of wondering how in the world I'm
going to do this.”

“Baby steps. You'll develop a rhythm, and it will get easier over
time. And you'll
have all of us to help you. We've got a pretty great community.”

Kaylan leaned on the cabinet and studied her friend. “How are you handling all this?”

As Kim sighed, Kaylan caught a small glimpse of the weight she shouldered so well.
“Little by little. Logan is already talking about a prosthetic lower leg. He's thinking
through jobs that can combine his knowledge of the military with his passion for
justice. We might be looking at law school and then JAG. We'll see.”